full raptor
I feel like Jeanne’s loss of faith and emergence of nihilistic thoughts as she dies of plague isn’t fleshed out enough, or is it? Is it too boring to read just the character’s internal thoughts? I feel like the reader will get bored. I would appreciate positive and negative critique so I can know what I’m doing right and what I can fix and
alpine token
I feel like Jeanne’s loss of faith and emergence of nihilistic thoughts as she d...
I
The I’s get annoying a bit, but that may just be me
alpine token
I’m not sure what to do about that
Change sentence structure ig, but that might be a huge stress though
full raptor
Doesn’t that take away from the story? It’s Jeanne’s inner monologue as she’s dying, so I feel like she would refer to herself a lot
Changing sentence structure would remove herself from her own elegy
alpine token
Doesn’t that take away from the story? It’s Jeanne’s inner monologue as she’s dy...
Fair
wispy sphinx
first, I suggest splitting the text into paragraphs. It's difficult to read and it might help you structure the ideas
full raptor
first, I suggest splitting the text into paragraphs. It's difficult to read and ...
I always do that last, haha, sorry about that.
lament roost
Changing sentence structure would remove herself from her own elegy
You could change things up to get rid of many of the "I" sentences...but still keep the idea of internal thoughts.
It's a bit difficult to read as it is only pictures of words, rather than words themselves (in a Google doc?).
full raptor
Yeah I do all of stuff in Google docs
full raptor
You could change things up to get rid of many of the "I" sentences...but still k...
Would that even be worth it though?