The first paragraph of my debut WebNovel, [Despair Engine!]

[rose kayak]

Through the second story window of his school, all he could see was Fresh [Roadkill].
It seemed the world was keen to make physical a mental state high schooler Sato Suzuki knew all too well: Death. Metaphorical death, anyway. Far less severe the real thing, but certainly no less brutal and crushing. It seemed the pragmatic monotony of the world itself had crawled into his mind and made it a vessel for decay. To put it simply, Mr.Suzuki was dead bored.
In a stark irony, there was something about this particular brand of boredom that made the state of sleep Sato was heading toward even more alluring;
(I know that sentence doesn’t have a proper ending gimme a break)

[rapid relic]

Before I give some feedback, what’s the synopsis of this story?

[rose kayak]

In 2004, a deeply schizotypal but genius high schooler and her reluctant friend discover a nefarious supernatural conspiracy behind a series of famicides.

[It… Suzuki] during that little tidbit, I’m meaning to say that he feels the roadkill is a physical representation of his mental state. It’s a lil unclear lol

Oh also [Through..Roadkill] is meant to be a cold open. It’s done a lil poorly though

[rapid relic]

Its pretty good so far, but it’s also only a paragraph so I look forward to seeing more of what you got maybe three - six paragraphs of you building this story.

The comment “dead bored” before the “to put it simply mr. Suzuki was…”could be potentially rearranged here to “dreadfully bored, bored to death, or any other.

The part with the “that made the state of sleep sato was heading towards even more alluring”
Raises questions, who is Sato, why is sato mentioned here?

[rose kayak]

Thanks for your feedback. I agree that “dead bored” could be rearranged to be slightly more clear. As far as who Sato is and his relevance to the story, the chapter simply hasn’t quite reached that point yet. For now, he’s just a normal high school senior.