#Shaving. - Experimental fiction. Essay-like

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

cunning panther
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This is like essay bleeding out into the drama territory. A "story" I've been sitting on and finally revised. I think it's finished, open to critique.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/14RPMizSXs2iibc1tbMfdIdjLnMOuyyFLj_HKWnqjEJc/edit?usp=sharing

Google Docs
Shaving

Shaving is by far the most challenging part in a young man's life. It is crucial to maintaining a clear image of yourself in the trying times of puberty and it is judged, relentlessly, by others. Which brings us here, because... How? The first time you touch this deeply alien object, the razor,...

green totem
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@cunning panther

cunning panther
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Hi

green totem
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@cunning panther critqued it for you

green totem
prime flax
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but on a personal opinion based matter, i think this like "story" i guess you would call it, has some great ideas and potential

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while it is your own thoughts and opinions, i personally would've changed the euphoria and the god-complex into a nihillistic or like sisyphisian kinda deal idk how to spell the guys name

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the guy who pushes the rock over the cliff or whatever

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but the concept of shaving, of having to do this sort of meaningless everyday task thats meant to impress a made up term of like "presentability," and the joy that you recieve from doing something "meaningless," could be taken into some serious "i hate the government and they're forcing us into doing things and rewarding us and stealing our life away" rant and THAT sounds funny asf

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if you wanted like shock value or like a heavy contrast between "oh shaving is so boring" and "im god" then hate is a really easy emotion to convey

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uhh other than that, maybe like formatting? indents and making it seem "paragaphy-essay-like" might help or might not help, i have no idea, its your story

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but overall, i love the vision