Half Cadence - Blurb

[reef scroll]

This is the blurb I made for my story. I need some constructive feedback, suggestions for improvements, etc. (or any type of feedback at all)

[rigid orchid]

It's a bit wordy and long for a blurb. I'd suggest deleting most of it, and condense it. There's a lot of information you don't need in the blurb.

[reef scroll]

Which part do you suggest I delete and which part I should keep?

[rigid orchid]

A good part of the first half.

[final tapir]

This is for the back cover and the Amazon description? Yes, it is a bit long, at just over 200 words, it exceeds my back cover copy by almost 30 words, so it's not bad but if you could tighten it up a bit, it would help.

Let me look it over...

In the first pgph, I'd add another item in the reasons their relationship wouldn't work. (Read about the Rule of Three: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rule_of_three_(writing))

I was completely stopped by the mention of Wesley's girlfriend because you didn't let us know that he and Arwen were NOT still together!

I'm not certain what 'misgivings' Wesley's family would have...the only thing mentioned so far was that his dad didn't think Arwen was right for him...but that's moot as she isn't in the picture anymore.

"...their mundane lives have given them."
A better way to tell us that detail.

I'm not certain who the MC will be in this story...both Wesley and Arwen seem to have equal visibility earlier on, but the last pgph seems to focus on just Arwen. 🤷‍♂️

"...battles to fight."? I'm not certain what this could be referring to.

Will folks not familiar with music theory understand what a 'half cadence' is?

Despite it being a bit long, I don't see much that can be removed...just a few words here and there.

[rare dome]

blurbs should be about 100 - 150 words.

200 max. And very rarely 250 - 300, and never beyond (according to some research I've done during my own blurb adventures). (I've seen some very long blurbs that made me put down the book before I even got to the first page).

Second paragraph can be shortened a bit in certain areas, but last paragraph is definitely wordy.

That last line is very poetic, but not quite a great place as in a blurb to include. (Anyone feel free to correct me.)

Quite honestly, you could leave it at the first line of the last paragraph, maybe even one of the questions. (I personally don't like the "Will they, won't they?" questions in blurbs because it's pretty obvious, but that's just me. Plenty of writers use that to great success.)

[reef scroll]

Thank you so much for this. I’ll try my best to incorporate the things you've mentioned