tall vault
Sooo i realized that i might have toxic productivity.. maybe. Ever since 10th grade, i start to feel a small guilt of me playing video games instead of doing the assignment or that one group presentation but i thought it isn't a big deal and just let it be and continue doing my own thing (playing w online friends). But that guilt, it grows... spreads through my brain like a parasite or a tumor idk and it becomes worse and worse and worse even until now. Even right now as im typing this, i feel extreme guilt and overwhelm due to a group project about making a video of some sort which i LITERALLY can do RIGHT NOW but.. I can't.. something felt like forcing my hand and body to just sit in this desk and keep staring at a screen just watching random youtube videos instead of doing some thing "productive" like studying for maths just in case i dont fall behind on the future materials and physics aswell and omfg theres so much more im gonna overwhelm myself if i mention all of them.
I want to get out of this feeling.. this horrible feeling, yes ik that rest is a good thing and i shouldnt overwork or burnout myself but i felt like even just a small rest i immediantly fall behind not a lil bit.. A LOT... like i dont understand shit at math+ at all, and like i said assignments and projects pile up immediantly... So please if you read this, help me what small steps do i need to take to get this insufferable thing out of my mind and make my life less stressful and i can get to enjoy the present and live properly instead of working like a robot 24/7 chasing on assignments having fear of being alst 😭 like my calssmates that literally get to live their life like going to mall with their friesnds DURING WEEKDAYS and STILL manage to catch up with the academics like it genuinely makes me so confused how they manageds to do that
turbid ember
