venting

[wintry rampart]

when in reality, i flunked as level comp sci and barely passed a level comp sci

how will it help me get into a multinational firm in the philippines, where they barely heard what the a levels/ibdp are?

[wintry rampart]

living with an idiot family's fucking ridiculous

i've got an 11 year old brother who jokes about his underwear and its smell twice a day

when he should be watching spiderman at least once a day

[wintry rampart]

i feel betrayed by them

as they only supported me financially

while degrading me mentally

[static anvil]

damn that's deep

[wintry rampart]

my damn mother would sulk at me for volunteering when she could have supported me

like "I'm glad you took the opportunity to make your name out at school"

[wintry rampart]

when it comes to taking opportunities

she succeeded in preventing me from grabbing opportunities

and instead urged me to study

i resisted by my gaming addiction

and now look where i am...

too little opportunities to build a fucking cv

she keeps telling me "Josh, if you're a summa cum laude, the companies will line up for you"

and i foolishly believed her

[wintry rampart]

how much have i become a fool?

i find my brother to be a jinx

for his stupidity

that nearly put me in danger

[mild compass]

He's 3 years old? No?

@wintry rampart

[wintry rampart]

11

michael jordan thought that he was 3

that douchebag

who thought that venting was meant for mental breakdowns

[mild compass]

Yea i read it sometime ago and was confused

[wintry rampart]

he's really a 5 year old in an 11 year old's body

and i consider him to be a jinx

for taking the life i wanted away from me

to get mom's attention

[mild compass]

a what?

[wintry rampart]

and to be loved by her more

[wintry rampart]

a problem

a threat

a bringer of misfortune

[mild compass]

Oh i see

[mild compass]

All younger children get more love though

[wintry rampart]

i get that

[mild compass]

Nothing new.

[wintry rampart]

but i'm worried for him

at home, he acts immature

playing with his mother's iphone, by browsing her messenger

and joking about his underwear

visualizing himself putting on a pair of pants

[mild compass]

You hate him and then you're worried for him? What.

[wintry rampart]

i love him, but he's an a-hole

a jerk who gets himself into trouble and does not get away with a life-learning lesson

but a broken recorder

[mild compass]

🥶 sounds tough

[wintry rampart]

mom wants him to go to the same school i went for senior high

in the 7th grade next schoolyear

cause his current school's turning downward

their kids are far more mature

than him

[real junco]

he's 11

and you said he has therapists

you cant expect him to act mature

[wintry rampart]

i honestly expect him to at least change in 2-3 months

[eager ore]

You might not like this but youre too hard on your brother. He's 11, He is not mature enough, he doesnt know right or wrong. I dont really know how hes taking the life you want away(also he's not doing it intentionally so u cant blame him) because i truly believe you are in charge of your own life and what happens. If you feel like your majour isnt what you want they take action and do something about it

A HS education is important for uni, I really dont think a company cares if u did a level or not. at that point id assume its your uni degree + experience

[wintry rampart]

yup

and my mom thought that the a levels are the equivalent of a sat test

they'll more likely look at degrees

and i knew that i felt that i was doing the right thing

shifting out from management in information systems to marketing

cause i feel that i won't land a job in marketing with an information systems degree

and end up in programming hell

but thank god my university's giving a one month break in 2 weeks time

[mild compass]

Like how you just said "Yup" and ignored everything else DK said w was pretty good advice

[wintry rampart]

and a 2 month break by july

[wintry rampart]

i understand, but i find his actions to be too unrelatable to my introverted personality, considering that i'd end up being humiliated if he does that in public

when it comes to my life, i feel that he's scarred me twice

and i cannot seem to let go of it

as i feel that it could show how terrible i could be in the future

[mild compass]

There are two kinds of people:

1. those that heed good advice and move forward in life
2. those that never bother changing anything in their life, instead keep complaining about it@eager ore

[mild compass]

How?

An 11 year old scarring a college student is rather far fetched

[wintry rampart]

i unintentionally gave him a bloody nose as he threw a tantrum

[mild compass]

Unless she shot you in the face or sm

[wintry rampart]

i kicked him in the groin out of annoyance

these two are the actions that i regret the most

[mild compass]

Wow

[wintry rampart]

and wish that i have never done

ever

[eager ore]

Venting definitely helps a lot but you have a big decision in your life. If your majour is not what you want how will you do a job you hate 8hrs a day?

[mild compass]

Change your major to what you want and don't give a fuck.

Do that and your life will be infinitely better

[wintry rampart]

i remember an incident that sounds stupid, but traumatizing.

so, my grandmother slept over at my family's home, one time. and in the morning, my brother decides to play something that triggered me before (he would mispronounce the weeknd songs in front of my face) in the tv. i immediately charged at him, pushing my grandmother and hurting my mother in the process, in order to scold him

[mild compass]

Suddenly your mom and brother won't seem like much of a problem

[wintry rampart]

i was traumatized.

[mild compass]

💯

BY WHAT?

Your brother?

💀

[wintry rampart]

my actions.

i never meant to harm my parents

i just wanted to scold my brother

and tell him to stop

as his pranks are not funny, at all

[mild compass]

You charged at him. Because he was mispronouncing a song's lyrics

😐

Bro i think you should consider that maybe you're the problem and not your family

[wintry rampart]

he was doing that for months, and i was starting to get too annoyed

as i used to be obsessed with the weeknd up till now

[wintry rampart]

that's years of emotional trauma manifested by the physical and emotional abuse i've received from my mother.

[mild compass]

Abuse? Asians get beat by their parents all the time.

[wintry rampart]

cause up till now, i'm emotionally abused

[mild compass]

We get shit for it all the time

[wintry rampart]

a lot

[mild compass]

It's normal for us

[wintry rampart]

but i feel taht i'm starting to go on a dangerous path

that is, hatred against the world

[real junco]

@eager ore .

[mild compass]

You're traumatized by your brother mispronouncing lyrics from the Weeknd's song

[wintry rampart]

for bringing me into this unlucky trance

[mild compass]

Are you serious?

I'm done lmao

[eager ore]

Yea?

[wintry rampart]

i admit that i am really jealous of the attention he's got from my mother

while i am ignored, fixated with my laptop

to get out of reality

[real junco]

just wanted to show you that I wasn't writing an essay lol

[eager ore]

😭

[wintry rampart]

i am currently seeking help via therapy

2 fucking therapists

[mild compass]

😔 bro succeeded

[wintry rampart]

to help me move on and learn to understand my brother even more

[mild compass]

You need to understand yourself

Not an 11 fucking year old

[eager ore]

Bro how about you move out? That would reduce your interaction with your brother

Become independent

[wintry rampart]

i can't move out, as i could not work for a living.

i'll rather stay home and focus on self-improvement before moving out

as i feel that i'd be a mess when i move out

[eager ore]

You can get like a shared dorm and work part time

Or save up till then

[mild compass]

I like to imagine you interacting w people who don't like the Weeknd @wintry rampart

And openly shit on his music

[real junco]

that can be quite difficult for many people

he should stay

and learn to interact with his brother

[wintry rampart]

in order to fix the brotherhood

before things go too late

[eager ore]

Yea true

[wintry rampart]

that is, when he fully realizes that i am really mistreating him

i hope that i won't mistreat him for overly expecting him to be mature

[mild compass]

🗿

[wintry rampart]

or irritating me

this is really my damn problem

for being too sensitive

on the smalles tthings

[wintry rampart]

no. i found it as too annoying and a potential thing that would result into me disliking him.

but turns out that he could actually be liking him

and i could be misinterpreting my brother's actions

i could be really sharing my interests with him

in secret

[mild compass]

Why does this sound like an underdeveloped AI learning how to interact w humans

[wintry rampart]

while trying to fend off the crummy mindset that is "your brother would use your interests against you"

[wintry rampart]

cause i've got too much shit to vent about

[mild compass]

He's fucking 11 💀 💀

[wintry rampart]

and i misunderstood and treated him like shit...

fuck me...

this really is my problem

and i have to reconcile with him

[real junco]

disliking your siblings at times is pretty normal

my brother is probably even more annoying

[mild compass]

Won't happen anytime soon..

[real junco]

but you can't hurt them like that

[mild compass]

Over a singer

[real junco]

you need to learn how to control your anger

[mild compass]

Or their song

[wintry rampart]

i misunderstood him...

[wintry rampart]

how can i do it, without going loud?

to a point where i do not bring attention from others

at home

[real junco]

you can't go back in the past and fix that now

[wintry rampart]

i have to move on from it and focus on today.

cause it already happend

i do not vent just to get sympathy from others

but help that i can at least try

as i lack self motivation

[real junco]

yes exactly

[wintry rampart]

to even do these things even if it makes me look like a fool to myself

[mild compass]

I sympathize w your brother tbh

[wintry rampart]

to fix my family relations

[real junco]

let all your anger out here instead of shouting at him

[mild compass]

How do your parents feel about letting you go to therapy for anger management?

[wintry rampart]

i honestly am fine with it

as i feel that i could apply these techinques easily

without breaking down in rage

what have i become?

a fuckign monster

[mild compass]

No, you just lack self control and that usually happens in abusive environments

If possible, you should try anger management therapy

If not, then there are various techniques you could use to manage your anger better, like distancing yourself from others when you are angry, going for a walk to clear your head, going to gym, joining boxing classes etc

Apologies if anything I said was invalidating,

[wintry rampart]

how can i clear my head whenever i go for a walk?

[real junco]

because walks do that

[mild compass]

I find it calming, might not suit you but trying won't hurt anyone

[real junco]

try doing it

[mild compass]

Run if that let's out the pent up frustration better

[wintry rampart]

i should at least practice my independence by asking my mom if i can walk around my condominium.

[mild compass]

Play music while doing so

[wintry rampart]

or the mall near it

the smell of fresh air would honestly clear me a bit

whiel gaining exercise

[mild compass]

You're in the Philippines?

[shell stirrup]

Are u guys here to shit on him or here to help him

[wintry rampart]

yeah

[eager ore]

Go to a park, nature and fresh air will do it. You just want to get a new environment

[mild compass]

I don't think pointing out that it was irrational anger helps lol

[shell stirrup]

Id prefer u fuck off from this channel ken

[mild compass]

I'm pretty sure they know it already

[shell stirrup]

For the love of god holy shit

[real junco]

well he wants to change

[shell stirrup]

Please stay the fuck away from here

[real junco]

what else can he do

[mild compass]

And pointing that out helps how?

[shell stirrup]

U clearly dk what ur saying 99% of the time

[wintry rampart]

you are not making fun of me

[mild compass]

Bro stfu?

[shell stirrup]

And getting stuff thru ur head never helps

[wintry rampart]

i am a short tempered person tbh

[mild compass]

Read the chat, he clearly is aware

[wintry rampart]

one insult and i begin yelling loud

i can't let my anger control me

[mild compass]

Now he is.

They*

[wintry rampart]

as i fear for the worst if that's the fucking case.

which is jailtime

for frustration-related crimes

[mild compass]

That's a good mindset, now you just need to work towards making it better

[wintry rampart]

i've had disturbing thoughts run in my head

of harming my family

or even self-harm

and i do not want that to consume me

[mild compass]

Are they extremely intrusive?

😐

[wintry rampart]

whenever i get yelled at by my mother

otherwise, they are not intrusive

[mild compass]

Go to sleep or bed, plug in some music and try to dose off @wintry rampart

Me?

[wintry rampart]

i guess i've lacked a lot of sleep lately.

6 hours a day

[mild compass]

Hmm, that makes sense, I can totally understand where you're coming from, I too lose my mind whenever someone yells at me.

[shell stirrup]

Yes.

[mild compass]

Yea sleep more

[wintry rampart]

sleeping at 12 and waking up at 6 am

and in other days, around a 7 hour sleep

[mild compass]

Hayzalt literally contributing 0 to this conversation and just shitting on Ken for no reason

Bozo behavior

Should cope in #chat-lounge

Anyway consider sleeping @wintry rampart

Early

[wintry rampart]

a bit earlier?

[mild compass]

Yea

[wintry rampart]

maybe around 10:30 pm daily?

[mild compass]

Like 8

Or 9

[kindred stone]

what happen

[mild compass]

Hayzalt attacking Ken @kindred stone

[kindred stone]

hayzy gunna get a timeout then

[shell stirrup]

Ill talk about it in gen

[wintry rampart]

that's a bit too early, but i can try.

[mild compass]

Yeah, and going for walks early in the morning.

Sleeping early and waking up early helps a lot

[shell stirrup]

If u want to listen ofc

[wintry rampart]

if my college goes physical, i'm sure that i'll at least take a walk around my college

to recollect my thoughts

[mild compass]

That's good enough

[wintry rampart]

and suppress the bad thoughts in idk, a mental prison

[mild compass]

And dont pick up bad habits like smoking to relieve your stress or anger. It doesn't help.
It's like a trade, mental health for physical health

[kindred stone]

this for calming right

[mild compass]

Makes sense, you can try writing them down too

[kindred stone]

reliving stress

[wintry rampart]

all the jealousy i feel, and the urge to harm, are locked in

[river wadi]

how's your quitting process going?

[wintry rampart]

i worry that i could accidentally stumble upon these and get triggered at myself

[mild compass]

Nah, don't do that, it'll just build up tbh

[river wadi]

@wintry rampart Check dms I sent smthg that might help?

[wintry rampart]

whoa there, that's another level.

[mild compass]

Haven't smoked a ciggy ever since I told my aunt I'm quiting but i did smoke sheesha a couple days ago.

[wintry rampart]

i'll not smoke ffs

[river wadi]

good progress

[mild compass]

So far so good.

[mild compass]

How about write them down in a notebook and just burning it afterwards

Or you can try confiding in a friend

[mild compass]

Chocolate has been a great substitute

[kindred stone]

catto bad for environment

tssk

i agree chocolate is nice

[mild compass]

Maybe call someone when you're especially pissed

[kindred stone]

but lots of sugar isnt

[river wadi]

don't get diabetes

[mild compass]

Works 100% can confirm

[mild compass]

Environment already fucked

[real junco]

better than lung cancer

[mild compass]

This is bad, don't confide in people.

[mild compass]

I can sense trust issues hMmm

[kindred stone]

diabetes

[mild compass]

Just a really bad betrayal

[mild compass]

~Bo Burnham~

From a really close friend

[real junco]

I was the first person to say that

[shell stirrup]

Ive alr stopped the convo u seriously wanna continue it?

[real junco]

didn't need 5 other people to remind him

[shell stirrup]

No like seriously?

[mild compass]

That's sad, I hope you're doing better now. But don't let a few shitty people take away your trust in everything, not good.

[kindred stone]

fight or we helpin welpo?

[shell stirrup]

U couldve done that in chat lounge no?

[kindred stone]

resolve it in chat if you guys wanna

but not here

please

[mild compass]

Pls shift to chat ):

[shell stirrup]

I alr stopped ffs

[mild compass]

Yea, just not ready to trust anyone atm.

[kindred stone]

u can trust me :D

i never stole someones money

[mild compass]

You cheated on me

Stfu

[kindred stone]

i did what

[mild compass]

That's alright, take your time. Hope things will be 11/10 for you soon(:

[kindred stone]

don't trust anyone to the fullest

[mild compass]

Thanks bro❤️

[kindred stone]

all mon friends left me in 10th for a reason

was my fault in a way but the treatment was harsh

[mild compass]

Happened to me in 9th, but I found better blobs and things are relatively better now :)))

[kindred stone]

i just got annoyed of having no friends that i contacted an old friend

and he got in touch with another and i had fun again after a long time

[mild compass]

But yes, having your trust fucked over sucks and it'll always be at the back of your mind, regardless of how better you get

[river wadi]

lol my good friends left in 10th and i had a whole huge bunch of friends who i can't meet bc covid and i don't use social media. The people left in my class gave me trust issues

[kindred stone]

its also a stepping stone

tho

[mild compass]

That's great :D

[river wadi]

that's awesome!

[kindred stone]

now my only problem in life is my procastination and me being fat

[wintry rampart]

man, i guess that i'd have to read self-help books

[river wadi]

are we twins or what waffles

[kindred stone]

leaving uni admission behinf

[wintry rampart]

as i feel that ranting even more's just gonna worsen things up

[mild compass]

They don't work lmao

[kindred stone]

my only twin is rixzz

[wintry rampart]

with my degree, it's my fucking choice

[kindred stone]

nah self help books no work

[wintry rampart]

but what worries me more is my family relations

and how it'll shape my future

[kindred stone]

yes

[mild compass]

Self help books/websites are scam

[shell stirrup]

The trio has disbanded :((

[river wadi]

there's this one book i recommended it's not rlly self-help. It's called the subtle art of not giving a f*ck

[tropic hound]

i have been summoned

but this may not be the place

i retreat to #chat-lounge

[river wadi]

it's really really helpful and not that dumb shit that they usually sell

[kindred stone]

inded go retreat

[mild compass]

Istg one more person recommends me this and I'll (ノ｀Д´)ノ彡┻━┻

[river wadi]

sowwy

[tropic hound]

self help books do not help me personally

[kindred stone]

my brother thought of buying it too

i said no

like who'll read it

[real junco]

is it bad

[river wadi]

I-

[kindred stone]

in the end we got a book about sun tzu

[tropic hound]

but then again i am the kind of person who wants everything told to me as it is

[river wadi]

I have read it and it's really good

[mild compass]

i won't say (ノ｀Д´)ノ彡┻━┻

[tropic hound]

with minimal sugarcoating

so i might just be diff

[wintry rampart]

should we retreat to #chat-lounge

[river wadi]

yup

[kindred stone]

This is like 50 50

half rant and half chat

ig we can retreat

[wintry rampart]

anyways, i'll try to read the art of not giving a fuck

[kindred stone]

try i suppose

everyone has different tastes

[wintry rampart]

with my shift to marketing, i'm sure that i can blend in easily and become more resilient

as i honestly do not understand the significance of the past, as a warning

but as a story

my degree choice was mine

for me to take an IT-related degree

and now i'm learning from it

and will see where the field of business will take me to

I'll admit that i'm an overthinker as I worry a lot about the smallest things, and I feel that I'm starting to let go of it even more

the fact that I have began to trust my classmates to assist me in projects

and beginning to trust my family even more, being less aggressive to my mother and my brother

from constantly recognizing my brother and yelling at him, i have found that i am being more patient and tolerating it

[mild compass]

That's great blob, it's going to be a gradual change but keep trying, you'll get to where you want to be

[wintry rampart]

while still having relapses, by belittling him instead of going full on aggro, i feel that i'm starting to become self-aware

[mild compass]

And yes, try therapy if possible

[mild compass]

That's what matters

[wintry rampart]

and i am proud that i'm starting to realize the trugh

[kindred stone]

just tease him more than hurting him

[wintry rampart]

that i can change

[wintry rampart]

and accept that he's still a kid

finding out who he is

by goofing around

and doing what he wants

instead of overexpecting him as the "perfect sibling"

[kindred stone]

yea

[wintry rampart]

i'll just accept him for who he is

if he's a good comedian, i'm cool

[kindred stone]

you gotta be a good sibling if you want agood sibling

tho it doesnt work like that

u could be the better sibling

[mild compass]

yes, that's how it should be, I'm glad that you are working towards being better

Sending u 101 good luck (◠‿・)—☆

[wintry rampart]

but, i'll have to inform you guys that the most recent "incident" that still haunts me today was when he was targeted by a hacker, along with his classmates on his school email

i was scared of his life

if he would be tracked by a pedophile or something

and that hacker somehow knew who i was

which haunts me till today

[kindred stone]

eh as long as they dont have credentials or anything im not that mad

[wintry rampart]

i initially blamed my brother for putting me in this danger

[kindred stone]

find me who i am

[wintry rampart]

but i realized that it was not his fault

[mild compass]

I think you're super paranoid too

[kindred stone]

^

[wintry rampart]

you, sir, are right

prolly the result of too much overthinking

[mild compass]

Yes,

[wintry rampart]

which for sure will be an enemy that i have to fight soon

in my mind

[kindred stone]

i mean my brother got ip grabbed once

[mild compass]

I'm pretty sure you already know that that's very far fetched but I know it doesn't make the fear and panic any less real,

[kindred stone]

but i never really cared since the ip trackers find city location mostly and not exact

[wintry rampart]

thank god...

[mild compass]

It will help you if you were to talk to someone about these thoughts

And honestly, nothing you've said makes you a monster or anything, so don't lose hope in yourself

[kindred stone]

^^^

I've done a lot of bad things

[wintry rampart]

it's just the negative emotions kicking in

[mild compass]

It's alright, you're trying, that's all that matters

Honestly if it makes you feel better, I almost hit someone once because they were eating too loud

[mild compass]

And that's putting it lightly

There are some things that you can't help be frustrated about regardless of how petty they seem to be

[real junco]

the poor kitten 😔

[mild compass]

[wintry rampart]

i honestly have a lot of hope in myself

as it still isn't too late to become the person i want to be

in fact, there is prolly no such thing as late

[mild compass]

Exactly

[wintry rampart]

even if it costed me two more years to graduate, who would bother?

cause i feel that i have made myself another opportunity

[mild compass]

can't relate, but it's the end product that really matters

[wintry rampart]

cause one of my major regrets is that of not taking opportunities

[mild compass]

As long as all of your efforts are put in towards becoming a better person at the end, the slip ups along the way don't matter

[wintry rampart]

and becoming better is the more successful path to me, as i have never been truly happy for the past few months

isolated at home

[mild compass]

But they're gone now yk, no point wasting time over what could have beens

[wintry rampart]

yup

and that should be a lesson for me to open myself even more to any opportunity that is granted to me

to find purpose and become happy

[mild compass]

Exactly sir

[wintry rampart]

do you guys think that i might be disillusioning myself in social media for the past few months?

cause i feel that's what's happening to me

everyone there posts themselves living a double life, being happy

and not showing their true selves

which makes me a bit jealous or smth

when in reality, idgaf, as long as i live life the way i want to live it

[mild compass]

step #1 deactivate your socials

[wintry rampart]

step 2?

not give a fuck about others' lives?

[mild compass]

yes

actually it's realizing that not everyone is handed the same set of circumstances and that the way all of us deal with shit is really different, so comparing yourself to anyone is -11/10

[wintry rampart]

and i realized that i have been doing that a lot

which contributes to my rants here

and my degrading self esteem

as sometimes, i think that i am not really a fortunate person

when in reality, i am fully fortunate

[tropic hound]

Everyone's dealt a different deck

some get lucky, some not so lucky

but if you look too deeply into what everyone else's cards are you lose focus of what's in your deck

and that costs you

your life is what you make of it

play your cards right and you can come out winning

but not every game is your last

sure you've fucked shit up in the past but that's the past

[static anvil]

💯💯💯

[tropic hound]

it doesn't matter

not for much longer, at least

[wintry rampart]

and now, i feel unlucky, as i have only 2 days to code a damn project worthy of an international programming competition

and analyze its runtime

and idk what to do there

[wintry rampart]

i'm fucking giving up now

[static anvil]

what you gonna do because I wanna join

[wintry rampart]

it's a programming project

part of a bigger project in one of my courses where we have to analyze the runtime of searching algorithms or smth

i want to fucking end the suffering as none of my group (yes it's a group project) doesn't know how to code in java

or smth

[static anvil]

oh nvm 💀

[wintry rampart]

idfk

this is now a reason on why i feel shifting out of the current degree i'm in is the right thing to do

[wintry rampart]

idk what my fuckign algorithms prof is giving out

but i know that i cannot do it for sure

[wintry rampart]

i could not fucking sleeo

as all in my heasd was tht damn project

but thank fuck that if i even get a 0 in that project, i'll still have the chance to pass the course

and say fuck it

and shift to business

where my skills on analytics and attention to detail would fit

even more

[stuck mango]

Ah

You can learn java on YouTube

[wintry rampart]

i've got 2 days left to do the project

and coding's not only that

[stuck mango]

Ahhhhhh

[wintry rampart]

but i have to analyze the runtime of these codes

and i feel that i have no more time

[stuck mango]

Ngl I HATE team projects

[wintry rampart]

as i can't just code

i've got another fucking essay to finish

and a final examination for the algorithms subject by next wednesday

and that final exam would be my only hope to pass the course

[stuck mango]

Especially when you're the leader it's a pure pain

[wintry rampart]

cause i might as well forge the results of the project

[wintry rampart]

yes

and if they are incompetent with the skills needed

in a way that you are the one hard carrying them

[stuck mango]

Ye

[wintry rampart]

and i

i've already carried them once

and got the highest

as the topic for the project was easy

[stuck mango]

The team doesn't do work but all the blame goes to you bcs you are the "leader" and its your job to make the team do their work

[wintry rampart]

me and my groupmates are complaining nonstop on how hard the project is

which is modifying hash functions to search patterns in strings

my team cannot code in java well

so i decided to use c

i can't stop thinking of ending the pain

that is suicide

as i can't take this shit anymoe

and now i'm forced to do all the dirty coding

in python

how fucking stupdi am i?

[wintry rampart]

either that, or i sacrifice that project and pray for my final exams

cause if i get a damn 0, i'll fucking have 20% left, and i'll almost certainly pass the course even if i fuck up in my finals

[opal prism]

Why?

Also wdym by team projects

[stuck mango]

Anything which you do in teams

ANYTHING

Its just pain

Working in a team

[fluid hollow]

exactly

[lament cloud]

Yep

[wintry rampart]

you've got freeloaders, internal conflict, and obviously the leaders being jerks and setting impossible deadlines

[stuck mango]

I am the leader

😭

[wintry rampart]

damn... what did you do wrong in your leadership?

[lament cloud]

Uni projects are much simpler ngl

[stuck mango]

The team isn't good and I am not a good guider

[wintry rampart]

welcome to the club. my project that i ranted about last night only had me coding in python

and i eventually gave up and entrusted them to finish the code

2 hashing functions done

[lament cloud]

If a person doesn't pull their weight, you can mention it in a reflection, and your team members marks will be downweighted and yours will be upweighted

[stuck mango]

Wow

[lament cloud]

It happened to me

I was ina group of 3 ppl

The other 2 did nothing

I did it all by myself

[wintry rampart]

i've had experienced that. i accused my leader for freeloading when in reality, he's out of country and cannot do my databases project

i got free points

but eventually resolved it with my professor

[lament cloud]

My project score was upweighted from 14/20 to 20/20 coz of that

[lament cloud]

Ah alright

[wintry rampart]

and now i'm doing the majority of coding

without any help

but i feel that my professor would be proud of me coding in python as i feel that around half-90% of my class would be coding on java

meaning more free points

[stuck mango]

We get 4/70 marks for collaboration

60 marks for reflection

6 marks for outcome (the video)

[wintry rampart]

i see... my college prolly doesn't record collaboration that well depending on the professor

but if you get caught freeloading, pow goes your grade

[stuck mango]

This is for igcse global perspectives btw

[hybrid kiln]

same

[soft jungle]

i hate it when teachers cancel exams. yeah no i studied the whole night for this very big exam just for you to tell me that you're cancelling it. not like i ignored all my other subjects, other hw to study for your exam because its a big, evidence exam just for you to cancel it

the exams keep getting postponed so many times and it messes up my schedule

[mild compass]

That sucks

[wintry rampart]

and my projects get delayed to about 2 weeks

which means more time

and now my mom's threatening to block my facebook account

over a small altercation

which is that she wants me to send me my damn report card on messenger

i refused

cause not only do i fear my safety with my facebook account

but instead, it's cause she wants to

cause she's nothing but a dumb ass boomer

i'm not really that sure on why mothers are so demanding

even when we're at the legal age

other than "it's for your safety".

i find "cause i want to" as an invalid reason to obey

cause clearly, it's benefitting her

and not both sides

[mild compass]

Why are 15 year olds always
"Omg I'm so jealous of people who get to experience love rn"
"I'm going to die single 😔"
"Cant find true love"

Like please shut up

Like @eager ore come here habibi

💀 why is society like this

[eager ore]

Idk how to say this

So I’ll take some time typing lol

At 15 from what I’ve seen, there’s more attention given to other things than what they’re going to do with their life. Idk a lot about the context but just give them a pass. Sure there’s more important things in mind but it’s also prime school years

Statements before the pic, i don’t understand. At 15, you’re not going to find the person you choose to marry or live with them for the rest of your life

[olive wadi]

Idk about other ppl but i had similar thoughts but that was mostly bec of ppl constantly betraying and cheating on me + me basically hating everything about myself

[mild compass]

I don't understand teenagers

[mild compass]

Yea

[wintry rampart]

these guys are prolly jealous

but their reasons are a bit complicated

[mild compass]

Oops

[olive wadi]

arent u one urself

[wintry rampart]

especially if they're exposed to idk, seeing older teens dating

[olive wadi]

also when talking to ppl younger u rlly need to be more understanding and sympthasize more

[mild compass]

Bruh u fr

[olive wadi]

yes

[mild compass]

Yessir

[olive wadi]

bec u need to realize they lack ur experience

and half the stuff they say isnt even true

[mild compass]

How do I understand a child that doesn't want to understand

they're stubborn as fuck

[kindred stone]

nafany said fax

[olive wadi]

U dont try to reason with that 🗿

[mild compass]

😐

[olive wadi]

U dont try to reason with ppl who do not wanna understand or reason with you

[mild compass]

This kid was bouta date a 21yo

[olive wadi]

huh

[kindred stone]

can i laugh

[wintry rampart]

what the fuck?

[mild compass]

big sike

[olive wadi]

im no person to judge that

but

still

[mild compass]

tell this kid to go do hw

[olive wadi]

yikes

forget the kid

whos the guy

[wintry rampart]

these kids are too young to date

[mild compass]

That shit going to fck u up bad

[kindred stone]

its not about date

[mild compass]

A couple weeks ago

[kindred stone]

they're into love that they forget everything else

[mild compass]

Yes @kindred stone

[mild compass]

Yea i kinda spammed a whole ass 3 essays explaining to them that it's pedophilia

[kindred stone]

talking from watching and exp

[olive wadi]

yikes

[mild compass]

Even now they defend the 21yo hard asf

Because t r u e l o ve ✨

[mild compass]

media 😌

[olive wadi]

here i thought i was down bad when my gf was 16 1/2 when im 18

[kindred stone]

im happy i didnt date

gaming all the way

[wintry rampart]

welcome to the club, for now

[mild compass]

They didn't give me his contact

[olive wadi]

'for now'

[wintry rampart]

i've become too dumb to open myself in a dating app

[olive wadi]

btw we shud move to chat lounge

[mild compass]

well I hope this kid comes out of this shiz unscathed

[kindred stone]

i dont use dating apps

love makes the world go round

[mild compass]

Yes #chat-lounge

[mild compass]

is it just me or is college for alevels useless , shit teachers who dont know how to teach + 2-3 hour gaps between lessons + if u lose focus for 5 seconds they are so far ahead that the rest of the lesson is wasted cuz u missed those crucial 5 seconds

[olive wadi]

yeah A Levels is the BEST time to self study

i basically ditched school after AS Level

if those teachers are that useless in AS , god knows what would of happened in A2

[mild compass]

dude thats exactly what i was thinking nowadays ( i am in a1 and i cant understand simple chapters from them)

[mild compass]

@mild compass W bio

[wintry rampart]

i honestly find my mother to be fully controlling of my sleep schedule

its as if staying up later than 12 will instantly deactivate 90% of my brain cells according to her

it hindered my projects

what a fucking boomer she is

to think that even if it's midnight, you'll prolly end up fainting as the clock hits 12 am

[mild compass]

Thnx

[mild compass]

How do u manage in alevels without sleeping later than 12

[wintry rampart]

idk

i got bad grades cause of that

cause i have not enough time to manage

and yet that moron says, "get a fucking psychology degree because you scored an A in your psychology class report card"

[mild compass]

Well those are some unfortunate circumstances

[wintry rampart]

she's quite controlling

and manipulative

to get me to follow her silly orders

and have things the way she wants it to be for the "best of me"

as well as my brother

[mild compass]

well she cant force you to get a degree in a subject you dont want and have u not tried explaining to her that shes forcing you to have a great disadvantage by forcing a bedtime and could affect your future

[wintry rampart]

that's not regarding my subjects

but my bedtime

mostly

as i feel restricted

when everyone's damn awake past 12, my mother forces me to sleep

with a yelling

and "i sleep late cause of you"

[wintry rampart]

words can't talk her out

she'll think i'm answering back at her even if i explain to her in a calm mood

that's what she wants me to be

a submissive, puppet

who abides to anyone

even if the orders would clearly not benefit me

[mild compass]

well have u considered talking to a sane family member and discuss with them who could later talk your mom out of it or worst case scenario you could move out

[wintry rampart]

i can try, by talking to my father who is far more sane than her

as well as my grandmother, who i always talk to whenever i encounter that type of situation, where my mom commits emotional abuse on me

[mild compass]

Well good luck

[kindred stone]

Is it just me

Or since lockdowns and all im physically exhausted as hell

I just want to sleep all the time

Headaches every hour

[stuck mango]

Happens

[opal prism]

What with these control names

[fierce mango]

Ikr hahahaha

[olive wadi]

yeah ur body has become inactive physically

i had the same during months and months of lockdowns

[opal prism]

Who pinged me

@stuck mango someone pinged me here can you check who it was

[stuck mango]

Can't find in logs

[mild compass]

cyberpunk still shit, why did they release it when it's buggy af

should've delayed the release but this is just disappointing

🥶

[stuck mango]

Yea

Hype was too much

But they underdelivered

[mild compass]

it needed at least 5 more years of development

[kindred stone]

How is this venting

[mild compass]

I'm angry

Frustrated

Because of cyberpunk

😤

[hallow pawn]

its a dissapointment bro

cyberpunk is a letdown

[stuck mango]

Please go in #semi-colon for this

Ty

[mild compass]

omg matching pfps bro

[hallow pawn]

ayo ayo

[sterile moss]

i fucking hate the fact that you can't take the A Levels in another country

i swear i am just desperate as fuck to get a place that holds a test for my subject

[mild compass]

Wym

[sterile moss]

dunno if i can do that

I'm in Vietnam, but idk if i can take my test in another country like Singapore and have my results transferred back to VN

[cosmic ginkgo]

You can take the a levels wherever you want, you don't need to transfer results, they'll give you a certificate of results that you can then use to apply anywhere

[stuck mango]

Exactly

[stuck mango]

^^^^

[sterile moss]

ah poggas

YES I AT LEAST HAVE A CHANCE NOW

[royal skiff]

im addicted to masturbating

and i feel like everyone hates me cuz of it

and i have social anxiety

so its just a loop

and i cant escape i keep feeling worse and worse about myself

i feel like crying whenever i talk to my dad on the phone (he lives far away visits us once every 2 or 3 weeks)

[real junco]

@north karma

[north karma]

Whats ur frequency if u dont mind me asking

[royal skiff]

10+ times a day

maybe not even once if im budy

i wake up early at 4 am so im alone

and i keep doing it till im out of energy

by 7 am im already braindead

and I don't do anything productive the rest of the day

[real junco]

wait what

[royal skiff]

yes

i may be a hentai protagonist

[north karma]

Yea youll benefit a lot from abstaining man

If youd want theres a bunch of communities on reddit that provide a sense of motivation to help you quit

And tricks people used to abstain

[wintry rampart]

man, i feel suicidal

i can't seem to move on from everything that happened

the regret of not taking opportunities to build myself even more are grasping to me

and i feel that i partly blame my mother for letting me believe that opportunities are insignificant

and would rather have me follow the opportunities she has found than i can find myself

now i'm nothing

thanks to her

every damn successful person's found their own opportunities

and taken it

and i haven't or declined

to develop as a person

[thick gate]

oh

[mild compass]

@wintry rampart Well, at the end of the day, it's your life and no one else, not your moms. You should make the decisions that feel right to you. I don't mean you shouldn't listen to your parents, but sometimes they just might not know somethings and can put you down... Take their advice, but if that's preventing you from reaching your potential, then let it go! There will always be people that will give negative comments; the important thing is not to let them stop you. Trust in yourself, and I bet there are more opportunities to grasp. It's never too late mate.

[wintry rampart]

i know that she's trying to put me in a path where I would "avoid as much pitfalls as necessary", but i guess that college's still there, as i've got at least 2 more years there.

and since i'd be shifting to a marketing major, for sure, i could end up hitting the chance of experiencing college irl, and opening myself to college-related opportunities that can boost my career

with her addvice, i guess that i'll have to be more careful on believing what she says

cause not all of it could be right in my point

[mild compass]

Yeahh

[wintry rampart]

and if i keep listening to her, the more i would feel controlled by her

which means more rumination

[mild compass]

Yeah exactly so be mindful

[mild compass]

💯

[wintry rampart]

about the validity of my mother's advice before listening to her?

cause when i opened to her about dating apps and nfts, she advised me not to use these apps cause "there's so many fools" when i'm already using a dating app

[eager ore]

I think she meant catfishes or something but be careful with dating apps

They can be dangerous, meet in public first and tell a friend or someone where you’re meeting just incase

[naive skiff]

Meet a cosplayer and turns out its a dude

[wintry rampart]

damn... i should really be careful with these apps

[mild compass]

Yeahhh, People can easily create online profile which can be completely different from who they actually are irl...I met some people wia app/online and it sucked, they seemed cool on chat but irl no...

[mild compass]

You're not gonna find love on an app @wintry rampart

Get to know people in your circle instead

[cosmic ginkgo]

Also there are lots of bot accounts

[mild spire]

Tinder: Am I a joke to you?

[north karma]

Theyre talking about dating apps yk

[wintry rampart]

i don't use tinder ffs

[wintry rampart]

i guess that i can wait and try to break my comfort zone once things go physical

by that, i mean when i get to learn my courses in an actual college

than at home

[mild compass]

They're all the same

[mild compass]

#chat-lounge gives me a headache

[fluid hollow]

fr

[mild spire]

Tinder is a dating app lmao

[mild spire]

lmao its a scam anyways

[amber otter]

OMG uni of manchester didnt drop any grades ;-;-;-;-; all the other unis dropped one grade (including birmigham and cardiff wwhich are both also russel group unis) so whyyyyyy manchester WHYYYYY;-;-;-;-;-;-; I can do an AAB but not AAA omg what am i gonna do ...I checked manchester since last year and their offer was AAB BUT THEN THEY BUMPED IT UP AND KEPT IT THERE WHYYYYYYYYY ;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;

[cosmic ginkgo]

They have too many applicants and are already oversubscribed :/
Also UoM can very much just be a piece of shit sometimes, it was in the news for all the wrong reasons last year.. clearly something wasn't working

[opal prism]

what did you apply for

[amber otter]

economics and finance

yea it's prolly oversubscribed

[amber otter]

also what happened last year??

[cosmic ginkgo]

A lot of things😂 the fence in Fallowfield, everyone trying to kick Nancy out, the rebel to online learning.. just search for news (or don't, that might also be a good idea)
*Nancy rothwell

[mild compass]

England be like

[gilded sable]

lmao vent channell in this server has some logic

unlike venting channels on servers made particulaarly for it

[mild compass]

It's because mods actually give a fuck here

[gilded sable]

i love the mods here!

[astral marsh]

||among us reference||

[lament cloud]

Lol

[north karma]

Bro dropped 3 gifs jus to roast someone in a venting channel

[kindred stone]

ken

embed ban again :D

[kindred stone]

i deleted it

but ebed ban

[rough holly]

god sometimes i wish i could just not stay in the same house with my dad anymore

yk when you’re going through your daily ALevel depressive phase and you don’t wanna talk to anymore. Told my dad i didn’t feel like talking, he keeps on asking me questions and talking and i’m just sitting there like 😐, he then proceeds to get mad that i’m giving him “dry responses” and raises his voice so naturally i raise my voice ( yes i admit i was in the wrong for this one), and i say i don’t feel like talking right now in a slightly raised voice and this guy straight up has a rant at me for a good 5 minutes. Just saying that i’m pathetic, a horrible daughter, a burden on him and other urdu words that prolly mean smth but i didn’t understand cause i’m too busy tryna understand where i went wrong, he hoped that my children did this but the difference is that if my child had the same symptoms as depression i would take them to the psychiatrist or therapist instead of saying “it’s a phase”🗿 Instead they decide no it’s just you wanting sympathy. It’s so god damn annoying i swear.

then my mother thinks “ i’m begging for attention/ sympathy” cause i hurt my finger pretty bad while kickboxing, and gets mad at me for not telling her about it sooner. I didn’t cause i was sorta scared for a reaction ( happened before when she blamed me for “making” my dad go to the hospital when i was really sick). After i think 2 days she took me to get it checked, can’t remember what it was but i needed a splint for a good week after that.

it’s just so sad that the only thing my parents actually say about me is that i’m begging for sympathy or that i’m just a burden on them. Like do they not fucking understand that the words they fucking say actually hurts.

Then i’m actually positive for covid and they didn’t wanna test me earlier ( when i was sicker) cause it meant they were trapped inside. Like now i have to miss more school staying at home when i have important exams coming up

like bro, if i’m sad instead of taking your anger out on me, maybe ask if i’m feeling alright maybe offer to get me something to eat, don’t say i’m a burden 💀,

I just wish they would understand me more

like bro, i lost a lot a lot of weight in a month cause i was so stressed and depressed and anxious, asked to see a psychiatrist. ✨no✨ you’re faking it and i was like 😐. how tf can i fake going from 75 to 56 kg 🗿🗿. so i’m just sitting there cause my parents made me lie slightly about the symptoms like 😐

anyway that was my daily rant about how my parents think they’re the best ones in the world 😆

welcome to my ted talk 🦭

[stuck mango]

That's long

[mild compass]

Smh

[rough holly]

what what ur mum said to me last night

I apologise

[stuck mango]

Nono

It's fine

Was just saying

[rough holly]

yes yk when you just need to rant it out

[stuck mango]

Yeah it's good only

[rough holly]

nah nah it’s good, idk if the joke offended you weird mood cause of the drugs i’m on 😆

[stuck mango]

Gl recovering from covid

[rough holly]

ahh thank you!

[astral marsh]

this channel kinda sus

[stuck mango]

Lol

[rough holly]

see y’all advice is helpful, but can someone give me actual advice 😫

[olive wadi]

This is whatchu get for not coming to me first -.-
Idk ur parents enough to say exactly what can work but from my experience talking to parents usually works with mine bec mine do reason with me a lot but i have seen most arent like that , most parents seem to be extremely stubborn and close minded in that case where u cant rlly talk it out with them and settle it , i'd try to develop the skill of hearing from one ear , leaving from the other , thats when whatever someone says doesnt hurt u deep down. You can try to take time and focus on ur own mental bec losing that much weight from anxiety and stress is not good of a sign , so when ur busy with that they'll notice ur colder and maybe that changes something in them? It just seems like they arent aware of the new problems that comes with our new era tbh so hang in there and do what you think is gonna benefit you the most cus at the end of the day you know them the best , and also they'll come around eventually , mine werent good before but they later saw how far down i came bec of them and they got their shit together and now are the greatest parents out there clearly biased , so ya until they start taking your mental seriously my DMs or this channel is always open for vents/rants :)

[astral marsh]

btw what does this channel exactly mean?

[north karma]

Read the description and read the room

[astral marsh]

You matter?

Yes I’m made of matter (solid, liquid, gas, plasma)

I got that plasma blood inside me

[north karma]

I cba

[stuck mango]

Bruh

It's for you to rant out

Anything that you have

Like express you feelings

[astral marsh]

Ok so I joined IGSCE 2 years late +1 cuz pandemic and I got like 2 months to prepare otherwise my parents will get their belt ready for me at home. I’ve tried getting better in classes, averaging B and A grades but usually Bs. (Btw does this mean I just vented?)

[lament cloud]

Yes this does mean that you just vented

[lament cloud]

An average of B is pretty good imho

Are you done with the portion or do you still have chapters left

[astral marsh]

I’m done but the problem lies on the revision. the kids in my classes take like 30 minutes to cover up the past old portion because they have studied it before

Therefore I’m going to try skipping a portion or 2 on the tests that are choice based

[lament cloud]

Ig now the best thing you can do is solve a lot of past papers, initially with an open textbookz and work on the chapters that have questions you find tough. Then you move on to solving past papers under the pressure of time

[astral marsh]

I’m going to work on Maths. It’s easy but those chapters like transformations and vectors are a pain and boring unlike those circle theorems, algebra

[cosmic ginkgo]

Vectors are also easy to mess up which is annoying, it's just practice

[mild compass]

Just treat your subjects like you'd treat your wife and things will work out uwu 😌 💯

[shadow zealot]

i never understood my concepts in class i have a bad habit of zoning out when i attempt to do pastpapers i feel distracted and end up scrolling on anything like i.e discord and then when i do class tests i end up getting a low grade any advice for me ?

[olive wadi]

I had same problem , remove discord from ur phone/Pc/device entirely or if ur on PC just hide it in a folder u cant see and close it entirely ,on phone close notifications too , do this for any app that distracts u , put ur phone in an uncomfortable position like another room or a part of ur room u cant easily reach , indirectly forcing urself to focus on whats infront of u , do these and slowly u will notice the difference

[shadow zealot]

hmm i tried doing this deleting discord and keeping my laptop aside few days later i got back to the bad habits again and i am really freaking out i hae igcses in may

[olive wadi]

dont freak out , try doing these rn and see how it goes and change accordingly cus u will know what works best just keep trying different things until u find it

dw u will be all good just take it one at a time

[shadow zealot]

sure i'll keep on trying thanks for the advice 🙂

[shadow zealot]

im trying to do that

[olive wadi]

goodluck mate , u’ll get thru it just have some confidence

[rough holly]

fair enough haha, thank you!! It’s been like 1 year since i told my mother i didn’t wanna be alive anymore, and i tell her weekly that i would like to see a psychiatrist but she says once you see one you never stop seeing it, and i’m like why is that a bad thing. Like you get mad at me for my mood swings, then fix them yourself. Imma just blame the fact that my parents are desi 💅 and don’t know shit about mental health

[eager ore]

Future generations be so lucky man

Nothing like being flamed for things u can’t control. I don’t like needles, got the vaccine and shortly after my blood pressure falls which happens every time for some reason. Vision brightens till everything is really bright and can’t see anything. So now at home I’m being shit on by every family member literally saying how are you like that, wtf is wrong with you. Like ok Ill just reprogram my brain to be different

And then the classic gender inequality, how are you so soft, are you a girl

Reason 17829 for going away for uni

I just wish there was a way you could just give someone an experience so they can’t talk shit

[olive wadi]

Well im not saying shes right bec she isnt and i hope she doesnt see this but i am a person who did beat depression and many many mental struggles by myself and some parental support , i had no psychiatrist or therapist and took me a while but with sheer fucking will i fixed all those issues that were indirectly caused bec of my parents who made up for it by their support , so like it is entirely possible to do it urself but ofc everyone is different with different problems and ur parents dont seem so keen on mental health rn so it may be hard to get some support there , my point being you can do anything u want as long as u have the will power for it , but ya i hope they wake up soon and give your mental health more attention :( sadly its less showing and more effective than physical sicknesses

tldr ; mental health is a bitch

[olive wadi]

yeah man ur absolutely right , most ppl are shit at relating or showing any sympathy to others problems and pain , lol i sometimes wonder how i relate to some ppl's pain even tho i never experienced it , i just wish more ppl had a piece of the sympathy i have

ur close to going to uni bro , hang on tight 💪

[eager ore]

Appreciate it. It’s just annoying cause it’s not even my fault it happens. Every time I have a vaccine/ injection I get those symptoms and instead of maybe going to a doctor to find out why or taking it serious, I get blamed. Anyways yea uni after a gap year so gonna look forward to that

Tbf Atleast some people do care for me and I should appreciate that instead of giving attention to the negative ones

[eager blaze]

This isn't fair at all gee
Sometimes it's good to vent here
To let it out
Don't let it get to your head man

[eager ore]

Thank you, venting helps a lot, letting all those emotions “vent” out here prevents a lot of shit happening.

[eager blaze]

im left with 2 months to my final examinations

i havent been reading

been depressed and facing anxiety battles
my bloodpressure would either be high or too low so my mom would tell me to rest so i did
everytime i tried to read i got overwhelmed and would just stop coz migrains would hurt soo much
thats why i called of my final examinations last year and told my parents i would sit for May June exams

still struggled with depression and still didnt read anything meaningful
now i know i cant keep running away and have to face my exams now coz there's no excuse anymore
my head still hurts and im on meds and anti depressants but we have already paid for examination fees

so im going to write but the anxiety that im going to fail is messing me up
i dont know what to do about that but im going to study like ive never studied before for these next two months and hope for the best

only problem I have is I'm scared if i overdo it i might affect my mental and increase my bloodpressure. when my bp is high, my muscles get tired, get migraines and my vision blurs out
honestly i just hope this doesnt affect me

[wintry rampart]

man...

i made a fool of myself in my damn algorithms machine project...

by coding shit incorrectly in python...

i tried the easy way out, which is to fucking use python's hash library

instead of blow my head off creating a user defined hash function to do whatever the fuck my prof requires me

if this were ONLY involving binary search trees, i'd fucking get perfect

this will really impact my fate this coming term, which is to **CERTAINLY **apply for shifting to a marketing/advertising course and avoid any programming classes next term

my only hope to get out of this living programming hell is to pray

that my uni's business college to accept my shift application

once nextterm comes

otherwise, i don't know what to do

with an ape brain in programming

god have mercy on my soul.

for being such an idiot

[hidden kernel]

I'm sick af rn and can't study

Kinda annoying

[river wadi]

get well soon 🙂

[glossy mango]

i'm having my first mock exams in 2 days and i seriously can't focus and study properly since i've been so anxious all day

[finite flower]

thats not nice

[mild compass]

i have a girl that i used to like back in the 7th grade but i stopped liking her because ik she doesnt like me and now i like her again but i seriously dont know how to start a convo

[mild compass]

First ask her for help in some assignment, task, lesson ect. Then offer to study together so you'll get to know each other better and later if things turn out good take her for a coffee <3

[mild compass]

hi all do you have any tips on how to focus when studying?
i recently moved to an A level school (previously i enrolled at an IB school) to take the igcse and a level exam

and i am already falling behind like so many chapters. im taking maths chemistry and computer science. do you have any tips on how to catch up with the workload? i have exmas in mj 22 and mocks in 2 more weeks and currently on study leave
whenever i study i'm always distracted and demotivated and sometimes i get depressed and overwhelmed because of the amount of work
i get so stressed that i end up procrastinating so much and i really want to get a good grade but it seems so hard, please help me im desperate.... 😢
😭 .......

[jolly verge]

this is literraly my life story rn

[mild compass]

😫

[olive wadi]

look u need to sit down and make a solid plan for urself to reach ur goals , but my advice is take it easy and solve one problem at a time , do not think about ur time limit or how much u have to do , plan everything from now and trust urself and take it one at a time , think about today and tmr , not 3 months later , thinking about ur time left will onlly stress u , as for distractions remove ur phone or whatever is causing distracting u from near u , put it in another room just far away that it cant distract u and fight the temptations to check it

just get started with something and once u do start just keep going , thats the best way to avoid procrastination , to just start from somewhere.

[jolly verge]

I also changed school this year. I had a couple family problems also. So due to a mix of reasons i couldnt study until JANUARY! i started from january im trying my best not to stress. My stress causes of procastination causes more procastination. But i finally started now properly. Im planning on studying my ass off this 2 months. Hopefully we can do it. 2 months is enough to get a semi good result. Lets hope for the best

[mild compass]

yea thing is i haven't even talked to her before

[wintry rampart]

man, i'm at a "great" day with my damn mother

she's so obsessive with taking photos, that i frown

cause i am irritated by her

she wants to buy a fucking cargo van cause "minivans and suvs are too damn tight" for her

i suggested her to buy a Toyota Previa, she wants a new Hiace

so that she can save damn money and not look like an extended family

cause the only person she brings is my family (me and my brother), as well as her mother

i don't see why buying a literal cargo van would work on a family of 5

she's a bit dysmorphic, as she does not want to look fat in her photos

my, how lucky am i?

[mild compass]

Ohh then it might be easier having the first talk online, do you have her insta or sometin?

[mild compass]

yea

[mild compass]

Great. So drop a Dm

[mild compass]

with no context?

[mild compass]

Umm yeah if just have a general convo, ask general question like how's your day or somethin.. to start with.. if you have something in mind you might add...

but what if she asks why are u talking to me

[mild compass]

Yeah right, idk say I wanna go for a coffee'...

[olive wadi]

I became best friends with my years long crush by simply asking stuff about Bio cus we both liked it

from there on i kept opening convos she was into

[river wadi]

i used to want to study to get good grades and get into a good college, etc but now it's like i don't even have any purpose to study because even if i work hard and get into a good college i have terrible luck and who knows what might happen after that. I literally have no motivation to study and the worst part is that I can be a good student without effort but I just don't want to. I don't have a "why" anymore. Like, why am I even studying all these subjects when irl i don't actually give a shit about them. I only like getting good marks and making my parents proud. I don't personally give a damn about any of this stuff. How the hell am I supposed to study now? I'm srsly in a state where I'm just studying and doing stuff that is SO monotonous. Idek loll

[jolly verge]

aaah okay im gonna vent now. i hate my new school so much i regret changing schools. i thoguht this skul would give me better opportunity but boy was i wrong. everyone is rich and studies in coachings no one pays attention in schools. the classes suck. i cant believe i have to complete the entire syllabus on my own. i have to finsih inorganic within 2day. r.ipppp

[mild compass]

Good luck mate

[jolly verge]

doe on the brightside thank god for the Internet and the amzing resourses. i would have died without the internet resurces

[mild compass]

Internet saves grades lol

[jolly verge]

Meanwhile my fam "internet is the downfall of the younger generation" like bruh 😒 u aint completing my a level syllabus

[mild compass]

Yeah literally

[mild compass]

I understand where you're coming from, life becomes pretty monotonous and grey when you spend too much time by yourself, thinking, (to think is to destroy, read Fernando thanks), anyways disregarding my current academic situation, what got me through o/alevels was trying to keep as little time for thinking about the what's and why's of things I was doing by studying (even if it had no point and I had no particular interest in anything I was learning), reading, watching movies/shows in my free time, talking to people about random stuff, just whatever keeps you busy during the day and tires you out enough for the night. And tbh forget about luck, if bad things are going to happen, they'll happen, what matters is that you learn from it and get on with life. And trust yourself blob, you have a lot ahead of you, don't be fixated on your luck from the past, just work for a better future for yourself and your parents.

waaa im like a boomer, seeing discord italicize stuff makes me (ㆁωㆁ)

[river wadi]

you're honestly the best. thank you. it's reassuring to hear from someone else. I guess i do spend too much time by myself and overthink.

[mild compass]

I have good grades and I know I am smart but I am not confident. I’m so quiet in class and in English that’s really affecting my grade because we get a participation grade. Every time I participate I get so embarrassed and red. I wish it came naturally to me

I also can’t lead anything because I am not confident enough and I get so uncomfortable

[mild compass]

It's alright smol, you got this (◠‿・)—☆

[mild compass]

That's something very common amongst smart blobs tbh, but it's definitely not something that can't be worked upon. Does your school have any clubs?

[mild compass]

Yeah

A decent amount

[mild compass]

Which onesss

If you have reading/debates/muns clubs you should definitely join, they'll help loads with building up your confidence

Also, try setting small goals for yourself, like today I'll talk in at least one class, or ask at least one question, you could like skim over the topic at home so you're confident about what you're asking as well

And gradually build it up

[mild compass]

We have speech and debate, model U.N, JSA, book club, and a lot of others

[mild compass]

Thanks sm I’ll try

[mild compass]

Good luck blob, you got this! (◠‿・)—☆

[summer flicker]

you sound exactly like the old me

i can confirm that you can get better, all you have to do is force yourself into more social positions like debates maybe some speeches. Good friends also reeeeaaaaally help

forcing yourself to ask a question or two in class is also a really good way to make yourself more comfortable

just remember it's a slow process so you just have to be patient and keep forcing yourself outside of your comfort zone

[olive wadi]

^

remember to always practice what u want to get better at/improve at as thats the key to beating ur flaws , its an advice i wish i learned way before

[royal skiff]

^

[royal skiff]

they just like me fr

[viscid gull]

This is such a beautiful advice

[mild compass]

I wanna cryy I just got rejected from Newcastle Uni 😩

[opal prism]

which unis did you apply for and which course?

[mild compass]

Well, applied to chemistry engineering course in uni of Leeds, Birmigham, York, Durham...

[opal prism]

oh don't worry durham and Birmingham are much better universities than Newcastle I am sure you will get offers for them and my colondences on your rejection to newcastle should be ashmed to be losing such a bright student like yourself

[mild compass]

I hope so, aw thank youuu 💜

[mild compass]

What's your personal statement like, and predicted grades?

[mild compass]

Umm I wrote my personal statement last minute but I think it's pretty good, idk...
I have AS Levels but I couldn't top them up to A levels, so instead I sent my international qualifications..

[wintry rampart]

man... how complicated is my mother?

my idiot brother is a true opportunist

rushes in to take a fucking bath before i can

and now my mom fucking lashes on me

telling me how if i were at home, she'd be fucking happier

and compares me

[lean schooner]

Look, 2 months left before my IGCSE

I am fucked.

My mock exams grades are shit

Let me just state all of them

English: A* (only subject that I did well)
Economics: A (should have been A* but all these careless mistakes 🤦‍♂️)
Malay as 2nd Language: A (barely just went past the grade boundary by a few marks)
Physics: A (barely just went past the grade boundary by a few marks)
Biology: A (barely just went past the grade boundary by a few marks)

Now here comes the shitty part:
Add Maths: B (scored 50/80 on both paper 1 and paper 2)
English Literature: B (I am just glad that I didn't get a C, we did unseen only for the mock exam)
Chemistry...
C (Paper 2: C, Paper 4: D, Paper 6: B)

I only have 2 months left, my predicted grades were all A* before the mock exams but now the term 2 report came and I only have 3A* and 5A as predicted grades.

I am grinding non stop for about 2 weeks now, I am exhausted but doesn't matter, I need to get at least 6A* and above to get into a good college. It will be worth it in the end, hopefully 🤞

^Also I took my Math extended IGCSE last year june so for the mock exams hosted by the school i was just sitting for add maths

and that I got 95% for math extended IGCSE

[wintry rampart]

don't burn yourself out. create a study schedule, and remember what you've learnt. don't forget to prioritize chem.

[mild compass]

When long time online friends leave you because you took a break to embark on the quest of touching grass 😔 🙏

[olive wadi]

For the past 3 years or so , basically ever since i started IGCSE till now where im at tail of end A2 , i always had poor performance academically at school flunking most exams in some subjects , but i always pulled thru last second , cramming everything last month or two before real exams and improving my grades , but i fear that im not gonna be able to do this in A2 which is what im trying to do now , just less than 2 months before exams. It was easy doing it in IGCSE when i didnt need to have a strong base , or in AS when all i needed to do was put in some extra hours , but now in A2 my roots my bases are so weak bec of bad teachers and bad guidance , i notice that im not too effecient in studying my 2/3 subjects bec those subjetcs were always so shit. Even tho i keep saying idc what grades i get i just wanna move on , inside i still feel like i owe it to myself to do well and get nice grades but with each passing day it seems less possible no matter how hard i try to come back and fix things. i fear i wont be able to do this for the 3rd and final time. Wish i had more self confidence , my parents dont mind it if i totally fail or do amazing but ofc who wouldnt want to succeed , i dont wanna take the easy way of "ah its whatevre who cares about grades" bec those grades help a lot moving on with life but at the same time i dont have the burning passion to study my subjects so i cant show that extra % to get those A's. Ugh its tough.