A Fragile Foundation

[topaz hinge]

Title: A Fragile Foundation
Genre: Mystery/psychological thriller/literary fiction
Warnings: Murder/Homicide, mentions of pregnancy/miscarriage, misogyny (because hysteria is used to dismiss Audrey) Grief, slight sexual references in chapter 2
This is my first draft also yes I'm looking for critique cause uhh I've never written a novel before
Summary: The story centers on an eloquent british businessman who presents himself as a grieving widower after the death of his pregnant wife Audrey Lockwood. He recounts the apparent timeline to the detective and reader and seems to have a really strong alibi. Okay next part is the spoiler ||the time of death is 2 hours before he apparently came how could he have done the murder? You see the open windows actually made her time of death much faster and she died at 7:50 despite the autopsy saying 6:23. In a desperate attempt to stop her from leaving him he decided to uh strangle her which led to her dying, in order to not get caught he lies to the reader, characters and himself to feign innocence and to justify his actions as readers slowly realize what happened||
Viewers can comment so I'll send the link here if you decide to read more chapters but chapter 1 is the only one finished so far. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ydQ5OF7elf8zzWOyXeAb-FH_nf3VN9wrZ6i8JlvxWOs/edit?usp=drivesdk

[hexed flint]

@topaz hinge Hey, I really like this premise, especially the unreliable narrator and the twist with the time of death. It’s a strong psychological hook, and the emotional angle adds depth beyond just the mystery.

I’d just suggest sprinkling in a few subtle inconsistencies early on to strengthen that slow realization for readers.

Also, I shared your first chapter with a professional beta reader I’ve worked with before, she’s actually reviewing it right now, so I think you’ll get some really valuable insight soon.

Great start so far!

[hexed flint]

@topaz hinge Here is the feedback the professional beta reader i use for my manuscript sent to me.

[topaz hinge]

Thank you so much!!

[topaz hinge]

I'd like to add that his purple prose(or flowery language) was intentional so readers focus on his flowery language and not the fact he's suspicious! he doesn't really see Audrey for who she is and what she wants, just a painting, I'm unsure about how to frame it as intentional. I can try adding clear timeline markers about the non-linear structure, also I think the timeline is okay because the trip on the train takes one whole day, so I should mention that too. I decided to also add a line after clearly showing Mr. Broussard is the detective to make it clearer for readers