#I used to want to break up every 2 months- what does love really mean?

187 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

halcyon onyx
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A healthy relationship is communicating these feelings and emotions to your boyfriend. He needs to know and you guys should have this understanding of each others feelings. Also maybe you don’t want to say “I love you” because it isn’t even at a point where you guys have formed a bond.

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Of course you guys have a bond, it’s just not a strong emotional connection. From what I’m reading, you guys are long distance and with long distance it’s difficult to do that.

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I’m speaking from a perspective of a person who has never been in a long distance relationship but has seen many of my friends in them and with all of them it just didn’t work out.

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Having a weird feeling with your loved one is an odd thing. You shouldn’t feel that way unless if it’s the first time?

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If it isn’t their first time then they should have been flowing smoothly and having a “weird feeling” is a bad indicator that the relationship won’t work.

random acorn
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—I personally say it when im feeling really happy or when im about to sleep and i say goodnight too

random acorn
random acorn
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Um but I’m talking about my boyfriend

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I already like him? He likes me too?

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I’m confused what you mean 😅

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Or what question you’re answering

halcyon onyx
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Love is not minding to fart in front of them.

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💀

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Long pause and stare

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“Want some Micky D’s?”

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If that’s not the energy that your relationship gives, it’s questionable.

random acorn
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Omg 😂 I think farting will be like 3 years later

random acorn
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I burped once by accident and he was so happy like “OMG”

halcyon onyx
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My sister can burp the alphabet and I was thoroughly impressed

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💪

random acorn
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😂

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Who’s ur pfp btw

frank nexus
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You love someone when you want to be with them and accept the good and bad within them, someone whom you can trust to back you up yet call you out on things that can be wrong, someone that is physically and emotionally intimate with you

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A relationship after the honeymoon period of excitement is a constant reinforcement of making a decision to love and stay with someone regardless of good or bad things, companionship basically, with the occasional moments of trying to spice it up all over again by going on dates or netflix and chill

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Your description of things sounded like if I asked a middle schooler to describe what love is ngl

random acorn
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Sometimes i feel bad bc he’ll be stressed from school (he’s taking more classes than me) and when he talks abt it or says (every other day) “i have so much work omg” i end up getting annoyed internally but i never say this to him “plz stop talking about school”

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like I realized I wasn’t being very empathetic

frank nexus
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Were you annoyed cuz he kept being negative about it

random acorn
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like ofc I would try to make him feel better (long distance relationship)

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Yeah

frank nexus
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Because that should be mentioned

random acorn
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Like he’s a pessimistic person and uses but a lot

frank nexus
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"I know it sucks, but can we not be negative about it 24/7 it makes me uncomfortable"

random acorn
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Anything u say and he’ll find a “but”

random acorn
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I like ur sentence though

frank nexus
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That's something he has to compromise, you are not saying "don't ever be negative in front of me ever again" but rather "don't be negative in front of me 24/7 like that's your whole personality"

random acorn
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Mhm

frank nexus
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But if its long distance it really comes down to emotional intimacy

random acorn
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I see

frank nexus
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Since physical intimacy isn't really a thing

random acorn
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Yeah

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Why do u say “but”?

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Are u saying allow him to be like that since it’s how he connects w me emotionally(emotional intimacy)

frank nexus
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No

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Because long distance is too limiting and you miss out on half of what a relationship is supposed to be hence its harder to tell if you properly love someone

random acorn
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Yeah i 100% agree

frank nexus
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Would he be just as negative if he's living next door to you and hanging out/going to dates with you semi regularly?

random acorn
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Like since long distance is all texting and calls?

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VS in person is hanging out a lot more and seeing what they’re like?

random acorn
frank nexus
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Yes

random acorn
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Hanging out I would say maybe..since his hw load is crazy heavy and he mentions how he feels a lot

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I don’t want to be that “shut up 🙄” person

frank nexus
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Like I guess the question is whether or not you two are emotionally intimate and are vulnerable towards each other and know each other by the back of each other's hand or are you two still reserved and behaving more like online friends with flirting

random acorn
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Emotionally intimate

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I know sharing traumas could be emotionally intimate but what else?

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Or pillow talks where u talk at night

frank nexus
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Just getting to know each other on a personal level, things you won't tell your friends or anything but your partner knows

random acorn
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since ppl r more vulnerable and emotional at night

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Ahh

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I don’t know if I have anything like that?

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I share things about my little arguments w my parents and he does too

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Since we rant to each other or console each other if that counts

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Used to use this app “lovewick” for answering questions for couples but he stopped answering them in September bc busy so I deleted it in like november

frank nexus
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I mean eh do you really need an app for this

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Maybe I'm getting too old

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I just spent time knowing someone on the back of my hand instead and vice versa

random acorn
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How was that?

frank nexus
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How was the app you mean?

random acorn
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How was ur relationship at the time?

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The one u knew on the back of ur hand

frank nexus
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It was nice, its still long distance but we meet up monthly up until covid hit

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But we went on dates, I met their parents, we slept in the same bed and experimented a bit with bedroom stuff but didn't go far, I was nursed back to health cuz I got sick

random acorn
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Oh:o

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Like covid or something else?

frank nexus
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No I don't think it was covid but I did get a fever that ended in a day

random acorn
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It’s like money topic or physical intimacy questions

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Or interests and hobbies

frank nexus
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Oh yeah I guess that works

random acorn
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I’m wondering how irl would feel like and how that would affect the relationship

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I also wonder

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If i were to get sick, would he look after me and stuff like that

random acorn
frank nexus
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Anyone who looks after a sick partner is automatically true love

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No questions asked

frank nexus
random acorn
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& I’m a private person from the start so it’s hard bc I feel like he would judge a bit

random acorn
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I’m in a diff school that’s y it’s long distance

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We see each other every two

frank nexus
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Oh that's really not too bad, do you go on dates etc

random acorn
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Yeah the only time we each other=dates

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More like hangouts we don’t call them dates 🤔

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We could def see each other more than once but we don’t drive our parents cars and stuff

frank nexus
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Do you guys eat outside, go somewhere fun

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etc etc

random acorn
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Fun activities are eh like we’ve done bowling before and walking around and eating(ofc)

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More fun stuff would be in the city

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I wanna do pottery but i feel weird going as a young person even tho I’m considered “an adult”

halcyon onyx
random acorn
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OHHH I recognized her

random acorn
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And was mad bc he was playing well but his teammates always lose and make his team lose and he plays games until he wins even if it takes until 3am 4am

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So losing makes him mad in his mind and he must get that win

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And i told him like delete the game then and he said but he plays with his friends

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He said he played once until 8am and i asked “was it worth it” and he said yes like 🙄bruh

random acorn
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Hm so we’re talking abt it on text and now his feelings r hurt and he sounds rlly sad:(

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And wants to not talk abt it anymore and imma assume we talk abt it tmr or not at all

random acorn
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Nope we are not he’s telling me let’s forget it happened and move on

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He never rlly said sorry to me but he said he just wanted someone to lean on and someone to rant on

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Kinda still confused and this convo went nowhere

random acorn
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Can’t sleep bc my heart is heavy and im like wide awake listening to music to try and distract myself

frank nexus
frank nexus
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He'll get over it

random acorn
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@frank nexus

frank nexus
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But did you actually yell at him

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He's too stressed and too sensitive at the moment I feel

random acorn
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I didn’t yell at him

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He thinks i was judging him

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After he screamed at his teammates in the game (random/strangers)

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And the way I FEEL was not judging him but this :

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I need a third person’s opinion bc I believe I had a point

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I’m not holding onto this or anything as a grudge

frank nexus
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Yes you do have a point, if my partner is fuming mad about something constantly I'd either avoid the topic or not want to talk back either

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The curse of MOBA games PeepoCoffee

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Handled badly that toxicity slips into real life

random acorn
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His whole point and fight was

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“”I’m not mad at u, im mad at the game””

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And MY POINT is “ur mad at ur team but ur yelling at ME” “im the one who hears the yelling”

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—he said he can’t tell his friends he’s playing with “you suck play better” etc bc they’ll roast him back and his mental will be sad AND he’ll feel bad bc that’s “mean” but they’re ur friends and they’ll understand it’s a joke

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So i guess his mental is weak rn

frank nexus
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Too weak really

random acorn
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Yeah…idk any more

frank nexus
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Would just mute chat or something or just take a break from League if his toxicity is overflowing from games

random acorn
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He screamed like 2x out of nowhere

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And said at one point “do u want me to mute”

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I said yes snd nodded

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And him being sad bc i was “judging” came from that moment

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I don’t live with gamers so if you scream in my ear, I think it’s normal that I will want to mute you

frank nexus
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It wasn't really judging if he's genuinely being loud tbf

random acorn
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Man..should I just break up if there’s like 2 more arguments like this that are not logical

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Yeah judging would be like glaring or something

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All i did was react

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He said he yells at the stranger teammates when he’s alone

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And league u don’t hear them i think..u can only type in the chat

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He says they all blame him for losing the game when he’s the only good one

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Soooo idk

random acorn
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But i hate anger and cursing because I already deal with that at home

frank nexus
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And wait so

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Is he saying that his authentic self is to yell at people?

random acorn
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Yeah I guess so

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“WHERE R U LOOKING WHERE R UR EYES”

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Etc I don’t pay attention and remember

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And groans of frustration and “omg”

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I am bruh-ing so hard in my head thinking about this

frank nexus
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I am too

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So his friends would trash talk him if he flamed and thus he doesn't do it cuz he can't take what he gives

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He trash talks strangers when he's alone

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And he would yell at you because he knows you won't fight back?

random acorn
random acorn
frank nexus
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Okay he just yells in general when you're here

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Do I have other things right

random acorn
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He “wants to take off his mask” when w me

frank nexus
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Does seem really exhausting tbh, like sure he has a point and vulnerability is nice

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But there comes a point where it straight up becomes draining

random acorn
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Yeah

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I want to accommodate but that ends up with me being at a loss

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Sometimes i feel like the person who wears the pants of the relationship

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Oops found a good article but discord won’t let me add a link

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If u search Women sick of wearing the pants in relationship gets schooled Jezebel

random acorn
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Is english ur second language btw?

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So ur saying leave my boyfriend and find someone else who likes me?