My gf is very insecure and it causes her many problems

[light hare]

We've been together in an online relationship for 3 months, and we've always been very close, even before we were dating. We're both highly dependent on each other, me for her company and attention, and her for my love and support. I always try to be there for her when she is having emotional problems, and I noticed one of the biggest influences on her unhealthy patterns of thinking is her Insecurities. Her insecurities are in regard to many aspects of her identity, but most significantly her appearance. She has this idea that, sometimes more than others, that she is so unattractive and incompetent. No matter how much I assure her, she will keep saying how much she hates the way she looks, to where she finds ways to not believe my practical evaluations of how she isn't as she sees herself. I try to talk her through how she feels, to help her understand that there is nothing wrong with her, repeatedly asking her to compare specific traits to others she sees in public, to try to help her realize that she wouldn't even notice or care if someone's hair wasn't exactly how they wanted it all of the time, for instance. I try to remind her that her appearance does not determine her worth as a human, and that she has unrealistic expectations that aren't even true to what actually affects others perception or beauty in general. What else can I do to help her feel more comfortable in her body, and help her heal?

[dreamy agate]

hi, i can understand online relationships can be so so difficult in itself. the fact that you can't be with the person and physically reassure them that everything will be okay. yes, unfortunately, insecurities are so common and it's a shame because everyone should embrace their beauty. i'll try to offer ways to help your partner and maybe some things you might want to say to her - i cant assure you anything of what i suggest will help but i will try.

• i highly recommend you suggesting to her to take a break from social media. - i know you said that you're both very dependent of each other, which goes without saying as you're together but nonetheless maybe she could consider this - maybe she doesn't even need to get off discord/msgs (the place you communicate w/ each other) but mainly instagram and tiktok and places that will constantly bring her down when she's already in a bad place. i know that social media is the biggest reason as to why people dislike how they look, so if you could prompt this to her, maybe you could point out the positives in taking a break (spending more time doing things outside or hobbies she participates in).

• you may want to say something along the lines of this: "you being able to get through everyday and fighting so hard is all i care about. of course i care about you and don't want you hating the way you look, but as long as you're hear that's all that matters to me. i will be your side no matter what, and with that i hope one day you can see yourself the way i see you. as of right now, i know things are challenging so it's more difficult to just look at your stunning-self and tell yourself you're gorgeous, but the small progress is was counts."

• and simply continue to reassure her. even though she might push you away or not believe you when you say "you look beautiful" it will still mean a lot to her.

[light hare]

She does use tiktok, and other social media on occasion, and it has concerned me, and I think I should promote restrictions (I won't force her to do anything). I also think I need to show her she is strong more, because she tends to feel incompetent and like a burden, and she should understand that her difficulty controlling her emotions is just that, and should not determine her value as a person. I will continue assuring her. Thank you, this was helpful.