🌈lgbtq

[iron escarp]

but i dont connect to the concept of being a man at all

[orchid flume]

If your in the US you can be gender neutral on the birth certificate in some states

[arctic pecan]

True, there is a huge disslike towards bisexuals in the lgbt community but that is a factor of many reasons.

Sometimes, it's due to jealousy (aka a bisexual can have biological kids (and a family) with the person they are attracted to )
Sometimes it's also due to a lot of bisexuals (usually men because they are men not bisexuals) having a sort of stigma of a slut so they have bad rep.
Another example is because bisexuals can live a "societally normal" life if they want to while gay people can't.

[civic shadow]

According to my mom, women who have facial hair and don't get rid of it are disgusting. Not really sure how that works but she said she doesn't want to hear this "equality crap" anymore

If she can say its disgusting then why can't I say its not? Oh yeah cause she's the parent and children aren't allowed different opinions

Kinda wanna grow out my beard and mustache to spite her lmao

Like facial hair = man or else you're disgusting??? How does that work I genuinely don't understand. She keep referencing God and all that of course. I will say this: I'm a Christian. I believe in God and Heaven and Hell and Jesus and all that. However i also believe in loving everyone. God gave us free will so we're gonna use it?? (Also my mom fails to realize not everyone is a Christian and therefore doesn't believe God made a man and a woman soooo)

Why cant humans just spread love instead of hate? Humans big dumb

[orchid flume]

You know there's a story in the bible about a woman growing facial hair.

She wished to be a nun but her father put her in an arranged marriage. She prayed for god to give her a way out, and god gave her a beard.

Wait no not the bible, but very common catholic story

[civic shadow]

That's actually very interesting

[ebon cairn]

Hi all. Well I'm confused about this whole discussion. I mean, "transgender", etymologically, just means you're "travelling through" genders. I get that some don't recognise themselves as "transgender people" but non-binary notion is, basically, travelling from an assigned gender to a more self-fitting gender. So I don't think it is wrong or bad to say to a non-binary person that they are trans, even as they don't think they fit in the T category of the community... (don't know if I'm clear though xD)

[final shale]

I would agree to an extent but also nonbinary can be agender for example, which as a concept rejects gender. So you cant say a nonbinary agender person is transgender if they dont identify with gender as a concept.
Its all semantics and words are all social concepts anyway so its very much based on the person, and nobody has a right to tell someone else what their identity is. So it is wrong to tell an nb person they are trans, much like its wrong to try tell any lgbt+ person they are queer if they dont identify with that word, etc etc.

[umbral sigil]

Regardless of the specific definitions, it's no one's place to decide how one identifies, and everyone needs to respect that

[iron escarp]

well im not sure about that policy for my country, and even then there's likely a lot of countries that dont accept it yet so thats why i'd be unsure of going with gender neutral on my birth certificate regardless

[final shale]

You said in essence what i meant in my text, yours was just more comprehensive hah 😊
Respect peoples identities and pronouns, even if they “dont make sense” to you, people!

[final shale]

I dont get why countries cant just have united human rights, like i live in the UK and i cant travel to the EU with my partner because of brexit and all that, and we were looking into registered partnership cause being “related” would allow them to come with me but most places like my home country dont accept registered partnership.
Not even when my partner and i are officially a straight couple (were both nb just not on paper)

At least if they accepted that other countries have these laws/ rights and respected that. But instead married queer couples arent seen as married in most places and its so frustrating 😤

[iron escarp]

i mean my country loves to tout how accepting it is but our society barely accepts binary trans people and gay people in the first place

so because we're not even far enough into accepting binary trans people sociatally i highly doubt there's even legal recognition of nonbinary/gender neutral identities

i dont even know the laws when it comes to partnership or stuff like that here because its not really something that ever applied to me

[final shale]

Yeah, i mean my homecountry is like openly homophobic as a whole. I dont know any openly trans people from there. Its very bleak

It sucks when you consider that a lot of nations before colonization and christianization of the world accepted many types of genders and orientations. And now its like everyone has to fight for the bare minimum just for being different than the “norm”

[iron escarp]

ugh yeah

i mean i never fit into a bunch of societal norms in the first place since im neurodivergent

especially now im trying to be more close to my authentic self instead of masking everything for other people's comfort

why cant the world just let people be their authentic self without beating them down, it would be beneficial to basically everybody

[final shale]

Yes! Live for your own comfort, screw the norm!

[iron escarp]

but of course as with all systems of powers, those who keep the system in power dont see any benefits for themselves in the system changing

because my autistic identity is integrally combined with my romantic and gender orientation as well i try to be as unapolegetically myself while still having neccesary barriers up for my own protection

[final shale]

Thats just capitalism for ya. Makes people cruel and only thinking through cash.
I place so much hope on gen Z because they seem so much more abolitionist than generations before, but a systemic change seems so unattainable

[iron escarp]

i mean i dont know if i count as gen z or not but im certainly trying my best to be abolitionist and push for systemic and societal change

[final shale]

I found out that people will never accept anyone different when i first came out as asexual and everyone lost their minds. Like i really dont comprehend how thats anyones business and they make it out to be a big deal. Literally just let people be who they are 🤨

[iron escarp]

fellow asexual! a lot of people in my life shamed me for my identity

like what are you afraid im gonna do?

why is it other peoples buisness what level of intimacy im ok with( also from an autism perspective, im relatively touch averse generally)

[final shale]

Omg! I know right!! Like the fear of gay people comes from misogyny and fear of femininity, but whats even the bad excuse for judging ace people ??

[iron escarp]

and even if i had a partner they have no right in pressuring me to do things i dont want regardless? no matter what it comes to

[ebon cairn]

Anyone can define themselves as they want. I'm just stating the origin of the word and it pains me to see people rejecting the term "transgender" as it was some disease. "I'm non binary BUT I'm not a transgender!" sounds like it to me. Me no likey.

[iron escarp]

like if i express an aversion for being lovey-dovey in public that should be respected and i shouldnt have to compromise my boundaries

[final shale]

Its just cause cishet people dont comprehend boundaries and dont know that they can also be uncomfortable with things that are expected of them. Nobody told them they can also say no to things just because they want to say no

[iron escarp]

i mean you're not wrong based on my personal experiences, and it really sucks that most dont have that realisation they can say no to things expected of them(regardless of (gender) orientation)

[final shale]

I am nb but i dont relate to the trans experience. I cant speak for everyone but i dont feel like the term fits me at all and it feels like id be taking away from the focus of who trans people are and what they experience.
I get its all diverse and can mean whatever but i wouldnt want to be called trans because i dont see myself as such. I have no issue with other nb people using it if they relate to the word, its not for me though

[iron escarp]

i mean thats similar to what alex stated

[ebon cairn]

Sincere question, as a nb, do you experience some kind of dysphoria then?

[iron escarp]

i personally am not fully connected to the trans experience. i do experience what i believe to be dysphoria, but i dont connect to the binary nature of transness that seems to be pushed on me by others because i partially identify with the term

[final shale]

I tend to give a lot of relationship advice to people, even before i was in a relationship, and it always boiled down to “just talk to your partner”
Cishet people seem to rely on signs and assumptions and like idk if this is me being neurodivergent or what but i just dont get why they cant talk about it. Its literally best way to resolve and prevent issues and establish boundaries

[iron escarp]

i do believe you dont need to experience dysphoria to be nonbinary
especially because you can have a partial or more complete connection to your agab(like demi/bigender as an example) and there's also more fluid identities that are part of the nonbinary umbrella like genderfluid and genderflux

[final shale]

I do experience a form of dysphoria but it’s complicated. Very entangled with my overall sense of self, my relationship with my body, my trauma etc. but i personally lean more towards the agender than a different kind of gender. If i have body dysmorphia is more that i wish i didnt have a body at all. I dont see myself as trans because i am not “transitioning” to something else. I simply dont relate to gender as a whole

[ebon cairn]

You know, transguy here, I'm still wearing high heels and make-up when I feel like it. No one is pushing any binarity in the "transness nature" as you call it if you don't want to (and I know it's complicated to listen to yourself and your tastes and preferences in a binary society). I fail to see transidentity as something that is binary, it's extremely fluid and changing, in my opinion.

[iron escarp]

i mean that i never fully connected to either binary gender from my perspective as an autistic individual and my personal experiences with societal and social expecations for both

i understand that identity is fluid regardless of if you're cis, trans and nonbinary, so i apologize if my statement came across as hurtful, i should have provided my personal context for my personal disconnect with the term

i did not mean to bring down anyones experiences or be disrespectful

[ebon cairn]

That's another layer of understanding, true enough. I indeed can't imagine your perception. And you weren't hurtful at all, it's interesting.

[iron escarp]

i do feel that people are trying to push for binarity in trans identity, or at least thats what i have experienced

[ebon cairn]

I'm just tired of all these subcategories when gender is SO complex.

[iron escarp]

like a lot of people have told me that being transmasc/masculine leaning gender identity/presentation just means that you're a trans man in denial, stuff like that

[ebon cairn]

Some trans are indeed searching for a binary representation of themselves, but I think we don't have to repress our masculinity or femininity when we're transitioning and because we're transitioning

[final shale]

I want to say @ebon cairn I understand where you are coming from and why you feel like nb people should be seen as trans, but my stance remains that you cant push titles onto people the same way nobody should keep them from people.
The whole point of gender identity and selfexpressions and all that is that its every persons own journey with themselves and they are the only one who can define it for themselves.
I think educating people about trans* issues and experiences may lead more people to identify with the term, even people under the nb umbrella, but it shouldnt be something forced onto people.

[iron escarp]

i mean we certainly shouldnt, but a decent amount of people ive come across certainly seem to be advocating for that and expecting it of (other) trans individuals

[harsh knot]

I don’t identify myself as trans despite falling under the nb umbrella

[ebon cairn]

Let's not forget that trans is not a title nor a shame or insult. It's a background, a suffering and a lot of experiences, good or bad, come with it. People shouldn't undermine that either. You don't decide to have dysphoria and you can't just take whatever you want to fit your agenda.

[final shale]

Its not an insult by any means. Nobody here tried to even insinuate it was. I respect it as an identity, i have absolutely no issue with it or with people identifying as such. But its still a self-identity and you cant force it onto others. The entire point of these identities and sexualities etc is that they are part of our language to help describe what individuals experience and to create a sense of community with others that feel similarly. But everyones experience on this planet is different and always will be.
You cant tell someone they are trans when thats not what they identify with, point blank. Its harmful to do so.
Normalize the trans experience, respect and educate and fight for the rights of trans people, but forcing people into boxes they arent in is not the way to go here.

[orchid flume]

I remember when my sister came out to me asw aro Ace

My reaction was first to ask when that was then go, "Oh okay."
And that was it

It turned out later she was gray aro/ace. And she found a lovely guy who... shit she's gonna propose to him next week.

But honestly I never really cared (I mean I care about her) because who she does or doesn't dates doesn't effect me at all

[orchid flume]

I just sort of felt that was my take on asexuality, though I guess that partially came from me being a kid who didn't know lgbt+ stuff yet.

[orchid flume]

You summed up my experience with gender perfectly. I'm dysphoric, but in a way where no transitioning could ever help.

[final shale]

I wish people were like that, just learn about it and accept it. Its not that big of a deal.
Instead when i came out to my ex, he told me i shouldnt tell people that when i meet them because it will put them off and ill never find a partner that way. Then he proceeded to text me sometime later asking if i was still “an ice queen” and telling me a story of his friend who identified as different things over time, trying to say i will change my mind about it just like she did 😐

[orchid flume]

Gross...

[final shale]

Do you ever wish to just be a nonspecific blob without a real person body or is that just me? haha

[orchid flume]

When my other sister came out as bi I was the exact same way, "Cool, anyway, we gonna get icecream or not.

[iron escarp]

i kind of had something similar happen to me myself

[orchid flume]

Oh boy do I. I wish I could either be the vessel from hollow knight or just pure void. Though Wakko warner wouldn't be a terrible third option.

[iron escarp]

i mean as somebody that somewhat identifies with the concept of voidpunk, yeah

[orchid flume]

For example, I don't like having a chest, but having a completely flat chest would still make me feel masculine, which would still be extremely uncomfortable, so I just throw up my hands and go, "it be like that."

[final shale]

Honestly!!! I relate to that so much. My chest makes me so uncomfortable but having top surgery would also make me uncomfortable. Its like either way theres a lot of focus on what my body looks like and which gender stereotype it resembles and im just ... ew.

[orchid flume]

🤝

I'm not extremely dysphoric or anything, but it's just always there. Just breathing down my neck. I guess I've gotten good at ignoring it, but also I wish it would go away.

The reason I mostly use she/her isn't cause I like how it's feminine or whatever, it's just what I've been called my whole life so I just don't care too much either way.

[final shale]

Yeah... at this point i have no idea why i feel like this about it all. Like being ace, i feel uncomfortable about my body having the potential to be sexualized, and with the reminder that its the way it is for biology reasons. Being socialized as a woman i am uncomfortable because i was shamed for clothing or food i ate and my weight. Being mentally ill i just dont have a stable sense of myself.
It doesnt feel right being in this flesh vessel but i cant picture a vessel id feel right in

[final shale]

Same!! The whole reason i use she/they. Also cause i dont care enough to have to come out to people like my family. I feel like my nb experience is just not wanting to deal with gender as a whole, having to explain what nonbinary is to people who barely accept gay people is just too much of a focus on it all.

[orchid flume]

EXACTLY

I mean my whole experience is just, "keep gender out of this" I can still have traditionally gendered interests or hobbies or whatever, just don't gender them when it comes to me.

Androgyny isn't really the solution either since I'd still be tailoring myself to how society sees gender.
(Though truthfully clothes/interests SHOULDN'T be gendered but that's what society does.)

[iron escarp]

I relate so hard with this as an ace that was also socialised as a woman

Honestly to the point where I wish there was a way to not have been born inside this body

To undo the socialisation I underwent because of how much it has made me suffer

[final shale]

Yeah... androgyny and all these new ways to make a stereotype or a binary out of nonbinary is so frustrating.
idk if you saw this but Anthony Padilla made a video with nb people which was cool but they all spoke about how there is many ways to be or look nb and yet the people he invited in were two of the most prominent nb aesthetic. It was two androgynous amab folk and one androgynous afab person.
And i respect that they identify that way and express that way but to have them say how anyone can be nb and they dont need to look androgynous is frustrating coming from them

[orchid flume]

That's super fair. I also find it annoying how there's seems to always be a push for afab enbies to never be feminine and amab enbies to never be masc.

[final shale]

Im sorry you had to go through that, especially since i experienced sometimes so similar. I have hope that we can achieve a state in which we can be comfortable as ourselves

[orchid flume]

Like I've seen in on the subreddit where one Amab enby wishes they were afab so they could cut their hair short and wear hoodies and bind and look masc, and one in the comments wishing they were amab so they could grow their hair out and wear skirts and I was like, "doesn't matter what's in your pants you can still do that."

[final shale]

That’s exactly what i was thinking. I see so many nb people online and in real life and a lot of them have a gender expression which would be stereotypically fitting to their assigned gender at birth. And i am the same as well. I really want for there to be more representation of the fact that nb folk dont have to “look nb”

[iron escarp]

I wish I could be more connected to my femininity

[orchid flume]

No shame in not having that connection.

[iron escarp]

But because so many people in my life attribute that to me being a woman or womanly, I feel too uncomfortable with even trying

Especially because I'm very much still visibly afab in things I can't really change much like my voice and Especially my body

My parents thought it a gift I got really wide hips, an hourglass-like figure and boobs during my puberty, but all I could see was ways for others to sexualize me or now, still see me as a woman when I know I'm not

[final shale]

yeah... its the societal pressure to be more masc or more androgynous just so they can see how youre not cis. And if you express feminine as afab they just see it as you changing your mind and being cis again or something

[final shale]

I relate to this so bad! My mum would always bring up my body and tell me to wear clothes that showcase my curves and it made me so incredibly uncomfy

[iron escarp]

there also lies the problem in the societal view on nonbinary people basically being a woman-lite of sorts, as the focus on stereotypings lies completely in afab nonbinary people having to cast aside their feminity as some sort of proof of being nonbinary

[iron escarp]

my mother was even jealous of my body, to a point where, once, i insinuated general discomfort with my chest and she felt personally attacked because 'hers were much smaller before she had me'

that is perhaps the most horrible part of it all

the fact that the things i despise about my body are things my own mother resents me for in some way

[final shale]

Mine always put pressure on my eating and weight because she is more on the heavier side and she made it a point to tell me i will “end up like her” if i dont control myself better, and always told me how she was never as skinny as me.... all the way to me having ED and a really bad relationship with my weight and food.

Being socialized as a woman is so awful. Like so many expectations and so much pressure from everyone from your own family to the furthest strangers.

[iron escarp]

i also have a bad relationship with food(i dont have a regular hunger response, so yeah) and ive always been poked fun at for my weight, either by virtue of never seeming to gain or lose any weight growing up, or not the fact that im gaining weight

i swear being socialised as a woman has so little upsides and almost only downsides

[final shale]

Its the same with my hair. Im blonde with long hair and everyone in my life has always (and still does) talk about it, how its so pretty and girly and whatnot. And ive wanted to cut or dye it or do anything with it but i know everyone will judge me and resent me for it because they almost use it as a symbol of my femininity and who i am as a woman ... my mum literally argues with me when i bring it up even as a joke.

[iron escarp]

i used to love having my hair long, but now people keep telling me i look much better with short hair and now it feels like im no longer allowed to have longer hair because it'll make me uglier(im not even going to get into the percieved masculinity of short hair and femininity of long hair)

[final shale]

Thats awful... im sorry. Truly is so hard, everything is always put on women/ afab people. Its always then who have to change and be performing at all times.

[iron escarp]

i actually dyed and cut my hair the first time after a breakup, stereotypical as that is

[final shale]

Im a bit jelly of you, i wish i had the guts to do it but its such a loaded subject... as it all is apparently

[iron escarp]

i mean you really shouldnt be, it was a horrible relationship

the pain i suffered then i wouldnt wish on anybody

[final shale]

Im glad you made it out and are here to tell the tale

You know it kinda sucks, my relationship right now is great and we are both nb but my partner is amab and technically straight and we both pretty much present as our assigned genders and so everyone will forever assume we are just a cishet couple.

[orchid flume]

Kinda small, but I have an OC who's a trans man and everyone tells me he'd pass so much better with short hair but I think he passes fine.

[final shale]

When people dont even accept an OC and his own gender and gender expression is when i know us real people are screwed haha

[orchid flume]

Yeah...

Like I'm willing to bet five dollars nobody would give me the useless advice on helping him look more masc if he was cis.

He's literally just a trans guy who loves long hair. There's nothing deeper to it,

[graceful geyser]

i didn't see the caption and my brain went "ah yes, a man" so he passes fine

[orchid flume]

Here's a drawing my friend did. There's no reason to assume he doesn't pass unless you know he's trans

[final shale]

Yeah i know a bunch of cis men with long hair and nobody ever questions their masculinity for it

[iron escarp]

any other autistic/neurodivergent/disabled people online? i really need to rant abt executive functioning to somebody

[final shale]

i mean i am not diagnosed, but I definitely struggle with executive function all the time

[iron escarp]

i'd prefer to talk with you in dm's then, i dont want to flood this chat with my struggles

if thats alright with you that is

[final shale]

Feel free to send me a text!

[orchid flume]

I'm autistic

[torpid estuary]

@iron escarp I'm disabled.

[untold viper]

Neurodivergent here. Also has cold

[wintry monolith]

ADHD here o/

Executive dysfunction sucks

[iron escarp]

yeah it really does

[orchid flume]

My partner did a lovely art piece on executive dysfunction

[opaque gale]

did any of y'all go to a pride event this year? ik it's hard with the pandemic, currently deciding whether or not to go to a local one

[iron escarp]

i personally didnt go but if i wanted a pride event that wasnt in june i'd have to go to the capital of my country and im not up for that

and in june the situation was too unstable here, i'd argue that it still is

i dont even remember if we were even allowed to have more than 2 guests at home in june and i do believe all major events were cancelled ahead of time

[opaque gale]

ah makes sense 😔 hopefully next year!

[timber cobalt]

i'm autistic!

[abstract oak]

planning on pride next year with my friend. she came out as bi this year and she really wants to go. a part of me hopes it happens and a part of me.still feels like it's too soon :/

[iron escarp]

i mean because of my sensory issues and all that i dont even know if it'd be a smart idea to go if i could

even though i want to entertain the idea that i could do it, since i do somewhat want to step out of the shadows if that makes sense

[warm veldt]

we do not have pride events here, unfortunately. not that i'm aware of.

[opaque gale]

😕

[final shale]

I went to a pride just once in about 2016 when i first came out as ace, and it was a really great time.
But then my mum found out and ... well lets say she made sure i regretted going and i have been too traumatized to go ever since

[harsh knot]

I want to someday go to one but I’m incredibly scared of what my dad might do if he found out

[final shale]

Make sure you are safe first and foremost. Thats what should always be your first priority

[warm veldt]

if you don't mind my asking, what's an ace?

[final shale]

Its short for asexual ^^ as in experiences little to no sexual attraction to anyone

[warm veldt]

oh. i see. thanks! that's new one for me lol

[final shale]

haha yeah its not as well known as other lgbt+ terms, which is unfortunate. But its actually the “a” in lgbtqia+ (along with aromantic, and agender)

[warm veldt]

ohhhh. thanks.. i learned something today. lol

[final shale]

Actually, on the note of asexuality- if theres anyone here in this channel who lives in the UK, theres an official petition that is aimed at making discrimination against asexual people count as discrimination, because it currently doesn’t which is just appalling. So imma just put it here in case anyone wants to sign it, its not mine im just sharing since this is an lgbt group!

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/588879

[dull citrus]

That's a whole mood. I miss being able to go to pride but between my sensory issues and now a worsening physical disability I'd have to rent a wheelchair and because of the crowds I'd never see a thing.

[warm veldt]

that's a good thing. we do not have that here as some of the people only recognize heterosexual. as in a man only belongs to a woman and vice versa 😆

if you'll come out of the closet as a member of lgbtqia+, you'll be criticized. :v

[final shale]

Yeah, my home country is very conservative as well. Im just currently living in the UK where its far more accepting. But theres still many issues obviously, even in a place thats more liberal

[warm veldt]

Where’s your home country, btw?

[final shale]

Slovakia

[iron escarp]

i mean my home country is somewhere inbetween having proper legal rights for most lgbtq+ individuals and still too much resentment/hatred towards the lgbtq+ community socially, where ads are vandalized, people get called slurs, some of them even played for 'jokes'.
and a lot of violence or verbal abuse directed towards specifically people that are nonbinary or refuse to label themselves(recently there was a big case of this, it was even on the news)

as well as the general attitude towards trans individuals that dont "pass" or those that dont do all the surgeries being particularly horrible and demeaning, based on the concepts of people believing these people are not the gender they say they are

which could present itself as a problem for me as a nonbinary/trans person that already knows their transition wishes dont fully align with those general attitudes

[final shale]

See i know that’s bad but at least theres some recognition for lgbt things.
Slovakia had a fairly recent referendum to explicitly state a family is only a man and a woman and kids and they are going hard against adoption rights for people who even just live with someone of the same sex
There was a conservative ad i remember which showed a child about to be adopted but then it was two dads who wanted to adopt it and the child got sad asking where the mum was. Its almost funny how bad the ad was- like yeah im sure a child would rather stay in the system than have two loving parents.

[iron escarp]

yeah thats absolutely horrible :(

i mean for all intents and purposes a lot of the legal acceptance on its own feels like a privilegde

especially seeing what the uk is going through right now(esp in regards to the nhs but just generally)

[final shale]

Yeah i mean i really feel like we need to take what we can get. While at the same time im very passionate about human rights and i dont want to settle for something that isnt even bare minimum yet. We are so far under bare minimum literally everywhere in the world

[iron escarp]

and you guys have to fight all the harder to push anything through

because you're both having to push societally and legally A LOT

[final shale]

It really sucks. I live in a bit of a bubble - all my friends are lgbt+ and i mostly consume lgbt+ related content when online. And then i forget just how bad it still is everywhere.

[warm veldt]

Some of my friends are also lgbt while others are not. But they’re understanding, thankfully.

[orchid flume]

My sister and her friend are so sweet but so misguided.

Today I got asked if I was no longer using she/her... cause I got a pixie cut.

Nah that's just called me being a lesbian lol.

[civic shadow]

Lmaaaooo

[forest bramble]

I feel that 😔

[wintry monolith]

When my partner and I went to a pride event (not a parade but like a block of various stalls) I wore earplugs pretty much the whole time (put em in shortly after arriving) and they really really helped with preventing sensory overload. Before leaving the house that morning I'd tried 3 sunscreens n couldn't tolerate the feel of any of em on my face and ended up washing it off n wearing a hat. Gotta do what keeps you comfy.

[hidden inlet]

sociopath here, with depression

btw how his everyone?

[quaint raptor]

consumed by guilt for not writing yesterday after having a bout of crying after writing too much. so ya know, the usual

[civic shadow]

It be like that

[quaint raptor]

i'm getting close to done with the draft of my book though. so there's that at least

[civic shadow]

Ooooo

[quaint raptor]

i linked it over in books, if anyone wants to read

i fiiiiiinally got to introducing my nonbinary, feminine presenting character. shes more in the second one ill be writing. so shes a late comer

i love her so much. she's a blast. (she/they depending on circle) also everyone has the same favorite character so far and when they get to the part where he gets with his bf, theyre like :0 omg... hes precious

have some bi characters too. i dont go overboard in pointing out sexuality/gender though. its just part of their lives. so it comes up when it would normally

[civic shadow]

Yeah I always hate when sexuality = personality or like everyone is gay or something

[quaint raptor]

lol yeah me too

[civic shadow]

THATS NOT HOW LIFE WORKS

[quaint raptor]

XD

for me its like, hes not interacting with anything/anyone relevant. then, oh his ex got mentioned. yup there ya go

unless theres a reason it's not on the mind all the time... well unless its an identity struggle... there are a lot of situations you wouldnt think are stressful buuuut they are. hyperawareness when you're trying to figure out your whole deal sucks, but oh lordy its there

but once again, is basically book 2 cause age of main protags is more aware at that point

aaaaah i wanna finish this. do a final draft and get to the next one

[civic shadow]

I used to write a lot back in middle and high school

I was in a bad state then so I haven't written in years. Brings back bad memories

[quaint raptor]

aw, i'm sorry it's like that :<

i'm an english major. just a quarter or two off from my BA, depending on how many classes i'm insane enough to take. looking into MA programs, but whoboy its competitive XD

[civic shadow]

Ooo I'm studying education ✌

[quaint raptor]

nice! i'm getting my MA to teach at college level

[civic shadow]

Oh wow

[quaint raptor]

i've been reading some stuff by ulmer. it's pretty cool

[civic shadow]

Very respectable

I'm planning on teaching young children, specifically 2nd-4th grade and maybe one day after ive done it for a number of years move on to middle or high school.

[quaint raptor]

thats awesome

childhood education is amazing and just so important. its a heavy amount of influence

[civic shadow]

😄 for sure

[quaint raptor]

what are you looking to teach?

[civic shadow]

Well elementary school teachers teach a bit of everything but if I was to teach older students, it'd probably be creative writing or maybe life skills/culinary

[quaint raptor]

thats pretty cool

life skills need more classes. there used to be so much more but i feel like theyre disappearing

a highschool class on taxes wouldve been nice :/

[civic shadow]

Yeah I took one in middle school and it was super interesting

Taxes tho? Super boring and no one would ACTAULLY pay attention lol

They should incorporate it into the life skills class

[quaint raptor]

yeah

[civic shadow]

I think health classes or life skills classes should talk more about LGBTQ topics. I literally dont remember learning anything about sexuality or sexual orientation or anything like that except like one class and that was it.

Like one day they talked about the difference between sexual orientation and sexuality and that was it

[quaint raptor]

sounds about right

[civic shadow]

Really frustrating, watching it as someone who's only just figured myself out. If there was more information or sources available in school, I probably wouldve been more comfortable

All through freshman and sophomore year I told myself I was straight and I would never like girls or date anyone other than guys.

Now I'm just like "eh who cares I'll date anyone if they're a good person"

[orchid flume]

Me in the beginning of high school.
“I’m bi, I’d just prefer to marry a woman is all.”
Me now:
“Move I’m gay.”

[civic shadow]

Literally

https://tenor.com/view/move-im-gay-work-workplace-office-gif-13962257

[hidden inlet]

oh

um you alright hun?

[iron escarp]

i literally only learned through the internet, i was lucky my teacher was inclusive of homosexuality but it barely extended beyond talking abt the sexual health stuff
i mean my school didnt even have 'health' classes or life skill classes and i dont think either of those are very common in my country

and it was basically an afterthought, because well it wasnt part of the curriculum and we had a lot of stuff to get through each year

[opaque gale]

god I hate people who think that something being gay makes it inherently indecent. having more rep when I was a kid would’ve saved me so much pain

[quaint raptor]

Ironically, one of the best ways to address sentiments like that is with the childish "why" game. I think you can guess where it funnels down to

[quaint raptor]

Yeah. Sleeping did wonder actually XD

Also, can I just, Owl House is just wonderful so far

[hidden inlet]

ikr

hearing luz call amity "my awesome girlfriend" makes me feel less shity about myself

[quaint raptor]

Its just so pure

[twin garden]

It really is nice to see representation in media for younger audiences these days. I spent a lot of my childhood and adolescence either thinking that no one else in the world was like me and I was some kind of freak, or that everyone else was like me and just lied about it to meet social norms. I didn't have words for a lot of the things I was dealing with because I wasn't exposed to them at all till I was 17 or 18 and even then I learned from hateful folks who wished everyone like me would just die. Even if I'd been living in the same town and facing the same hate and threats of violence, at least being about to watch cartoons with people like me would have made it feel a little more normal and given me some words to describe how I felt and more hope for when I was finally able to move somewhere safer.

[quaint raptor]

the more representation the better. just stuff that reinforces that its a perfectly normal way to be and that life isnt just a multi-choice dropdown menu

[civic shadow]

I also love when they don't decide to kill off the gay characters lmao

[quaint raptor]

OMG YES

i must redeem my gay by death XD /s

[iron escarp]

speaking about representation in media, i really treasure dragon prince, because the representation that is there is so casual, when one of the characters communicates with sign language, its not seen as some sort of weakness or something odd, where there's a translator around to help her communicate to other characters and the audience, in a way that fits within both the setting and the story.

even though they're minor characters, one of the main characters has two fathers and the previous character i mentioned also is heavily implicated to be a lesbian(there's a clear blooming romance between them, but because of how late it came up its basically at the end of the season, but there's gonna be a new season hopefully soon so we'll see more of them)

so even though their rep is somewhat limited to more minor characters, the casual implementation of it really warmed my heart

[orchid flume]

I can't believe students in Maryland invented a set of neo pronouns by accident

[earnest slate]

Yoself

[normal ice]

https://www.msn.com/en-us/tv/news/robin-comes-out-as-bisexual-in-the-latest-batman-anthology-from-dc-comics/ar-AANa2nw?ocid=msedgntp

[wide steppe]

https://youtu.be/57HgzLPOdvY a bit of old timey queer fun, all the way from 1934

[quaint raptor]

such a classic

[torpid estuary]

@iron escarp that's the reason I loved the new She-Ra so much. The representation in that show was top tier. All kinds of wonderful people being front and center. 💜

[orchid flume]

I love She-ra but... I absolutely despise Catra

[orchid flume]

I'm a terrible flirt....

[acoustic jewel]

Eijdjskslslsls I love catra so much 😫

[orchid flume]

This is how I felt watching her get excepted back easier than Entrapta

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeYIlET3szA

[iron escarp]

now i feel sad abt it again wahh /nm

[orchid flume]

:(

[iron escarp]

entrapta deserved better

[orchid flume]

She did, I'm glad she worked for the Horse. Sure it set the princess Alliance back by quite a while but they treated her like Garbage

[iron escarp]

like the fact i could so closely connect to her experiences just meant i was much more emotionally invested in what happened to her

[orchid flume]

Exactly

I was far more invested in her and by extension Hordak's struggles than I ever was Catra and Adora.

[iron escarp]

i mean the reverse parralel between her and hordak was amazing and i wish it was explored more

[orchid flume]

Me too!

I joked that I watched the famous lesbian show for the straight passing bi couple far more than the center stage lesbian couple

[iron escarp]

which straight passing bi couple? bow and glimmer or seahawk and mermista /hj

also i feel like a lot of issues i have with catra and adora as a couple could have been resolved or mellowed out if they were given more time

[orchid flume]

I agree

[iron escarp]

especially the arch that lead up to the final season? you cant tell me that wouldnt have left deep or permanent scars on adora's relationship towards catra

i'd have wished for more time that seemed more regular? because of the extreme setting and stakes of the final season i mean

[orchid flume]

But as it stands Catra said absolutely vile thing to Adora and tried to kill her and her friends repeatedly.
"I'm gay and I love you" does not automatically excuse her for that.

[dry swift]

I mean, we do have to keep in mind that the lead writer had to plan out her arguments months in advance to convince them that Catradora was the logical ending

Like with how in Steven Universe, the writers put Ruby and Sapphire in a dresses for their wedding, because even if they dubbed over a male voice for Ruby in Russian and Chinese and the like, you cannot avoid the fact that this is not a straight couple

[iron escarp]

thats a whole another layer, but it seems even less approachable to have resolved in the show itself

[orchid flume]

Exactly

[iron escarp]

mhmh

[orchid flume]

My girlfriend and I kinda dislike She-ra in hindsight. Even if our mutual love of the show is one of the reasons we started talking to begin with,

[iron escarp]

like this is the sort of thing that cant be simply talked over, healed over time or forgiven so easily i feel, so tackling all that in the show would take up so much time it would not work in the show while serving its purpose

[dry swift]

Is it necessarily going to be healthy for the two of them, to start with? No, of course not, they've literally been involved in a war their whole lives. Imagine being a functional person with that as your entire identity. And especially after your mother figure (who was emotionally abusive, no two ways around that) sacrifices herself to save you.

[orchid flume]

Not a super huge issue I had but the fact they shared a mother figure was kinda weird to me

[iron escarp]

i kind of am in the middle of it at the moment, because even though i love double trouble, they contribute to a non-human=non-binary standard in (animated) media and some other stuff thats less important

[orchid flume]

TBH I don't mind DT

[dry swift]

Personally, I think the best character is Melog.

[orchid flume]

Noelle Stevenson is Non-binary and they wrote DT to be their personal fantasy

[dry swift]

https://tenor.com/view/melog-sneeze-gif-17982748

[orchid flume]

People who ignore Melog's pronouns annoy me so much. Everyone only uses it/its for Melog therefor we call it "it."

[iron escarp]

i mean thats not really what we're saying, we're saying a lot of the issues that might have been on the table were kind of forced to be glossed over because of how late the romantic relationship started

[dry swift]

I know, I'm just trying to inject a small moment of lightheartedness into the conversation because this stuff can get heavy.

[orchid flume]

Can we all agree that Melog uses it/its and people who use he/him for it are erasing its pronouns?

[orchid flume]

Valid!

[iron escarp]

i didnt know that! that actually makes me feel less odd about them, if that makes sense

[orchid flume]

My sister and I agree Glimmer is FAR more at fault for Season 4 than Shadow Weaver and it's her own fault for listening to her in the first place.
"Oh no the face eating leopard everyone warns me about eats faces, are my face."

Noelle has like five shapeshifter characters, just so happens one of them is non-binary. (Though two others are genderfluid.)

[iron escarp]

i mean i relate to double trouble in some aspects, but because everyone has seen non-human=non-binary rep so much i think that was sort of the default assumption of their characterisation

[dry swift]

I mean, in the original She-Ra, Melog was literally a feminine 'golem' creature (for a villain of the week thing) and Catra's feline companion was Clawdeen (a pink lion, which would of course draw parallells with the lion from Steven Universe).

[orchid flume]

Watched OG He-man but not She-ra

I mean we have Raine, Thomas, Stevonnie, Frisk. It exists. There's just so little rep that non human rep tends to stand out more

[iron escarp]

me staring in not watching any of the og 90's nostalgia shows (though i did watch the anime reboot of thundercats if that counts for anything addghjadhj)

[orchid flume]

Also four characters in Craig of the creek

[iron escarp]

i dont know if craig of the creek is really a show for me but that :)

[orchid flume]

Well one's not non-binary actually. They're trans and use they/them pronouns

[iron escarp]

thats also really :)

[dry swift]

We're making progress. Not enough progress, but it's progress nonetheless, and we have to thank our writers, artists, game developers and more for fighting tooth and nail to get that representation. Even as a cis white gay guy, I get tired of seeing the cis white gay characters who have to 'struggle with coming out.' I want more of it

[orchid flume]

Pullstring is their name

Merkid is Agender

[iron escarp]

ive seen merkid before!

like a little clip, but still!!

[orchid flume]

And this is angel (they/them)

I know there's one other

[iron escarp]

i am so thankful when i find out so many indie games are pushing for different kinds of inclusivity
because of my carreer path possibly in the future i might be heading the way of making an inclusive game at some point myself

[orchid flume]

This is cool but why pat yourself on the back. It's important to make the rep caual.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuegCncWrXc

[iron escarp]

it is important to make representation casual

[orchid flume]

Rick Riordan does amazing rep

[iron escarp]

i dont really strongly remember his books anymore but im sure its true

considering how beloved his books are

and well still are obviously

[orchid flume]

He's got a LOT of rep

[iron escarp]

imagine being disney though, pretending their loki is genderfluid where there's no actual indication of it beside in the credit and in articles raving about how inclusive disney is being

like how is the part of disney thats for 'kids' more inclusive

[iron escarp]

:(

[orchid flume]

No part, kids media tends to be more inclusive

[iron escarp]

maybe thats why i like it better /gen

take that people who've called my interests childish

[orchid flume]

🤝

[iron escarp]

all i wanted was casual/actual rep

istg its to blame on the marvel bros and like china/russia btw that loki didnt get to be bi or genderfluid in his own series

[dry swift]

Again, Disney

Imagine losing precious pennies for your multibillion dollar company

[orchid flume]

My girlfriend and I discussed while Rep needs to improve people are also a bit too picky.

[iron escarp]

like nobody could seem to agree on loki x sylvie, like the nature of their relationship

imagine being disney and literally picking tumblr era selfcest over any sort of other relationship, i'd be ashamed if i was them

[orchid flume]

(Mostly on twitter and Tumblr)
So she made a character who was a non-binary shapeshifter and was worried everyone would take it the wrong way and I said, "they're not your only character and this is a DnD game, not a TV show. Go ape."

[iron escarp]

:)

[orchid flume]

I mean I've gotten gomplaints for this character being a "non-binary stereotype" Since they're transmasc, have short hair, a young adult, and use they/them."
And honestly if someone has a problem with that it's their own fault

My partner actually made a cute animation shipping Quinn (their dnd character) and one of their party members on youtube if y'all wanna see.

[iron escarp]

speaking on dnd characters, they're very often a reflection or projection of certain parts of your self/identity or some sort of ideal idea of it

[orchid flume]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGKlkLlz7Ck
Please support my girlfriend they're wonderful

[iron escarp]

or it can be the exact opposite or far removed, as a sort of way of escapism within the character in and off itself

[orchid flume]

Nods nods.

My rule is if your not villainizing the characters place in the Alphabet Mafia, then the rep is probably fine.

[dry swift]

Well, therein lies another issue. We know that queer-coded villains have been a thing for ages. Now we're getting positive representation across the board. When will it be that an antagonist can be queer again?

[iron escarp]

i believe there's strengths to both

positive rep can mean its less obvious to villanize the rep (because of villain bad, hero good, therefore aspects of the villain can be interpreted as bad too by more close minded people)

and it obviously has an impact on people that havent grown up having these traits always actively being ascribed to villains

plus i actually watched a video essay recently that explained the reason why queer traits have been historically assigned to villains, or at least in i believe american media

like there was a rule/law against positive queer rep basically?

[dry swift]

There was, yes

And even after it was revoked, it was still taboo

[iron escarp]

but because its historically been a villain ascribed trait, and villains are often much more outwardly characterised(motives, character that sort of stuff) so villains are actually more interesting characters than heroes generally

or at least thats how it was also explained in that essay

[iron escarp]

i mean you could say it still is thanks to the pervasive control russia/china still hold over media like movies/shows or animated programs

[dry swift]

Indeed

[iron escarp]

just because they're a big market and big companies dont want to lose the trust and support of shareholders🙄

[orchid flume]

I mean in the rp server we have most of the users are trans, most of the villains are trans… but so are most of the heroes. There’s a single named cishet in character in the world we made.

Look at She-ra the villains were just as lgbtq+ as the heroes

Unrelated question but while it's very rare some intersex kids are being assigned non-binary at birth
So are those kids non-binary and cis?

[civic shadow]

Shoutout to my favorite youtuber who just happens to be Christian. Every stream he does now he donates the money to a charity.
(@YuBPlays) Tweeted:
every time I speak out in support of LGBTQ+ I get emails like this and I wanted to share this one bc I managed to actually get my thoughts coherent for once. not sharing to make fun of this person or or bully, I think a lot of people feel the way they do. https://t.co/zUKwD3NdSb https://twitter.com/YuBPlays/status/1425947073795563523?s=20

YuB (@YuBPlays)

every time I speak out in support of LGBTQ+ I get emails like this and I wanted to share this one bc I managed to actually get my thoughts coherent for once. not sharing to make fun of this person or or bully, I think a lot of people feel the way they do.

Likes

206

Twitter · Aug 12, 2021, 10:27 PM

Today he donated $700 to the Trevor Project 🙏 a couple days ago he donated to a women's shelter and the stream before that he donated to St. Jude.

He's said a lot that receiving money from people makes him feel awkward and guilty so I'm glad he's doing this now.

[quaint raptor]

good on him

[civic shadow]

And I'm especially glad that hes speaking about it publicly

[orchid flume]

Nothing like having your friends decide to third and fourth wheel on a date

My girlfriends friend: “Whatcha doin this morning?”
Me: “Oh I’m gonna watch TOH with (girlfriend).”
Her: “Oh can I join you?”
Me: “Sure?”
Another friend: “Oh I’d love to join.”

[iron escarp]

i just watched the new episode myself

[orchid flume]

[fierce junco]

Y'all this ttrpg is reclaiming the Harry Potter world for the girls gays and nb babes
https://youtu.be/JCtan1cdGlc

[civic shadow]

OOO I SAW THAT

looks so good

[iron escarp]

oh????? i'll check it out later

[fierce junco]

I'd love to do smth like this

If anyone else is interested hmuuuu

[torpid estuary]

saves for later Precious gaybies and NBs! 💜

[civic shadow]

Literally

[flint dagger]

we do have pronouns, it's just that it's neutral.

[orchid flume]

Even words like, “that” or “this” are pronouns

[orchid flume]

I'm just happy to hear her talking again, she's been very closed off lately

[summer mist]

glad she seems to be feeling better!!

[orchid flume]

Yeah me too! For real though that new show does NOT look good

[iron escarp]

It doesn't? Aw man :(

I was like kind of excited for the concept too

Though I suppose it must have something to do with how long the og adventure time has been around now

And the new show basically just being made to profit off of that?

That sort of a not good look?

[fierce junco]

Man I love this guy 🤣 he's not even subtle about it

[sage haven]

Such a great game

[fierce junco]

It is tbh

[civic shadow]

What game is that?

[flat scaffold]

The game the screencap is from is My Time At Portia.

[civic shadow]

Ooo I've heard of that game

[torpid estuary]

Quick question, did anyone else notice that Rainne Whispers from The Owlhouse is non-binary? Eda refers to Rainne as them.

[final shale]

Whats the tea around the new AT? I know you said youve not seen it, and i never got around to finishing it but is one of my favorite shows ever. Except since i havent seen the end yet ive not been paying attention to news and talk about it. Just know they announced something with Fionna and Cake? How is it bad?

[mellow sand]

Yup. It is awesome to see a non-binary character in a kids show.

[torpid estuary]

@mellow sand I legit cheered. I love seeing ENBYs repped

[orchid flume]

I've never seen an enby character get a romance on tv before Raine

[civic shadow]

Justice has been served 👏👏

https://www.insider.com/virginia-school-board-pay-1-million-transgender-student-lawsuit-bathroom-2021-8

[junior falcon]

Hello I am Julek He/They and I ve been practicing my deep voice for like a month now

And it gets deeper and easier

[civic shadow]

Thats awesome!

[orchid flume]

HELL YEAH!

[raven moon]

Congrats Julek 🙂

[civic shadow]

Heck yeah

[summer mist]

oh hell yeah

[night venture]

birbs

[civic shadow]

Yay birbs! Do you like birds? I have some

[night venture]

I do find them cute but don't have any, my friend loves and have a cockatiel

one day I'd like to see more beautiful ones

look at this big boi

[civic shadow]

Tucans are wonderful but probably one of the worst pets. Let's move to #🐵pets-and-animals 😄

[plush scarab]

i love that there is an lgbtq section!

[civic shadow]

Seriously who decided nail polish was for girls?

[near needle]

Probably the same people who decided that color coding infants to show which private parts they have was a good idea xD

[civic shadow]

Lol

Personally I would raise my kids as boy and girl based on their sex at birth but if a girl wants pants and to play with "boy" toys go ahead

And if a boy wants a skirt and dolls then of course he should be allowed to

And they can make their own decisions on who they are

[orchid flume]

I agree. I hear a lot about how you should raise your kids gender neutral or use they/them and let them decide but the idea of that makes me uncomfortable cause then I’d be forcing being non-binary on them.

[civic shadow]

Yeah same.

[iron escarp]

i mean you can use they/them for a kid when they're super young and then let them choose for themselves(this usually includes age appropriate teaching about pronouns/gender i believe)
but the most important part of raising your kids gender neutral lies in societal expectations, like oftem gendered toys/hobbies/clothes

aka just letting your kid play and dress however they want, in essence

it doesnt really feel like you'd force being nonbinary on them since pronouns dont have to equal gender identity and the kids should be able to choose their pronouns for themselves?
but i can understand where you're coming from on it feeling uncomfortable

[orchid flume]

https://i.redd.it/vmxc5o6wytn71.png

Still I feel using the pronouns of the agab and letting the kid experiment is what I think is best. I have plenty of friends who genuinely dislike being called they or them.

Just cause it’s my preferred set doesn’t mean I want to use it for a kid who might hate that set down the line.

[brazen willow]

Crop top day B)

[orchid flume]

So my ex girlfriend uses she/bat/it/moon
I 'm always worried if I call bat "it" someone will assume I just really hate her and am not just using moons pronouns.

[wintry monolith]

new mug New Mug NEW MUG
Wheeeee! 💛 💛 💛

And it was only $3!

[civic shadow]

Cute!!

I looooove collecting coffee mugs

I wish I could get a mug that said she/her or they/them but my mom would probably throw it away

[wintry monolith]

Heck. That sucks. :<

[civic shadow]

I think I'm gonna start doing by she/they

Lately I just havent been super attached to "she." Like I still identify as female but maybe not as much?

[wide steppe]

totes normal

[chilly river]

I still primarily use she because it's easier for presenting, but I've found myself enjoying the agender label a lot more. Just kind of going "Oh. Yes. This. This feels right" whenever I think about it.

[harsh knot]

aaaaaa i'm jealous of that mug

[harsh knot]

also i totally get that, i'll have a day where i feel like he/him fits me better but other days where they/them is better

[wintry monolith]

I got it from Target! I got mine shipped bc my local store didn't have it

[bold timber]

e

[iron escarp]

I have that too but with he/him
Like it's not just safer for me generally but I also just like that better than the gender neutral pronouns in my native language

[civic shadow]

I told my sister about my she/they preference and she was very supportive 🙏 glad I could tell her since I can't tell my mom

[iron escarp]

I'm glad! Having at least one supportive person in your life really makes things easier

[orchid flume]

https://i.redd.it/w195m76nvyo71.jpg

[iron escarp]

i found a server that is like a 'market' for xenogenders/pronouns :)

it also allows me to try out different pronouns/names with a bot

[orchid flume]

Awesome!

[graceful geyser]

alsngg omg

[harsh knot]

I 100% have at least some lancer vibes

[orchid flume]

Daily reminder that Jessie and James are the desroyers of gender norms

[civic shadow]

In love with this

[orchid flume]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YYjlVqjJ5M

[wintry monolith]

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/554996251641249803/893314504987934751/image0.jpg

https://twitter.com/mimikabii/status/1443551009381437445?s=20

✨Shay🏍️💸Big Shot Doodler 🌊🎸 (@mimikabii)

The Deltarune Trio https://t.co/V8oNOnydHH

Retweets

5402

Likes

17999

Twitter · Sep 30, 2021, 12:19 PM

[iron escarp]

:)

[civic shadow]

I identify as cool/hat

[harsh knot]

i can't decide whether i'd have the they/them mug or the cool/hat mug

[wintry monolith]

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/190748430560133121/893851910065512468/unknown.png

[civic shadow]

I fully relate

[wintry monolith]

heheheheh

[civic shadow]

Thats amazing

[harsh knot]

it remains to be one of my favorite images

my only quarrel with it is that the b doesn't go with a medieval weapon

because i really vibe with broadswords and other medieval weapons

[finite pike]

neither does the glock or tazer

[harsh knot]

for the g there's greatsword, as for the t i can't remember any medieval era weapons :(

[pure vessel]

trident?

[finite pike]

theres probably options that arent european and not as well known, but also consider: trebuchet

[harsh knot]

i considered that for a second, but that's too unwieldy in melee combat

trident i think is as close as we can get for melee weapons?

[dry swift]

Tomahawk is another one

[orchid flume]

https://twitter.com/citriccenobite_/status/1440857457069223936?s=20

plain ordinary common firg 🐸🏳️‍🌈 🌞👀 (@citriccenobite_)

susie made the shirts #deltarune #deltarunefanart

Retweets

5486

Likes

20558

Twitter · Sep 23, 2021, 1:56 AM

[civic shadow]

no not my kneecaps i need those

[harsh knot]

YO WAIT THAT'S PERFECT

[civic shadow]

I love these so much lmao

[novel parrot]

I love the kirby one the most haha

[civic shadow]

I'm definitely the little ducky

[harsh knot]

i'm 100% the frog (or toad?)

[tight inlet]

https://www.etsy.com/shop/Foxflightstudios

This is a shop that does the LGBTQ Armory stickers, pins, and patches!

Here's some of them since it didn't provide the preview, ace isn't pictured but it's an Ace Mace

[crisp tulip]

"And my axe"

[civic shadow]

Those are so cool!

[ruby garnet]

I love these! I have the ace online! I stuck it on my ukulele

[wintry monolith]

🤣 https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/570711035678425103/894630281816985620/image0.png

[orchid flume]

My gf is mad at me and giving me the silent treatment. I want to call her out on her BS but I'm refraining cause I know she wants any excuse to be mad right now.

[pastel radish]

It’s not good communication and conflict resolution to call out someone on there “bs” after they’ve been angry in a conflict, wait for the situation to diffuse, find a solution after engaging and talking and then move forward and then add critical feedback later when the original issue has been solved and communicated to a mutual understanding or it can be considered deflecting.

[orchid flume]

So basically she messaged me that she had trouble with a computer file, and since she made no attempt to show t was a big deal I was like, "Oh no... anyway so today at school." And she's been super pissed that I wasn't at all worried and I'm thinking, "any time I lose work because of the electricity going out you tell me I should save more." Like yes I should've been more concerned, but she's never stopped to worry about my computer troubles so I didn't think she'd expect me to make a big deal out of hers.

Like I get she has every reason to be upset at me, but refusing to answer my messages for a day and acting like I ignored her on purpose has me feeling like we're equally in the wrong.

[pastel radish]

So right now it’s really seemingly like an a issue in miscommunication and perception issue on both ends as you have also acknowledged both is equally in the wrong but there is a solution to the issue.

[tight inlet]

Y'all gotta communicate more openly and honestly with each other about needs, expectations, and problems. If she acted like it wasn't a problem it isn't fair for her to be upset you followed her lead/signals on that.

[pastel radish]

Yeah overall just communicate, and talk it with each other, express each other’s needs, wants expectations, boundaries, all these things.

[orchid flume]

Well I have to wait until she acta like an adult and stops ignoring me.

[civic shadow]

Did you apologize? Maybe if she sees that, she'll feel inclined to either apologize as well or stop ignoring.

[pastel radish]

So “silent treatment” isn’t necessarily a category of “childish” or “adult”behavior, it’s more so when someone feels there needs are not met, or they are upset, they rather not talk until they want to specifically talk, or they feel like the floor is open to engage so they feel safe again to speak, so I would also apologize only if it’s from the heart and sincere, not do it to just get it over with or to quell the other person. My overall other suggestion is just give each other space and come together when you both are ready.

[simple pelican]

Question for she/them’s and they/them’s, how did you figure out you liked they

*they/them and how do you tell your partner that your preferences have changed

[novel parrot]

I think most find out they like those pronouns by hearing someone referring to them using those pronouns and them liking it more than original pronouns. And Most say it just "feels right". (I hope that was some assistance.)

[novel parrot]

Just go out and tell them, they should understand if they are really made for you. They shouldnt care what pronouns you use. <3

[simple pelican]

Thank you! I’ve been thinking about going by she/they for awhile now but have been a little unsure.

[novel parrot]

Its up to you, Its your pronouns :)

[wintry monolith]

Seconding this. If I go silent, sometimes it's because I know I'm illogically pissed/on overload and don't want to open my mouth and have mean and hurtful stuff come out that I couldn't take back. And then once I feel able to calmly do so, I can bring stuff up.

[pastel radish]

Right right, which is knowing oneself and restraint when upset, you know yourself enough to go, let me not say anything until I’ve calmed down rather then say something I can never take back. And yeah I definitely agree with when everything is calm again to talk. I’m glad you also agree.

[wintry monolith]

Mhmm. It's also important to tell your partner something like "gimme an hour to cool down alone, too pissed rn" and not just ignore them.

That hurts everyone involved

[pastel radish]

Of course of course

[orchid flume]

My partner and I are both she/they's and one day she was like, "I've decided I like she/they" and I was like, "Okay Bee, this changes absolutely nothing about our relationship and how I see you but thank you for telling me, I'll make sure to keep that in mind."

I've used she/they since before we met

[gloomy tendon]

I bought my first binder a few weeks ago and I just go it today. I'm so happy 😭

[agile dove]

Eyyyy! That's great. Be sure that it fits properly (that you can get fingers inbetween the skin and binder and wiggle them without pain) and that you treat your body gently. Cornstarch can help with baby-sensitive skin if you experience chafing, and if you have any open sores or rashes that break out, take a break from it!

And of course, don't wear it to sleep, or for too long, etc.

[orchid flume]

Also only wear a couple times a week for your first few weeks

Easing into it is gentler on the body

[gloomy tendon]

thank you so much 😭

yeah i put it on to try it, it fits properly and i wore it for around 1 hour before taking it off

[agile dove]

<333

[civic shadow]

literal queen 👑
https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/05/us/transgender-homecoming-queen-florida-cec/index.html

[orchid flume]

WOO!

[civic shadow]

I love that her friends and family are all so supportive

[orchid flume]

My state doesn't suck as much as it could! Woo

[wintry monolith]

Congrats! Some starting tips for you:

If you start feeling really super lethargic and sleepy after putting it on, take it off, that means it's too small.
Always handwash, never machine.
Don't wear it when sick, you need full range of breath when not feeling well.
The 8 hour limit is a hard limit, if you go over 8 on a day, don't wear it the next day.
Make sure that chest/nips are forward, not down, you may need to correct em once you have it on.

[orchid flume]

Has anyone here heard of Public Universal Friend?

[wide steppe]

yep. what a champ

[orchid flume]

Me realizing I'm gonna have art of my original characters featured in my girlfriends tiktok which regularly gets tens of thousands of views (and occasionally goes to the millions.)

🤠

Then realizing that means I'm gonna have to play pronoun police in the comments

[tight inlet]

Some folks I've seen have had decent luck with putting a thing up of like "if you misgender these characters when the pronouns are right there you will be blocked without hesitation" but that's smth I've mostly seen from webcomic artists

[harsh knot]

ain't that a mood

[chilly river]

Such a mood. Also picking up the boxes and yeeting them

[harsh knot]

that is the perfect addition to my statement ahjghjsdfjgh

[chilly river]

That's basically what I've done. I still present as fairly femme, but my usual response to "Boy or girl" is "Gender? I never knew it."

[mental silo]

Happy Coming Out Day ❤️ 🏳️‍🌈

[iron escarp]

i was so happy to see my country was very much represented in coming out day tags online

makes me feel like maybe i can be more openly out to the world yknow

i mean the problem is that the only thing that i can really clearly be out abt is my gender cuz i honestly dont even know what my romantic identity is(im asexual) so it just sort of feels like odd

its like people know my preferred pronouns and name in some places but thats basically it for now

[dry swift]

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/648727263617220621/898761968100454440/unknown.png

[civic shadow]

Omg haha

[mellow sand]

Me waiting five years to start HRT because trans healthcare in my country is terrible.

😩

[iron escarp]

i dont even know how long i'll have to wait ughh i honestly dont rlly wanna think abt it

[harsh knot]

good

[fiery imp]

I had to reread that post like 3 times 😂

[novel parrot]

Same lmao

[novel parrot]

I hate my brain for doing this whenever i see a girl or enby that looks remotely gay.

[brazen willow]

How the dude be speaking without a jaw

[civic shadow]

LOL

[lapis furnace]

So uh, my teacher announced to the whole class that she didnt like my name and wouldnt use it, and is now calling me miss. (He/they) shes also talked to the whole class about how "pretty" my name is and how she "hates that im wasting such a nice name"

Any advice?

[chilly river]

Escalate

[lapis furnace]

Um, can you elaborate on that xD what do you mean exactly by "escalate"

I'm gonna start wearing a pronouns pin out of pettiness soon

[chilly river]

I mean take it to someone who will get your teacher to comply. She's refusing to use your names and pronouns, and expects you to take it. So don't take it, bring it up to someone with more power. Also, document and get witnesses to corroborate, so its not just a mild slap on the wrist.

[twin garden]

Depending on where you live and what kind of school you go to, the school or community as a whole may have policies or laws that just let them do that and get away with it, which really sucks (I grew up in a place like that and could have been legally expelled or fired from any jobs or denied all healthcare or much, much worse if anyone found out I was trans), but assuming this is somewhere with any kind of protections for lgbt+ folks at all, bring it up with the school administration if you can - guidance councilors, principal, whatever.

[civic shadow]

Teachers should treat everyone with dignity and respect no matter who they are.

Personal feelings and opinions should never interfere with giving students an education and making them feel safe and included.

It makes me so angry that teachers like that exist. I want to be a teacher, I feel like its really my purpose in life. Teachers were the only adults I had in my life I could talk to and feel safe with. And thats what I want to give future children. A safe place to be themselves.

And that should be every teachers goal.

[dry swift]

^

My mum is a teacher, but to put it in her words, she teaches 'the kids that the education system has failed'. The troublemakers, the drop-outs, the 'difficult ones', you know? Because yeah, some people are always going to be less enthused about school than others, but there's also the kids that had teachers that didn't care about their students.

If you're ever going to be a teacher, you can never, ever judge a student. Not religion, not race, not sexuality, not gender identity, not disability, not anything. You're supposed to be helping young people be the best versions of themselves, for themselves. Not for you.

[civic shadow]

Absolutely

[harsh knot]

yep

[brazen willow]

2 things if in the right area talk to the school, if not start using the wrong pronouns for thr teacher

[lapis furnace]

I dont want to leave anyone hanging. So, update time. I asked my choir teacher if i could come talk to her after school about issues with a teacher. I then went to english and told my teacher i wasn't okay with miss (and she was irritating about it but understood i was not budging this time.) and my choir teacher is going to go to my years' principal to try and make sure i can get through this few weeks comfortable before switching english classes at the midpoint

can always rely on my choir teacher. she's the kind of teacher i want everyone to have

[civic shadow]

Thats awesome!

[harsh knot]

Woo! Good job standing your ground!

[dry swift]

Progress!

[chilly river]

Huzzah! Well done! If your English teacher keeps doing it, try and write down or record every instance so you can have proof that you've tried this and have been ignored.

[civic shadow]

Great idea

[orchid flume]

Our Dungeon master finally got on e after three years of fighting for it. I'm so happy for her.

[harsh knot]

woo! congrats for her!

[civic shadow]

Yaaaay!!

[orchid flume]

I'm feeling awful tonight
I made a comment on a reddit thread about neo pronouns very politely educating someone who was confused (and included the fact I use they/she/fae) and people have been blowing up my inbox calling me a trans trender, mocking me, saying I'm a mockery to trans people everywhere, saying I'm a fake enby... I repeatedly explained I'm not forcing anyone to call me neo pronouns but the truescum won't stop.
Why are people so fucking awful

[mental sonnet]

That was so awful, I'm really sorry it happened to you 😢

[orchid flume]

"You're the reason transphobia exists."
Actually I'm pretty sure YOU are since you're the transphobe here.

[tight inlet]

Not much you can do except block and report them afaik, Reddit in particular is a real cesspool for that sort of behavior. They don't want to understand, your safety and comfort come first!

[iron escarp]

How can people even say such things.. really wish some people would educate themselves on our history. Neopronouns are historically attested to and even if they weren't they are still valid for so many reasons

But krobar is right, reddit is a cesspool of people that say absolute nonsense that invalidates ppls experiences and identities

Block and report them and take care of yourself

[orchid flume]

“If you don’t like she/her and have no physical dysphoria it’s internalized misogyny” was another one I heard. Great now time to call all the cishet men in my life she/her and see how they like that. /s

Besides they don’t know shit about my dysphoria

[mellow sand]

Even some trans people will find someone to be awful to. You are no less valid than any other trans person and trans people themselves should not be invalidating each other.

[orchid flume]

To lighten the subject, you ever get overly invested in arguments about the sexualities of fictional characters?
SpongeBob is aro-ace and I will take no disagreements.

[harsh knot]

i will not disagree, i agree with this

it's just right

i can't think of any characters rn because i'm super fixated on dnd stuff rn but that's always fun

[crisp tulip]

Funny enough that's currently me with a few Coral Island headcanons 🥴

[harsh knot]

Aaaaa ok so yesterday I talked to my bf about my gender identity and told him that I’m bigender and how I kinda lean in different directions sometimes. His first reaction was basically “ooooo so technically I get to say I have a gf sometimes?” and I’m just sitting here like yes, please. He then proceeded to send very validating memes and pictures of cute dresses that he wants to get for me when we move in together

[orchid flume]

Awwww

[harsh knot]

I love him so much hvgvcxcbgdddsddcc

[orchid flume]

When your bi dating a bigender person (Aka your bf)

[harsh knot]

Oh my god-

funny thing is that both him and I are ace sggdgsasfss

[orchid flume]

oH i KNOW!

I just had that meme saved up for this occasion

[harsh knot]

Asfgdvbb yes amazing

Also I hate how hard it is to keyboard mash on mobile

[orchid flume]

ME TOO!

My keyboard smashes look very... disjointed if that makes sense

[harsh knot]

Ye same, and it just doesn’t feel the same without feeling and hearing many keys being mashed

[orchid flume]

YEAH!

[harsh knot]

aaaaa I should probably go because I have a ton to do today

[orchid flume]

Okay! Goodbye and Good luck!

[harsh knot]

Aaa I can’t stop gushing how much I love my bf, like a week ago he sent me a screenshot of a dress that he wanted to get for me when we move in together. This is before I actually figured out I’m bigender and I just

[orchid flume]

THAT'S AWESOME!

[harsh knot]

Right????

[orchid flume]

YEAH

[civic shadow]

Omg its soooooo cute

[harsh knot]

Ah yes, do a skip to the end of transition by buying a shampoo bottle advertised for your desired gender. Nb people can buy any shampoo bottles (advertised for all genders or specific ones) that can describe their gender with a certain level of accuracy, though if a combination is needed then some additional currency farming may be required

[mellow sand]

Also the shampoo wasn't gendered. It was a body spray called "Flaming hot pizza for boys" and that was described as almost completely full. So it possible it is Asriel's and that it was only used once and then never thrown out.

[orchid flume]

Too late. As we know existing in the same space as mens body spray makes you a man

I live how everyone insists that Kris isn’t non-binary cause pronouns =|= gender but they would lose their shit if I called Undyne a she/her non-binary person, or Asriel a he/him lesbian

There is no confirmation of their genders any more than confirmation for Kris’ gender

[orchid flume]

https://twitter.com/citriccenobite_/status/1440857457069223936

gamer wrongs 🐸🏳️‍🌈 🌞👀 (@citriccenobite_)

susie made the shirts #deltarune #deltarunefanart

Retweets

5512

Likes

20556

Twitter · Sep 23, 2021, 1:56 AM

[harsh knot]

yes, i love that so much

[civic shadow]

Not the kneecaps

[mellow sand]

I'm certain Susie actually would.

[harsh knot]

Susie definitely would

[civic shadow]

We love Carl

[harsh knot]

Carl is :)

[orchid flume]

For a second I forgot what post I put here and instead I remembered Susie from dead by daylight

[harsh knot]

Oh my god-

Also

[civic shadow]

Ugh literally I have this problem whyyyyy

Everyone is too beautifuuuuuul

[harsh knot]

woog i've got 1 am brainrot™️ for wanting feminine clothes gjfhajdsfghkaskfh
and to think that i've actually felt like this for almost 10 years now but just suppressed these thoughts

[iron escarp]

me hopelessly in love with the little fictional queer people on my screen feels called out

ive got so much gay brainrot its got me questioning my romantic/aesthetic attraction identiy

[harsh knot]

I’ve been binge watching one topic at a time and oh my god I just saw this and this is such a mood

Normalize forging special wedding swords and/or pieces of armor

[civic shadow]

Omg sending this to the knighthood server I'm in immediately

[harsh knot]

Yessss

If things go right, lowkey might do something like this with my bf

[dry swift]

The inherent attractive appeal of swords transcends gender and sexuality. Either you can appreciate the person holding the sword (especially if it's when dueling another person you may or may not also appreciate, or having the tip of the sword under their chin), or you can appreciate the entire aesthetic of the sword. Pointy metal stick is good.

[harsh knot]

yesssss

[harsh knot]

that's a very good point

[orchid flume]

I got Xbox Live, and Halo... should I start calling people terfs if they kill me too much. /j

[harsh knot]

lol

[harsh knot]

aaa I’m copying and pasting this over from my friends’ server because I’m tired and don’t wanna type it all again but wanna share some positivity
I personally vibe very hard with this because I don’t experience a lot of dysphoria but I felt great when I referred to myself as “this gal” when I was talking to my bf yesterday. I’d get into this more but I’m tired and my brain is soupier than normal but if you’re trans and feel invalid because you don’t experience much dysphoria, please remember the wonderful feeling of being gendered properly by others. The good feelings define you, not the bad ones :)

[iron escarp]

Engagement swords :)

[iron escarp]

Tbh this kinda makes me wanna cry /pos

[harsh knot]

Big want

[civic shadow]

I wear skirts and I love the spinny and flowy

[harsh knot]

Oooooo I’m jelly

[iron escarp]

yes! i have one and a fancy suit with a long backpiece

long & flowy :)

[harsh knot]

Yoooo nice

[civic shadow]

Thats awesome

[harsh knot]

Additionally, mess with one nb and we all come to help

[civic shadow]

That is true

[harsh knot]

then there’s me, bigender, who downloaded an entire database

[civic shadow]

Omg

Those old pirating commercials are iconic

[iron escarp]

me downloading the whole gender database and feeling connected to exactly none of them

[dry swift]

Well then you call the gender manager and ask for a refund

[civic shadow]

Yooooooo my mom, for the first time ever, referred to my sisters roommate as they/them instead of he/him!! I think it was unintentional but its still huge!

She always makes a big deal about asking us what their pronouns are and has to make a comment about how she doesn't understand it 🙄

But this time she didnt!

[harsh knot]

Ok so I’m sitting in a vc with my bf and earlier I said something but my voice has been messed up from allergies. Somehow it made my voice sound feminine and I just,, I almost wanna cry because it made me feel so happy to hear my voice like that???

[civic shadow]

My city earned the highest LGBTQ+ equality score in the state!

[harsh knot]

nice!!

[harsh knot]

again, was in vc with my bf and i somehow managed to say a few things in a voice that i'm more comfortable with even though allergies have my voice all messed up. i felt so proud of myself kjhgasgfghjasdf

[orchid flume]

It's that time that pops up every few months where I wonder if I'm actually trans masc.

[civic shadow]

Oh God lmao

[harsh knot]

gfahjdfjasd that's amazing

[wintry monolith]

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/594268184165613588/914268786977276015/unknown.png

[orchid flume]

Y'all wanna hear my favorite stupid pun?

What were the chocolate bars pronouns?

Her/she

[harsh knot]

hgaghfjhgaghjdf i love those jokes

[solid quartz]

I thought you were going to say ate/them

[harsh knot]

oh my god-

[solid quartz]

Big want too. (sorry I'm catching up after a long away)

[harsh knot]

is ok! my brain rot over that coat has yet to diminish even after a week and a half

[harsh knot]

Me for years

[orchid flume]

Me trying to look cool to the aro-ace guy I recently befriended and failing at it.
Him: "Do how'd you discover Rivals of Aether?"
Me: "Cause they made that furry dating sim for April fools day... not that I play dating sims."
Him: "OH I love that dating sim, it's so funny!"

[civic shadow]

L e s b e o n s

[harsh knot]

Also! I’ve been doing a ton of thinking and I’m finally getting a better grasp on my gender identity, I don’t think I’m bigender anymore, but instead I girl. I just wanted share cause I’m super proud of myself :D

[iron escarp]

good for you /gen
getting a better grasp on your gender identity is very nice

[orchid flume]

I'm proud of you!

You're super awesome! And I'm glad you're figuring out who you really are!

[harsh knot]

yeyeye

[harsh knot]

ghfhjkaksghjhkafsd yes love that

[civic shadow]

LMAO

[tight inlet]

Saving that to my phone for later lmao

[harsh knot]

Me

[civic shadow]

Yeeees

[wintry monolith]

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/419247463334150144/921432388104495176/015ef9add73df8e17e2bbe54be3d147138a552ca.png

[twin garden]

Does the trans cookie provide any special powers or is it just an otherwise normal cookie with pride colors? Asking since I’m trying to watch my weight.

[harsh knot]

if you eat it and you're trans then it has an effect equivalent to hrt

[twin garden]

But I’m already on HRT… so I guess I can skip a dose and have a cookie instead?

Or give it to someone else who needs it?

[harsh knot]

its effect stacks with hrt, and accelerates the process with no negative downsides

also +10 health; +10 energy; and +10 to all skills

[twin garden]

Ooh! +10 to all skills and no downsides? How does one acquire such magical cookies?

[harsh knot]

i wish i knew! but i wanna eat 2 dozen of them

speedrun my transition

[twin garden]

Sounds nice. Sadly some of us need far more than a few years of HRT though, and the process is incredibly slow, especially if you're older when you start (yay for growing up in super unaccepting places with zero access to medical transition options?)

[harsh knot]

Heehoo I’ve started experimenting with my name lately and I made a meme for the one that I’m trying for now

[harsh knot]

My sister and I are both trans, guess we’re

transistors

[civic shadow]

I-

[wintry monolith]

Heheheheh

[orchid flume]

I LOVE THAT!

Yuria is a lovely name!

[harsh knot]

thank youuuu!

ye i was talking to my bf, who came up with another really good one (he thought of Ophelia which hgfhjkahgjfsd i struggled to decide between that and Yuria) and i just randomly thought about this one dark souls 3 character whose name i haven't stopped thinking about since i read it 5 years ago and said "yo wouldn't it be rad if i was named Yuria?"

and after like 3 weeks of struggling to choose, i stole the fictional character's name

[orchid flume]

TBH, MOST of the trans people I know stole their name from somewhere.

Like my DM's GF Celeste. Named after the video game.

TBH, I'm still figuring out my gender, but I know whatever it is I will keep the name Alex.
Cause it swings each way and I like it.

[harsh knot]

yeee

[orchid flume]

Though I have considered taking a second name which I stole from critical role.

[harsh knot]

oo?

[orchid flume]

Percy/Percival. What pronouns and titles go with it don't even matter. I just LIKE IT.

[harsh knot]

ooooo yeah that's a good one

[civic shadow]

Ooo I love the name Percy

[twin garden]

I’ve basically encountered 4 main processes for choosing a name: 1. I used the name my parents would have given me if I’d been assigned a different gender at birth. 2. I picked a variation of my birth name that better fits my gender. 3. I looked up common baby names from the year I was born and picked one that fit. 4. I chose my name based on a fictional character or some thing or concept I identify with.

In the course of picking my (hopefully) final name, I started with what my parents were going to name me (they were actually expecting a girl and told me when I was little what they’d planned to name me) and had actually used that online and in games and stuff for over a decade before I accepted that I might be trans, then picked a common name from the year I was born that I liked, then finally did a variation on the name of a fictional character I identified with. It was certainly a process and I tried names with friends and coworkers I trusted till I landed on the one I stuck with.

[iron escarp]

i wish i could pick a name

like bc i never actually connected to my birthname regardless of me being trans

so i wanted to find a name i felt a connection to and ive still not found one like that

[harsh knot]

Ok so basically I had zero idea that Lena Raine is trans and I just, she’s so cool!! I kept seeing her in trans memes and I thought to myself “hmm, she’s in a lot of these memes maybe I should look this up” and hfvbvvbgbbgvbngcch

[orchid flume]

I think Maddy Thorson had the ultimate powermove when she came out as trans and announced she was naming herself after the protagonist of her own game.

#girlboss

[harsh knot]

yeeeee

[harsh knot]

Heehoo I wish I could wear the Christmas dress

[iron escarp]

That's such a pretty dress

I'm wearing my victorian goth clothes for christmas

[orchid flume]

Thinking about the fact A Series of Unfortunate Events of all things has a non-binary character

The first book dropped in 1999

And they've been there since the beginning.
(Though, it wasn't til the 2010's where they were confirmed non-binary.)

"The one who looks like neither a man nor a woman" in the books and "the henchperson of indeterminate gender," in the TV show and movie.

They're a villain (and their portrayal in the book wasn't great with the narrative only referring to them as "he and/or she," or "it." Though in the TVshow they changed their pronouns to be they/them and confirmed they're agender.

[civic shadow]

Hell yeah

I never actually knew that!

[dry swift]

The guy behind Lemony Snicket (aka, Daniel Handler, the actual author) has done a whole lot of stuff to make references to minorities. E.G., Isadora Quagmire is named after Isadora Duncan, a famously bisexual dancer, and when she tells the Baudelaires about her poetry, Sunny specifically says 'Sappho' - referencing, obviously, the famous Sappho of Lesbos.

There's also Sir and Charles, who Sir refers to as his 'partner', which the Baudelaires assume is partner in business, and that his job is to iron Sir's shirts and make him omelettes. And then later on, in the hotel, they're sharing a room, wearing matching pyjamas and when the hotel is on fire, are holding hands to not lose each other. (And also, in 'The Beatrice Letters', there is a possible reference: Lemony Snicket writes 'I will love you until C. Charles? realises that S. Sir? is not worthy of his love.')

And last but not least, from the man himself:

The obvious issue is that Dan's stories are ostensibly children's books, and set in a not-very-progressive time. Neither of which typically contribute well to having openly queer characters. Since many people in the book's setting (if not the main cast) would have negative opinions of queerness, and also, because if he tried to publish it in a children's book, he'd receive a horde of negative backlash from publishers to scared to risk a handful of pennies, parents worried it'll make their kids gay or some other ridiculous things, and so on

But he does a lot of stuff, and I really like him for that, even if I have a hard time with his writing style 😅

Sorry, you unlocked my rant-mode

[orchid flume]

No no, I love hearing rants about a Series of Unfortunate Events.

I love the fact in the Netflix adaptation Count Olaf respects the Henchperson’s pronouns.

Like he’s trying to murder the orphans and take their fortune, but he’s not transphobic.

[dry swift]

I mean, yeah. Likely, there is a part of that which comes down to multiple members of the cast being LGBTQ (namely, the villain himself, Count Olaf, being played by a well-known gay actor), and I admittedly have no idea if the Henchperson is played by a cisgendered person or not, but there's still the evidence there.

Of course, I haven't watched the series (I have a long list of things to watch...), but I know that it is simultaneously more open about some of the mysteries, and more obtuse. And that one thing that might not have been mentioned in the series is V.F.D.s long history of, well, 'kidnapping with parental consent', to a point. And then betraying parents if they're rich, in order to get a loyal child that will use their fortune to help fund the organisation. (The Snickets and Count Olaf are referenced as having this happen to them in the books and such, according to the internet.) Also, Kit and Jacques are twins and are older than Lemony, but the adaptation has him as older and them as younger, and in the books, there's evidence to suggest that they know their parent's faces but he does not. But that's veering off topic, so I'll stop the rant on how intricate the story is for now and just say:

Thanks, Daniel Handler, for making your stories great.

[orchid flume]

I'm sorry :(

[civic shadow]

My mom @ my sister's roommate. Its not that hard to say "they"

She's always like "he, she, i don't know what they are." Like...you've been told multiple times they go by they/them

[umbral arrow]

Your mom literally said it just fine too 💀

Why go through all the braincell siphoning just to be able to say they

[civic shadow]

Legit

[harsh knot]

Me

[orchid flume]

Fjfnnfnfnnf
Did y’all know Falco is canon aroace?

[harsh knot]

yooooo i never knew that but i love that

[orchid flume]

This comic is from the 90’s btw, and his lack of interest in anyone has been consistent ever since.

[harsh knot]

amazing

[civic shadow]

Iconic

[granite forum]

i wish my mother would use they them pronouns for me instead of just he him, i'm glad she's accepting and is using he him pronouns for me now but she is really confused on how to use they them pronouns

in our language the only time you would ever use they/them would be when referring to royalty or elderly people to be respectful, there isn't really a 'oh someone left their purse, i will leave it at the police so that they can come and get it' in my language :/

idk what to do as i prefer they/them more than he/him

[civic shadow]

I think this is less unacceptance and more language barrier. Maybe have a conversation with her and see if there's a word yall can use to compromise

[orchid flume]

My gf said something that made me uncomfortable today, but I don't wanna tell her cause we just had a chat about not walking around eggshells with each other.

So she invited me to her DnD group, and because the DM just had an ugly breakup with someone named Alex my gf said she was gonna call me Al. I told her not to, and everyone ended up picking a name option I don't like.

My name is something I'm very particular about. The reason I like Alex as a name so much is it's perfectly non gendered.

I said Percy worked as an alternative, but the group didn't like it. So I got a feminine variation of Alex.

[harsh knot]

sorry friend

[civic shadow]

I understand not wanting to tell her she made you uncomfortable. No one likes confrontation. No one likes being uncomfortable. Trust me, I do EVERYTHING I can to avoid putting myself in situations where myself and others might feel uncomfortable. But sometimes you have to put yourself in that situation. I think you need to have a conversation with her. It doesn't have to be super serious but make sure she knows how you feel.

[pastel radish]

^ I agree with above statements of you have to have that discussion with her, as avoiding it does damage to your own mental wellness and well-being in not confronting/addressing something that harmed you. I wish you nothing but care as you give feedback and is met with gentle solutions.

[orchid flume]

https://out.reddit.com/t3_s35lwg?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FgPrgCMc.jpg&token=AQAAW8LgYbjiFD4UUPs-W_KYLEHeXAEHmaf3MnXB8-RdIrH3XHkV&app_name=mweb

[harsh knot]

Exaaaaactly, I’m real weak and I’m not even on hrt yet

[orchid flume]

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/554830875284602891/931744580628545576/unknown.png

Trans masc speedrun. Any%

[harsh knot]

yes

[orchid flume]

Shit wrong image

[harsh knot]

that makes more sense

[orchid flume]

That ones too funny to delete tho

[harsh knot]

ye

[orchid flume]

I think Metapod would be just as good.

[harsh knot]

yes!

[civic shadow]

These memes are iconic

[orchid flume]

Still totally not trans masc tho <3

[orchid flume]

You are totally trans enough to be trans

[harsh knot]

yeeee

[orchid flume]

I just keep hoping that I’m not trans masc so I don’t have to come out.

I wish to live in that closet so hard I’m in narnia.

[harsh knot]

literally got just a huge urge to paint my nails earlier today but i gotta stay closeted for my safety but, if ever the opportunity arises and i'm safe to do so, y'all know imma get my nails painted in the trans flag colors

[civic shadow]

You cannot paint your nails?

[harsh knot]

nope, i'm not out to my parents for a few reasons and they'd frown on it very deeply if they found out

[orchid flume]

Would clear nail polish help at all?

Might be good practice at least

[harsh knot]

True

And I’ve thought about it and my best opportunity is most likely just while I’m home alone

[civic shadow]

I still find it weird that nail painting makes you gay or queer or something. Nail polish is for everyone, regardless of sexual preference or identity

[orchid flume]

I think I lost braincells due to an argument with my sister.

So basically my friends and I are making a comic, and one character comes from a homophobic family and finds himself having to come to terms with his sexuality when he starts developing feelings for his coworker (ftm.)
My friend and I were making ship art being like, “that’s pretty gay.” My sister then came to the defense of the characters fragile heterosexuality when she said a trans man and a cis man isn’t gay in that case.

So I talked it through her and it was
Cis man and trans woman. Straight.
Cis girl and trans girl. Lesbian
Cis man and trans man… also straight apparently.

I can excuse transphobia, but I draw the line at inconsistency. /j

[harsh knot]

huh

[orchid flume]

The mental gymnastics she went through could win a gold medal.

Weirder still, that sister is bi.
My sister who’s cishet (aspec, but she says it doesn’t count cause she has a boyfriend) agrees that a cis man and trans man are gay.

“So he may not see them as a man, he may see them as something else.”
“No, he sees them as the gender they are.”
“Well they haven’t transitioned physically”
“Yes they have.”
“Well, loving a pre everything trans woman doesn’t make a guy gay.”
“That’s cause she’s a woman.”

[orchid flume]

My sister

[harsh knot]

oop-

[orchid flume]

My gf just left me.

She found out she’s aro and decided it wouldn’t work out.

[harsh knot]

Oh, I don’t know how to respond to this but are hugs welcome?

[orchid flume]

Yeah

[harsh knot]

🫂

[civic shadow]

I'm so sorry to hear that. 🫂

[orchid flume]

Does anyone have any tv/movie recommendations with no romance at all. I don’t wanna have to think about that right now.

[harsh knot]

Sorry, I don’t know any tv recommendations, but I know some games without romance! Some that come to mind are inscryption, destiny 2, risk of rain 2, noita, deep rock galactic and actually most roguelikes and roguelites don’t have elements of romance

Oo and I’d be happy to play any of the multiplayer ones sometime!

[uneven oracle]

Movies: Mad Max Fury Road, Big Hero 6, Pan's Labyrinth, Moon, Tropic Thunder, Shawshank Redemption, Alien, Kung-Fu Panda, Inside Out, School of Rock

Shows: Hilda, Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts, Mandalorian, Silicon Valley, Full Metal Alchemist, Trigun, Pokemon... I promise I am an adult

[orchid flume]

It’s alright, I like those kinds of shows too!

[harsh knot]

Ooo full metal alchemist

[orchid flume]

Well romance isn’t the primary focus but it is present throughout. I don’t mind though, I got over the relationship in record speed.

[harsh knot]

nice

[brazen willow]

Infinity train at least when I was watching it I never got romance vibes from the first 3 books (tho one could argue and I'd agree that book 4 is gay)

Oh wait duhh right

Yeah nvm nvm nvm it's not a good choice for that for spoiler reasons (at least book 1 but you need to watch em in order so)

[orchid flume]

Nah. I’m back to normal. I speedran my breakup grief like no other. I wasn’t happy in the relationship. So it’s a good thing this happened.

[dry swift]

Oh it definitely has queer themes, no matter what.

It's literally about hiding who you really are, which is something a lot of LGBTQ+ people have to deal with

[harsh knot]

Ye

[orchid flume]

I thought gay. But trans works too

The story was just queer allegory

[harsh knot]

ye

[orchid flume]

Me applying for jobs like: "It's a me your local totally cishet girl here!"

[civic shadow]

If only people actually followed the nondiscriminatory laws 🥲

(In the USA. I'm not sure about other countries' laws)

[twin garden]

Unfortunately, in much of the USA it’s perfectly legal to deny people housing, health care, school, jobs, etc. if they’re LGBT. There are more places with protections these days but it’s not country-wide by any means. And even in places with protections they can be very hard to enforce since many schools and work places can basically fire or expel you for any reason or no reason at all, and they never have to disclose why they did it.

[true shore]

Hey im gay and i was a big part of our community in my city but because of depressions and corona im since 3-4 years out and now I have some trouble with all the pronouns. Because I am a little bit scared to say the wrong things. What you all think about this?(Sorry about my bad English)

[civic shadow]

The fact that you asked shows you're willing to learn and that's great!

Don't worry about saying the wrong thing. As long as you're not rude, mean, or offensive, someone will correct you and you'll learn for next time 😄

Making mistakes is a part of learning!

[true shore]

Thank you 🙏

[harsh knot]

Mhmm! It’s a lot of trial and error, but when you get it, it’ll make someone’s day

[orchid flume]

It’s just ran into a one year olf reddit post that was, “I’m a cis gay boy, I just like being called a girl, don’t like using he/him pronouns (she/her) and like wearing dresses and putting on makeup. I’m positive I’m not trans, is this normal?”

Then I clicked on the profile and it said, “she/her xe/xem. Trans lesbian.”

Good for her! Being a lesbian was quite the surprise though.

[harsh knot]

Sggcbgbnvhvv good for her!! I was relatively the same way before I realized I was trans lol

Dgvcbghbvgb ok so I used to go to the nail salon with my mom when I was little and I’d get polish on my nails, but I wanted the colors too and never spoke up

I also always wanted to wear little bows or those poofy dresses-

[orchid flume]

Well what's stopping you now?

[harsh knot]

mm, prolly having to stay closeted

[orchid flume]

Oh yeah...

[harsh knot]

yeahhh, but on the bright side!! i might! get a dress!! from my bf!!

and i know exactly where to keep it!!

oh some bad news though, i've been wanting to start voice training but my vocal cords have been not very fit for that, so i'm not even trying yet because i don't wanna hurt myself

but, also, when i'm done being sick and all, i gonna start asap!

[orchid flume]

I'm flexing for you!

[harsh knot]

Yeye

Oo I forgot to send pictures of the stuff I got!

This!

[orchid flume]

Excellent :D

[harsh knot]

yeye!!

[harsh knot]

With great pleasure I announce that I just tried lip gloss for the first time and it felt very right

And it washed off properly!!

[orchid flume]

WOO!

[harsh knot]

yeee!!

[civic shadow]

Omg lip gloss I love

I have so many glosses and liquid lips and I'm obsessed

[harsh knot]

Yes!! Ok I legit cried when I looked in the mirror because euphoria go brr

[cold halo]

fellas, is it weird to have a lot of physical dysphoria but have barely any social dysphoria

[harsh knot]

No not really, I’m kinda in the same boat

[cold halo]

that is refreshing to hear because it took me 10 trillion years to realise i was trans as a result of having almost no social dysphoria

[harsh knot]

Oof

[orchid flume]

I love your pfp Yuria!

[harsh knot]

Thanks!! My bf made it for me yesterday and I loved it so much

That’s like, the 6th time someone’s complimented it afhfgbggngfv

And the funny thing is that I’d actually look vaguely like it if I could grow my hair out so realistic transition goals cfgfhugfhhfvbb

Actually not vaguely, I’d look a lot like it

[orchid flume]

Is EF in your status a typo?

[harsh knot]

huh

[orchid flume]

You go girl!

[harsh knot]

No, he’s demiboy and I’m trying to use gender neutral terms more, they’ve told me that it feels good to be referred to with terms like that

Ef I think stands for enbyfriend?

[orchid flume]

Ah! Gotcha!

[harsh knot]

Ye, I hope I’m doing it right

[orchid flume]

With a fair number of non-binary terminology there's a lot of conflicting terms so there's that.

My personal favorite non-binary replacement for gf/gf is jf. Joyfriend. Though I prefer to be called partner when it comes to my relationships, but everyone's different.

I HATE the replacement terms for uncle/aunt so I call myself, my nephew's "aunt and/or uncle."

[harsh knot]

Ye, he’s told me that their order of preference is bf > ef > partner

[orchid flume]

Good good!

But yeah. I dislike any of the nonbinary replacements for aunt or uncle.
They're Untie, Auncle, stuff like that. Just mashes between the words. I don't like em, so that's a weird position as someone who has a nephew.

[harsh knot]

Oh yeah gross

Just really difficult or ugly sounding words there

But yeee it’s confusing to me but just, so so worth it when they express that it makes them feel good

[bleak lodge]

As a funny, one of my friends affectionately calls my sibling, "Ankle"

[harsh knot]

Aw

[bleak lodge]

Yeah, their full title is "Ankle Moss"

[harsh knot]

:00 moss

[bleak lodge]

That's my lil sib's name.

[harsh knot]

Love that

[orchid flume]

Awwww

[bleak lodge]

They're agender, and wanted an earthy name.

[orchid flume]

That's cool!

[harsh knot]

Yee!! Love that name

[orchid flume]

I'm in gender questioning hell atm

You know what let me update my server name real quick

Viola

[harsh knot]

:00 oh nice!

[orchid flume]

Did I steal the name Percy from Critical Role... perhaps

[harsh knot]

Mood

I personally stole my name from a ds3 npc-

[orchid flume]

Did you steal the name Yuria from dark souls? Pe-
HA

Also Percy Jackson is also cool.
But I'm definitely a Percival rather than a Perseus

[harsh knot]

Yee, I think Percival fits!

[orchid flume]

You know Yuria, I had a friend who went down the same path as you, when it comes to being trans.
He identified as bigender for a while then one day he was like, "I'm actually a trans guy, my name is Ren, and I use he/him."
And everyone was like, "Glad you found yourself. We're proud."

[harsh knot]

Aww

[orchid flume]

Actually he uses he/they

[harsh knot]

Oo

Ye I think my egg was still very much cracking when I thought I was bigender

[bleak lodge]

I had a genderfluid phase.

[harsh knot]

And I 100% still like some traditionally masc things, but I do not feel any connection to my agab

[orchid flume]

I've given up defining my gender.
I thought I was gender fae but then I kinda realized I didn't particularly like referring to myself as a girl so. 🤷

[harsh knot]

Also, swords and armor should not be gendered that’s my hot take-

Also understandable

[orchid flume]

I agree!

A few months ago I got annoyed at someone gendering compliments at my cat.

"He's so pretty! Wait he's a boy, I mean he's so handsome."
"Ma'am, he's a cat. He doesn't care, he also is pretty, and handsome."

[harsh knot]

Also gosh the thing that made my egg crack still gets me, literally this exact dress
https://nerdykeppie.com/collections/dresses-with-pockets/products/asexual-pride-science-knee-length-skater-dress-with-pockets

Also mhmm mhmm, and boys can be pretty, girls can be handsome too

Beauty and handsomeness are about vibes, not gender

Same with androgyny

Actually all compliments

[orchid flume]

Yeah!

[harsh knot]

I personally love being called pretty or cute and I melt every time I do get called that

Who would win:
My egg
OR
A cute looking dress

[orchid flume]

Oh looks like Yuria's gender in evolving!

[harsh knot]

Oop wait no I’m not questioning ack-

[orchid flume]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vf9dmsnOKhI

[harsh knot]

Ok literally my favorite Pokémon is sylveon and I always feel called out-

[orchid flume]

Well I picked Sylveon cause trans colors so...
Guess I'm psychic

[harsh knot]

Ah, oooo there’s also hatterene

[orchid flume]

Oh yeah! I forgot.

Still Sylveon best Eeveelution

[harsh knot]

Fax!

Also imma be real, I prefer the standard sylveon over the shiny

[civic shadow]

I quite like Leafeon, Flareon, and Jolteon.

[orchid flume]

Me too!

[orchid flume]

The classics

[harsh knot]

I

Wore a towel like a skirt earlier, and it made me cry very happy tears

[civic shadow]

Yesssss

[harsh knot]

I don’t know how exactly to describe what it felt like?

[iron escarp]

it could be gender/presentation euphoria of some kind?

[harsh knot]

i guess? either way, it felt so good and i cannot wait to do more things like that

[twin garden]

Reminds me of my teenage years. You can also turn bed sheets into nice wrap skirts - just fold them to decide the length, wrap around, and then tuck the end at the waist. Useful for when you're home alone if you have a family that wouldn't be accepting otherwise.

[harsh knot]

Ooo I’m gonna have to try that

[twin garden]

I also use to make little bits of simple jewelry for myself out of yarn and things - like just a bracelet or necklace or something. Stuff that can easily be hidden or destroyed/disposed of if there's a risk of it being found with minimal money lost.

I, uh, spent a lot of years in denial or just flat out didn't even know trans people existed due to lack of internet/media access and a really conservative religious upbringing. I... got creative.