suddenly felt aware of my art or smth?

[digital fulcrum]

this just happened like a few hours ago and im still continuing my study process rn but idk wtf hapened cus suddenly my perception kinda changed and im feeling weird rn

so ive been spending the past month or so re-learning how to draw the torso & perfecting other areas i suddenly forgot how to draw i.e. the shoulders, hips, pelvis, head skull etc. im re-learning it cus the last time i actually did a super serious study was around 3yrs ago and since then ive been doing only small studies on certain specific areas & most of the other times just drawing freely, doing gesture/figure drawings, or just applying my studies while having som fun.

so uhh ive been comparing my recent arts to ones i did when i had a small study session around 6-7 months ago and kinda noticed that ive been drawing more shittier than i had compared to those old drawings, and a few hours ago it got to a point where i felt really down and decided to doze off for a few minutes and when i woke up, the month worth of serious study i did felt like its been thrown off my head, i felt like all those

things i learned this past month completely disappeared and left my brain empty. i just continued doodling and sketching some poses ive been having a close to hard time doing and after around 20 minutes i looked at them and DAMN theyre incredible. i felt like i have no idea what im doing compared to 1h earlier but somehow the result looked MUCH better and clearer and more natural. my studies of the rib cage's form and shape and the scapula and sternum clavicle latissimus serratus teres deltoid tricep completely were completely deactivated but somehow i can draw more smoothly.

before this serious study began 1m ago i used to draw the rib cage and pelvis with the oval + circle method or the 2 beans method from Proko and the result still looked awful, but after my serious study it began to show improvement on my understanding on the shape n the spine, but the result still proves less clear than what it was around 9m-1.5y ago. so i started the serious study and even tho my understanding improved a lot, i still couldnt really grasp grasp it entirely into my brain and hand and eyes, like i could understand it but not fully understand it yk? but after the thing happened somehow i could draw far better than what ive been doing before or during this past month.

idk how tf they all disappeared but if they finally "got into my brain" then i wouldve noticed something changed for the good, but this just feels really weird. and i also dont know if ive just given up on trying to improve and my brain just wants to take a break, and hence made my eyes perceive that my drawings are somehow better and develops emotional attachment to it. idk but has any of you lot experience smth like this? and how do i continue my study?

idk if this is maybe just hormones or something but idk maybe my brain got tired or it snapped into something dumber or idk?? help?????

[digital fulcrum]

chat pls help 😭

[reef lichen]

Personally i think itsmore that youre being more critical of yourself now than back then. Honestly ive gone through this several times and each turns out the same. Im not getting worse im just more critical of myself now than in the past

[main saffron]

There is this idea among artists of training the eye versus training your hand. If your eye is more advanced than what you can make with your hands (like you can more easily see whats wrong with what you’re making) you’re in a good place because you have guidance on where to improve. If you look at what you create in the moment and dont see anything wrong with it or struggle to pinpoint how to advance your skill, your “hand” has exceeded what your eye can observe. this typically happens when we stop observing from life and only have a small range of reference at our disposal. because of this learning art is never linear. Sometimes we have this “AHA” moment where what our hand produces starts to keep up with what our eye deems worthy or “correct” or “good” and thats when we tend to get comfortable, we upgrade. and then you find something else revolutionary you can use to improve your eye and youre back at that place of “what the hell is wrong with this?” its a constant struggle that never goes away BUT you do learn overtime how to get to that good balanced place again easier

idk if that helps at all but i hope it does lol

and specifically for what youre learning know that its not enough to just observe and recreate. Application is the best way to ingrain skills. so after doing like an hour of intense study, put away your references and apply what you learned by drawing a pose from imagination for a while. see what you can come up with. What i like to do is like 1 hour and 30 minutes of gestures and/or deconstructing forms from reference , and then 30 minutes of using written pose generators (i.e it’ll say like “someone squatting with their head turned to the left and arms outstretched”) and apply what you learned to that and then go straight from imagination.

[high skiff]

sounds like creators block