#For The Balance (Looking For Feed and Suggestions

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

pliant raven
pine hamlet
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Good start, but I had to go back and reread sections. Formatting could guide the reader better.

pliant raven
pine hamlet
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No sorry...I just think it would help to contain the info better.

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First drafts are often not the final. 🙂

pliant raven
pine hamlet
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I'm working on an example of formatting, but there's an 'order' problem. Do you want the types listed in the same order as the races...or do you want the races listed in the same order as the types?

pliant raven
pine hamlet
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Good...only one pgph to swap.

pliant raven
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THIS IS AMAZING TY

pine hamlet
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Is that what you wanted?

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Same info, different presentation.

pliant raven
pine hamlet
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No problem.
I have a bunch of keyboard shortcuts in Word because I do a lot of formatting.

pliant raven
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Lol this is very helpful I'll be taking notes from this if you don't mind

pine hamlet
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Go for it.

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If you have any other questions, just let me know.

pliant raven
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Name:
Race:
Element:
Appearance:
Birthday:
Age:
Personality:
Habits:

More Info (About who they are, what relation they have to the story, backstory etc):

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Character template

pine hamlet
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Looks like a good character profile template.

pliant raven
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Name: Judea Norville
Race: Human
Element: Water, Fire, Sound, Wind
Appearance: Ocean blue eyes and curly jet-black hair. He has a mole in the center of his left cheek. 4’11
Birthday: 7th Of July
Age: 11
Personality:
Habits:

More Info (About who they are, what relation they have to the story, backstory etc): Judea Norville, after an accident that occurred while traveling to Aora with his family was sent into a coma. When he woke up he didn’t where he was, who he was, or anything for that matter. Why? Because now he’s a different person. That person who was previously (Before their death) a 17 year old high school student.
@primal wing @lavish flax Sorry for the pings but look that what I have so far

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not finished and some thing will be explained later on but a game i've been waiting for just came out so-

lavish flax
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Four elements? As in magical power or what does that mean?

pliant raven
lavish flax
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that shouldn't be an argument

pliant raven
lavish flax
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not just the MC should have multiple elements

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could make them a bit overpowered if things aren't balanced out in some way

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if it is like magical power, would still like a clarification on what element means

pliant raven
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Yea ik

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It'll be explained later don't dwell on it rn hes not super overpowered at the start or anything trust me I know what im doing with that (to an extent lol

lavish flax
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I sure just like to know, since I don't feel like I can help much when I don't know what elements are at play and what they mean

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Am admittedly an architect when it comes to writing, I need to have a clear image of the story and plan it out from beginning to end, so I can get hung up on details

pine hamlet
pliant raven
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Name: Judea Norville
Race: Human
Element: Water
Appearance: Judea has dark hair that curls just above his shoulder blades. His eyes are an ocean blue color, and he has a small mole on the left side of his cheek near his mouth. He has a lean build and moves lightly and efficiently when he needs to.
Birthday: 7th Of July
Age: 11
Personality: Judea is a self-focused individual who only cares about his own well-being. Despite this, he can be surprisingly understanding and tends to let minor transgressions slide. He can also be quite sassy and sarcastic, but it's hard to tell if he's doing it on purpose or not. He's not unpredictable unless pushed too far, at which point he becomes difficult to read and responds without hesitation. While he's focused on himself, he's also capable of empathy when it comes to those close to him. (Personality of an 11-year-old who is mentally 17 almost 18)
Habits: Being brutally honest and direct, talking out loud when he's alone, tapping fingers when bored, pacing back and forth when thinking holding arms close to his body when uncomfortable/feeling awkward

More Info (About who they are, what relation they have to the story, backstory, etc): Judea Norville, after an accident that occurred while traveling to Aora with his family was sent into a coma. When he woke up he didn’t where he was, who he was, or anything for that matter. Why? Because now he’s a different person. That person was previously a 17-year-old high school student.
Though Judea may come across as more mature than most boys his age, his manner of speaking is somewhat formal with a calm, dispassionate tone. There is a lack of apparent emotion or emphasis behind his words, almost as though he were a detached observer more than a participant in the conversation.

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Changed his element I have a better idea

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Instead of knowing all the elements he's going to slowly learn all of the Vitae forms

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Knowing 2 elements is something common among the royals and knights

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So if he knew two elements that could be fine but i feel like knowing all the Vitae would be cooler B)

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What do you think @pine hamlet ? Sorry for the ping

pine hamlet
pliant raven
pine hamlet
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This is your main character?

pliant raven
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Mhm

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He'll get older with the story

pine hamlet
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When he's first introduced in the story, is he the 11yo or the 17yo??

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I may be a bit confused about that.

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Are there two of him (mentally)?

pliant raven
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Hmm Do you know what isekai is? Or reincarnation perhaps?

pine hamlet
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I'm familiar with the term...sometimes related to Portal Stories...

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Where does the story actually start...after the coma?

pliant raven
pliant raven
pine hamlet
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That's when he'll be in the 11yo body?

pliant raven
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Mhm

pine hamlet
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So we follow the MC through his death and return...only to find out he's someplace else, good. That should keep the reader interested.

pliant raven
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Name: Orion Norville
Race: Human
Element: Sound
Appearance:
Birthday: 27th Of May
Age: 19
Personality: Orion is an outspoken and curious person. He speaks his mind freely and fearlessly, and he is not one to tolerate any kind of disrespect. When he encounters a situation that he disagrees with or believes is unfair, he will speak out about it, even if it means ruffling a few feathers. He's also very curious and always seeks new knowledge and experiences. Whether it's learning new information or exploring unfamiliar spaces, he's eager to try and understand more about the world around him
Habits: Correcting others on minor errors (Even when he’s not teaching) Being over-analytical over small things, and being very particular about how he sets things up or organizes his space.

More Info (About who they are, what relation they have to the story, backstory, etc): Orion is a favorite teacher at the academy, being a talented sound evoker made him a valued asset of the school and the third strongest teacher.

Orion had a strong relationship with his younger brother Judea. Despite their occasional small arguments and playful fighting, they had a very close bond and enjoyed spending time together. Judea always looked up to his older brother and admired his wit and wisdom. The two of them had a strong connection and were always there for each other, even if they sometimes bickered or disagreed.

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Another character done only the important character will have such a detailed profile for the mom dad and the royals it would be as detail (so it wont take me too long lol) then I continue with the world building

pliant raven
lavish flax
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Honestly, if you ask me, unless it is in any way important to highlight for the plot, a characters apperance hardly matters

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especially in a written story with no visuals

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it's fine for you to have a mental image of what they look like, I myself do too, but it may not be the most important thing to share

pliant raven
pliant raven
pliant raven
lavish flax
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fair

pliant raven
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I'm a very visual person so I ofc alr have mental images

pine hamlet
pine hamlet
pine hamlet
pliant raven
pliant raven
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@pine hamlet Could you take a look at it so far? Sorry for the ping

pine hamlet
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Ping is fine...although today I was out of the office for a bit.
I'll look at it right now.

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An interesting collection of facts in your world.
I can see how some of the details can work together to help guide a story.
(It almost feels as if it's a DND guidebook!)

pliant raven
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Done for now gonna start the first chapter

pine hamlet
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Good. Probably enough world building...now you need some action.

pliant raven
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finallyyy

pine hamlet
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Good!
Are you open for comments?

pliant raven
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Sorry for the late reply

pliant raven
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Trying to post this story online

image.png image.png
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Should I go with this for the cover?

pine hamlet
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I like the one that has the non-script font for the title.

pine hamlet
pliant raven
pliant raven
pine hamlet
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I'd probably start off by mentioning the formatting, but that's not as important as the content.

Tense: First couple pgphs are in Present tense, then it switches over to Past tense (the more typical for stories), then back to Present...it flip-flops.

I was really confused right up front...the mother was yelling, but I didn't know who she was yelling at. That info didn't come until later when the MC commented on it (so I had to go back and re-read to see if I had missed something). My first thought was that she was yelling at the MC.

Another detail that slipped by me didn't pop up until almost at the end of page 2: the gender of the MC. I had pictured a female...I'm not certain why.

pliant raven
pine hamlet
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Let me know when the edits are done, so I can look it over again.

pliant raven
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I've edited the first chapt and finished two more!

pine hamlet
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If you could drop a link to the current version...then pin it...it would be easier for me to follow changes.

pliant raven
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ONE SEC

pine hamlet
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It might have been somewhere in the chat, but scrolling back, I didn't see it.

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Thanks. I'll set aside some time to look them over.

pliant raven
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@pine hamlet ?? Havent heard from u in a while

pine hamlet
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Thanks for the ping. I need a break.

pliant raven
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No problemm