No Title | Historical Fiction/LGBTQ+ | 1193 Words | Words Alike | Page 1

deft leaf Apr 12, 2024, 9:59 PM

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Quick summary: This passage starts off following one of the main characters in the novel, Nelson, as he tries to enlist in the army as a soldier during WW1 in Port Hope Ontario. Despite his passion and desire to fight for his country, he had been repeatedly rejected due to his sex. He then meets up with his friend Sammy, who cheers him up with jokes, and they go to an ice cream parlour where you meet John and learn a bit about some other characters that you will encounter in the future of this novel. In this passage, Nelson tells you, the reader a bit about his girlfriend Winnie, whom he met while volunteering for war relief efforts. He describes her.

proven fiber Apr 12, 2024, 10:03 PM

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Wow. Squinting, I can almost make it out. A bit difficult to read.

In your intro you say that he has been "rejected due to his sex". What's wrong with his sex??

deft leaf Apr 12, 2024, 10:03 PM

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proven fiber Wow. Squinting, I can almost make it out. A bit difficult to read. In your intr...

Sorry! Would you like me to send it as a discord message?

deft leaf Apr 12, 2024, 10:04 PM

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proven fiber Wow. Squinting, I can almost make it out. A bit difficult to read. In your intr...

You might understand more once you finish reading

proven fiber Apr 12, 2024, 10:06 PM

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deft leaf Sorry! Would you like me to send it as a discord message?

No...a Google Doc would be the best way, but I can zoom in and read it...just a bit of a pain. 🙂

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Is this supposed to be in BE instead of AE?

deft leaf Apr 12, 2024, 10:08 PM

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I’m not American soooo

deft leaf Apr 12, 2024, 10:09 PM

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proven fiber No...a Google Doc would be the best way, but I can zoom in and read it...just a ...

Oh I’m sorry, I’ll just keep that in mind next time

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I have just made one https://docs.google.com/document/d/108GLEhQh4V0MYGuMxzsp83OfWtvFeTsKnT80E_JEFcY/edit

Google Docs

Wip

proven fiber Apr 12, 2024, 10:11 PM

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deft leaf I’m not American soooo

Not a problem. I'll just swap over to the other dictionary. I have them both set up because sometimes I'm doing one...sometimes the other.

deft leaf Apr 12, 2024, 10:12 PM

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Do you not understand British English?

proven fiber Apr 12, 2024, 10:12 PM

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Ah, much better.

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Oh, I understand it well enough. It just when I'm editing, I like to have the right dictionary in place, so it doesn't keep flagging misspellings that are perfectly fine.

deft leaf Apr 12, 2024, 10:13 PM

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Ahhh I see.

proven fiber Apr 12, 2024, 10:16 PM

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I've done editing on both sides of the pond, so I need to be able to adapt.

deft leaf Apr 12, 2024, 10:21 PM

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The book is set in Canada in 1917

proven fiber Apr 12, 2024, 10:22 PM

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Ah, north, so I should use a Canadian English Dictionary. 🙂

deft leaf Apr 12, 2024, 10:22 PM

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Canadian English is British English

proven fiber Apr 12, 2024, 10:22 PM

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Mostly, yes, but being so close to the US, there are some slight differences.

deft leaf Apr 12, 2024, 10:23 PM

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In terms of speaking, but British English is the proper grammatically correct way of spelling

proven fiber Apr 12, 2024, 10:23 PM

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True. Good thing I don't have to search for and install yet another dictionary.

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I've read it over...
And it seems most of the dialogue is a bit stilted...and goes on and on.
You'll find that most people talk in small bursts with a lot of back-and-forth going on.

deft leaf Apr 12, 2024, 10:25 PM

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Yes I agree with you

proven fiber Apr 12, 2024, 10:25 PM

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You can still have someone talking without the other one...but break it up with some tags.

deft leaf Apr 12, 2024, 10:25 PM

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What do you mean?

proven fiber Apr 12, 2024, 10:29 PM

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I just grabbed a sample dialogue from the middle...

“Miss, please.” He pointed. “There’s a line, and this isn’t something you can joke around with.” He stood up, leaning forward, his hands on the desk. “There are real men waiting to enlist, and we do need their help if we want to win this war.” Frowning, he said, “You’d best head off back home now…” He paused. “Before we get someone to send you to the asylum.”

deft leaf Apr 12, 2024, 10:32 PM

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Should I do this every time I have dialogue?

proven fiber Apr 12, 2024, 10:32 PM

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It would be better than having a whole block of speechifying.

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Better yet, have interactions between characters.

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He can say one or two things, and she can react, either physically or saying something, then he'll continue.

deft leaf Apr 12, 2024, 10:34 PM

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I was just thinking of it in my head as the enlistment officer behind a desk and it just being a sort of stern face to face conversation

proven fiber Apr 12, 2024, 10:36 PM

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Yes, but you didn't say that...so the reader just has talking heads in a dark room.
If you see that picture in your head, then you need to put it down on paper, so the reader gets the same image.

deft leaf Apr 12, 2024, 10:38 PM

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Have you seen the film Passchendaele? I imagine it like when David is in the enlistment office talking about his asthma or whatever happened, but I’m not sure how to describe that in writing

proven fiber Apr 12, 2024, 11:54 PM

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No, I haven't seen that film.

deft leaf Apr 12, 2024, 11:58 PM

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Ah okay.

proven fiber Apr 12, 2024, 11:58 PM

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But I just read up on it, and it seems to be a good one. I can picture the scene when he's trying to get in, but is refused.

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We've seen a few based-on-history films recently. I'll have to put this one on my list. Thanks!

deft leaf Apr 13, 2024, 12:01 AM

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It’s really good but it is quite violent

proven fiber Apr 13, 2024, 12:08 AM

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We're used to that.

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Thanks for the idea.

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Just noticed the time!
Gotta be packing things up and heading home.

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👋

deft leaf Nov 20, 2025, 3:36 AM

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@proven fiber hey, I just finished the first draft, would you like to check it out?

proven fiber Nov 20, 2025, 4:38 AM

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Yes, that would be fine.
Just finished up a late meeting with a few other editors. I'll be back in the morn. 👋

deft leaf Nov 20, 2025, 4:49 AM

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/14-ycq4tLPp8gUU-naHDXsaht-4PfLASdvID75zOtSUs/edit?usp=drivesdk

Google Docs

Writing - Needs Feedback

As the wind carried the echoes through the window of the enlistment office in Port Hope Ontario one gloomy August evening, I stood straight before the enlistment officer, "I told you, I want to enlist in the army. I want to become a soldier and fight for our country," I insisted. "I'm afraid you ...

proven fiber Nov 21, 2025, 2:29 AM

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Thanks. I'll look it over.

deft leaf Nov 23, 2025, 11:24 PM

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proven fiber Thanks. I'll look it over.

Hey have you had a chance to check it out?

proven fiber Nov 24, 2025, 6:57 PM

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I started reading it over, but didn't find any chapter breaks...it's one whole big thing? 177 pages long??

deft leaf Nov 24, 2025, 7:35 PM

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proven fiber I started reading it over, but didn't find any chapter breaks...it's one whole b...

Yes, I originally wrote it as a single continuous piece. I added the horizontal lines afterward to indicate where the chapter breaks will eventually go. I haven’t formatted or titled/numbered the chapters yet, as I’m still in the early stages of editing. In fact, the book doesn’t even have a title at this point.

proven fiber Nov 24, 2025, 7:46 PM

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Ah! I'll have to look for those breaks.

deft leaf Nov 24, 2025, 8:24 PM

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proven fiber Ah! I'll have to look for those breaks.

The chapter breaks are still flexible right now, and I’ll probably revise many of the beginnings and endings of each chapter as I continue editing

proven fiber Nov 24, 2025, 11:50 PM

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It's good to remain flexible as you're creating.

#No Title | Historical Fiction/LGBTQ+ | 1193 Words