Mystery Query Letter - TLMORI (290 words) | Words Alike | Page 1

polar coyote Sep 12, 2023, 2:46 AM

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Hi everyone! Below is a 290-word draft for a query letter that I'd like to send to literary agents. I am looking for thoughts/suggestions for it. Thank you in advance.

Dear [AGENTNAME],

[INSERT POSSIBLE PERSONALIZATION]

I seek representation for THE LOCKED ROOM MURDERS OF RUTHERFORD ISLAND, a traditional whodunit mystery complete at 65,000 words. It will appeal to fans of the impossible crime mysteries in Death and the Conjuror and The Mill House Murders, as well as fans of the setting and intrigue of Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery.

Andreas Eisenberg is a gifted nineteen-year-old sleuth who longs to step out of his detective father's shadow.

After he locates a missing USB to help Esme Rutherford, a wealthy heiress, she invites him to her island home. It’s one of the last things she ever does—Andreas and the Rutherford family quickly discover her dead body in an impossibly locked room, the only keys either inside or under constant surveillance. At the same time, the boats, phones, and internet are all sabotaged, stranding the group with the killer.

With no way off the island and no outside help coming, Andreas steps into his first ever murder case. But even with his sharp deductive mind, he struggles to decipher the clues as Esme's siblings start to die in more sealed rooms, including one fully taped and blocked by furniture from the inside. Shaken by his inability to stymie the steadily increasing body count, Andreas will have to overcome his self-doubts if he hopes to connect the scattered clues and uncover the truth behind the impossible events of the island.

I am an Asian American who has always loved Golden Age detective fiction. By day, I work for a library and love the books in my everyday environment. I write in my spare time in the hopes of contributing to them.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

[MYNAME]

daring forum Sep 12, 2023, 4:48 PM

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I see a couple things I would change...

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You say he "locates a missing USB"...but a USB what? Drive?

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Also, typically a query letter has a synopsis, not a blurb.

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I do like your intro and comps. It shows you've done your research.

eternal remnant Sep 13, 2023, 9:17 AM

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The blurb seems fine, as it introduces the protagonist, the turning point and the stakes involved. The spoiler-inclusive and longer synopsis can be part of the 1-2 page if requested by agents

My suggestion would be to make the stakes stronger, or at least the journey to overcome them. "Overcome self doubt" doesn't hold as much weight against the plot you've introduced us too

I'd also include the age market in your metadata

polar coyote Sep 13, 2023, 2:05 PM

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eternal remnant The blurb seems fine, as it introduces the protagonist, the turning point and th...

Thanks, honestly the primary stakes in the story are if the main character can catch the killer who's murdering ppl on the island or not, which was why I went with proving himself. Which other stake would I go for then given that? Or how could I make that stake stronger?

#Mystery Query Letter - TLMORI (290 words)

Hi everyone! Below is a 290-word draft for a query letter that I'd like to send to literary agents. I am looking for thoughts/suggestions for it. Thank you in advance.