I need some feedback.

[sick wedge]

All right...
I've looked it over and have a few suggestions.

The way the 'story' is being presented, the narrator tells us what's going on...then turns to the reader and addresses him directly. That's known as Breaking the Fourth Wall.

It can be done, but it's not a traditional way to tell a story.

Also, it keeps us out of the MC's head...but then in your story, suddenly we are in his head, hearing his thoughts.
I'm not certain which way you want to take this.

Do you want me to drop the commented doc here? or DM??

[radiant stump]

To add to the other feedback, it seems as if the prose is wandering around with no real objective in mind

It feels overly verbose without saying much in particular. Maybe cut sentences down in editing so that we can get to the scene faster?

Also, maybe look into rhetorical devices and try to incorporate that into your writing

Because I get the sense that you're trying to capture an abstract feeling

the kind of heat that made one feel uncomfortable, not necessarily the kind of heat that made one perspire, but it surely made one feel drained.

This feels really clumsy. I dont want to impose my writing style on you, but some simple metaphors could get the job done here

[vocal horizon]

I know, but I do this intentionally haha

[vocal horizon]

wherever you want, but I prefer dms

[vocal horizon]

I know it feels clumsy but I kinda like it like that

I want to capture a "dostoevskian" feel, but more simple and easier to read