🌈lgbtq

[fading sundial]

I've always had that ability so maybe that's why people didn't come at me too often

I'm from the southern US so I was always ready for someone ignorant to come at me sideways

[heavy heron]

I'm the redhead here... 11 years ago. How anyone thought I was straight is beyond me, actually.

Going out? Khaki top and jeans okay

[open edge]

Screams gay from miles away

[heavy heron]

A very straight girl and her mother.

[open edge]

DOOGDDOGsgogodhpdhñ

[heavy heron]

Hey that's totally straight vibes I swear

Also only child single parent people are too similar

My mother collected wayward gays

[fading sundial]

Single parent/only child is always going to be unmatched power

[heavy heron]

At least I know what I'll look like when I'm older 😂

Anyway I have some chores and have been vain enough already today bahaha

[pure oxide]

You're both way too cute!

[shy spire]

Ah I see we're collectively being gay for Inju again xD
no problems detected

[heavy heron]

😂

[austere turtle]

What do you mean again? You stopped? Ha! Pathetic 😼

[heavy heron]

https://tenor.com/view/blushing-doggo-shiba-cute-embarrased-gif-10296487

[heavy heron]

I wanted to throw a few in but I started to circle all of them and...

Just gimme all of them

if they're related then I'm besties with whoever I don't marry

[shy spire]

yep, that checks out, basically me xD

[blissful granite]

Not gonna lie, all the ones that don't have lines are all the ones I'm interested in XD

[heavy heron]

Yeah Pablo/Kenny/Surya will be who I go for on my more... straight days lmao

Rafael, too.

He reminds me of my partner heh

[blissful granite]

I'm just gonna romance them all and see which one i like most.

[heavy heron]

Yeah it's all personality, really

Leah seems really intimidating but I'm maybe a bit too into that >.>

[open edge]

i just
Theo
Raplael
Agung
Kenny
Noah
Pablo probably? i need to meet him first

[blissful granite]

I enjoyed romancing every character in SDV so I'll probably do that here.
Except Haley & Shane, personally.
I'm turned off by personalities that immediately dismiss you when you meet them.

I can understand the nervous characters but the dialogue with meeting them was just... mean.

[shy spire]

oops its me

[heavy heron]

https://tenor.com/view/embarrassed-flushed-flushing-humiliated-reddening-gif-16038270

[austere turtle]

Bom chicka wow wow

[proper knot]

Inju

wish we had met at uni
you'd have had a blast at winch creative writing society

[heavy heron]

... Winchester?

That's up the road :^)

[proper knot]

ey

sadly not there anymore

but we had a gay ass time 😛

[shrewd wasp]

let the fanfic writing commence

[shy spire]

👀 are you starting one?

[shrewd wasp]

hahaah naah, my writings days are on hold

[shy spire]

f*** i keep getting my hopes up xD there was only so much wlw SDV stuff

[silver bay]

I mean, we could start a fanfic writing club here.

[idle bane]

fanfic writing club exclusively in the gay channel

i'll start with my gay and trans a court of thorns and roses coffeeshop au

[silver bay]

I can join with my aro Max/ ace Isaac from Paranatural AU.

[pulsar pendant]

👀

[silver bay]

(Are those eyes for Paranatural, Court of Thorns and Roses, or fanfic club?)

[shy spire]

Not to derail because YES WRITING CLUB, but yall. The new Harvest Moon that came out TODAY in 2021. Still does not have same gender marriage xD. Im so glad we have CI like damn xD

[humble tusk]

my biromantic ass wants all the options wth

[silver bay]

No worry, because that is quite obviously a crime!

[austere turtle]

Court of throsn and roses...that is a...wow...that's a spicy topic xD

[idle bane]

reading it i was like "wow, sj mass has really taken EVERY opportunity to make sure that none of these characters can be mistaken for being gay"

and i said "so what if ignore that completely and spitewrite two gay epics"

[austere turtle]

Really? THAT was your biggest problem? xD

[idle bane]

i've only read the first so far lmao

[austere turtle]

....the sins in the first book alone is just...by the gods xD

[idle bane]

it's a good book if you ignore literally everything about feyre XD

[austere turtle]

Well...since the first book mostlys contains stuff about her...that's not much left xD

[idle bane]

and in my fic feyre is a trans man named ciarán who actually has a personality and falls for lucien

[austere turtle]

And you do know Morrigan is gay right?

[humble tusk]

idk the books but that fanfic sounds 👀 amazing

[idle bane]

i don't think that's a character i've met yet

[proper knot]

I co-write fanfic

[austere turtle]

Morrigan is Rhysands best friend and I'm pretty sure his cousin...

[idle bane]

yeah, doesn't show up in the first book

[austere turtle]

ok then I won't spoil you xD

[idle bane]

also at this point in my life i don't give ya authors credit for including one gay side character

(or two, if there's a relationship)

[umbral sigil]

Please spoil mark your spoilers!

[austere turtle]

woosh gone

won't happen again

let's just say, the first book is so absolutely problematic...even without the whole gayness inclusion thing

[silver bay]

So, what you're saying is I should read your fanfic but not actually touch the series.

[austere turtle]

sigh How do you make spoiler bars? xD

[open edge]

|| on each side

[austere turtle]

Alrighty xD Thanks...

[open edge]

Yw

[idle bane]

::3
what im hearing is i should absolutely post my fanfic once the first chapter is up

[austere turtle]

Shoot what about trigger warnings?! ARGH how do I do this...

[silver bay]

Yes! I vote we all share lgbtq+ fanfics here.

[austere turtle]

Let's just say, I'm a fully grown adult male with little to no shame and THAT book...made me blast it into a corner.

[proper knot]

unfortunately, despite being LGBTQIA+, I don't write as such

but i welcome you peeps to 😛

[hidden nexus]

in terms of like, queer media, i had a bunch of ppl rec me fiction with lgbtq characters and joined a book club so i've read 40 but have like 70 i havent read

also, check out butterfly soup, it's a free visual novel, it's about gay asian highschool girls playing baseball and made me so happy, i cried

[idle bane]

ooooo
I've been trying to find an online bookclub

[jaunty plume]

https://twitter.com/KarenTangMD/status/1365497876391075840?s=19

Miss ma'am did NOT come to play

GynoMite (@KarenTangMD)

We DO "trust the science." So we understand that even biological sex can be non-binary, and that doesn't begin to touch on the complexity of gender identity. Please leave 'science' out of hurtful and inaccurate political statements!

#MedTwitter #transgender #genderfluid https://t.co/SMwJwCbdRd

Retweets

1230

Likes

3607

▶ Play video

Twitter · Feb 27, 2021, 3:03 AM

[heavy heron]

Tbh I technically live in Portsmouth but I scurried away to London after the first 8 months of sad, sad, lonely lockdown.

[icy abyss]

Hi all, my name's Grace and I just wanted to pop in and ask

If any of y'all would be interested in lgbtq mods (far far in the future)

[open edge]

I would definitely be interested

[idle bane]

what would that look like in a playersexual game?

[blissful granite]

can you please elaborate on this?

[open edge]

well an lgbt mod that is def a big interest of the comunity atm is the poly mod since it will probably nto be a thing in the main game at least for now

another one would likely be more player models (for more androgynous body types) since at least for now there's not exactly that big of a variety

[rigid torrent]

I'm interested, just not sure what exactly it'd entail for a game that's already so good about diversity and not doing that "only straight people exist" bs

(or worse, when characters have canon sexualities but they're Wrong)

[open edge]

Well lgbt is a lot more than gay/bi/pan (as the two ideas mentioned above) so there's still a lot that can be done

[rigid torrent]

(looking at you, fire emblem three houses, for making the most overt lesbians I've ever seen only be romanceable as a male character)

[open edge]

(wow that is just cruel lmao)

[rigid torrent]

Yeah, I'm just trying to think of what can be done beyond gayness and being able to be nonbinary cus it's late and my dumb brain doesn't know what else there is

[open edge]

yeahh

I can only think of poly and variety of bodies (bc androginy is a big part of my identity for example) but there's probably more i cant think abt now

[rigid torrent]

Maybe stuff like dialogue differing if you're playing with feminine pronouns and romancing a girl vs. masculine pronouns or something??? I did see some criticism in stardew about the fact that nothing really changes whatsoever when you're romancing different characters

[open edge]

Ehh i dont think that'd be really necessary?
Like pronouns are just that, pronouns
dont think romancing a he/him would differ much from a they/them or a she/her

[rigid torrent]

Idk lol, just throwing ideas out there

[cursive yacht]

yesss.. yes yes yes

I want to see trans characters and a nonbinary romanceable option sm

[open edge]

There are

[cursive yacht]

I know Dippa is nb

But they aren’t romanceable

[open edge]

i thought there was a nb romanceable?

[cursive yacht]

not afaik but I could be wrong. would like source if u could find it!!

[open edge]

i can go look at the meet the romanceables stuff

lemme look

apparently i was wrong at least pronoun-wise

was pretty sure one of the fem-presenting romanceables was they/Them

Guess i confused them with dippa

[shy spire]

I'm also interested, if you could elaborate on your plans ^^ what mods did you author for stardew?

[simple yoke]

you say this and my brain jumps to "mod that makes it so u can only romance the npcs if ur farmer's gender matches their orientation"

which seems a very silly and countterproductive mod, and also one that would get argued over a lot bc everyone has their own hcs about just where each character falls under the rainbow

im all for poly mod tho, considering looking for an sdv one so next playthrough i can romance shane and emily

[open edge]

poly mod and gosh a mod to have an androgynous body will bring me joy like seriously it's my goal

[blissful granite]

I'm probably stick with monogamy relationships, that way I can play the game over and over with different results. 🙂 It gave me reason to start over in SDV, do stuff a lot differently than I did the first time around.

"Why yes I'll fund that greedy Joja Mart, tyvm"

[knotty kindle]

poly mod is absolute goals tbh!! I think there is already one for sdv although I haven't tried it yet, would love to see one for coral island too

[knotty palm]

ohh yeah my friend was asking about that

[runic rampart]

A qp relationship would be cute

[knotty kindle]

oh yeah that would be great!

[faint venture]

I'd love that

[median wasp]

Poly mod would be fire 😩

Anyone has the link for the poly mod for SDV pls ?

[heavy heron]

I have a bit of a 'fixer' complex so a poly mod would enable me to collect all of them and we'll all just pile up in a big pillow fort and be happy

it's also why in SDV I gravitated towards Seb/Shane/Penny/Leah 😅

[silver bay]

Ok, random idea for a way to implement poly in a game. First you have to marry someone, though you can date multiple people at once. After you marry someone all other bachelors and bachelorettes get a secondary heart line thing, that's I dunno, four hearts or something. You then have to gain these four hearts with this person, and they fill semi-normally, maybe with some exceptions. This is their relationship with your current spouse. Once all the hearts needed to marry them normally and extra spouse hearts are filled, you can marry them as well.

[chilly river]

SDV polyam mod is called Multiple Spouses and can be found on Nexus Mods 83

[obsidian pebble]

The polymod in My Time At Portia has some weirdness to it. Especially because playdates with partners mean every morning 1-3 people might be waiting to talk to you outside your house to ask you out. Which, you know, polysaturation is a thing.

[heavy heron]

I dunno I wouldn't mind having a queue form outside my house some mornings

[obsidian pebble]

Depends on the day.

[icy abyss]

what do you mean by playsexual? like nsfw mods?

[idle bane]

playersexual means that the characters are romanceable regardless of the player's gender

like in stardew valley or CI

your mileage may vary on whether u consider that queer rep or not

[icy abyss]

i guess it really depends on how to vanilla game plays out, but for me in stardew valley i noticed there were a lot of mods that enhanced the marriage dialogues and had extra events that were either 1. vague in differentiation of gay/straight relationship or 2. hetero focused

and for nsfw mods, it was only hetero

[blissful granite]

oh okay

[icy abyss]

i'm not really looking to make any nsfw mods unless someone were to collab

[rugged glade]

I feel like the playersexual concept is an easy way to avoid outward representation, which doesn’t sit too well with me. I’d much rather the characters have their own identities, even if that means they’re all bisexual or pansexual or something haha.

[icy abyss]

but what i had wanted to see in sdv mods were events that highlighted same sex relationship type dialogue/events

[blissful granite]

Alex was probably the only person who acknowledged you as a guy, so I can see that.

[idle bane]

i agree, while i enjoy playersexual from a player perspective, i don't consider it "real" representation, rather it's a neat sandbox tool

[icy abyss]

and alex was the only one that really struggled (somewhat) with it too

[timid bane]

iirc the playersexual thing in stardew handled a few relationships as being like "this character thought they were straight until the player started romancing them and now they're re-evaluating"

[icy abyss]

i mean there was abigail too really but the heart events did not coincide with you dating her lmao

[idle bane]

one thing that really hurt me re: SDV is that the bathing suit was gender/sex locked
I tend to play ""female"" characters that present masc in rps bc i like romancing guys and that's just a nice way for me to express my gender identity
and it was like, tantamount to misgendering when i entered the bath and was suddenly in a bikini and a character called me "ms."

[timid bane]

with the notable exception of Leah, who's still playersexual but is less 'possibly bi if it comes up' and more Schrodinger's Sexuality—she has an ex, and that ex will always be the same gender as the player, so if the player is female she's a Known Gay

[rugged glade]

Oh, I didn’t know Leah’s ex changes based on the player. Interesting.

[blissful granite]

huh

that's a nice little acknowledgment at least

[supple brook]

Abby says that it's her first time with a girl and she didn't know she likes girls that way too

[timid bane]

it's a neat take on the playersexual idea without defaulting to 'everyone is bi, they just might not know it yet'

[supple brook]

Honestly in games like this it doesn't bother me too much

[blissful granite]

Also now that I know you can make mods, you're now my best friend. ❤️

[supple brook]

It allows you to have your own headcannons for characters and stuff

[blissful granite]

i am god awful with coding but i'm an award-winning editor and copywriter, so if you need text, i can make text ^_^

[wanton magnet]

I've been headcanoning my farmer as aro/ace but knowing that Alex like.... Re-evaluates his sexuality if you selected the male farmer option kiiiiind of makes me want to romance but also I thought he was a teenager so it makes me squicky

[blissful granite]

Nah I know football bros in their late 40s, it's a forever thing sometmies

[rugged glade]

I also got “you seem young” vibes from him, Abigail, and Haley. I get what you mean. But they’re all adults, I guess just written in ways we’d generally pick up as younger.

[blissful granite]

I assumed he was like college varsity

[supple brook]

I think he's in his early 20s

[rugged glade]

I think college/early 20s is right

Oh, yeah lol

[blissful granite]

Harvey feels like he's in his 40s at times

[rugged glade]

Those estimates are from steam community, so from users? Or from the developer?

[wanton magnet]

That makes sense. I mean I doubt they'd have you romance a teenager so yeah XD good to know.

[blissful granite]

Won't knock SDV because I think it's a masterpiece, but the writing could have been better to establish that the characters were the same age as the player.

It's super easy to project on to your character, it takes very little effort to establish that someone's your same age (regardless of that age)

[supple brook]

I don't think we ever got anything official. I think they want it to be open to the player

Exactly

I think it's very much on purpose that we don't know their "real" ages

[wanton magnet]

Most everyone's age is ambiguous except the two kiddos, they're definitely children lol

But yeah maybe I'll romance Alex. 🤔

[blissful granite]

Fun fact, Vincent is 47 and still repeating school. I know because the Internet told me.

[wanton magnet]

... 😂😂😂

[blissful granite]

Jas just got out of prison

[timid bane]

absolute ages are a mystery but some relative ages can be figured out through context

[idle bane]

Yeah I def feel weird romancing Sebastian, he has very teenager energy to me

tbh tho now that you can invite krobus to live with you? that's all i need in my life

[blissful granite]

Isn't Sebastian supposed to be in his late 30s?

[timid bane]

Sebastian at least has to be older than Maru

Harvey's old enough to have a medical degree, presumably

[blissful granite]

He's a computer programmer and rides a motorcycle so I feel like he's one of the older ones

• swoon -

[idle bane]

he also has like
a scene kid haircut, i've never seen a not teenager with that kind of hair

[rugged glade]

Presumably LOL. Fake doctor alert.

[timid bane]

consider: he was a scene kid when scene was a thing with kids and just. didn't give it up

[blissful granite]

I'm ||NOYB|| years old and my hair looks like that.

[idle bane]

🤷 squicked me out

[rugged glade]

I’m 26 and still an emo at heart, sometimes in fashion too lol

[simple yoke]

wouldn't it be juvie for jas

or am i mixing up names again

[blissful granite]

Not if she's 47 with a criminal record in petty crimes and misdemeanors

[timid bane]

in terms of relative ages, I'd peg Sebastian as younger than Harvey but older than Sam...

[blissful granite]

Harvey feels like he's way older, yeah.

His mannerism, his interests, his work, his degree, his hobbies

[rugged glade]

I think that makes sense because Penny is closest with Maru and Sam, so I assume they’re about the same age. Sebastian is Maru’s older brother, so that seems to follow that he is probably older than Sam as well.

[timid bane]

Yeah, exactly

I feel like Penny's a wee bit older than Maru and Sam but that's mostly just a gut feeling, nothing to back it up

[blissful granite]

And then there's Marnie who looks like Sprite from Secret of Mana and that confuses me on 20 different levels.

[timid bane]

I like Harvey, but not in a 'wanna marry him' way, I just wanna be his friend. give him a hug

[rugged glade]

I can see Penny being a little older, so I’d have to agree. Penny is the love of my life lol.

[timid bane]

Marnie has Mom energy, I figure she's like late-30s to 40s or something

[rugged glade]

Marnie’s sprite and her portrait don’t exactly match and it’s a bit unsettling.

[blissful granite]

She's probably late 40s but it is unsettling

[timid bane]

yeah her sprite is very.... there's something off about it

[simple yoke]

her face is oddly smooth, to me

[timid bane]

head/face is too big I think

[rugged glade]

Her sprite looks like it has a permanent smile.

[simple yoke]

like i look at her and expect to see some wrinkles. laugh lines, at least

[timid bane]

honestly yeah

she's got some absurdly powerful skin care....

she's the mythical mom that dermatologists hate

[blissful granite]

I think it's because all the other mothers have the exact same nose but she has a nose that the dating folk have.

vs. this

[timid bane]

funny you use those examples bc seeing them side by side I suddenly get the impression they could be sisters or something

I think it's more to do with the angle of the face than the shape of the nose itself, though...

[wanton magnet]

wistful sigh Leah. 🥰

[simple yoke]

honestly those portraits side by side could be the same person in different lighting

[blissful granite]

10/10 best relationship tho

[timid bane]

Krobus Good!!

[timid bane]

yeah really though

[blissful granite]

Swipe Right

[timid bane]

my face-blind brain easily gets them mixed up

[simple yoke]

i think i meant to give a gift to one of them and gave it to the other by accident at least once

[wanton magnet]

This has nothing to do with your comment, but your name looks familiar. Were you ever in a Facebook group called Godrics Hollow that did like Harry Potter related activities? Or ever go into a forum called Gaia online?

[simple yoke]

uhh, no?

[blissful granite]

That's a California jewelry company

[simple yoke]

i post a lot on ao3 under this name tho

[wanton magnet]

Never mind then. Lol

[blissful granite]

oh there's also a Gemma Rose animal rescue project, that's cool

[simple yoke]

lol, i knew about none of these

[blissful granite]

must be named after the plant

[simple yoke]

i took Gemma from a book i read and Rose from dr who and mashed them together for an LJ username in 09 that ive been using ever since

[timid bane]

valid

[blissful granite]

gurl, LiveJournal, don't take us on this time machine

🤣

omg those days

When everyone had a LiveJournal and a Geocities

[simple yoke]

@wanton magnet brought up gaia online

also im still in contact with my LJ friends

one of them just graduated college recently and is looking at a job vaccinating fish

[timid bane]

oddly specific, but very cool

[idle bane]

good for those fish

[faint jacinth]

Nice knowing fish aren't anti vaxxers xp

[lament badge]

you can vaccinate shrimp too! i once interviewed for a job doing that

[faint jacinth]

I'm half asleep and read that as you interviewed the shrimp

[silver bay]

I mean, you can interview the shrimp, I just don't think they're gonna answer.

[shrewd wasp]

well you'll never know unless you try

maybe that's the opportunity the shrimp's been waiting for its entire life

[rose ice]

Who else is bi and just like 'who.do.i.pick'

[thorny lodge]

🤚

[manic hare]

Was literally just talking about that with my friends haha

Going to be so hard to choose 😅

[rose ice]

Ikr

Its like goodness had mercy they're all hot

[blissful granite]

i'm not bi but i still pick all of them

[gray turret]

It's simple -
Don't pick.
Have them all

[low shore]

On the same time? :0

[chrome cedar]

I'm ace and have no idea who to pick 😂

I still want them all

[shy sage]

i already know i'm picking suki. look at her

she's purple

[low shore]

I am not sure but I will definitely take a closer look at Noah!

[shrewd wasp]

No one ever talks about my girl Nina and it saddens me

[faint jacinth]

I want them all tbh, i feel like a pokemon trainer when saying that 😂

[shrewd wasp]

coral island, gotta woo them all !

[hexed crypt]

Rafael and Theo! ❤

[timid bane]

I want almost every girl and maybe also some guys -- Rafael just looks so huggable

[dry swift]

Rafael 100% gives great hugs

[timid bane]

I love me some softies

[knotty palm]

Yeah omg like

I know which guys I like cause I have a type when it comes to fictional guys but all the girls are so good i... my type for girls is girls

[heavy heron]

Truer words have never been spoken

I agree wholeheartedly. I'm definitely more picky with guys. 😂

[knotty palm]

And yes Rafael I'm gonna go for on my second file cause blacksmiths and also he's my type when it comes to fictional guys

LOL YEAH

[heavy heron]

In SDV I only liked Shane and Sebastian. I didn't really dislike any of the others but there was always something about them that put me off.

[knotty palm]

For me its cause im a lesbian so I don't find guys that appealing in the first place but when it comes to fictional guys I'm like "yes you are fake and therefore you are perfect"

LOL

[heavy heron]

Harvey's moustache. Sam's hair.

[knotty palm]

Yeah i

[heavy heron]

Elliot's... Elliotness

I mean I'm dating a writer now but I'm glad he's not quite like that 😂

[knotty palm]

In sdv it was a bit easier for me cause Maru was like Maru

LOL

[heavy heron]

I wanted to save Penny too much. Abigail too, but she sadly reminded me of a friend that, for lack of a better term, I have distanced myself from. 😉

[knotty palm]

I think in my main file I might go for Eva

[heavy heron]

Theo or Lily for me

[knotty palm]

😔

LOL THE SIBS

[heavy heron]

I really can't choose and they're related so I feel bad

RIGHT

Tbh it's not the first time that this has happened to me...

[knotty palm]

LOL

[dry swift]

Part of the issue I've found is that the stories for male romances aren't as emotionally fulfilling.

But that's my IRL interest pool, so... do I go with the one I like the idea of the most, or the one whose story I like the most

(This is why in Dragon Age, I've romanced Leliana and Isabella, rather than Zevran, Anders or Fenris, for example)

[knotty palm]

Yeah for me I tend to see them more as like bffs if I play as myself which is why I don't do that in a lot of games

Like I tend to distance myself from the playable character in games where there is romance

[heavy heron]

But have you ever licked a lamppost in winter?!

[rose ice]

For me I'm a sucker for blonde girls tbh, and redheads

I mostly lean towards girls but I ended up marrying a guy so idk what's up with me

[gilded nymph]

I can never choose between the girls, but I always like the dorky guys so it's just easier LOL

it also depends on the game though

[low shore]

I am so glad I now finally have games beside Sims where I can MAKE this decision and struggle! 😂

Not a compromise

[eternal acorn]

I love rafael and zarah

[austere turtle]

eyo my minions whattup? 😄

[simple yoke]

currently cooing over a pride dice kickstarter

[shrewd wasp]

I did NOT read dice THANKS BRAIN 🤣

[pure oxide]

Oh lordt

[shrewd wasp]

don't judge me I'm borked T^T

[blissful granite]

https://tenor.com/view/muppet-chef-gif-20229863

I'm assuming this is what it means to be bork'd and you probably can't change my mind.

[pure oxide]

https://tenor.com/view/swedish-chef-fork-muppets-fork-fork-bork-gif-15003449

[blissful granite]

https://funtranslations.com/chef

[shrewd wasp]

that is spot on what goes on in my brain 24/7

[proper knot]

I mean, i just used Bork as a portmanteau of Boo and Dork

[pure oxide]

I also use it as a funny way to say "bark"

[proper knot]

true, there's that also

https://tenor.com/view/bork-swim-dog-corgi-gif-15787067

https://tenor.com/view/dog-doge-ihavenoideawhatimdoing-space-gif-5021023

just found this also

felt was worth seeing

[brittle breach]

Hi guys!
Advertising a friends commissions!
Here's their twitter! I love their art but broke as well XD
(Permission to share was granted from the artist)

I'm posting here bc they are trying to raise money to assist with after top surgery costs. <3
If there is a better spot to post please let me know via a pin and I'll move it thank you!!
https://twitter.com/ArcaneFinch/status/1367594452118769664

[velvet compass]

Pride Dice kickstarter? 👀👀👀

[simple yoke]

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/foambrain/dice-for-all-2/description this one!

i was mooning over their metal pride dice when that kickstarter ran, but at the time i didn't have money tot spare on fancy dice

these ones are far more affordable

[rugged flicker]

i'm so sad i wasn't able to back the kickstarter with the fancy light up dice box that was supppper queer

[simple yoke]

im just glad i was able to back te CI one tbh

[swift ore]

@exotic monolith

[rotund sun]

Being gay is gay

[exotic monolith]

wait whyd u at me @swift ore

[swift ore]

bc this is where we belong

[exotic monolith]

go away

im leaving

[swift ore]

HAHAHAH

❤️

[tender crescent]

♥

[dawn nacelle]

Lol

[shrewd wasp]

Pride crosswalks in Paris :3

(They're not everywhere mind, just one specific neighbourhood that I know of)

[balmy zodiac]

ohhh so cool 🥺

reminds me of my first and only Pride in paris

[heady karma]

ahh we have them here too! Makes me miss Pride a lot, it probably won't happen again this year...

[blissful granite]

where is here

[heady karma]

seattle, washington!

[blissful granite]

we also have one in buffalo, and there's one in toronto.

[balmy zodiac]

probably not 🥺 i feel so lucky that I got to experience it before the covid happened

[stray valley]

Hi everyone! Happy to be here on the server, just thought I'd come here to share a wholesome story about something that happened at work this week. I teach middle school Band, and I've got a non-binary student who just came out this year. Because of the way the school system works, everything is labeled with their dead name. I recieved a slip adressed to this student from the front office, it was basically a pass to allow them to go to tutoring after lunch. As usual, it had their dead name on it. I decided to cross out their dead name, and write their chosen name instead with a little heart. When I gave them the pass, I heard the most joyful gasp! "Look, she wrote my name!" my student started showing the rest of the class. It made them so happy, it was nothing but smiles for the rest of the period! Warmed my heart ❤️

[slow widget]

AWWWW that is so lovely!!! very heartwarming

that was very nice of you to do!!

[stray valley]

I'd do anything to make my kids feel loved! 🥰

[heavy heron]

Proof that it's so easy to do and you can really make someone's day/change their life with some tiiiiiny adjustments

I finally changed my pronouns on my work email to she/they and my line manager (who is a wonderful, wonderful lady) alternated the usage of them over the course of several emails that she CC'd me in and just seeing it there and real and having someone else acknowledge the 'they' just... I wept.

[shrewd wasp]

making people happy is so very simple

and it costs nothing

[heavy heron]

I still very much feel like a she/her most of the time but I didn't feel right not having it there. It took over 10 years to work out that my 'boy days' were just 'not-girl' days and now I'm just sometimes androgynous and fabulous no matter how I'm presenting mwahahaha

although when I chopped all of my hair off my curls go very confused and I spent a while presenting as a tumbleweed

(You're all welcome)

[shrewd wasp]

oh good morning Bob Ross

[heavy heron]

RIGHT?!

I cut it all off because I had dyed it to death but kind of forgot that blowdrying natural hair and then... just leaving it doesn't work well when it's all poofy

[shrewd wasp]

le poof.

I never blowdry my hair

it shall do as it shall do

[heavy heron]

I haven't put heat on it for probably a year now

[shrewd wasp]

though in fairness it's down to my bum, though still has a surprising poof potential if I don't hydrate it

I avoid high heat on my hair at all costs

even when I wash it it's with lukewarm water

[heavy heron]

is much nicer now

[shrewd wasp]

ooh look at those lovely curls

man I'm jeally

[heavy heron]

And yeah I give 0 poops about my face on the internet if that wasn't clear lmao

[shrewd wasp]

indeed xD

I'm not that brave

[heavy heron]

My mum's a photographer and there are literally pictures of me seconds after being born public on Flickr

so errr

[shrewd wasp]

hahaha fair

[heavy heron]

0 damns

Also being a cosplayer squishes that too

[shrewd wasp]

aye I bet

plus when you're lost in a sea of X amount of millions in London I doubt someone's gonna be like OH HI whilst you're out grocery shopping xD

[heavy heron]

I don't leave my house so no one will recognise me and take me home with them

Yeah that too hehe

I'm often a bit brain-dumb with words so sometimes pictures just translate better

[shrewd wasp]

and if they do well.

they'll find out soon enough who the real psychopath is

https://tenor.com/6E10.gif

[heavy heron]

Oooh oooh is it me?!

😄

... I mean it honestly might be at this point.

[shrewd wasp]

naahh you're fine

anyone messes with me tho, I'm taking you down if it's the last damn thing I do xD

[heavy heron]

I'm glad we put our webcams on for our D&D sessions because I have forgotten what faces do

[shrewd wasp]

faces ?

what are those

what's this "outside" you speak of

[heavy heron]

The things that like... emote without you talking? I nearly got into trouble for rolling my eyes because I forgot I had my camera on

it's hard in work meetings too

[shrewd wasp]

hahahaah

wear sunglasses

no one will notice

[heavy heron]

I'll like, look across the room and make kissy faces at le boyf for some entertainment and..

well I haven't been properly caught yet but maybe soon

[shrewd wasp]

https://tenor.com/xwpy.gif

[tepid yew]

hello fellow gays /lh

[rocky fern]

/wavewaves

[grizzled grotto]

[pure oxide]

ohi

[clever glen]

👋

[heavy heron]

https://tenor.com/view/mac-does-it-gay-meme-pride-gif-10661069

I love this gif too much

[wind geode]

woke up in a cold sweat and havent stopped thinking about them

[supple brook]

Big relatable

[blissful granite]

Fortunately 99 saves :D

Is it just me or is reddit relatively garbage dumpster fires for lgbtq+ people?

I've recently seen some seriously dismissive nonsense on reddit and i don't understand its value

[knotty palm]

Yeah reddit is like that

Which is why I stay away from jt

[timid bane]

I use reddit, but I only follow a handful of subreddits that I trust to be free of such bullshit, primarily for crafting stuff, and ignore everything else

[autumn flicker]

It depends on the subreddit. There are a lot of supportive ones as well, they are not the popular ones though.

Oh, and PSA: Do. Not. Ever. Visit. 9gag. The amount of bigotry there is unfathomable. Reddit is heaven against that.

[pure oxide]

More like steer clear of 4chan...

[wind geode]

4chan worse than hell

[cosmic urchin]

sup gays and theys

[primal grove]

I'm on some really queer subreddits but they keep reposting bigotry as a 'hey look at how stupid the homophobes are' so not great

[wind geode]

happy international women's day everyone!! 🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️

[cosmic urchin]

Nicenicenice

[cosmic urchin]

less nice

[blissful granite]

Hey, can I do a quick poll?

Are players at all interested in creating a Coral Island saved game where 3-4 of us play together online, once per week?

It would be:

• 1 day per week
• Somewhere between 1-3 hours
• Hosted and connected through Steam

✅ = Yes = Totally interested in playing with other players on a once-per-week farm
❔ = Maybe = I'm hesitant to play with others
🚫 = No = I only like playing alone and don't want a farm with others

[boreal venture]

Any nbs in this game?

[simple yoke]

dippa

[fierce junco]

ye

[broken schooner]

Is anyone new here and then they saw the npcs and HUNKA HUNKA!!!

[rose ice]

When you're poly but don't dare tell anyone but random people online :'D

I got married a bit too soon as well and he's against open relationships cause he had been in one that ended badly, sadly I shall never know what it's like to kiss a girl

True

I'm in love with my husband and my previous best friend (she left after I got married... before I had ended up confessing to her and she rejected me harshly)

Yeah, I miss her really bad..

At least fictional characters won't leave me :D

[rocky relic]

anyone here feel like providing some constructive criticism on a game mod I'm trying to make?

So I was trying to add nonbinary as a character creation option for a game but I ran into some issues since the game is hardcoded in to give only two gender options per species and there are some clothes that change depending on your bodytype. I tweaked the character models to fit both type of clothes but you still need to have picked a body type for some clothes (a tshirt will give you broad shoulders for masculine and slim waist for feminine ).

My idea was to change the wording of gender to body type. I then added a duplicate of each species so you can pick male and female in one tab and the other tab you can pick masculine nonbinary and feminine nonbinary? Does this work at all or just defeats the purpose?

I can move to #🕹other-game-dev if its not the right channel but thought I would ask.

[dry swift]

Hi! So I think it's fair to ask about this here. I'm cisgender myself, but I've spoken to a couple of my nonbinary friends in the past about things like this. I believe the 'body type' method is something most would find agreeable - they've said that being nonbinary doesn't mean androgynous and things like that.

Please note: I am cisgender, which means I'm not the proper authority on this, and my words would need verifying by someone who actually does identify as nonbinary. I don't speak for nonbinary people, nor should I.

[rocky relic]

Thanks. Hopefully it does seem agreeable. I know the reasons why I did it that way but I just hope it looks fine to someone looking at it with fresh eyes.

[gentle hare]

I think it's an agreeable solution as well, since it's hardcoded. I personally like body time as an alternative

[knotty palm]

@rocky relic I'm non binary and yeah that's what most games do a recent example is animal crossing where they say to choose your style rather than gender or asking if ur a boy or girl

[primal grove]

As another nonbinary person I think this is the best way to get around the hardcoded gender options

[radiant tundra]

I’m non-binary, and honestly I find just the rewording from the options of male and female to femme and masc is helpful, especially when you are locked into two things. I think the best way to help with androgyny is things like getting rid of some features being limited by the body type, for example a femme body type still being able to access facial hair, longer hair with masc body types, etc.

And by get rid, I mean open it up to both body types 😅

[rose ice]

So I have a question, I've never identified as non binary because I felt I wasn't able to being that I'm okay with being called she/her most days, but other days I'm just.. not feeling female if that makes sense? Could someone help explain it a bit to me?

[radiant tundra]

Especially because even as a non-binary person, I have no idea what an actual androgynous body type truly is. Androgyny is a broad and subjective term, and at least in my head (as a biologist) hard to apply fully to a body type. I find that androgyny is something easy to express through more things that are easier to change (like clothes, hair etc.)

[rose ice]

Like is it okay for me to identify as non-binary or is there another word I should use?

[pure oxide]

I think that comes down to a personal feeling. There's also "demi-girl" if that might fit

[radiant tundra]

You could be non-binary still, even if you aren’t completely uncomfortable with being refer to as she/her. It all depends on if you identify with being a woman. (I am perceived as a woman 99% of the time and I don’t correct it) Gender dysphoria is not a requirement for any gender identity so like you don’t have to be uncomfortable, it comes down to have you feel. But I agree with Shlee, you could also look into and try out the label of demi-girl as well

[rose ice]

Okay thanks you guys <3

[radiant tundra]

You’re welcome!! Gender can be super duper confusing at times, and I know that there are like fifty million different terms to explore. Don’t be afraid to play around and try out different labels to find which is most comfortable for you. In the end, gender is your personal thing and no one can tell you what to do with your gender.

[rose ice]

Yeah, somedays I just wish I could be androgynous but that requires really baggy sweatshirts for me which I can't do during the summer, I wanna get a reduction/completely get rid of my chest but that requires actually having severe back pain from it which I only have mild backpain

[radiant tundra]

I could be wrong about this, but depending on what you call the surgery and who your surgeon is, I don’t know if back pain has to be a requirement. However, I have not exactly taken the time to fully look into reductions or mastectomies to know the full details

[rose ice]

I live in a really religious place so I think it is a requirement here unfortunately but then again it's been years since I looked into it

[radiant tundra]

Ah, yeah, that would probably do that then.

[rose ice]

I might look into getting a binder as another option, right now I just wear two sports bras lol

[timid bane]

tbh I'm also in that kind of female-adjacent realm gender-wise, and yeah I id as demigirl or nonbinary (such that demigirl falls under the umbrella of ninbinary)

[rose ice]

Imma just identify as female adjacent lmao best term

[timid bane]

that's valid too!

[primal grove]

bit late to the party but also pay attention to how you feel with different terms and presentations, it's incredibly difficult to label a gender right off the bat and you might go through a few labels that don't feel quite right after a while

[supple brook]

Yes also its super important to remember that pronouns =/= gender! There are plenty of afab nb people who only use she/her but that doesn't make them less nb :)

[rose ice]

Thank you you guys

I've not really had anyone I can talk to it about

[solid quartz]

Maybe a little late to the party, but I wanted to say real quick that demigirl makes the most sense given the information you gave of being on a sliding scale of female to not female day to day. But in the interest of giving you an alternative to check out or compare against, genderfluid could be another one to look into. And it doesn't necessarily have to be genderfluid male to female, it could be genderfluid in a female to agender kind of way, or (and I know this isn't how you identify but just throwing another example against the gender binary out there) genderfluidity from female to bigender.

[rose ice]

Oooh that makes sense! Genderfluid from female to non-binary

[compact peak]

i'd definitely suggest looking into it and seeing if any labels stand out

and dont be afraid to try a couple different ones out or change them later if you find one that fits better

[rose ice]

I did look into it a lot when I was 16 or so but always felt I wasn't idk deserving of it?

[torn willow]

You deserve to feel like you and have the words to express that to other people. Never doubt that ❤️

[rose ice]

<3 thanks you guys

[torn willow]

Honestly (even though I kind of jumped into this convo) no problem at all ❤️

[shrewd wasp]

life's hard enough without denying yourself small (or big) happiness on top

be you, it's a wonderful thing to be able to do that should never be taken for granted

heaven only knows many of us never had that luxury

[rose ice]

I like in games when I can make myself really short and flat chested and androgynous, it feels like how I'm supposed to be

But somedays I like putting dresses on the character too just depends

[torn willow]

Oh yeah, it's the best feeling when you get to just.... Make an avatar of yourself look like how you feel on the inside

[solid quartz]

For a long time I didn't think I deserved to be a part of the non-binary community because I felt comfortable in my body or I guess to use terms, I didn't experience gender dysphoria. Also, i guess at the time non-binary wasn't widely used in my area and it was just the trans community. But believe me when I say that you aren't fake for feeling female sometimes, and that you are deserving of the identity that makes you comfortable.

[rose ice]

<3

I can't wait for coral island to come out so I can finally try they/them in a game

[torn willow]

I feel you. Just thinking about a game where the multitudes of genders and sexualities get to just exist as an unquestionable part of the world AND mechanics? It makes me so happy and excited.

[rose ice]

Ikr

[shrewd wasp]

already drooling over my future wives

respectfully >>

[rose ice]

I love love love girls/non-binarys buuuttt I also married a guy so imma just date em all

[torn willow]

Equal opportunity dating for the win

[rose ice]

Anyone else like that? Prefer something and then married someone the opposite of that?

[torn willow]

Yeah 😄 I'm honestly more into girls/non-binary/femme presenting people but currently I have a boyfriend. I also have a friend who was Extremely Lesbian (her own words) for her entire life and then ended up marrying the sweetest guy and has two kids with him. Turns out she's just Extremely Selectively Bisexual :DDDD

[rose ice]

I still prefer femme/androgynous body types but I ended up with a guy so

[torn willow]

Just goes to prove that all that really matters is the right person

[solid quartz]

You know Monster Camp and I think Monster Prom allow for the use of they/them pronouns for your playable character, if you want a taste of that.

[rose ice]

Yeah I'm lately leaning towards gay with an exception for my husband lol

Oooh thanks!

I'll have to check them out!

[radiant tundra]

I love Monster Prom and Monster camp a lot and my default is Oz with they/them pronouns

But yeah, any of the player characters get a choice of she/her, he/him or they/them

[rose ice]

Wish you could choose she/they and they would switch between them haha

[radiant tundra]

OH and one of the romances for Monster Camp is they/them. It’s Milo

[rose ice]

Oooh I love that name

[radiant tundra]

Milo Belladonna

[rose ice]

I love my game name- DigitalKats, cause some people call me Digi (more they) and some people call me Kats (more she)

[solid quartz]

My default was oz, but now it's Sawyer(in the new monster camp dlc) who is canonically they/them.

[rose ice]

Oooh so pretty

[radiant tundra]

Are they? I haven’t played around too much with the new player characters yet

[rose ice]

I also sometimes go by Sir Muffins

[solid quartz]

yes, they are the fisrt non-binary playable character

[torn willow]

That is such a cute name

[rose ice]

Ty

[radiant tundra]

Sick

[solid quartz]

The great thing about Monster camp (and prom) is that you can change the name to a custom name

[rose ice]

:O

[compact peak]

the main rival in temtem is they/them and iirc (its been a while since i initially made my temtem character) you could pick they/them pronouns for your character? may be misremembering that second bit

i'm a very binary trans man but i like to look out for my enby friends 😅

[rose ice]

Oooh I've got tem tem on my wishlist

[vague nymph]

You can, cuz I remember appreciating that detail even though I don’t identify as LGBTQ
It just feels nice to give that option to people who don’t want just he/him or she/her

[rose ice]

I'm especially feeling non-binary today so this makes me really happy that there's games with a they/them option

[compact peak]

its becoming a lot more commonplace over time

[vague nymph]

Heck, even Sky: Children of the Light has the default sky kid be neither gender and the cosmetic options are plenty.

[rose ice]

Happiness

[torn willow]

Oh yeah!!!! Sky is really good for that androgynous feel

Also it's a super relaxing game in general. You get to just fly around and chill out :3

[vague nymph]

And generally the community is pretty nice

[torn willow]

That too!

[rose ice]

I'll have to check it out

[solid quartz]

This conversation has prompted a rainbow to appear outside of my window. Officially good vibe.

[vague nymph]

Oh, and I’d been pondering. If an entirely fictional world had no humans, it’d be fine to try and have an LGBTQ character (obviously to feel like a real person and not just there) right?

[rose ice]

I wish I could come out irl, maybe to my brother but the rest of my family no, and idk if my husband would quite understand it?

He's at least supportive that I'm bi though

[torn willow]

Coming out is one of those things you get to do on your own terms, no matter what anyone or society says. If you wish to do it, but it doesn't feel like the right time for any reason yet, you can take all the time you need.

And sometimes people don't understand, at first. But usually those who really love us will try to understand and they learn to

[rose ice]

Thanks <3

[torn willow]

❤️

[solid quartz]

Honestly this is better than I could express the sentiment.

[rose ice]

I'm so happy to finally feel validated

[torn willow]

I'm glad you feel that way here ❤️ it's so hard living your life second guessing yourself and who you are and who you're allowed to be. So yeah, I'm so, so glad you feel valitated ❤️

[solid quartz]

I think maybe a good testing the waters thing for your husband might be to talk about your preference of binding sometimes. Though again only if your comfortable and on your terms like Hush said. Though I've never had to broach the subject so maybe someone else who has might have better advice.

I could probably ask my friend who's in a poly relationship and had top surgery recently.

[rose ice]

Yeah I might do that when I feel comfortable enough, talk about getting a binder for me, he's a really sweet guy I just have anxiety like 'what if he stops loving me' friend I love (I'm poly as well) recently left and it really screwed with me

[torn willow]

And maybe you could play some of the games that have non-binary character options together. Or if he doesn't game much then any other media that has nb folks in it. It's a pretty low stakes way to introduce the idea of gender not being binary.

[rose ice]

He doesn't know I'm poly either tho cause I know he doesn't like open relationships.

[solid quartz]

yeah I read your thing about how they were your best friend formerly

so sad 😢

[rose ice]

Yeah, I think she left cause I got married even though I confessed to her before i even met him and she rejected me really harshly

7 years gone

[torn willow]

Yeah, the what-ifs are so terrifying. It took me a whole while to come out to my bf even though I knew he'd probably accept me (he's not lgbtq+ himself but incredibly supportive). But it did turn out just okay. He calls me his partner these days and tries for gender neutral terms as much as he can. He does flounder sometimes, but it's mostly cute. He introduced me as his "human person" this one time because he didn't quite know what words to use :DDDD

[torn willow]

I'm so sorry that happened to you 😦

[rose ice]

Haha I'd love to be referred to as someone's human person

Yeah, I'd tell the whole story but I'm at work rn but I really really miss her

[torn willow]

https://tenor.com/view/hug-love-hi-bye-cat-gif-15999080

[solid quartz]

https://tenor.com/view/love-hug-friends-heart-sending-extra-love-gif-17202817

[rose ice]

It's like a part of me is gone you know?

[solid quartz]

Wait, just to be clear did 7 years gone mean they left 7 years ago, or like 7 years of a relationship down the drain?

[rose ice]

7 years of relationship down the drain

[torn willow]

Yeah, no wonder it hurts.

[rose ice]

Would've been 8 years this summer

She left in August of last year

[solid quartz]

yeah, they say that it takes about half the time you had the relationship minimum to get over it. I still feel pangs from a 5 year relationship that ended 3 years ago

And this is for sure inclusive of non-romantic friendships for any addition people seeing this that need to hear it.

[rose ice]

She just left too, basically ghosted me after saying she didn't want to be friends with her and then blocked me after I tried talking about it

With me*

[torn willow]

:c

Sorry everyone, I gotta go now. Sleep calls, I have to be awake when morning shift hits!

Good night!!!

[solid quartz]

Good night, sleep well

[rose ice]

Goodnight, sleep well!

[solid quartz]

feels like it's not the point in the grieving process where we can trash talk about her, so I'll say that as a positive, it's cool that she didn't out you to your family and friends. And that you still get the chance to do it on your own terms.

(But when you're ready to trash talk about her I have some things to say about toxic behaviors)

[rose ice]

Yeah, lots of people say she was toxic but I know she was working on it.. she promised she was..

[solid quartz]

I know you'll defend her because you still hold love for her and it's kinda a fresh wound. I was much the same with my 5 year relationship even though it was a more mutual parting (and I'll tell the short of it if you want to hear but only if you ask) but again I don't know if you're in a place to unpack and analyze everything so I don't mind shelving the fun trash talk that's like lethargic in a way. And instead focusing on the good she brought you

[shrewd wasp]

people are complicated, that doesn't excuse bad actions and she certainly reacted poorly but, you'll never truly know and there's really no point trying to when you can't ask her. My best friend also left me out of the blue with no explanation a little under 5 years ago and at some point you just, have to let it go and focus on the people who are here right now and make you happy, ya know ?

much easier said than done, believe me I know, but moving forward's the only thing you can do sometimes

[rose ice]

Yeah I'm trying to but it's so hard when I still love her so much

[solid quartz]

I was gonna wait til we built a case about her being toxic before making the point of cutting out the things that poison you before they spread, but in all fairness maybe ripping the band-aid earlier is the right thing. I mean Kats did say many people said ex bff was toxic, so the base line was there. But yeah Kats I get it, it's hard. It's very complex what happened and maybe the first time experiencing a failed investment(cause you invested 7 years of time into it). That's gonna hurt bad. In the long term you will need to work toward getting over it. But right now, figure out the baby steps or the first step in a thousand mile journey, like idk, remembering the ways she hurt you even if she apologized later. I'm not good at writing so I'm sorry if this doesn't quite make sense or I said something mean by accident cause tone doesn't carry in text all the time.

[rose ice]

Yeah, I guess what hurts the most is she did exactly what my irl grade school friends did and she said she would never do that to me and actually talk to me etc. But she didn't

[solid quartz]

A good first step.

[rose ice]

She also manipulated me into telling her I loved her in the first place

[solid quartz]

Horrible, we're here for you if you need to unpack/address that

[radiant tundra]

i just wanna say even though I wasn't here for the entire conversation so I don't know if I have all the details, but I am so sorry that you are grieving this loss rn. Losing anyone is hard and the healing process can feel like a tough mountain to climb, but you can do it!!

[rose ice]

Yeah, she had a suspicion that I liked her, so said she was going to try dating a mutual friend of ours who was a girl (she was always adamant that she was straight up till then) so I told her and she backtracked and said she now wasn't going to and rejected me really harshly, end of Feb 2020

Thank you

[radiant tundra]

So she said she was going to date a girl to get you to say your feelings for her and then was like jk, I'm not gonna date this girl, but also rejected you? (Just trying to make sure I read that right)

[rose ice]

Yes

[radiant tundra]

That's like super shitty

[rose ice]

Said she changed her mind about dating the girl

And she knew the whole time I was dating my now husband I still loved her and she still had a chance

That I was poly

[waxen yacht]

Thats awful hun I am sorry

[rose ice]

But 'we would never work we couldn't give each other what we need'

[solid quartz]

WAIT she said that about your husband

[rose ice]

No about me and her

[solid quartz]

oh ok

[radiant tundra]

So she said shit like that about you and her, but then threw a hissy fit when you got married to your husband?

[pure oxide]

What a manipulative emotionally abusive vampire of a person

[rose ice]

End of July she took a hiatus from the internet, including me without discussing it just 'oh I'm gonna be gone for a month btw' and vanished

After having talked nearly every day for 7 years

[radiant tundra]

oh dang

[rose ice]

And when she came back said 'oh your wedding dress is beautiful but we can't be friends anymore' to summarize it, left and when I tried talking to her she blocked me everywhere

[radiant tundra]

WOW

[solid quartz]

Damn, looks like someone got JEALOUS

[radiant tundra]

That is terrible, especially because like... the least she could do is like honestly tell you the reason before cutting all ties

[rose ice]

I just wish she would come back..

[solid quartz]

Honestly your husband sounds like a nice guy from the way you talk about him, it's great that you have him in these trying times

[rose ice]

Yeah he is, he's great and we communicate really well

[solid quartz]

As much as you miss her do you think if she came back into your life, that your life would be better?

[rose ice]

Idk at this point tbh, I hope it would be, and it could be if she learns from her behavior

[radiant tundra]

A bit of it reminds me of my ex, who broke up with me (twice), and when I tried desperately to remain friends with him after the second breakup, he was like no, don't talk to me (as if I was the one who broke his heart, not the other way around).

[rose ice]

But she made me so happy in the past and is the reason I'm even here today

I wouldn't be so afraid of trying to write stories again or draw or do anything that was connected to her which was basically my whole life

[radiant tundra]

I know those feelings well (from friends lost), but all you can do is heal from this, and consider if you give her a second chance if that chance presents itself.

[rose ice]

She was my whole world

[solid quartz]

Orzammer if you want to unpack that we can and I want you to know we are here for you if you do. But Kats, sometimes people are put in your life to help you grow in different ways and help you get to the place you are today. But maybe she has nothing left to offer you in your life path. Maybe the ways that you think she could help you can be found in your husband or communities like this, without having her toxic behaviors involved and whether she will actually fit her behaviors.

I think Orzammar makes a good point, Another part of this process is thinking of the what ifs, like if she came back and wanted to be friends if you would be friends again and how much you would put up with before you wouldn't want to be friends

[radiant tundra]

Thank you for the offer for unpacking it. I don't exactly know how much there truly is to unpack since it happened almost two years ago now and I have come to accept that my ex did not treat me right (then and some other times) so I am pretty comfortable where I am.

I kind of made my decision of stuff with my ex when he texted me about 6 months ago and said he was finally comfortable talking to me again and I decided to ignore him

[solid quartz]

mmmmm, yeah despite the ghosting this feels like a healthy decision

[radiant tundra]

I mean he asked if I was comfortable talking with him again, and I think my not responding is answer enough that I am not comfortable

[solid quartz]

yes, definite healthy then. especially given the history you presented

[heavy heron]

I had an ex that would be absent for months and then try to add me and my current partner (they knew each other but like, not well at all) and I think he was trying to show off that he was in a relationship again as if it had anything to do with my life now 🤔

[solid quartz]

glad you are in a place of acceptance Orzammar

[radiant tundra]

thanks

[radiant tundra]

That is just petty and childish of your ex, I'm sorry man

[heavy heron]

Hopefully in a nice underground kingdom, maybe minus some scary Deep Roads?

[heavy heron]

Aye, hence the 'ex' part. 😉

[radiant tundra]

LMAO oh my god, thank you, that made me laugh so much

[rose ice]

Yeah at this point I'm open to her being my friend again but only if she apologizes and explains herself

[solid quartz]

It's good you set conditions for being friends again, instead of blind acceptance back

[radiant tundra]

that is a good mindset to have, especially since you deserve an explanation

[solid quartz]

I feel like I missed the context of this

[heavy heron]

Orzammar is the home of the Dwarves in Dragon Age 😉

[rose ice]

Yeah, she was so important to me I can't just turn her away, but I can't just let her in either if I'm going to get hurt again

[heavy heron]

I couldn't see it as a name at all hehe

[rose ice]

She'll have to know that if I accept being her friend again too that she can't do that to me again, that I can't mentally handle it

I cant even mentally handle it now tbh

[radiant tundra]

I'm sorry that you are going through it with this.

[rose ice]

I just want her back..

[pure oxide]

You don't though. You want the feelings that she gave you back, but this person treated you like garbage and she would do it again in a heartbeat, ESPECIALLY if she knows you'll let her.

[rose ice]

It's my own fault though, I moved on too quickly

Two weeks after confessing and being rejected I asked my now husband out

[radiant tundra]

You are not at fault for moving on and she, as the person who rejected you, has absolutely no say on your process of moving on

[solid quartz]

100% yes

[rose ice]

If she actually wanted me though why did she never say anything? Not saying she did but if that's the reason she was jealous

[solid quartz]

I mean in one vein, people want to be wanted i guess

[rose ice]

But I did want her and she knew that so I'm just confused

[solid quartz]

In another, she could still be coming to terms with a queer identity and dealing with her own stuff in a community you made seem very anti queer

[gloomy geode]

kat im trying to read up to see if i can offer some advice as well - i want you to know that coming out is hard for everyone and each person handles that at their own pace, i have only talked to a few extremely close friends and my husband as of this month and have still just been trying to decide what to do. BUT if your husband really is your person and loves you they will accept you how you are. thats what a good partner does. it doesnt matter how much time passed between you being broken up and asking someone else out, that is super fine and DOES NOT MATTER. again trying to catch up haha so i know im missing liek a ton of the convo - everything starts with a conversation, i would talk to your family/husband whoever you feel closest to first and then the rest and just take baby steps in telling the people closest to you who you are - people who love you wont care because YOU havent changed

if you wanna give me a TLDR that would be great honestly

[rose ice]

She lives across the ocean from me so idk how her community was but everyone online was open and honest and able to be themselves but for some reason she was idk I wouldn't say against but adverse to lesbian relationships?

And sure I can give a tldr

[gloomy geode]

@rose ice also you can use she/her AND they/them pronouns they arent mutually exclusive - its probably along the lines of gender fluid which bullfrog mentions at some point - i would agree with this - also we are all in vc if you wanna hop in for a small bit? shlee and i will be bouncing at a bit before 10 or politely asking yall to bounce >.> cause secret stuff >.>

[rose ice]

Discovered I'm probably genderfluid/nonbinary, nervous to tell my husband/anyone irl, said I'm poly and that a girl I loved who was my best friend basically abandoned me after rejecting my confession that i loved her and me moving on and getting married to my now husband

I would love to but my husband is home and I dont feel comfortable discussing it when he can overhear rn

I can maybe listen in in a bit though and just type my responses

[gloomy geode]

whatever is easier for you - ive been with my husband for almost 8 years and married for just over a year, so if you dont mind I can give you some advice on that conversation?

[rose ice]

Sure

[gloomy geode]

alright so heres is the thing about marriage, it is supposed to be for life right? one of the most important things about a life long relationship of ANY kind (even friendships or family relationships) is communication is important. You need to be open and honest with the people around you and be willing to have harder conversations. Conversations about EVERYTHING right like all the good and allllll the bad. I know it is hard to talk about the bad or touchy subjects like politics when you are on opposite sides, right? so its important to make sure no matter who you have in your life you are building those foundations with communication and working everyday towards having your base as solid as possible. It is ALWAYS better to be honest with people even if you know it will hurt them, or upset them.

[solid quartz]

you can listen in on the voice chat we are getting off in an hour though

[gloomy geode]

So my biggest advice to you is to sit down with your husband for starters and tell him how you feel, tell him about this girl you loved, tell him about your wish to have a more open relationship and setting a foundation and ground rules to be able to do that, talk to him about you being bi (if that is still how you identify and he doesnt know) talk to him about ALL of it. dont leave a single thing out. If this is the person you spend your forever with you need to make sure that you are working towards having that relationship being one of your strongest.

I told my husband all about every skeleton in my closet before we started dating and to this day, almost 8 years later we have never had a single fight, no arguments and always come into any conversation with an open heart and mind and make sure that we know we are PARTNERS in life, not enemies. we are on the same side and same team in life and do everything TOGETHER like a team would.

[rose ice]

Yeah we have really good communication, being poly and non-binary is the only things he doesn't know about, he knows i loved her at one point and had to get over her, but I haven't and last time I told him I hadn't he said white lies like that are okay sometimes and he doesn't wanna know about it

[gloomy geode]

you need to get to that point with your husband in order to have any hope of having the kind of life you would like long term especially if you want him to ever be open to a poly relationship, if you hide things from him now that makes having that tye of relationship hard because they are ALL about TRUST and trust starts with open and honest conversations as a base.

[gloomy geode]

that isnt a good approach in my opinion but again this is my opinion... lies of any magnitude can create a huge rift no matter how small they start

a crack in the wall may start out small but if you dont fix it that small crack can bring down an entire building. its the same in life and relationships 🙂

[rose ice]

I know he isn't open to a poly relationship because he was in an open relationship before and it ended badly, and unless she comes back I'm not interested in another relationship so im kind of eehh dont wanna start a fight you know?

And I didn't figure out I was poly until after I started dating him and I didn't get over her

[gloomy geode]

okay so that probably ended badly because they didnt trust each other and have open and honest conversations - having a poly relationship doesnt just mean being able to be with more than one person. when you have an open relationship like that it is OPEN in every way, especially in communitcation, you have to say hey today im going to see my other person and we are going to do xyz , ill see you at around x time and hope you have a good day k love you bye, right - like the people you are with know you are with more than one person its not a secret from anyone

i think that if this is who you are then you need to have a conversation with your husband about it, not wanting to start a fight is valid, but if you have a strong foundation and talk about everything you wont be starting a fight by having an open and honest conversation with them.

going to them and saying hey i wanna talk about x doesnt lead to a fight, it leads to a conversation - does that make sense?

[rose ice]

Yeah I know, if i ever do want another relationship I'll tell him for sure, I'm just a bit hesitant to if it never leads to anything you know?

[gloomy geode]

and just because something ended badly with someone in the past doesnt mean it cant work in the future, right he didnt just stop dating because he got his heart broken right? he continued to try to find someone to be with 🙂

[rose ice]

Then again I'm young and inexperienced lol

Yeah

[gloomy geode]

it doesnt matter if it leads to something or not kat, you need to tell him who you are 100 percent not just PART of who you are. he cant truly love and appreciate you if he only knows half of you because you arent willing to open up yourself and trust him with all of you.

[rose ice]

Okay, thank you for really pushing me to do this

[gloomy geode]

im not trying to push you! i just think its extremely important to be honest and open with the people you love and care about - does that make sense? like they deserve to know the real you in all of its wonderful awesome self 🙂 not just pieces of you!

[rose ice]

Yes it does, thank you

Now to just figure out how to go about telling him

[true jungle]

Literally be as straight forward as possible

leave nothing to interpretation

[gloomy geode]

yeah you just have to start the conversation and be like this is who i am this is how i feel, here is how you can help me and love me moving forward, and ask what you can do for them and if they need anything specific from you

[solid quartz]

If you have reddit, you can go to a lgbt or poly subreddit to source different ways of doing it or things to expect. For example, coming out as poly, they might have a knee jerk reaction of "Am I not enough?" Also you talked about them not liking open relationships. Are you ok with staying monogamy even though you say you are poly? If so, try to reassure them that you are ok with keeping your currrent life, but you have desire/ fantasize this other thing

[gloomy geode]

^ all good points!

[true jungle]

I know I haven't been involved in a majority of the convo, so I just recommend seeing a therapist

cus we're not licensed and we can't give you the tools you probably need.

[gloomy geode]

^ also IMPORTANT and marriage counseling is WONDERFUL and should be a thing regardless of if their are issues or not in your marriage!

[rose ice]

Yup I go to therapy and he goes with me a lot of the time!

[gloomy geode]

see thats a great start! youre already on the right track, just like talk to them ya know ❤️ with love and honesty and just make the changes you need to to be happy 😄

[rose ice]

Okay, I'll do my best

[gloomy geode]

and once you talk to him you cna talk to your family and then your friends and just expand that little circle of trust and happiness bit by bit 🙂

[rose ice]

My family I unfortunately can't come out to besides my brother, they are very very religious and when my brother accidentally outed me as bi to my mother she was let's just say not a happy camper

Friends though yes

[gloomy geode]

but you have to start walking and doing the things you need to to make a change in your life - if your family already knows and are unhappy thats okay - but if you still see them on the holidays and stuff then even if they dont agree you know they still love you and you can work on having a better relationship with them - again open and honest conversations are where you start regardless of relationship type 🙂

[rose ice]

Yes I know, but I don't want to ruin the relationships I have with them and my father is autistic and has trouble understanding things like this and can completely shut down and I dont wanna do that to him

It's pretty much just my parents, my brothers are chill, my dad doesn't know and my mom ignores that I'm bi but said to never ever tell my dad

They will ignore facts right in front of them unfortunately

[knotty palm]

being autistic doesn't excuse homophobia, i'm autistic and LGBT so i can say that for a fact, also there are higher rates of being LGBT in autistic people because of the whole not really understanding social cues and just being themselves

[gloomy geode]

^

and your mom using that as a reason for you not to be open and honest with your dad is also not okay.

[knotty palm]

i would have more faith in your dad chances are he'll understand also hes an adult who has been autistic his entire life if he starts to shut down or freak out he should be able to catch himself and ask for some time to think

[rose ice]

I'm not diagnosed officially but my therapist says I'm most likely autistic, and unfortunately if he does freak out he starts hitting himself and I dont want him to hurt himself

His parents beat him because they didn't understand he was autistic and he never learned how to cope with it in a healthy way

[knotty palm]

if ur dad's autistic you probably are too yeah, but also i think you should think of your mental well being before his own, like i said he's been like this his entire life he has his own ways of coping so if you really want to come out to him you should, you're his kid you shouldn't be having to worry about your father over yourself

[rose ice]

I think I'll be fine without them knowing I'm non-binary as I'm okay with being called she/her

[knotty palm]

yeah in the end its really up to you, all i'm saying is you shouldn't let your father's mental status hinder your own

[solid quartz]

I understand where you're coming from Kats. I've been focusing on vc more and you can listen in if you want and we can kinda discuss this with better tone if you want. But I know that if my parents weren't ok, I'd probably rely on being my true self with a community of friends and not rely on family because despite the bad they do sometimes, they did a lot of good through my life and I don't want to harm them in some ways, but I will always stand up for the community

[rose ice]

Yeah

I'm just hmm, never really been able to be open and honest before? Before I met my husband and stuff, cause it's always backfired on me

[solid quartz]

understandable, hey, maybe your therapist can help with methods

[heavy heron]

https://twitter.com/upandoutcomic/status/1369348243499347968?s=20

Julia Kaye 👑 (@upandoutcomic)

My book, "My Life In Transition" is now available! You can purchase it on Amazon and wherever books are sold! 🥰 https://t.co/C5iMwyDKGC

▶ Play video

Twitter · Mar 9, 2021, 6:03 PM

I love Julia Kaye and she has a book now and screams

[brazen willow]

https://tenor.com/view/kirby-pride-lesbian-gay-non-binary-gif-14444600

[rose ice]

I've been having a lot of they/them days lately and really hating my given name rip

[pure oxide]

Time to pick a new one!

[rose ice]

I have no idea which name to choose I just know I want it to be gender neutral

[brazen willow]

alex, sam, max i can help think of more if ye want <3

[rose ice]

Thank you <3

[supple brook]

I love aspen as a name too

[vital spear]

Aspen is super cute!

[rose ice]

Oooh I do like Aspen

[vital spear]

Sawyer i think is pretty neutral

[brazen willow]

wait sawyers a first name?

[vital spear]

Anything can really be a first name if you want it to be 🙂

But, yeah, I've met a couple Sawyers

[rose ice]

Idk part of me feels kind of weird rejecting the name my parents gave me

[brazen willow]

meh i did it

[rose ice]

If I could just go by Kats I'd be happy haha

[brazen willow]

well why not?

tho tbh people would prob be more likely to call you kat in my expience with names like that]

[rose ice]

Though isn't nessacarily gender neutral it's a name I picked

Yeah probably

[brazen willow]

my names not gender neutral

but im an enby

[rose ice]

Though I always told people to call me Kat and they always called me Kats and it kind of stuck lol

Could you tell me what enby means?

[brazen willow]

nonbinary

[rose ice]

Oooh okay!

[flat scaffold]

Enby comes from the phonetic pronounciation of N (en) B (by), as in nonbinary.

[rose ice]

Thanks guys

Much easier than typing non-binary every time

I'll think of something, I have yet to tell my husband yet as I'm still kind of accepting it myself

[brazen willow]

oh i thought you where like a teen or somethin ye that do be someone you gotta do at some point

but take your time and do it when it feels right

[rose ice]

I'm 21 so not too far off haha

I just finally really accepted it yesterday with the help from some of you guys

But have been feeling this way since I was a teen

[brazen willow]

oh married in your earlier 20s?

i feel a little intimindated

btw im sorry if i come off as rude

[zenith ravine]

sorry, I'm a little late on this. I was actually seeing if anyone had already asked if we could have an option for an androgynous body type before I asked the question myself and noticed this message from yesterday. I wanted to share this image as what could be an androgynous option as what I've seen in the trailer very much displays obviously masc vs obviously femme (like in the picture) but nothing really in between which I think a lot of us would like. Thoughts anyone? (sorry if I de-rail any current conversations 😅 )

[rose ice]

No haha you're fine, yeah I got married of October of last year when I was 20 and he was 31, i will admit I got married a bit early but we weren't allowed to move in together until we got married (I have religious parents who would disown me when I still rely on them for certain things and if it didn't work out then I was stuck with him anyways/out on the street)

We communicate really well though so it's worked out so far

We also spent a lot more time together than normal couples because of covid, I mean like every single day together pfft

[pure oxide]

So uh, this movie looks really good

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4Vk0CVcDts

[heavy heron]

UK census just hit today

So now my mother knows that I go by she/her AND/OR they/them and I knew it would be fine but

still

[supple brook]

Did it go well?

[heavy heron]

It went fine and over text and she's glad that they've changed how they ask (they ask if your gender identity is different to your gender given at birth) but it was a bit weird

[pure oxide]

❤️

[heavy heron]

I was raised by drag queens and mum's a massive Eddie Izzard fan and I knew she'd be cool about it but it's... extra super duper real now

not just close friends and work

I might have gone in a funny order but #lockdownlife

[pure oxide]

I find that that's a pretty common order

[heavy heron]

Work before family?

[pure oxide]

Yes

[heavy heron]

I dunno it's just me and mum I guess so I'm lucky

[pure oxide]

I guess depending. But especially friends before anything else, because your found family is always gonna understand you super well... since you're friends/family with them because you choose it. And, even if you get along well with your parents, and you know they're fine with it, it's different when it's personal and it's still anxiety inducing

I'm glad she knows ,and you can just be authentically you with her though. ❤️

[supple brook]

I'm really happy for you that you were able to share that with her 💞

[heavy heron]

She was never really a gender-norms kind of lady though heh

It snuck up on me a bit - was going to wait a month or so as I'll be back home and I was going to let her know in person

but lol census and she's a historian and loves the bloody census so I wanted to make sure that I was listed down properly

[vital spear]

Sometimes the most unexpected times are the best for these conversations 🙂 ❤️

[idle bane]

This is a common, but ultimately entirely unhelpful look at adrogyny. Because of the way women are viewed in our society and in particular the way that male is seen as the "default", most people think that a body that is not obviously male or female is something that looks, essentially, like a rail thin (typically white) person without boobs.

The idea that men are triangle shaped and women are curvy is a cartooning fallacy. Men and women come in all shapes and sizes, just as nonbinary, agender and "androgynous" (whatever you're taking that to mean) do. There is no nonbinary body type because the whole point of being nonbinary (at least outside of cultures with a third gender, which is an entirely different coversation) is to not be part of the gender binary, not to be some middle option. A true nonbinary body option would be the ability to customize our bodies however we want and then use the pronouns we want, with no linking to body-type or vocal decisions

Not to mention that this model is binary trans exclusive. Having broad shoulders does not make someone "masc" because "masc" and "femme" are about presentation, something you can't actually tell from just body models.

[rose ice]

Immmm telling my husband, wish me luck

[rose ice]

Didn't go well, I'll update later

[vital spear]

Oh no. I hope everything is alright.

[rose ice]

Small summary, more detail later, I'm just a tomboy and not poly according to him

[rugged glade]

No one can define you for you. Only you can claim what's right for you.

[rose ice]

I hate myself so much rn

[solid quartz]

Sorry I couldn't have been here to talk with you @rose ice. I think Kats would be a beautiful name. In my "not an expert" opinion, it's weird that his reaction to your relationship preference is to label your feelings as a .... personality type?(I don't know what tomboy would be considered a label for.) I think it's possible that his initial reaction was to deny it cause like you said he doesn't like open relationships due to getting burned in the past with it. And he likes you, so he doesn't want to believe it.

Though I also don't know the whole story

[rugged glade]

Just know that what anyone thinks about your identity and no matter how they react to it, it's not your fault.

You deserve to feel authentically yourself.

[rose ice]

I feel like I'm not allowed to be

[rugged glade]

I don't know you personally, but considering what little I learned today (super religious parents, married young with an older partner), I completely understand why you may feel that way.

[solid quartz]

You wanna talk in voice chat @rose ice ? 🥺

[rugged glade]

But you are absolutely allowed to be the person you are inside. It might take time to figure out what the safest way to do that is, but you are not wrong for being the way you are.

[rose ice]

Basically he said instead of being non-binary I'm just a tomboy cause I'm not super feminine, and then guilted me about 'how would you feel if you saw me kissing another girl' etc. And flat out stating I'm not poly

I'm crying too much rn but thanks for the offer

[solid quartz]

Hmmmmm, ok I hope your cry is good but we are here for you

[rose ice]

After I had told him I'm 100% fine with a monogamous relationship I just wanted to be honest and tell him

[solid quartz]

THAT BITCH

[rugged glade]

Him saying that doesn't make sense because what's good for one person is not always going to be good for the other. A poly relationship needs to be consensual with all people involved. I'm glad you communicated that you're fine being monogamous with him because polyamory truly is not for everyone. I'm sorry that he puts words into your mouth when you're just trying to be honest.

[solid quartz]

How dare he put you down like he did after you stated your comfort with your current life, but desire to be open and honest

[rose ice]

"So to start off with, I've been thinking a lot lately and talking with friends and lots of research, and I think I'm non-binary and poly, not to say I'm unhappy or anything, I am I just think you should know this because it's a part of me

I am 100% happy in a monogamous relationship and never plan to have a poly relationship as I know you're against it

On the non-binary side of things I don't always "feel" female, though i don't feel Male either, it's hard to explain

Nothing changes it just means sometimes online I'll go by they/them on some days or she/her on somedays and may get a binder

I just want 100% communication you know, so it's important you know this"

[flat scaffold]

I'm so sorry he's putting you through this. You deserve so much more.

[rugged glade]

You wrote a beautiful message.

[rose ice]

I made sure he was okay with me telling him over text vs in person as it's easier for me to articulate my words that way and he said it was fine

So I tried my best to explain

[radiant tundra]

@rose ice I think that the message that you wrote was very well worded and you should be proud of how well you expressed yourself. I am very sorry that he reacted the way that he did!

[rugged glade]

Some people need time to soak in the new information, especially if they're not familiar with these terms and this community, and some people don't learn at all. The best you can do is what you did: be honest to yourself. Not even just being honest to him, but it is so important to also be honest with yourself.

[rose ice]

"You don't need to put tags on yourself

In regards to that, I know your not feminine. You're genetically female, but you don't see yourself as basic b**** and don't want to assimilated with them. That's fine your a tomboy and there's a good portion of population that feels the same. You are who you are personality wise "

Censored for possible minors

[rugged glade]

He sounds like he's going about it gently, though completely missing the point. Do you think he would be open to trying to learn some more about your gender?

[rose ice]

Not at this point no

[solid quartz]

I kinda agree with Ant but part of this is also that consider that you didn't know much of this information before yesterday and he may need to get informed. So maybe go over some of the information with him or relate it with him

[idle bane]

tbh that doesn't sound gentle at all to me
He sounds like he's being an asshole (and sexist about it), rather than someone who's trying to understand but has to work through some stuff first

[solid quartz]

He's trying to be supportive in a way that has microaggressions he doesn't realize he is doing

[rugged glade]

Someone who uses the term "genetically female" is not informed on the reality of gender.

[rose ice]

He was late picking me up, said I'm never having a poly relationship and that he hadn't recovered from 5 girls cheating on him, that he needed time to process and hasn't talked to me since, we're in separate rooms rn

[solid quartz]

TOxic

[rose ice]

I'm not going to go into how he guilted me though, it's x rated

[idle bane]

"you don't see yourself as a basic b* and don't want to be assimilated with them" is a more sexist version of what my step-mother told me when I tried to explain that I was nonbinary

[solid quartz]

Super Toxic

[proper knot]

_it is too late both in time and conversation development for me to get much involved in this, so I just extend this to you kats 🫂 _

[rose ice]

Thank you for the hug

[proper knot]

keep up your awesome support vanished and bullfrog

[idle bane]

anyway kats, im really sorry that this is how he reacted and you have to deal with that
I just want to make it very clear that he's the one being unreasonable here and that it's not a case of "oh well these are just complicated ideas to understand outside of the community"
that's true, gender is complicated and it's very hard for cis people to understand what non-binary means, but there are reasonable ways to express that confusion, and there are ways to be supportive even while confused, and this is neither of those

[solid quartz]

Right now, time is probably what is needed. Since his (horrible) reaction when picking you up was focusing on the fact you said you were poly and ignoring the fact that you said you were ok with your current relationship, I think his hurt took over and he's blinded.

[rose ice]

Maybe, idk what if I ruined our relationship?

[rugged glade]

Your identity didn't ruin anything.

[idle bane]

you didn't ruin your relationship by being true to yourself

[rugged glade]

If anything ruined it, it's him not accepting you.

[solid quartz]

Rather than tell you no, I'm going to run through what I think the possibles are. Let's say you did ruin your relationship, there are ways to fix it. Hopefully the therapy you go to can help with having that conversation.

Let's say you didn't ruin your relationship, he's hurt and hurt people can hurt others sometimes

When he gets over the hurt he feels right now, maybe a better conversation can be had

[rose ice]

I'm already hating my body today and the fact I can't be more androgynous and him just calling me a tomboy has just made it 100x worse

Yeah, I go back to therapy on the 27th so hopefully she can help

[solid quartz]

So long away

😱

[rose ice]

Yeah I just went last saturday and thought everything was gonna be fine for awhile

[rugged glade]

Being nonbinary and polyamorous are innocent things that harm no one. NO ONE. You did not cause any damage. Your identity is not destructive. Your identity is valid and worthy of respect.

[rose ice]

Thank you

[solid quartz]

This is way less bad than your thing, but I tried tutoring this girl in Math earlier, but I feel like we got nowhere and I wasted her time.

I feel kinda bad about that

I'm gonna hangout in voice chat for a while, if you want to talk or just listen to me ramble about something to be a distraction come on in

[idle bane]

to potentially lighten the news, i started a booktube (book blogging on youtube) channel today

[solid quartz]

Nice

[rose ice]

Okay, I think I'm gonna play stardew with my brother though, he just asked if I wanted to play and he's usually super accepting so maybe I can talk to him about it for a bit

Also awesome! Love booktubers!

[idle bane]

if anyone wants to check it out:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tt4wanA4EtU

also good luck!

[solid quartz]

"time is fake" YAS time is an illusion that only sometimes makes sense.

[summer juniper]

time is a social construct we all follow

love time

[solid quartz]

"I know three things about this book: [It's] giant, [it] has lesbians in it, and I know that I own it" 😏

[quaint pivot]

i've sort of just been lurking in here cause im far to shy to say anything but i really really needed to hear this even if it wasn't meant for me per say thank-you ❤️

[solid quartz]

NIce.

Btw @idle bane is memento mordi influenced from unus annus

[rugged glade]

I'm glad it means something to you, whether it was said to you or not. It's a message that applies to everyone, including you.

[idle bane]

unus annus?

[solid quartz]

It was a youtube channel that was deleted after a year whose catchphrase was memento mori

(unus annus is latin for one year)

[idle bane]

kfdgjhdkjg nope
i got the phrase memento mori from one of the series of unfortunate events books XD

[solid quartz]

AAAAAHHHHHH

My favorite series

[flat scaffold]

I love memento mori. Death rituals are so fascinating!

[solid quartz]

^ agreed

[idle bane]

yeah!
i love a goth vibe

[solid quartz]

@summer juniper how did the tarot card reading go

[summer juniper]

memento mori also means "remember you will die" if my shitty memory is correct

[summer juniper]

;-; not so well i got the devil, upside down fool and death

an upside down card means the opposite of the traditional meaning of that card

[solid quartz]

It might be "remember you must die" but yeah something like that

[idle bane]

yup!

it's "remember you will die" in the books
"remember you must die" on google
i don't know enough latin to say which is technically more accurate

[solid quartz]

I forget what the devil means, but upside down death means change will not come i think since the death card is about change

ANd the fool is about new beginnings

[idle bane]

oh boy that's a rough reading

[solid quartz]

so i don't know what upside down fool is

[summer juniper]

o

death is normal

not upside down

ugh i have bad grammer

[flat scaffold]

O! Change can be good. So maybe it's not all bad?

[idle bane]

it sounds like change might be necessary

fkdjghjfkg without any other context

[summer juniper]

so the devil is: addiction, materialism, playfulness. the upside down fool is:recklessness, taken advantage of, inconsideration. and death is: end of cycle, beginnings, change, metamorphosis

;-;

[idle bane]

what arrangement did you use?

[summer juniper]

uh

just standard 3 pull

👁️👄👁️

[rose ice]

He apologized and explained himself etc. And that he'll accept me for me

[summer juniper]

oh

[solid quartz]

Yeah time was what was needed

[summer juniper]

my reading might be wrong

i just found the star and the world 😭

[idle bane]

oh?

[solid quartz]

@summer juniper what did you ask the cards before you pulled

[summer juniper]

nOthInG

i haven't done tarot pulls in so long

afjsbdnfjd

[solid quartz]

tHeN yOu GeT nOtHiNg

[idle bane]

kdfhgkjdfg did you just ask your deck for a vibe check
never do that, they're brutal

[summer juniper]

norpe

lemme do that rwq

with only the major arcana

[solid quartz]

NOOOO

Use all the cards

[summer juniper]

👁️👄👁️

i just want a vibe check

[solid quartz]

you do you i guess

[summer juniper]

a

damn

[idle bane]

im preparing to laugh

[summer juniper]

the tower, upside down lovers, upside down high priestess

LMAO

[flat scaffold]

heheheh

[idle bane]

sjsjjsjsjsjsjsjjs

[solid quartz]

Tower = super bad

[summer juniper]

mhm

working hard for nothing

[deft finch]

any other asexual folk on here?

[summer juniper]

but this is just a vibecheck

😭

[idle bane]

tarot deck: the vibes are rancid

[solid quartz]

@idle bane yeah, they all bad meanings i think

I meant to say you right

[idle bane]

okay well the good thing about this is that vibes tend to change pretty often, like day by day
so i don't think this is really a reflection on your life or your choices, at least not without like, a specific question

[summer juniper]

uhuh

lemem asksks

hum

[solid quartz]

@deft finch I'm demisexual if that's close enough for you

[idle bane]

and also i can be less glib about this, i'm not sure how serious this is for you

also corsola im ace

[deft finch]

nice!

[summer juniper]

wOw

i asked how my day was

and

[radiant tundra]

Heyo, aro ace right here 👋

[summer juniper]

wOw

legit the same but with the hermit instead of death

i-

and same order

wow i-

[waxen hare]

it could be good gosh it just depends on perpective! id read it as u need to change ur perspective on a material matter or habit for a change

for the first readin anyway gosh im catchin up

[summer juniper]

i'm doing the circular motion shuffle and pulling three

[idle bane]

i think that's the deck telling you to take a break, tbh

[solid quartz]

^this

[summer juniper]

agreed

gUesS

whAt

i mean,

[idle bane]

tower, chariot, reversed world XD

[summer juniper]

gUesS wHo jUsT fOunD tHe eMpReSs

kms

i give up

[solid quartz]

Your literally not playing with a full deck anyway.

[summer juniper]

i-

wow

i just

i realized i have 16

of the 22 major arcana

wow

😭

i give up

[solid quartz]

Are you missing magician, sun, moon, hanged man, judement and temperance

[summer juniper]

i know i have sun and hanged man

but

lemme c

i have moon

i dont have judgement magician judgement and temperance

;-;

i'm just gonna

[waxen hare]

yeah gosh bud have a break its best to do those thing when uve got a clear head

[summer juniper]

oop found judgement

gonna try to find the others ;-;

[waxen hare]

anxiety usually messes w ur intuition

[summer juniper]

signs.

i dunbo guess mine ig

or smn idk '-'

[solid quartz]

ig?

[summer juniper]

i guess

[solid quartz]

Do you feel better @rose ice ? Or is it a different feeling