#Short Story, 7250 Words.
gaunt spruce
You dump your stuff here...and hope that someone comments on it.
Some folks use a link to a Google Doc, so we can comment (and possibly suggest edits) right there on the document.
A PDF is good enough for some readers.
silent falcon
A PDF is good enough for some readers.
I see.
I am not really looking for edits. The story has many weak points and they have been thoroughly examined already, but I cannot currently edit it either. This will do.
Thanks, by the way.
gaunt spruce
"Cannot edit" Why not??
silent falcon
"Cannot edit" Why not??
I don't have enough time and if I start editing, it will probably take a lot more time than I expect, always.
gaunt spruce
Ah, yes. Editing often takes much more time than you expect.
I was a bit confused at the time/date stamp at the beginning...was that supposed to be in there?
Also, you seem to have a new pgph for every sentence...that really breaks up the flow.
silent falcon
I was a bit confused at the time/date stamp at the beginning...was that supposed...
Yes, I thought it would serve to maintain the flow of the story.
gaunt spruce
Is that when the story is taking place?
silent falcon
Also, you seem to have a new pgph for every sentence...that really breaks up the...
This was how I read the few novels I was inspired by. They were short and broke up every sentence. I personally like this format better as it's more digestible (haven't really been a fan of most novels I have read so far; except 1984.
silent falcon
Is that when the story is taking place?
Yes.
gaunt spruce
The problem with breaking up the pgphs like that is that the reader can't tell if it's the same speaker or a new one.
silent falcon
The problem with breaking up the pgphs like that is that the reader can't tell i...
That was a problem I also faced while reading the light novels. I thought you are supposed to figure that stuff out yourself somehow.
gaunt spruce
Yes.
It's a good idea to use a 'dateline' to set the reader's expectations, but put it first...and make it less 'computer-ish'.
Watchout for semicolons, too.
I see waay too many of them...mostly not used correctly. 😦
silent falcon
It's a good idea to use a 'dateline' to set the reader's expectations, but put i...
Yes, now that I see it, it does feel detached from the flow I had in mind.
silent falcon
Watchout for semicolons, too.
I see waay too many of them...mostly not used corr...
Mm, will look into that.
gaunt spruce
A proper dateline could read like this:
Aug 3, 2027, 9:31 AM, Denver, Texas
By giving the reader a time and a location it sets the scene.
silent falcon
Yes, now that I see it, it does feel detached from the flow I had in mind.
Might be flux from the original story I wrote. This is a rewritten version entirely in a different voice.
gaunt spruce
Ah, leftovers that are waiting to be cleaned up. Got it.
silent falcon
A proper dateline could read like this:
> Aug 3, 2027, 9:31 AM, Denver, Texas
By...
I see. This is much better.
gaunt spruce
Be certain to set it out, so it doesn't blend in with the rest of the text.
Almost as if it were a chapter name or something.
silent falcon
Almost as if it were a chapter name or something.
Hmm, perhaps. But timing every chapter wouldn't work as there are some of them set where time and location aren't really necessary - the traumas, I mean.
gaunt spruce
As long as you have some kind of break to let the reader know, that's fine.
Here is what I mean about setting it apart:
See how the font is bigger...and there is no indent?
gaunt spruce
That's probably fine for as you are writing, but when you get ready to print it out, you'll need to look at the format...to give the reader a good experience.
silent falcon
Here is what I mean about setting it apart:
...what I wrote was sufficient, but it's terrible if I make it an excuse to not learn.
I see. The font looks better, and the sentence structure feels like an improvement.
silent falcon
Here is what I mean about setting it apart:
To be honest, I don't even know how to do this. I will have to learn this.
gaunt spruce
I also added in a few dialogue tags so we don't end up with talking heads in a dark room.
You can either learn how to do it...or you can use someone who already knows how to do it. 🙋♂️
silent falcon
I also added in a few dialogue tags so we don't end up with talking heads in a d...
I see.
silent falcon
You can either learn how to do it...or you can use someone who already knows how...
Well, the story has ended. I wrote it for a competition, and I have submitted it already. This is why I am a bit hesitant (previously scrumptious) of editing the story, that is not editing it unless the whole is revised.
Bingo, the first time I'm seeing a word being used in a completely wrong manner!
I shouldn't have published it without the intention of improving, but I assumed it was logically a better choice to show my story to others, all things considered.
gaunt spruce
Releasing a story that hasn't had a second (or third) set of eyes on it can be a problem.
silent falcon
Releasing a story that hasn't had a second (or third) set of eyes on it can be a...
I was low on time. I finished the story just the day before the final date of submission, and then it was printed.
gaunt spruce
Ah! Timing. That can be a problem
silent falcon
Anyways, read and suggest as you wish. I will try my best to acknowledge what you have to say.