quaint herald
Hi, these are some opening statements draft for a crime story idea I have. I’m trying to work on my cryptic and figurative writing, and would really appreciate some feedback on what you understood from them or critique on them : )
https://docs.google.com/document/d/11TjmmjNIjT1gcMINtjyDH6SleObp0x2x6ZF950-3ZDM/edit
wraith quest
I read the statements -- figurative and cryptic writing really isn't my thing, so I'm not sure I have much feedback unfortunately.
A few things came to mind. One is that this seemed like the Italian mafia (you used both Italian (I think) and cosa nostra) -- if these cryptic, almost lyric writings are real things they've said or based on real sayings, then I would want to know that and I would find them interesting as history or anthropology (my assumption is that they are not -- that they're meant to be something a fantastical version of the mafia would say -- fictionalized sayings)
In terms of specifics, I wasn't sure about immortal conciousness. Is that refering to a soul?
quaint herald
I read the statements -- figurative and cryptic writing really isn't my thing, s...
No no they aren’t statements any one made 😭😭😭😭
So the whole gist is I was planning to use these at the beginning of each chapter perspective shift
Like when one family’s chapters end the next family’s chapter would start with one of these statements
I just wanted to know what you understood about their world and mindset from what the statements are saying
wraith quest
gotcha. So they're probably fine for that. I don't think they're so long or confusing they'd turn anyone off. My belief is that I'd want to see the perspective clearly reflected in the character's actions, so they guy who's all about his money should act that way, and the guy who is all about violence should be very violent.
I assume that's the idea?
quaint herald
gotcha. So they're probably fine for that. I don't think they're so long or conf...
Ah alright. I guess you could say it’s sort of like an introduction to the character, or in this case the families general perspective or mindset not an individual character alone