Looking for advice for current living situation. (More info in post.)

[finite warren]

sadly i dont think i can give any advice that would solve your situation, but i at least want to tell you that you are definitely NOT overreacting and that none of this is your fault. your brother is being abusive and your parents are basically neglecting your well-being. the way he is acting is NOT your fault and your mother trying to blame you for it is terrible, shes just taking her stress out on you. in my opinion you have all the right to just move away from them, they are treating you really horribly, i get that it's difficult though since they are your family and all the complications with your degree too.

its very kind of you that youve tried to help and support them, but they seem to just brush off your efforts and your feelings and you deserve better. you are not to blame for anything that is happening and therefore it isn't your responsibility to fix any of it either, please remember that. if you feel like youre at your limit and cant try to help them anymore then i hope you will allow yourself to stop and that you wont put pressure on yourself or blame yourself.

and dont feel awful about this, even if your brother is disabled/mentally ill he is still being abusive and you have all the right to talk about it. and like you said yourself your parents just condone it which isnt good or healthy, and they ignore your mental health in the process too which is really bad of them. you are their child too and your feelings deserve just as much attention as his.

your brother definitely needs professional help so im glad he was sent to a hospital and that you were able to convince your mother of it. is he still there or has he returned? maybe you should try to find professional help yourself to get advice from someone who is educated?

maybe this is a stupid question but have you told your mother you are worried about her and her safety? i dont know if it would do anything or if she would even listen because of how shes treating you and since she seems so adamant on pushing aside everyones feelings for your brothers, even her own, but i feel like its worth a try to tell her.

could you potentially move in with any of your friends out of state or anything like that? or would you be able to financially sustain yourself if you moved away? how bad would the consequenses be if you dropped out of college? maybe making a pros and cons list of moving out vs staying and comparing them would help you decide what would be best?

i also just want to say that you are doing really well and im glad you were able to write about your experiences here. ive been in similar situations as you and reaching out to people can be really difficult, so i'm really proud of you. if anything more happens or if you would just like to talk to someone about the situation, you can send me a dm anytime :)

[pliant marten]

Thank you birb, I really appreciate your replying to me and your reassurance. I did some thinking and I listed some pros and cons. I decided that I won’t be dealing with this situation anymore. I signed a lease on an apartment today, and I’ll be moving out within the next few days, I’ll also be able to continue my degree since I worked out my financial part. Some sacrifices had to be made I will not lie. I’m also taking my pets with me because I just don’t even feel comfortable with them being around my family anymore.

To answer some of your questions, my brother did come back home two days ago, but he hasn’t been as violent as he has been in the last few months, but I found out some not so good information from my mother. The doctors told my parents that the day he attempted to harm himself, he was “faking” it to make us feel bad for him. That was his exact words, and for some reason my mom thinks that it was completely okay for him to do that and that he doesn’t need anymore mental health assistance. I don’t really know how to feel about it, since I’m kinda just still processing everything that’s been going on. I have told my mom that I’ve been worried about her and her safety multiple times before, but she usual ignores it or tells me that I need to stop doing that. I have a therapist I can talk to, but I haven’t been able to set an appointment due to insurance reasons, but it’s all fixed now so I should be able to meet with them again soon.

If my situation changes, I have a few friends that I can talk to about moving in with. That’ll be my last option for now since things changed so quickly in the last few hours.

Also, I want to thank you again for being so kind and sweet. I was questioning about this a lot, and it helps a lot just to even having someone to listen to my situation. I usually talk about my problems with my friends, but I feel like I’ve been just overwhelming everyone with everything. I really appreciate you taking the time to send me some advice. 😭

[finite warren]

ahh im so glad you managed to find an apartment while also being able to continue your degree! that sounds great :) and yeah taking your pets with you sounds like a good idea. its nice to know that you will have them so you wont be all alone in the apartment.

its really relieving to hear that he hasnt been as violent, but yeah what he said doesnt mean he doesnt need help anymore 😭 😭 it definitely sounds to me like he still needs professional help, i really hope your mom can realize that eventually and that he can become a better person. its unfortunate too that she just seems to brush your feelings and worries off all the time :/ im glad you wont have to deal with it anymore though, at least not as much.
and im glad you can meet with your therapist again soon :) i hope they can have some good insight on your situation. and i am really glad you have friends who are there for you that you can rely on ^^

and you are so welcome, i feel like i didnt do much but im really happy that it helped anyways 😭 if you ever feel afraid of overwhelming your friends or anything like that then ill be here to listen if you would need it. im really glad things turned out well for you with moving out and your college. i hope things will only get better for you from here on out, and make sure to take care of yourself ^^ <3

[pliant marten]

Thank you birb, I’m really hoping that my mom can too. It feels like she doesn’t even want to like take care of him anymore or even get him professional help, but I really don’t know. This whole situation is just a mess. She’s asking me to let her move in with me now because she doesn’t want to be around my brother anymore since she thinks it’ll be a safer option so im trying to figure all that all out. 🙃

But anyways, no I really appreciate your thoughts for real. It really made me feel a bit better than how I’ve been the last few days. I really hope that this decision will be the start of things getting better for this year at least. I added you so I’ll definitely send you a message if it’s not too much trouble. Thank you so much again, and you take care too! 💕

[finite warren]

oh man that really does sound troublesome 😭 i hope the whole situation will turn out alright in the end.
and im really glad it made you feel a bit better :) i added you back, its no trouble at all if you message me, feel free to and ill respond whenever i can. again i am glad you feel a bit better and thank you too ^^

[pliant marten]

[rustic lagoon]

milk,

you’re not overreacting. this situation sounds unsafe and emotionally exhausting, and it’s completely valid that you’re thinking about moving out. it’s not just about your brother’s condition, it’s about how your family is handling it, and how much it’s costing you mentally. the fact that you’ve already tried getting outside help and things still aren’t changing shows that this isn’t something that’s going to magically get better on its own. your safety and mental health matter too, just as much as anyone else’s in that house.

since you’re only a few months away from graduating, it might be worth trying to hold on just a little longer, but that doesn’t mean you have to just survive in silence. try to create some space for yourself however you can, limit interactions where possible, and use your school resources like counseling or student support especially in case things escalate. at the same time, slowly start figuring out what your next move could look like, whether that’s finding a job, a roommate, or a temporary place to crash after graduation. you don’t have to have all the answers now, but having a plan can make things feel a little less overwhelming.

your concern for your mom is valid, but you can’t set yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm. if staying in that environment is destroying your peace and making you feel unsafe, that’s something to listen to. you’re allowed to choose yourself. your well-being is important, and you deserve to be somewhere you can breathe. even if everything feels heavy right now, it won’t always be like this. you’re almost there. keep going, and take care of yourself first.

[pliant marten]

You’re completely right. I think I’m just going to finally accept that I need to rely on myself to kinda just fix my own situation. Especially since my family doesn’t want to do anything about it. I signed a lease today for an apartment. I can’t stay in my house anymore, and since my mom left a few days ago my brother has been non stop harassing me in the worst ways, and my mother blames me for it ofc. I wanted to try and wait until I finish my degree, but I fear it can only get worse from here.

I am a little overwhelmed since I’m moving so quickly and my mom is begging that I get a 2 bed room so she can move in. I’m still thinking about what the next part of my plan is, but I think this will be my best option so I can get some peace and work on my mental state.

She is also working with a lawyer to sue the state we live in, and she wants me to help her with that so I got quite a bit coming up. Not to mention exams and shit OMFG I could scream sometimes.

I appreciate your reassurance and support, I just hope things can kinda go smoothly for the next few weeks

[rustic lagoon]

i hope the next few weeks give you the space you’ve been needing for so long. you deserve peace. you deserve quiet mornings and a door that stays closed when you want it to. and whatever your next steps are, you don’t have to have it all figured out right now. just one thing at a time, okay?

i’m here whenever you need to talk, vent, or just drop all the shit you’re carrying for a second. rooting for you so hard.