#Post-Apocalyptic Main WIP (concept)

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

hollow plover
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So I’ve been writing/developing this project since 2022 after an interesting dream I had, it’s purely for my own entertainment but if it ever turns out good I might try and publish it. (Please ignore my English or bad grammar, I had to type this out very quickly).

The worldbuilding:

Basically, the story is based in a Post-Apocalyptic Earth around 70-100 years from now. Earth’s climate has shifted and changed drastically, humanity is alive but not as we know it.
There’s still certain governments and countries.
After climate change took a heavy toll on the planet and humanity itself, scientists found a new type of blood in the newer generations, a type of blood that could heal injuries faster, and halt or even completely kill viruses and or illnesses.
This went public not long after the discovery and caused humanity to become very chaotic (because everyone obviously wanted those abilities). Conflicts happened, governments were struggling, and crime was extremely normalised. Simple rules and laws were ignored and people simply rioted all over.
These conflicts sometimes grew out into serious wars.

Feedback or anything would be appreciated, I just wonder if anyone would want to read a story based into this world.
The main story doesn’t only go into the world, but into characters and life as well..
(Sorry for bad grammar use or anything.)

distant jacinth
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An initial suggestion I would say is start to look at the story you want to build. Because (at least imo) worldbuilding is a piece, but it's not your whole story, and it shouldn't be the main focus either.

(Not trying to be rude, I just don't have a good way to say this). You don't exactly have a lot of detail in your world building as is...so there's not a lot to give feedback on.

Do you have a character who is of this 'special bloodline' and they're on the run? Is your character someone from the government sent to find these people? What are the tolls this sort of thing took on the world? Is it a whole thing about screening people and detaining people.

Otherwise you're kind of just looking at an image, like this is the world...yay...and a reader would move on.

You can definitely get there though! (And I'm more than happy to continue chatting/brainstorming if you want, but it's also your story. You're the boss.)

hollow plover
hollow plover
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I’ll paste a bit of text I shared on him in here as well

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“The main story revolves around the life of a young-adult with an impressive skill for sniping and hiding himself in plain sight. He’s very intelligent and ambitious.

I kind of struggle(d) with making his character interesting, and i’m still looking.

His childhood wasn’t rich and he didn’t really have family except for an older brother, but he left their home and him behind. After witnessing and living through aggressive acts of crime in his hometown and own house he kind of builds a disliking for those criminals and joins a military faction on the outer ring of Paris (one of the biggest thriving cities of it’s time)
From there on he gets in contact with people he thinks he trusts, but eventually they turn out to be actual ‘villains’.
He runs from the faction and makes himself a target that way.
He also carries the blood, which the Faction KNOWS and has abused for quite some time, except he’s been unaware for all those years.

I kinda need to go from there”

wise crane
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I saw "world building" and I skipped over it...looking for the actual story.
Not there. 😦
Do you have any scenes written out yet??

hollow plover
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Post-Apocalyptic Main WIP (concept)

wise crane
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No problem posting here.

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There are a lot of options for discussions, so keep at it.

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As far as your writing, you can't get much better if you are the only one looking at it. How do you know if you know what needs to be fixed??

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Share some scenes, and we will let you know if they are bad or not...and hopefully give you some advice to improve them (and your writing overall).

hollow plover
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Okay! I’ll share one (or a few(?)) in a bit, most likely.

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Her breath was slow, quiet. She knew she wouldn’t make it, she hated the thought. But what she hated more, was knowing he was here too.
She knew that look in his eyes, the look of desperation. Determination.

“No..” She was sobbing like she’d never done before. Not for herself, but for him.

He grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly. A soft, warm smile on his face.
“I said no!” She tried to fight the grip, her words slipping away through the uncontrolled sobs.
“Please..”

Tears streamed down his face, but there was a sign of closure hidden deep in eyes. He chose this, he wanted her to live so badly.. ..he was willing to give his own life.

A soft, gold light emerged from the tight grip. Val felt warm, ..alive again.

He moved his hand through her hair, his smile struggling to hold. His eyes getting tired. “You’ll be okay.” His entire body trembled, but the grip remained ever so tight.
“You’ll.. be okay..”
His body laying beside her, a smile on his face, her hand desperately trying to hold his as it slipped from her grasp.

It’s not entirely related to the main story, but it’s a scene I chose because i’m most satisfied with this one as of right now..

wise crane
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I don't see anything wrong with that scene...though there are a few edits I'd do.

hollow plover
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I probably made a little mistake, but the “Please” part was actually said by the girl, Val, sorry for that 😅
But yeah that does look a bit cleaner.
I’m not entirely a professional in any language so I really appreciate this!

wise crane
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Ah, I wasn't certain. You need a few more tags to keep the dialogue straight. I added some, but apparently got some wrong.

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No problem...as I am a professional. 🙂

hollow plover
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I’ll keep an eye on my tags next time, I’m certain I will make those mistakes again but I’ll learn from those 🙏
Once again, I really appreciate it

wise crane
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That's why we're here.
If we can help you find where you can improve, your writing will only get better.

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If you want me to look over other scenes, just let me know.
I'm certain I'll be able to set aside some time for small projects...pro bono.