I hate myself I hate myself and I’m drowning in my own hate.

[tame quail]

Someone please help me I can’t stop myself from this mess im such a failure and I’m not good enough please I’m on my knees help me im begging.. I hate myself I’m at my limit.. im so done and tired and I’m just a lazy bump who will never be good enough for anyone..

I’m giving this 10 minutes

[hearty sequoia]

Hey, what’s causing this?

[tame quail]

Just my past

[hearty sequoia]

What specifically?

[tame quail]

Everything

I was ||raped|| and ||drugged|| for years by my dad since I was 2

And now he’s living his best life and I’m here suffering

And my mom is giving up on fixing me because I’m too much to handle

And I don’t want to cry but I’m on the verge of tears so instead I’m nervously laughing

[hearty sequoia]

Well, have you been to therapy or seen a doctor?

[tame quail]

No never

My mom says she will get one for me but it’s been 3 years already

[hearty sequoia]

Now that is an issue.

What you need to do is ask her to see your doctor. From there, your doctor can refer you to a therapist, or a psychologist if deemed necessary

Because you should tell your doctor what’s going on.

[tame quail]

What’s going on is I’m being dramatic and need to get over it

[hearty sequoia]

Your not being dramatic, ||rape|| is not something to be taken lightly.

[tame quail]

It’s over now shouldn’t I be okay now

Shouldn’t I be normal now

[hearty sequoia]

Just because it’s over doesn’t mean your necessarily alright. There’s trauma hidden there.

[tame quail]

That’s no excuse for my behavior for my laziness and and no modivation

Honestly your wasting ur time tbh

Go help someone who needs it more then I do

And if your busy I understand

Just go

[hearty sequoia]

I’m not wasting my time, and I have pulled a kid from the brink of ||suicide|| at least 3 times in the past 2 days. This trauma could also be causing other issues.

[tame quail]

Issues?

[hearty sequoia]

Issues that you may not know about.

You need to start advocating for yourself

Please see your doctor, and urgently.

[tame quail]

To expensive can’t afford it

Can afford to fix my mental health

Now that’s sad

[hearty sequoia]

No insurance?

[tame quail]

No

[buoyant token]

DarlingMax<3#9356 has been warned

Reason: Bad word usage

[tame quail]

My dad messed that up for me too so

So pathetic

[hearty sequoia]

Doesn’t necessarily mean you still can’t get insurance

Anyway. I have to leave for work. Don’t give up please.

Everything will get better, you just have to believe and not give up hope.

[hearty sequoia]

@tame quail Are you okay? Just checking up on you.

[tame quail]

I’m whatever

[hearty sequoia]

Ok.

[tame quail]

Yep

[tame quail]

I am gonna

Kill myself

AHHHHH

[hearty sequoia]

Hey what’s wrong now?

[tame quail]

I feel@like burnt out trash

And

I think I’m drunk

I can’t tell

[hearty sequoia]

You could be? Did you have any drinks?

[tame quail]

I did I drank a giant bottle of I don’t know what

[hearty sequoia]

Ok, so you are drunk then.

That’s what is causing you to feel like this.

[tame quail]

Noo

Nothing :))))

[hearty sequoia]

What do you mean?

[tame quail]

It’s all good bro

[hearty sequoia]

It’s not good

[tame quail]

Very good

[hearty sequoia]

Hey. Please get some sleep and sober up okay?

[tame quail]

Yes sir

Ma’am?

It

[hearty sequoia]

Sir, but please.

Get some rest.

[runic vessel]

You are not a failure. You're drunk, being drunk makes your sober thoughts release. You will be okay.

[tame quail]

Not okay

[runic vessel]

This is just an obstacle that you are facing

[tame quail]

Obstacle

It’s a funny word

[runic vessel]

Yes. Well, rollercoaster. Look, it's a metaphor I'm trying to share with you

[hearty sequoia]

The alcohol isn’t going to help you, it’s just gonna make things worse.

[tame quail]

Yes mom yes dad

[runic vessel]

We all have these moments. You are just going through a hard one, that's all

LMAO

[hearty sequoia]

please go to sleep.

[runic vessel]

Mum and dad, please. That's funny

[tame quail]

Aur aye capture

Captain

**

[runic vessel]

Can you drink water and rest?

[hearty sequoia]

^^

[runic vessel]

And touch base in the morning?

[tame quail]

Fine

[hearty sequoia]

Please do.

[tame quail]

Night night mom night night dad

[runic vessel]

Goodnight :')

[hearty sequoia]

Goodnight.

[tame quail]

[runic vessel]

[hearty sequoia]

[tame quail]

@hearty sequoia heyo.

[hearty sequoia]

What's up?

[tame quail]

I’m very much so feeling like shi.T so let’s get this over with

[hearty sequoia]

You are probably hungover, and that's the usual feeling.

What else is going on?

@tame quail

[tame quail]

Hhhh

Nothing

[hearty sequoia]

Well. If you need to talk some more, then I am here.

[tame quail]

Okay

[tame quail]

I wanna scream

[hearty sequoia]

Why?

[tame quail]

I just do

I don’t know why

[hearty sequoia]

It's okay to scream. If you think you need to, then you should.

[tame quail]

Can’t

I never have a time alone

[hearty sequoia]

Ah.

[tame quail]

I’m

I’m practically

Dead

[hearty sequoia]

No you aren't.

@tame quail What's wrong?

[tame quail]

I’m dead

[hearty sequoia]

You aren't. Not yet.

[tame quail]

Yet exactly

Soon

[hearty sequoia]

Please don't do it.

[tame quail]

Why not

You don’t even know me

So you don’t care

Your just saying that to make ur self feel better

[hearty sequoia]

I'm saying this because I care about you. Sure you might not know you, but you matter.

[tame quail]

No your a liar

I bet you have problems you need to fix to about yourself but your a good person so u put others first

That’s it isn’t it

[hearty sequoia]

You are right, I have my own problems that I need to fix, but my problems are something I can worry about later. You don't have that kind of time.

[tame quail]

Whatever

[hearty sequoia]

It's not whatever.

[tame quail]

Smh.

[hearty sequoia]

Why do you torment yourself like this?

[tame quail]

Torment myself?

[hearty sequoia]

That's what it looks like you are doing

[tame quail]

Oh I do it without realizing it

I deserve it

[hearty sequoia]

You don't deserve torment.

[tame quail]

I do

I’m a bad person

Ive done so many horrible things

[hearty sequoia]

How are you a bad person?

[tame quail]

I just am

[hearty sequoia]

That's not a reason to think you are a bad person.

And what horrible things did you do?

[tame quail]

When I was little

[buoyant token]

DarlingMax<3#9356 has been warned

Reason: Bad word usage

[tame quail]

Hhh

Never mind

[hearty sequoia]

You do things as a child because you don't know any better.

[tame quail]

Whatever

It’s nothing

[tame quail]

I did know

I knew what I was doing

I’m a bad sibling

Smh

[hearty sequoia]

You didn't know what you were doing.

You also aren't a bad sibiling

[tame quail]

I am

My brothers haven’t forgave me yet and I know it

They hate me

[hearty sequoia]

You don't know that

[tame quail]

I do

They hate me

I’m so worthless in such a bad person I hate myself

I HATE myself

[hearty sequoia]

You aren't worthless at all.

[tame quail]

I am

[hearty sequoia]

You should stop hating yourself for the choices you made.

Those are in the past, and again some you didn't understand.

[tame quail]

No

I see what your trying to do here

And ur not gonna change my mind

[hearty sequoia]

I'm not trying to do anything, I'm just trying to stop you from committing.

Hell, just give you a reason to live.

@tame quail You shouldn't give up either.

[tame quail]

Just shut up

How are u gonna give me a reason to live when I have no reason

[hearty sequoia]

I can't give you that reason, but I can help you to find it.

[tame quail]

You can’t help me

[hearty sequoia]

If I can't help you, then maybe you can help yourself.

[tame quail]

Whatever

[hearty sequoia]

I'll be here if you need me again. 💙

[tame quail]

Ok not that I’ll even be here

[hearty sequoia]

You don't know that for sure

Just don't give up please.

[tame quail]

I do know that

1 hour left starting now

[hearty sequoia]

Hey. Please stay

Please. @tame quail

[tame quail]

No

[hearty sequoia]

You still have time to fix things.

@pearl dew

Call 988 please

[pearl dew]

Im so sorry I don't have a phone with data

[hearty sequoia]

I mean't them.

[pearl dew]

Oh

[hearty sequoia]

But can you help me here

[pearl dew]

Yes ofc

[pearl dew]

Hey can I talk to you?

Let's talk about this ok

[tame quail]

Huh

[pearl dew]

I see you're not doing so well

[tame quail]

Okay

[pearl dew]

I want to let you know that you're not a bad sibling

I actually have 6 siblings, and I know how that feels

the guilt of doing things wrong

but making mistakes, makes you human

the more I read about you the more I actually understand @tame quail

my own dad did those same things to me

[tame quail]

U don’t understand

[pearl dew]

Make me understand, then

tell me more

[tame quail]

My dad admitted to me

That the only reason why I was even born

Was because he wanted to use me and hurt me so it could hurt my mom

I was just a chess piece so he could hurt my mom and it worked

[pearl dew]

I am so sorry, your father is a trash human being and deserves hell

but I need you to know, that your identity doesn't revolve around him

[tame quail]

I know but I can’t get away from him

Everyone says I look like him act like him

[pearl dew]

I've dealt with that too, most of my family tells me I resemble my abuser

but you are not him

and will never be him

and you're allowed to grow and become a person that has nothing to do with him

[tame quail]

Everyone man I meet I have nightmares of them rap/ing me

Even my own favorite teacher he stopped being my favorite because of that

[pearl dew]

I'm so sorry, that trauma really is something hard to deal with

Have you ever talked with someone like a therapist irl about that?

[tame quail]

No

Never

My mom found out I was cutting last year and she said if I cut again she would send me to a mental hospital

I don’t trust docters

17 minute left for me

[hearty sequoia]

Please don't.

Please call 988

[tame quail]

No

[hearty sequoia]

There's no need for this.

[tame quail]

There is!!!

[hearty sequoia]

No there isn't. I am literally begging you, please don't do this..

[tame quail]

Thank u for trying u did ur best 💗

But it’s to late for me honestly

[hearty sequoia]

Hey no no no.

It's not too late to call for help

Listen I am f-cking crying right now for you. I need you to not do this.

[tame quail]

Mm

It’s to late for me

Please don’t cry

[hearty sequoia]

I already have been

I CARE ABOUT YOU. PLEASE DON'T

[tame quail]

Please stop

[hearty sequoia]

Why should I stop?

[tame quail]

I don’t want to make you upset and cry before I die

[hearty sequoia]

I've been crying.

[tame quail]

Don’t

[hearty sequoia]

You've already upset me with your decision

If you are going to go, then I request you to leave a note for your family.

That's my one request if I can't help you

@tame quail

[tame quail]

No note

[hearty sequoia]

Please.

@runic vessel

[tame quail]

[hearty sequoia]

Please don't...

[tame quail]

Please stop it

[hearty sequoia]

I'm not gonna and you know that.

If you leave, then say goodbye to here

@tame quail

[tame quail]

One minute

Left

And that’s time

[hearty sequoia]

please....

[tame quail]

I’m sorry for all the trouble Ive caused

[hearty sequoia]

You never caused any trouble

[tame quail]

I did

[hearty sequoia]

We are just trying to help you

[tame quail]

I’m sorry

But you know you can’t save everyone

[hearty sequoia]

I do know that, but I try to save the people I can

Just make it clear you are leaving now..

@tame quail

Just know I won't forget you

@tame quail

[tame quail]

What is it

I’m kinda busy

[hearty sequoia]

Just know that I won't forget you.

[tame quail]

…

[hearty sequoia]

If you are going to leave, then just say goodbye then

So I don't have to be here anymore trying to get you to stop @tame quail

[tame quail]

Please just stop

I don’t want to say goodbye

[hearty sequoia]

Why not?

[tame quail]

I don’t know

I can’t

Just go away

[hearty sequoia]

I wish you the best of luck... goodbye.

I still won't forget you though

[tame quail]

I’m scared

[hearty sequoia]

Why?

[tame quail]

I don’t

Idk

I don’t wanna die please don’t let me die

[hearty sequoia]

Hey hey hey

You can reconsider right now

What are you doing right now?

@tame quail

Talk to me

talk to me

@tame quail

[buoyant token]

BulletzFoBrunch#0001 has been warned

Reason: Bad word usage

[hearty sequoia]

F-ck

@tame quail You were a good soul, whether you knew it or not.

I won't forget you.

@pearl dew ...

[tame quail]

I can’t do it

[hearty sequoia]

Hey. Just try to calm yourself.

[tame quail]

I’m so so sorry.

I worried u for no reason.

[hearty sequoia]

Well I am glad you are still here.

Otherwise.. I wouldn't be able to forget this.

[tame quail]

I’m sorry

I’m so sorry

[hearty sequoia]

This is a time where you can rethink everything. Please rethink your choices

[tame quail]

Okay..

Sorry..

[hearty sequoia]

Hey, all that matters is you didn't do it.

[tame quail]

I guess..

[hearty sequoia]

Hey whats up?

[tame quail]

Nothing

[hearty sequoia]

Ok.

[tame quail]

Hello

[hearty sequoia]

Hey.

[tame quail]

I’m sorry

[hearty sequoia]

Hey, it's okay. You were in distress.

I put myself on the line to help you, and that was my choice.

[tame quail]

I’m just really sorry..

[hearty sequoia]

Hey I get why you are sorry.

[tame quail]

I didn’t mean too..

[hearty sequoia]

I know you didn't.

[tame quail]

See what I mean..

I’m a bad person.!

[hearty sequoia]

You aren't a bad a person, you just made some bad choices.

[tame quail]

Isn’t that a bad person..

[hearty sequoia]

Not always.

Even good people have made bad decisions at least once in their life.

But they didn't let those shape them.

[tame quail]

Mmm..

[hearty sequoia]

My dms are are open for the next 4 hours.

if u need