venting

[glossy pewter]

And read it later

Or if you dont want to listen

Be direct and tell them

I cant help

Sometimes ppl dont want help

They just want someone to listen

So if you can be the person to listen if you get me @deep sluice

[deep sluice]

Yes yes i know what you mean

Im sure not going to be cruel like that

I helped as much as I could

[glossy pewter]

You are a good man

Give yourself a pat on the back

[deep sluice]

I hope i helped but ya know it was kinda stressful for a sec

[deep sluice]

Ok i will 😂

Thanks

[glossy pewter]

Ik i have also had those texts

Some person just dumps

Everything

[deep sluice]

Yeah

[glossy pewter]

Dont mention it

[deep sluice]

I think i pissed them off this time

Yea yea

[wintry rampart]

as much as i wanna move on from my regretful past, i am starting to consider selfishness as a defense mechanism for it, if not, a short term solution to gamble everything about my current, resilient, determined personality

as i'd rather take everything that comes in my way instead of mope

even if others question me, i'll end up saying that i gotta run from my demons

is this the attitude that my mother wants me to be?

a greedy, selfish ass who values his career and future over everyone elses as well as his own well being?

[bronze coyote]

Yes that’s me

I do that

But I’m grateful to people of this server

[wintry rampart]

i'm also grateful to have met you guys through discord via this server. without you, fia, jamal, ken, eminem, pt and all the other guys who lurk in this channel, i would have been somewhere worse

but when i introspect on my future career outside of helping around in znotes, i feel that most of my demons have been gradually trying to control me, as i simultaneously become doom guy and fend them off while having college

[bronze coyote]

Oh man mentioned me thanks

I’m just Fia 2.0

[lament cloud]

Ken 😭

[bronze coyote]

Ken

Bros Bangali or what

[bronze coyote]

Yeh

[olive wadi]

Ken always offered good advice to his homies or in general when shit got serious

[olive wadi]

hes egyptian

[placid folio]

hello

[placid folio]

barbie?

[lament cloud]

Sometimes

But when it came to mental health his advice was pretty bad

[wintry rampart]

true

[glossy pewter]

Yeah he did have okay advice

[pastel night]

😭

[bronze coyote]

Oh Okk

[hazy dagger]

who tf is ken

[olive wadi]

Agreed

[slate sky]

I agree

[slate sky]

He was a past member of the server but got banned because he trolled a lot of people ( I would say about almost every active member at the time of his ban got trolled by him). He was a nice motivator to several people too but not for serious mental health problems.

[hazy dagger]

interesting

[slate sky]

u should search up his messages lol

[cosmic ginkgo]

They don't get deleted when ban?

[slate sky]

nah they don't

only the ones mod choose to delete at that time won't show up

but idts we deleted many of his messages

[olive wadi]

If ur banning manually u can choose if u wanna delete their msgs or not , idk abt bot ban

[slate sky]

None of messages were deleted, I am sure about that

[lament cloud]

ZNbot has options

[cosmic ginkgo]

That's cool

[restive bridge]

znbot has the option

if you use carl, for example, it auto purges

[remote leaf]

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IM GETTING SLAM DUNKED BY MOODY TEACHERS EVEN THOUGH MY ANSWERS ARE CORRECT

thats fine for this chat yes? just in case. Im new here

[lament cloud]

Yeah it's ok

[bronze coyote]

As a person who has been watching this chat for a long time I can confirm this is the best vent

[radiant karma]

thank you so much

[green venture]

Gave +1 rep to windmillsss#0

[hard ravine]

Happens buddy

To the best of us 😔

[solar marsh]

internal screaming

[bronze coyote]

Screaming thru my

[grand oasis]

Yessir

[solar marsh]

i want the ground to open up and eat me alive

[unreal shadow]

Be careful what you wish for

[solar marsh]

i want to punch a wall

the only thing stopping me is my brain

[unreal shadow]

I have no enemies.

https://tenor.com/view/anime-gif-16014621646762423245

[feral pewter]

I hv no filter nd hv bloody fists rn 😶

[serene mica]

How's the situation now?

[solar marsh]

man, i wish my brain wasn't so protective of me

[oak smelt]

Was it overprotective or excessive fawning due to people pleaser moment

[solar marsh]

huh

[wintry rampart]

i can't believe that i'm a fucking failure in dating

only ones who'll "fall" for me are fat ass tramps or prostitutes

cause i am a walking red flag

why am i so uncharismatic?

everybody fucking else has relationships at my age

and you have me, a single who fucking mopes

[unreal shadow]

your standards are too high bro

me when it's a woman of age

https://tenor.com/view/typing-gif-26035390

[wintry rampart]

and maturity?

[unreal shadow]

jk

alright im sorry

[wintry rampart]

my therapist told me that i was a walking red flag by talking more than a girl

that i interacted with

and i had to play the fool and apologize

now i feel that things can go bad

[unreal warren]

when u try to get girls u dont get girls and when u dont wanna get one they come flying

[unreal shadow]

don't compare yourself with others, it's completely fine

now this is my personal view

you can agree or disagree

[wintry rampart]

so, i'll prolly end up staying single till i end up losing my mind a better explanation

[unreal shadow]

but before the topic of dating comes to your mind

I believe you must be self sufficient within yourself

afterall, it's a luxury that not everyone can afford

[unreal shadow]

in terms of money and stability

[wintry rampart]

i don't even know how to love myself

cause i know that i'm always the problematic one

[unreal shadow]

but that isn't the only way that you must be self sufficient within yourself

you also must be

happy and comfortable by just being alone

[glossy pewter]

First of all never ever compare yourself with others alright and love and relationships take time and happen at the most unexpected times you cant really be like i want a relationship and it just happens

You have to wait for the right person to meet you

You never know when this will happen

[wintry rampart]

with minimal standards?

[glossy pewter]

Okay so i had this talk with a “girl” friend of mine and she told me that most girls have weird standards and go for things we guys cant anticipate man

[unreal shadow]

otherwise, you're leading yourself into a toxic relationship, one where you're in it not because you genuinely love the other person and want to be in a relationship with them but because you need it to feel better about yourself

[glossy pewter]

You cant just make something happen okay if you do it will lead to a relationship that isn’t healthy and wont last long

[unreal shadow]

so start by fixing that about yourself then worry about dating

[glossy pewter]

How do you expect someone to like you if you dont love yourself buddy

[wintry rampart]

i've been trying, but i don't know if i'm doing the right thing, to cope being a single

[glossy pewter]

First fix any issues if you think you have any

[wintry rampart]

till i prolly die

[glossy pewter]

Dont think about that man just fix your issues if you feel like you have any

And am sure you will see results

First and foremost

Love yourself

Before expecting someone else to love you

[unreal shadow]

IMO however, and take this as you wish,
if you aren't

1. Stable yourself financially and can make a decent living for yourself till you're at least comfortable somewhat
2. Happy and comfortable by being just yourself
   then dating shouldn't come across your mind at all

[wintry rampart]

i mean, being myself can be one small time solution

[unreal shadow]

coping never solves the issue, so stop doing that

[wintry rampart]

but i can't distinguish if i'm a walking red flag as a man or not

[unreal shadow]

address the issue whatever it is, idk what it is

[glossy pewter]

Why are you thinking of yourself as a red flag?

[wintry rampart]

yup. only 12 year old fortnite normies cope. i'd rather do things the hard way and confront every issue

[glossy pewter]

Thats a good mentality

[wintry rampart]

"you do not show interest to the girl, as you blabber about your stories instead of listening on what she has to say"

[glossy pewter]

Who told you this? And do you think this is true?

[wintry rampart]

my damn therapist

yes

i know that i have a hard time trying to listen to others stories

[glossy pewter]

Has he ever seen you talking to a girl?

[wintry rampart]

as i fear that i could grow manipulative and use their stories against them

[wintry rampart]

it's a she btw, online

[glossy pewter]

Oh why do you think like this man

[glossy pewter]

Oh okay okay

[wintry rampart]

i guess watching too much true crime documentaries

[glossy pewter]

First get rid of that mentality

[wintry rampart]

we met at a coffee shop, and i showed her the chat online

and boom

[glossy pewter]

If you feel like thats the issue

Fix it

[wintry rampart]

an attempt foiled

[glossy pewter]

Oh sad indeed man

[wintry rampart]

i must get out of this shame first before trying again

[glossy pewter]

As even sd male said

[unreal shadow]

Maybe your therapist is right
Don't take it personally though
Just that next time assess whether that is actually true or no
If it's true then you can fix that, otherwise completely disregard it

[wintry rampart]

that's what i'm trying to di

[unreal shadow]

it's just advice

[glossy pewter]

Yeah

[wintry rampart]

maybe you're right. taking time to read her wordsor allowing curiosity to kick in could be worth

[glossy pewter]

If you feel like you have an issue thats pulling you down dix it

[unreal shadow]

you can't be shattered anytime someone tells you X, Y and Z is wrong with you, if anything you should be thankful

[glossy pewter]

Yesh they are trying to help

[wintry rampart]

hopefully, that shame would last for days.

[glossy pewter]

I see so you are trying to get rid of the shame first

[wintry rampart]

exactly

before i can retry and move forth with the advice she has given me

[glossy pewter]

Just forget about it dont dwell on the past

[glossy pewter]

Okay okay

It might last a few days or a week

But it will disappear

Dont worry about that

Life i about trial and error and fixing your errors before trying again

Am sure you have more luck next time man

Just dont try to force yourself into a relationship just because you see everyone around you is in a relationship

You wont feel happy due to thst

And these stuff usually happen naturally and take time

So hope you take your time and find the right person man

So firstly before all that fix your issue from last time and try first to love yourself man

Many ppl are satisfied with themselves ngl

[wintry rampart]

how do you love yourself?

[glossy pewter]

Idk if you might be like that

[glossy pewter]

Hahahaha you know i have been called ugly for years 😂 but whenever i look at the mirror all i see is a handsome man

I used to hate myself

For how i acted and how i looked

[wintry rampart]

and?

[glossy pewter]

But realized after sometime that nobody around me cares about me

“Nobody”

Only me

[wintry rampart]

why would you think that "nobody" cared?

[glossy pewter]

Because i noticed no matter how i tried to convey myself to other they didnt even bat an eye towards me

[unreal shadow]

everyone is concerned with their own life

[glossy pewter]

Also that

[wintry rampart]

this makes a lot of sense

[wintry rampart]

everyone probably experiences that for sure

[unreal shadow]

no one is really losing sleep over you or something like that

[glossy pewter]

Yeah man think of yourself first

[glossy pewter]

See even you must have felt this same way

[glossy pewter]

Ikr 😂

[wintry rampart]

so i guess i gotta be more self-aware of my actions?

before i could consider "loving" myself first?

[glossy pewter]

Yes do what makes you happy man

Dont think of others around you

They dont give a damn

They have their own lives to live

[unreal shadow]

put yourself until you're comfortable within yourself
i turned down many nights out with my friends before and many gatherings so on so on just so that I am now in a position where I can take care of other people around me

[glossy pewter]

So live yours

[unreal shadow]

it still isn't as much as I would like it to be, but I can still do a lot

for my parents, siblings, friends etc

[glossy pewter]

Yes

[unreal shadow]

You should always be
Every move you make must be thought out clearly

It can be hard sometimes doing that but do it to the best of your ability

[wintry rampart]

even subconscious actions?

other than thoughts

[unreal shadow]

I mean like

brushing your teeth showering etc I hope is natural at this point

but I mean as in the decisions you make

[glossy pewter]

Basically all the actions you take in front of everyone

And the decisions you take

Think about them and be more self aware of them

Before acting

Think about how someone will feel if you acted like that towards them before acting

If you know what i mean

[wintry rampart]

that's some useful advice that i can apply further

[glossy pewter]

I hope you do

I hope i helped in a small way i can

@wintry rampart and dont feel shamed of your recent actions just move on

Forget about them

And become a better man 🔥

[wintry rampart]

will the shame come back eventually?

[glossy pewter]

If you move on and forget it for sure wont come back

Just dont think about it

[radiant karma]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksKLEcKpYLg

[solar marsh]

its easier said than done

[solar marsh]

i hate my life

why am i always ignored

why am i the one who's supposed to make sure everyone else is okay but no one makes sure im okay

so unfair

i have to force other people to do anything with me but other people can ask once amd i could be all in

i hate this

[unreal shadow]

make sure you're ok yourself
and don't do good for others expecting them to do it back, that defeats the whole purpose

[unreal shadow]

in that case, just stop telling them to, if you weren't heard the first time then stop

[unreal shadow]

I understand your frustration, but be patient, take good care of yourself, become a better person and I'm sure eventually you'll be surrounded by better people who really care about you, it will come itself, you don't have to worry about it

but

when they do come

make sure you take good care of them as well

and do your best to not lose them

[solar marsh]

i am not okay, i know that but theres nothing i can do about it because i cant talk to anyone about how i feel and yeah, maybe i am in the wrong for thinking people will be nice to me if im nice to them

[unreal shadow]

If you need anyone to talk to, I assure you we're here although it is a bit hard I do understand. But what I meant by that is take good care of yourself

[solar marsh]

i cant help it.. i feel so lonely when other people make plans without me and when i ask them to do stuff with me and they decline.. idk whats wrong with me.. i dont have any friends and its so hard to make friends and idk why

[solar marsh]

i dont know if i can take good care of myself because i really hate myself and i dont like me for the way i am rn... i do wanna change but again its so fricking hard and im trying to figure out how life works at the moment.. entering society is so difficult

[unreal shadow]

I understand how your feeling, I too have felt lonely many times, even worse I felt so when I had someone, or at least I thought I did. But try your best to be comfortable with just yourself it's a really great thing to have

[solar marsh]

yeah I'll def be am idiot and say something stupid to create an argument and lose them like everyone else that has entered my life before

[unreal shadow]

First there's no need to be too harsh on yourself, you're very young still and mistakes are bound to happen

especially stupid ones

forgive yourself for that

[solar marsh]

i cant

[unreal shadow]

The other thing is, realize that the person you are now isn't who you always will be

you can very much change

and the first step towards that, try to figure out what you would like to change about yourself

[solar marsh]

thats how i thought a few years back.. how i will change a lot when im a few years older but no, im still the same person i was 5 years ago

[unreal shadow]

To be able to change, you must believe that change is possible

[solar marsh]

always angry, never easy to get along, no friends, and a life that sucks

[solar marsh]

i do believe its possible but I've never seen it happen to me

[unreal shadow]

It doesn't magically happen, you have to lead it yourself

[solar marsh]

well i dont know how to

[unreal shadow]

unless you yourself actively try to change then it's unlikely that you will

[solar marsh]

I've been to a counselor to see if she could help me change but it was a waste of a year

[unreal shadow]

a good place to start

is try figuring out what you would like to change about yourself

which you seem to already have an idea about

[solar marsh]

she didn't even bother to help me figure out how i could change and how i could get started

[unreal shadow]

.

[solar marsh]

i do wanna change, like a lot. i wanna change everything about me

physically and mentally

[unreal shadow]

It's okay, it's in the past now, had you never tried you wouldn't have known what it would've been like

[unreal shadow]

well, focus on what you can do something about

if it's something that there isn't much that you can do about then it isn't worth giving much thought to

[solar marsh]

i have a horrible mentality and i believe in pretty privilage... because i see people be more nice to other people cux they are prettier.. im not a pretty person to look at

[unreal shadow]

Well, harsh truth is

You cannot control the way other people act

as much as you would like to

therefore, just focus on reaction

[solar marsh]

i could change the way people treat me by being better looking

[unreal shadow]

also im really sorry but I have work to do now, I will come back again tonight

[solar marsh]

yk what thanks a lot for this talk

ive gotten some motivation to start working on changing myself physically

[bronze coyote]

Hi peppa pig

[wintry rampart]

is talking 40% of the time in a conversation with a girl even the most logical and right thing to do?

or am i making a fool out of myself?

[plush depot]

im craving some fattiest juciest bueger rn

with no tomatoes

but i cant

its too far

is this life

[unreal shadow]

same

[unreal shadow]

idk

ig so

[unreal shadow]

damn did you just doxx yourself

[glossy quartz]

nah im pretty sure thats Tom Holland

but after a lot of brinking and possibly fighting

[undone kite]

Zendaya could easily beat him

[undone kite]

How do you wanna change

[bronze coyote]

He wants to be a transformer

[unreal warren]

[unreal shadow]

Maybe cause it’s a habit already

And you’re probably overthinking it too much

[pastel night]

The fear of losing familiarity, giving up your comfort zone or what you already have. The best advice: take things step by step, never rush to bring a change and slowly increase your commitments and this process isn't linear but rather like a squiggly water slide in theme parks so just work on focusing on the main aim and again one step at a time

[unreal shadow]

Idk ig control your mind

Try your best to make most actions conscious ones

You get better with time

But you must actively try to do that

[deep sluice]

Idk if i got this right

But if it's anger issues send me help too

Im sick of this bs ngl

Yea fr

I think it's contestant emotional stress idkk

Atp my younger siblings are just going to hate me ong

And i hate it

Frr fr

And i can't just keep on fking up then apologizing

[unreal shadow]

I never really had a problem with anger issues lol

[deep sluice]

Bro the guilt i feel istg

Yesterday i went off on everybody

And now they're all just walking on eggshells around me

It's shitty istg

EXACTLY

And tf is a canon event ffs

[unreal shadow]

Try to control yourself

You must be disciplined enough

When i was like 5 or smthn i used to get angry sometimes but then whenever I did my parents would discipline me

Give me a talk

Then

Since

I never really get angry LOL

[bronze coyote]

me too

[bronze coyote]

me too

i couldnt care less

[unreal shadow]

Yes

[unreal shadow]

We have no enemies.

[deep sluice]

Or you're just joking around but they think it's another episode of anger

Smh

[bronze coyote]

i have enemies

[deep sluice]

Fr

[unreal shadow]

Oh

I have no enemies.

It takes time

Be patient

[deep sluice]

[unreal shadow]

I recommend watching those stoicism memes

[deep sluice]

What

[unreal shadow]

💪💪💪

[wintry rampart]

how hard is it to accept rejection

makes me wanna think that i do not deserve romantic love

[deep sluice]

Bro fr it's instant it's not like i think about it and still do it idk

[wintry rampart]

just being alone till i rot in hell

[unreal shadow]

I used to ruuuuule the world

Seas would rise when I gave the word

[deep sluice]

Bro i tend to cry when im mad mad tho yesterday i literally couldn't cry and it all became too much

[wintry rampart]

even if it would be a fat ass tramp or a prostitute?

[deep sluice]

So i Opened a depressing novel and read

[unreal shadow]

Now in the morning I sleep alone

[wintry rampart]

cuase i reject these types of people

[unreal shadow]

Sweep the streets I used to own

[deep sluice]

I feel fking stupid saying this like wtf even

Yesss

[wintry rampart]

i'd reject cause i'd prolly be made fun of for having an ugly ass soulmate

[deep sluice]

Bro tbh who tf cares what people say

In short fk them

Find someone you're comfortable with

And happy

That's it

[unreal shadow]

I personally wouldn’t recommend prostitutes as a lifelong partner

But that’s just me

And also

Be the type of person you want to attract

[deep sluice]

I mean at least we're finding people who relate

[placid folio]

i finally came online when green was online yesterday

it was nice

[wintry rampart]

give me an example

[placid folio]

and i was soo glad

i could

[unreal shadow]

Don’t expect a really great lady to walk into your life when all you do all day long is munch on potato chips and binge watching tv shows

All day

[placid folio]

yeah fr

[wintry rampart]

that's just overthinking on my end. i'd be sane not to date prostitutes

[unreal shadow]

That’s very unlikely to happen

[placid folio]

but... we werent really able to have a proper conversation 2gether

[wintry rampart]

so, i gotta get involved across my community

[placid folio]

which really sucks

[wintry rampart]

ie being a good role model

and maybe being myself too

[unreal shadow]

If you want that type of girl, then yes

[placid folio]

ok now that i spilled my sadness here

imma leave now

bye guys

[unreal shadow]

You’re more likely to attract someone similar, statistically speaking

[placid folio]

idk when ill come back online

sigh

[unreal shadow]

You’re immature

Time to grow up

Being angry doesn’t fix anything

[deep sluice]

Sd stfu now

❤️

[unreal shadow]

So get over it

[deep sluice]

Bro it depends on why first

[unreal shadow]

Being angry is never correct

[deep sluice]

Exactly so you can't just rule it out

[unreal shadow]

Some moves are just inherently wrong, letting anger take over you is one of them

[deep sluice]

Yes ofc im with you on that

[wintry rampart]

then i guess that i gotta continue getting involved

even if it meant breaking my comfort zone

[unreal shadow]

It’s like moving your queen on a diagonal controlled by a bishop

[wintry rampart]

i just need to find a way to erase the desperation

[deep sluice]

Anger is just a wrong way of expressing emotions

[unreal shadow]

Unless that’s a sacrifice of some sort

It’s stupid

Immaturity

[deep sluice]

You just have to figure out how to express them in other ways

[unreal shadow]

Take things slow

And think about them

Before you react

To them

[wintry rampart]

while i know that true love can come eventually, i just feel jealous on others having successful relationships at the age of 20-23

[unreal shadow]

And assess what you can possibly do

Then react to them

[wintry rampart]

that's why i grew desperate

[unreal shadow]

You’re less likely to fuck up that way

[deep sluice]

It's not that easy

Anger is instantaneous

[unreal shadow]

Im aware

[deep sluice]

You don't think

[unreal shadow]

That it isn’t easy

But

You must train yourself

[deep sluice]

Yeah

[unreal shadow]

Read from here, process everything this way

Then it will become a habit

And another thing, try to never act based of emotions be it happiness or anger

Or sadness or guilt

It’ll wear off and will make you regret that decision

That’s not to say however don’t feel it

[deep sluice]

Tbh i feel it's more emotional intelligence than immaturity

Lack of emotional intelligence

[unreal shadow]

They’re linked

Yes

[deep sluice]

Mashy

[green venture]

Gave +1 rep to sdmale#0

[wintry rampart]

and wanted to fall in love so young

cause i find falling in love at the age of 30 being too late

[unreal shadow]

Ok😒

[unreal shadow]

Dating out of desperation is wrong and will always end horribly

[deep sluice]

Yea you have to be satisfied with yourself first

[wintry rampart]

how patient must i be to fall in love?

[unreal shadow]

Besides that, dating is a luxury so before you think about it even make sure you can afford it

Especially considering you’re a man

[deep sluice]

You're looking for someone to build a life with them and be there for their needs just like they will be there for you

[unreal shadow]

You shouldn’t be dating someone if you still rely on your parents to feed you, fix that problem first then think about falling in love or wtv

[deep sluice]

You're not looking for a relationship to fix wtv you have going on or to end ur desperation

[wintry rampart]

i've already began learning how to save money

[unreal shadow]

That’s one part, learn how to make your own money now

And do that

[deep sluice]

Desperation leads to you depending too much on the other person which is not right

Cause it'll make them feel suffocated or put too much pressure on them

Therefore everything going to shit

[wintry rampart]

damn

do many 21 year olds still stay single?

and grow jealous of others their age falling in love?

[lapis frigate]

10 year olds are taken nowadays

[deep sluice]

💀💀💀💀💀💀

That's not what he's talking about

At all

[wintry rampart]

hopefully, i would not stay lonely and single by the age of 45

otherwise, i'd call myself a failure to humanity

[unreal shadow]

Or fat

🙏🙏🙏🙏

[deep sluice]

💀💀💀

[wintry rampart]

or end up becoming the worst type of human being, a groomer

[unreal shadow]

Nah don’t💀

[wintry rampart]

of course. groomers are desperate af and end up fucking up more than acceptance

[lapis frigate]

mb

[unreal shadow]

Fr

[unreal shadow]

Yeah

Idk man just chill

Wtv happens happens

Idk imo your main goal probably shouldn’t be to find love

Although it’s nice to have I suppose

[near juniper]

Ah i saw the guy who sexually assaulted me yesterday 💀

And i had a panic attach a week before when i thought i saw him

What do i do not go outside anymore💀

[unreal shadow]

Ah fuck

Im sorry to hear that you went through that, I understand it’s really hard

[oak smelt]

How tf is he still outside

Report that dude

Have u told any adults???

All it takes is one phone call to the police and he will have a restraining order on his ass

[unreal shadow]

In some countries yk

So im assuming she’s in one of those countries

Like the police enforcement aren’t great

[oak smelt]

still its really common that sexually abused victims dont report their abuser due to them having some sort of connection or just plain trauma and fear of everyone finding out

speaking of that

I've been listening to an unhealthy amount of murder cases podcast

its like

[unreal shadow]

True

[oak smelt]

idk i dont think i should be listening to them with as much enthusiast

but each case is so different the the psychological explanation behind their actions make me feel intrigued

think im fucked in the head fr

[unreal shadow]

I mean

Don’t most people find that interesting

[oak smelt]

i told my friends about it and they were like "are u sadistic or something 💀 "

[unreal shadow]

LOL

What did you tell your friends exactly

[oak smelt]

so i showed them the case about this host couples in japan and how the girl got jealous to the point of stabbing the boyfriend then just sit down beside his bleeding body and smoke

then i showed them the vid of her explaning why she did it

and before it even finished, my friends were like "ayo uhh are u doing fine"

and i was like nonono its just my hobby to check out murder case / investigation

and they were like why are u so interested in insane people

and i said it was just yk interesting to know what were they thinking and how it led to those action

my friends were concerned that if i watch too much might even adopt that mental thought pattern

and i said no way

and they were like "bruh the cases u sent us were all brutal, im starting to think ur actually into gore now 💀"

im not but they be making me question if this stuff is really normal tbh

anyways its just a little venting

imma keep my hobby but share it with people who are into it

[unreal shadow]

Bruh

[unreal shadow]

I honestly get where you’re coming from

Like I liked getting told about these stories when I was and talking about them

I also watched my fair share if documentaries about like cannibalists

So it is pretty interesting

But idk maybe your friends just aren’t into it as much as you are

[near juniper]

The police know hes done it to other girls but our parents told us to close the case bc they ask after a while whether we want to and sinxe we did nothing can happen

[rough holly]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

sorry just needed to scream, all good now!

[unreal shadow]

wdym

[unreal shadow]

You should have no enemies.

[oak smelt]

how about instead of forgive and forget i just forget

if someone did me wrong, they're dead in my eyes

[plush depot]

A true warrior has no enemis.

isnt this what thors said to thorfinn

[plush depot]

it is actually quite normal

but too much of it might be uhh idk

[plush depot]

yeah this is the right choice

you can meet alot of ppl w same hobby if you look into the right place

[hazy dagger]

W

[unreal shadow]

Strength lies not in your ability to inflict pain rather your ability to endure it

Therefore avoiding it when you’re faced by it

Wont help you much

In terms of making you stronger

I have been done wrong in a way you couldn’t even imagine, if I told you’d probably lose your head, nevertheless I still am kind to whoever it is, even though to them it’s probably as if I never existed in the first place even, however idt you should let your emotions control you and I would always stick to my principles

[oak smelt]

Hmm bit of a struggle to understand your point here

Cuz if someone treats u like crap

Being nice about it would just tell them that kind of action is justified when its on u?

I believe more into detaching yourself off from toxic relationships

Rather than forcing yourself to treat everyone nicely and equally

Cuz quite frankly not everyone deserve your dedication

And i think from how i see it, if a person has thought of their action and still did it, they should be held accountable

[unreal shadow]

No it doesn’t, wrong will always remain wrong, if to them it seems so it’s their own personal issue and will cost them sooner or later since that behavior will be repeated elsewhere later

[unreal shadow]

You can detach yourself while still being nice

[unreal shadow]

My point is, that you should try to be nice to everyone and if someone does something wrong to you that shouldn’t change who you are

Unless, the only case where it’s fine in my opinion is if it gets physical

And if someone hurts you, you shouldn’t take it out on them or anyone else, you endure that and try to figure out what caused it to happen

It’s fine if you disagree, it’s just my opinion afterall

[rough holly]

why do i think i screamed, scares weaklings off

[unreal shadow]

You have enemies😔

[rough holly]

yes who

wait no i don’t, i screamed they all gone

[unreal shadow]

You had enemies😔

[rough holly]

yea that’s better 😈

[unreal shadow]

Half good

[frank mango]

I don't think I wanna live anymore

I do not have any determination to study anymore

My family wants me to pursue a career path that is different from what I want

Also they won't let me take further maths

[unreal shadow]

Ngl same

But we ball

[frank mango]

I'm trying very hard to ball

[unreal shadow]

Same

But it’s ok

[frank mango]

Yeah I try to remind myself I have two years till college so my parents can change their minds by that time

[unreal shadow]

fair enough

for me idk lol

ig just let it be

[torn yarrow]

for anyone struggling with studies and parental/social pressure

[glossy pewter]

I showed this to my parents and they told me “you dont know how to swim” 😭

[torn yarrow]

....bruh

hey...i thinkkk

😂

matar ki daaal?

...then?

OH hell naww

the nightmare of every shawarma

😂

im jk, i rmbr you

from the meeting theothr day

🤣

mhm

ye i was having fun with yall

what did ya wanna talka bout

mkkk byebye

[torn yarrow]

👀

[pastel night]

Animal torturing scenes should be banned no matter how fake or how real

Poor souls

Breaks my heart every time

[pastel night]

It's not okay

😭

My heart's been racing ever since that scene

That poor baby 😭

[undone kite]

Deserved

[solar marsh]

I wanna punch the wall but i cant cuz its gonna make a loud sound and my parents are gonna ask questions

[glossy pewter]

Use a pillow to dampen the sound

I do it all the time

Works like a charm

[solar marsh]

Uh no

I want to crush my fist

I want the pain

[glossy pewter]

Hmmm bite you hand like eren

That also works 💀

You might change into the founder titan

[deep sluice]

Boi don't ruin the series for me smh 💀

[solar marsh]

Naw my brain stopping me from crunching my finger off

[glossy pewter]

Hmmm why do you even want pain though?

[solar marsh]

Im feeling mad

Angry

Lots of anger that ive bottles up for months

Its become too much to handle recently and its coming out

I just want some physical pain to cover the emotional pain

I don't want the help of some discord bot

[deep sluice]

You can try letting it out in other ways

Like idk cry it out or smth

[glossy pewter]

Well physical pain aint the only way to let it all out

There is so many ways to let it all out without injuring yourself

[solar marsh]

I cant cry for some reason

[glossy pewter]

You should never think of hurting yoursef 🤷‍♂️

[solar marsh]

Too bad its all i can think about

Im honestly just feeling super lonely

Like, i got no friends, my family makes me feel invisible

People only come to me just to use me in some way

[glossy pewter]

Oh am sorry man many get this feeling cause i also had this feeling and the only way i got out of it was to break out of my shell and actually talk to ppl

[glossy pewter]

If you wait for ppl thats all they are gonna do

[solar marsh]

Then what do i do

Im not a very social person

[glossy pewter]

You go to school right?

[solar marsh]

Im not likeable or good-looking

[solar marsh]

No, just finished it

[glossy pewter]

Neither am i 😂

[glossy pewter]

So you in university?

[solar marsh]

No like, im super ugly, you have no idea how ugly i am

[solar marsh]

Not yet

Its summer break

[glossy pewter]

Trust me gurls call me ugly 💀

[deep sluice]

Bro woah woah

[glossy pewter]

Its fine

U should never think of yourself in that way

[deep sluice]

Being good looking isn't that important to find a friendship

[glossy pewter]

Exactly

[deep sluice]

Altho yes good looking people find friends faster it's almost always shallow relationships

Who tf cares about that

[glossy pewter]

Hmmm it is gonna be hard during summer break but you can try playing games and stuff with your neighbors

[solar marsh]

I dont have neighbors around my age

Everyone's always too old or too young

[solar marsh]

Idk man, idk what to think anymore

[deep sluice]

And if you have a gym around or smth you can get ur anger there or something
Ya know maybe boxing?

Look for something to get it out

[solar marsh]

Gym is too expensive

[glossy pewter]

😔 i feel sad for ya so until then maybe try online gaming and stuff and make friends online for a bit till school starts

[glossy pewter]

First think of yourself as handsome 🤷‍♂️ this helps me alot and gives me a lot of confidence too

If you think of yourself as ugly what do you think others will think of ya

Even you don’t believe in yourself

What will other think

[solar marsh]

Would like to go to the gym but i think i would die within Minutes of being there from the glances people will give me

[glossy pewter]

First believe in your self 🔥

[deep sluice]

Social anxiety?

[solar marsh]

Its kinda hard to do that when i hate myself so much

[glossy pewter]

Why? They are all minding their own business dont care what others do

[solar marsh]

Ive tried to get rid of myself several times before

[glossy pewter]

Think of yourself first

[solar marsh]

Oh you have no idea how nosy people are in my community

[solar marsh]

I dont know

[glossy pewter]

First step love yourself man never hate yourself dude

[solar marsh]

I really wanna get the help of a professional but my parents aren't letting me get the help i want

[glossy pewter]

Thats the nature of ppl with nothing to do in their lives dont mind them

[solar marsh]

Its so hard to do that

[glossy pewter]

No matter how much you pay a proffesional therapist they are gonna say the same thing my friend

[deep sluice]

Bro yes ofc it's hard

Nothing comes easy

Its a process

[glossy pewter]

It is very hard but you must try

[deep sluice]

You go from hating urself to tolerating to liking and so on

[glossy pewter]

Usually doing stuff you love like hobbies helps

[solar marsh]

I dont have any hobbies

[deep sluice]

Find them then

Try new things

[glossy pewter]

Get some and try new stuff and eventually something you like will come up

[solar marsh]

I do try new stuff here and there, but i get bored of them so quickly

[glossy pewter]

You cant just say i hate everything and sit alone all day

Thats unhealthy

[glossy pewter]

Continue trying until something sticks

You wont get it on the first try dude

[solar marsh]

Hmmm

Tbh rn i just wanna talk to people

Ive felt alone for such a long time, i dont wanna feel this way

[glossy pewter]

Until school starts maybe talk to ppl here 🤷‍♂️

[solar marsh]

Im honestly scared to do that too

[glossy pewter]

Why man you are talking to me

And you dont seem bad at all

Remember

“Better try and fail than fail to try”

[solar marsh]

I guess so

Do u ever just feel so tired of running after people

[glossy pewter]

What do you mean running after?

[solar marsh]

Like, doing them favours and doing whatever they ask just to get them to like you?

[glossy pewter]

Thats not a true friend then if they are taking advantage of you man

[solar marsh]

You're always there for them, but they're never there for you

[glossy pewter]

Thats not a true friend then

A true friend will help you and expect nothing in return and will always be there for ya

[solar marsh]

Sadly the society i live in, are filled with people like that

Its hard to find a good friend here

A good friend who likes me for who i am

[glossy pewter]

I feel sad for you but i doesnt mean the ppl who care for you are non existent

[glossy pewter]

Dw one eventually you will find one

You cant force it btw it just happens

[solar marsh]

My previous friend group dumped me because i was too negative

[glossy pewter]

Then try changing that aspect about you

Because nobody likes negative ppl

[solar marsh]

When i met my previous friend group, i was going through some hard times and i do admit i am a really negative person

[solar marsh]

I cant help it.. i cant stop thinking about ending my life and hurting myself just to get rid of some emotional pain

[glossy pewter]

Oh am sorry man

[glossy pewter]

Stop thinking of that dude nobody loves a negative person

Why hurt yourself man

Its not the right way

[solar marsh]

Like i said i just cant stop

[glossy pewter]

Can you try for me?

[solar marsh]

I dont know if i can

[glossy pewter]

Just try being happy and think about yourself

It is hard at first but after some time it will morph you into a better person

[solar marsh]

2 things that feel impossible for me

[glossy pewter]

And your situation might change

[glossy pewter]

They are?

[solar marsh]

Its hard to be happy with emotional trauma and if i think about myself, i can only think about hurting myself

[glossy pewter]

You must try changing this image you have about yourself dude

[solar marsh]

Ive tried but ive always come back to square one

[glossy pewter]

What kind of trauma is this my friend dont tell me if its too sensitive i dont mind

[solar marsh]

Like i feel like i did nothing to change

[solar marsh]

I dont wanna talk about that

[short drum]

Bro you are a kid. You're still in your teens and you have a life to live. Hurting yourself doesn't let go of the pain, trust me. What you have to do rn is to take a deep breath and meditate for a bit to stop your mind wandering. Maybe do something you enjoy till you get into a mentally good place

[glossy pewter]

No problem i dont wanna force you

[glossy pewter]

If you dont do it obviously you wont feel any change

Remember you are young man

U got a whole life ahead of you

[solar marsh]

Im a girl 😭

[glossy pewter]

Dont ruin it by hurting yourself

[glossy pewter]

I call everyone man dude

[solar marsh]

Alright

[solar marsh]

I'll try to get myself to think more positive things

[unreal shadow]

Is there anything you can do about whatever is causing you the emotional pain?

[short drum]

Good

[solar marsh]

No i cant do anything about it

[glossy pewter]

Just know you are young dont ruin your future because tommorow might change everything for you so never hurt yourself

[glossy pewter]

Thats great man 🔥

[solar marsh]

I cant walk away from my trauma cuz one of my parent's is the one who gave me the trauma

[unreal shadow]

Dang

[glossy pewter]

Oh am very sorry to hear about that

[unreal shadow]

Sorry to hear that

[glossy pewter]

But try moving on from it pls

Its not healthy for you

[solar marsh]

Its fine ig, i have to live with them for the rest of my life

[glossy pewter]

Dont ruin yourself over something that happened yesterday

[solar marsh]

I'll try my best

[glossy pewter]

Thats so great to hear man

[glossy pewter]

I am sorry

[solar marsh]

Don't be sorry please

[glossy pewter]

I cant tell you anything more than tell you to move on from it

So that you can better yourself

[solar marsh]

Its hard to move on but I'll try my best

[glossy pewter]

Okay i wont

[solar marsh]

Can i ask for some ways i could try to move on?

Like what can i do?

[glossy pewter]

Nothing great in life comes easy

[solar marsh]

I guess thats true

[glossy pewter]

Can you give me five mins pls i will be right back i have to pray okay

Just 5 mins

[solar marsh]

Alright

[glossy pewter]

I will be back quick

[solar marsh]

Yes ofc take ur time

[glossy pewter]

Am back sorry i was praying

[glossy pewter]

Different ppl have different ways of moving on from something but usually trying to keep your self busy with something usually takes the thoughts out of your head

Maybe learning some new skill

Doing hobbies you love

And talking to ppl about your issues and getting it off your chest always helps as well

[solar marsh]

Please dont be sorry

[glossy pewter]

I cant help it 😭

[solar marsh]

I am also Muslim but i feel so far away from Allah

[glossy pewter]

Why?

[solar marsh]

Yeah thats true.. when i was still in school i was studying as hard as i can so i can focus only on studies and not anything else

[solar marsh]

You've already seen my rant about hating myself

[glossy pewter]

Yeah many ppl go through that phase

[solar marsh]

Thats a good idea

[glossy pewter]

Cause even i went through it once ngl 💀

[solar marsh]

Im honestly ashamed to admit it but ive been missing prayers

[glossy pewter]

Thats why i hate summer breaks sometimes because when you are alone you think of yourself a lot 💀

[glossy pewter]

Pls dont

Try to make time for it

Try the best you can to pray it will help

[solar marsh]

Thats something pretty hard to do because, people around me dont understand my issues or just tell me im being dramatic for no reason

[glossy pewter]

Rant your thoughts to the one above

It helped me too

[unreal shadow]

That’s how you miss your prayers

Instead what you should do

Is structure your day around your prayers

[glossy pewter]

I said try to make time to pray

[unreal shadow]

I know what you said

[glossy pewter]

Yeah true having a schedule helps a lot

[solar marsh]

I should do that, if no one else is gonna listen to my issues, i should just cry about my issues to the one Above

I know Allah will listen unlike anyone else

[glossy pewter]

True

[glossy pewter]

Exactly

Thats the right mindset

[solar marsh]

Thank you for restoring my faith

[glossy pewter]

Dont mention it

[solar marsh]

I just put my prayer mat to wash

[glossy pewter]

Nice progress i guess

Anyways now you actually made a friend 👀

[solar marsh]

Wdym

[glossy pewter]

😂 alright you my friend now 🔥

[solar marsh]

Baby steps ig

[glossy pewter]

True 🤷‍♂️

[solar marsh]

Thank you 😭

[green venture]

Gave +1 rep to greenfalcon#1104

[glossy pewter]

Its fine you can talk to me whenever you lonely 🤷‍♂️

[solar marsh]

So like all the time

😶🤭

[glossy pewter]

Hahahaha 😂 i dont mind

[solar marsh]

Nah i wont bother you that much

[glossy pewter]

But i wont be online all the time though

[solar marsh]

Its totally fine

[glossy pewter]

But i will respond to you dw whenever am free

[solar marsh]

I have a summer job too so im busy till evening tbh

[glossy pewter]

Where are you situated btw if you dont mind saying

[glossy pewter]

Summer job nice that will keep stuff off your mind 🔥

[solar marsh]

The sunny side of life

[glossy pewter]

I am born close to there 👀

[solar marsh]

Or the heaven of the earth

[glossy pewter]

Sri lanka is my homeland

[solar marsh]

Really?

[glossy pewter]

But am in africa right now 😔

[glossy pewter]

Yup

[solar marsh]

Omg we are basically neighbors

[glossy pewter]

My uncle works in maldives

[glossy pewter]

Fr 🔥

Wait come to #chat-lounge now pls

[solar marsh]

Really?

[glossy pewter]

You are done venting now 😂

[solar marsh]

I think its cool to live in another country/continet

[solar marsh]

Yeah my mood changes very fast

[glossy pewter]

It is cooler like colder than sunny sri lanka 😂

[solar marsh]

Wait what

Its gone

[zealous sphinx]

Ik greefalcon since I joined the server

[placid folio]

oh ok..
irl?

why say tht now tho

[zealous sphinx]

Nah, online.

[compact helm]

kaloa gayaa

[solar marsh]

Oh shit

[solar marsh]

Aharen nethin 😭

[compact helm]

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[solar marsh]

Pls dont dox me 😭

[placid folio]

adrien agreste??

imma vent now
3 days ruined a relationship
can overr a month ruin a friendship
jk
its something else this time totally not bout green
im sick of it everysingle day
ppl
i wish never existed
some guys my dad knows
all fake and ughhhhhhh
they come everyday

no thyeve done nthng to me except ive made them tea and stuff over an uncountable number of times and every every single day my dad complaints
i mean sometimes my parents forget im their daughter
ii do every chore at home except cooking and teaching
thts literally the only stuff my mum does
but i never ever complained
and the rest of my siblings(got 4 of em) just bnge watch youtube on tv
like wth how is tht fair in any means
and the only time i get fair treatment is when we go shopping
i never ask for nthng but always get whatever
so im not spoilt cuz i have a 50/50 kinda life
and no this never bothered me before
but tnow i have a lot of stuff literally breaking me alltogether too well and too soon
i cant say nthng to my fam
or theyd call me ungrateful
which is fair enuf tbh
and 2 day of all days my dad told me the fricking hot tea aint hot enuf
it got me mad cuz wow he could come up with complaints impromptu

and yeah thta was long

but feels good to let it go somewhere tbh

oh and one more thing ughhhhhhh
how do i put this
i wanna fix things
in my life

idk whats broken yet

but im getting signs from alot of stuff

i sound pathetic but i dont really care

oh and tht amazing dress i mentioned i got
well it didnt work out for me
and id have to travel 79.9km to change it
and thts stupid so ill just give it to my mum ig

and finally before i go offline for over a month

i think i have
i just self diagnosed myself for this
idk why
its kinda stupid
but then again my uncle died from it so who knows
but it never worried me
i was always excited to die
but now it feels wrong
wth
ive changed a lot
idk if thts good or bad tho

and again pls sont mind all these words

and dodnt trouble yourself anyone by reading all this
its prolly a waste of time for anyone reading this but not for me

[solar marsh]

Oh shit I've been doxxed

[placid folio]

haha lol

why have a kinda weird pfp of him tho

he loooks stuck

[solar marsh]

I think it's funny tbh

Weird pfps are kinda funny

[placid folio]

well i dont usually find things funny
but alright

they kinda are

ok back to venting

my life was always perfect until all tht stuff i never talk about happened
and dont bother imagining
its prolly not what anyone would think
and it didnt bother me
i got over those my fam was very supportive /not my siblings tho
and i was alright
but now i get wicked nightmares featuring them

wth

its been like a year and nightmares now

they literally giving me bad vibes

but on the bright side
im a positive person
id usually smile about almost everything
and cant stay mad for too long
id laugh eventually so
im sure everything will work out for me
insha allah
im gifted im loved and protected
what more could i want
well a lot more
but ill be reasonable
so ig ill be good

thankyou @placid folio

now imma leave

bye guys

[solar marsh]

Gurl u good?

[placid folio]

u read all tht

[solar marsh]

Yeah i did

I dont have anything better to do rn

[placid folio]

wow thankyou for wasting ur time

[placid folio]

oh alright

i think im fine dw

bye @solar marsh

[solar marsh]

Its no biggie

[placid folio]

thankyou

[solar marsh]

Um okay but why are u going away for a motnh?

[placid folio]

for ur time

[placid folio]

oh on vacation

[solar marsh]

Np sis

[placid folio]

how r u so sure im a girl

[solar marsh]

Woah sounds fun.. hope you have a great time 😌

[placid folio]

thankyou
a month in sl then a week in dubai

gonna be nice hopefully

[solar marsh]

You mentioned you're a daughter

[placid folio]

oh
good eye and brain

masha allah

[solar marsh]

Ongg it's literally one of my dreams to go to dubai

Ive never been outside of my country for vacation 😭

[solar marsh]

Thank uu

[green venture]

Gave +1 rep to student ig#0206

[solar marsh]

You are very lucky in some ways

[placid folio]

ill pray for you to oneday

[solar marsh]

😭 tyy

[placid folio]

really
why

[placid folio]

alhamdulillah

[solar marsh]

Idk i like the idea of living in a big city yk

[placid folio]

anything nice there i shud know bout

[placid folio]

where do u live

if u dont mind

country i mean

[solar marsh]

On a boring island

Wbu

[placid folio]

oh thts nice
next to my home country

[solar marsh]

Rlly

[placid folio]

wth dont say tht
maldives amazing
id love to visit

[placid folio]

yeah srilanka

sl

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Nah it aint so great tbh

Ohhh

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oh

so how is it there

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Boring yk

The only thing fun to do is going to the beach

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like really boring
or r u just used to aall the amazing ness

[solar marsh]

Whats so amazing abt Maldives? 😭

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yeah i got tired of tht one the beach after like 5 visits

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idk
just hear ppl

the clean island

clear water

the sand the beach

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Those are only resorts gurl

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the food the ppl

there all in maldives

thts what ive ehard

[placid folio]

oh

then hows normal life

[solar marsh]

Resorts have strict laws about Keeping the resort clean

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many maldivians in my country

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yeah

[solar marsh]

Normal islands aren't so clean tbh

Well i could say my island is kinda clean but the capital is horrible

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well then i hope someday u move toa country that serves you more than just beaches

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oh

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Yeah im planning to get outta here

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thts great

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It sucks not having money to spend on luxuries after paying the bills

[placid folio]

wait u live alone

like by yourself

[solar marsh]

Money isn't a struggle for my family but we dont have much left after paying bills

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Nah im not married yet obviously 😭

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normal ppl life ig
or is maldives overpriced

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i didnt mean married

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Honestly its becoming over priced

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i thought like most westerners living alone in teens

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inflation

i get you

even here in saudi

the stuff

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People dont live away from parents until they get married

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expensive

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yeah same here

thts asian culture]

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😭 its annoying how expensive stuff are

[solar marsh]

Yhh

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dw things will be fine soon

imm be positive

and u shud too

[solar marsh]

Ig so

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if u want