Want some critic on a fae fic I started (chapter 3 added)

[sour gate]

Title » Step into the void
Genre » Fantasy, romance, k-pop fanfic
Warnings » so far none
Word count » 9.5k (prologue,+ 3 chapters, starting on the 4th)
What number draft is this? » 1
Are you looking for critique? » yes, mostly where the story feel too jarring or rushed or where i should take the time to explain more or maybe explain less
Are reviewers allowed to comment on your document? » yes
Summary » The land of the elemental faes is facing a natural dissaray, parts of it are drying while others are flooding, as if that was not enough Jin Yeon was born with a strange ability to steal the elemetal powers of other faes. Sentenced to death, she escapes with her mate in a desperate attepmt to try and prove she is not a plague but just my be the key to fix the natual balance of their land.
Link » https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ip_X_EMzMCKQwMil4WKU2Q2iYJcDtpDHEnO77xyFjFo/edit?usp=sharing

[snow brook]

[…] but just my be the Key […]? Is that a typo?

[sour gate]

Oh yes that is a typo

[snow brook]

His father's fears were proved right – not sure if you can say that. For me it sounds a little odd. (A fear is an emotion. You cannot "prove" an emotion. Though concerns can turn out to become true)

She did as she was told, because she was told it was an order from the Chieftain – You're repeating several words. If that has a rethorical intention I don't see, my bad. For me that slightly hinders the flow though.
Maybe try something like "As they told her it was an order from the Chieftain she obeyed" idk

Also sometimes I am a little confused how you switch between his and her, but that surely needs a second opinion. A sample of that'd be:

His father didn't want her to be used behind his back again, but he did that mostly because he was indeed scared she would overturn their ways of living

Next personal view:

He first heard a strange sound. He stopped playing his guitar as the sound of cracks continued to be heard

When I hear "strange sound" I associate it with a not identifiable screaming or moaning where you don't necessarily know whether it was a human (here a fae) or an animal. And then all of the sudden I read about cracks.

What about He first heard a crack; stopped playing the/his guitar as the (sound of) cracks continued to be heard

Here a second opinion should be considered again.

Or you make sth like first … a strange sound … then a crack /followed by cracks … if that describes the situation better

A slight thing: He used his power to take the water out of the cave, he fixed the damage on the wall with a surface spell, now she had a window to look at the fish. – the second "he" can be substituted by an "and" or be left out entirely. Then you have less repetition

[snow brook]

Why was the pink haired fae bitting his lower lips so nervously? – A typo again: you wanted to write "biting"

Also, isn't the grammatical gender of fae neuter? Don't you say its lips then?

[snow brook]

If clauses do have a comma, don't they?

[snow brook]

That's it from my site.
I think your story offers pretty well imaginations. It's also pretty comfortable to read – not my genre, but at some points I just wanted to know how it continues XD

[sour gate]

Thank you for all the feedback i will go through them xD

[sour gate]

My fae have gender, its a female lead with male sidekicks

It can't be considered a reversed haren tho because the sidekicks are couples or family xD

[sour gate]

Want some critic on a fae fic I started (chapter 3 added)