I need help making with my world building, especially my magic system.

[wet hill]

I am trying to make a magic system that doesn't seem stupid or overly powerful. I want it to be balanced with the person’s intelligence.

The world building I have of this world so far
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rp-B25yOVpH3buD3dxduqSiI-bLNjcygE38NS1A_bhw/edit?usp=drivesdk

I really need the magic system out the way so I can FINALLY WRITE

[wet hill]

I need help making with my world building, especially my magic system.

I have no idea how I should go about it.

[maiden sedge]

People care less about your system and more about how you use them in your story.

[wet hill]

Which is why I care about it. if I used the magic to make to do something, and if I don't have it set, I can overlook something that breaks the system.

What I have the biggest problem with .now is the cost of magic and if I should change it or not

Because the size of the summoned spell is still undetermined.

[wet hill]

I had a feeling to come back here

[alpine crown]

i skimmed through your doc, specificaly the section on how magic works. I think you have a good idea with the magic strings. my logic behind this is actualy that you now have another place ot focus reader attention. its easy to say a character gets exhausted before another in a fight. but if you offer us two characters and one has significantly stronger threads (glad you noted they could be seen as they get stronger) then we know who will last longer in the fight. similar to how sanderson redirected the tension to who has more atium in his book mistborn. we know character A has to come up with a clever trick to win because he's clearly establishe dto be weaker. we and the characters are all aware of it. keeping that consistent is going to be a good place to develop tension.

as for creating scenes where strong characters are clearly weakend, i offer another lesson from mistborn. In the well of ascension in order to get vin's metals beleivably low for the final fight sanderson has her go through an ordeal on which she spent those metals. He also introduced a new method for her to run out of metals quickly. you could have things of this nature in the story to help create that tension for your writing. Such as using the magic to travel a long distance. or the oponenet have a trick to weaken the protagonists strings so he can't cast spells, or having them lose their wand so they can't use their normal trump card spell. these are all ways to get tension in a world of magic. without going super deep into the magic systems mehcanics, and exactly how low on spells they are. thats what i have for ya.

as for desgining a whole system, you may have to develop some parts as you go along. I recomend a hand written journal as well as a digital one. both is best but one may suffice. use this to record what you've made the magic do in the story as you wirte it. if you need to change things late the notes will help you review past moments in order to make sure you don't contradict yourself or make plot wholes.

[wet hill]

This is the one of the bigger problems

I know it's okay to do this with magic types but I have problems with magic costs.

Because I have a word sustem that is flawed so far.

[alpine crown]

ok. what is the flaw do you think?

[wet hill]

Because someone could summon a huge weapon for a low cost by simply saying, "Fi foos big sword." It's very possible.

I am now trying to think of a system using words, but what you summon also has a cost depending on the size. Which is quite hard to do.

[alpine crown]

math related to mass perhaps.

[wet hill]

What I am thinking so far

[alpine crown]

more mass = more magic to make. it can also be heavier so that means it would be harder to summon or through longer ranges.

[wet hill]

Seems easy enough, but then what about the words. I do want to keep the word system as well.

So I have a thought thay might fix it

Making the new system work while having the old one still present.

[alpine crown]

further it could explain why energy and manipulation attacks are the more common casting options if that is the intent fo the story

ok what u got

[wet hill]

I can keep the word sytem with certain words, which increases the price of the spell a bit more. Like nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. But to make word count still matter, things can now be based on word count. 5 words can have a 1.0x multiplier. 10 or 15 words can be a 1.5x. Etc. That is the spell cost

Now there is summoning cost, actually making the object out of magic. Depending on how thick, heavy, or solid you want it to be is how long you hold onto the spell. Like keeping your muscles flex until you're done.

So if you say "Fi foos big rock." And only hold onto the spell for a second it will be weak as the rock will be weak.

The cost will increase drastically for each second you hold onto the spell.

[alpine crown]

can i use this system to just say "die" and my foe would die?

[wet hill]

No

[alpine crown]

k

example my brother mentioned

i think your idea could work there

[wet hill]

That would be curse magic, but it's mostly used to cause mis fortune.

And it can lead to cool moments for a character to charg a spell for a whole minute

[alpine crown]

basicaaly conjured materials cost magic based on total mass of an object, and will be weaker if the caster lacks the strength to tense their muscles durring casting. u also have words multiplying magic costs.

[alpine crown]

what im thinking of

the whole cover me while i charge up works here. and works well

[wet hill]

Adjectives, which describe an object, thing, or person.

[alpine crown]

hmm. yeah sounds like you have a fix there. hard to explore without exposition. might need to be delivered in parts to the reader.

[wet hill]

This is why the story starts at a university.

But not casting a spell right can have this happen

Messing up pronouncing a word

Or even getting distracted while casting a spell can have this happen

[alpine crown]

good setting for this. gives the excuse needed to teach the reader about it.

neet. so if you have that figured out were there more details you were trying to hammer out?

[wet hill]

Well I plan to add a new magic type later in the story but it might be too powerful

[wet hill]

So far, I have three main characters

Rafee, Luka, and Alette

Two of them are drawn so far, Alette is hard to design

[wet hill]

These two being Rafee amd Luka

[alpine crown]

k. whats the main plot? is it just school or is the evil wizard comming?

when does the new magic come in and why? most importantly can its purpose be acomplished in another way?

[wet hill]

Evil wizards, surviving school, solving conspiracies, murder mysterious, learning how dark and bright the world could be, etc.

[wet hill]

The new magic comes from the stars and allows for gravity control. And the villain is the one to aquire it.

[alpine crown]

tell me about the villain.

[wet hill]

I don't have a set idea for his looks and his motives yet

But the villain is a Half-ditan who thinks people are stupid. He saw the most evil acts committed in front of him for petty things. So he becomes a powerful mage to start his plan to reform the world into his image. But it simply wasn't enough. He needed something that could assure full control.

[alpine crown]

hmmm i think you need to work on him more. in stories with villains its usually best to write him first. usually though. you can make him the oposite of the protagonist, or the emodiment of his fatal flaw.

perhaps in this case if the protagonist wants to be unique then he fights the gravity magic villain who uses well unique magic.

[wet hill]

There are three

[wet hill]

The villain is the one who requires it and does something smart and REALLY deadly.

[alpine crown]

oh

[wet hill]

He uses the new magic in people's head, smushing their brain within their own skull

[alpine crown]

oh that might be broken

is that why you are concerned about this new magic?

[wet hill]

Which is why I plan for it to be very costly. It's controlling gravity.

Unless you have a very powerful battery.

[wet hill]

Yeah, also that you can basically fly with it if your reverse gravity.

[alpine crown]

ok. if u go ahead with that maybe it has really short range or else it costs to much. maybe its unique in a way that it cant' use a wand or perhaps the villain is looking for a legendary sceptor to allow him to use it at long range. that happens to be in the school.

students might be trying to learn it to counter his attacks

[wet hill]

Short range, yes, but what is stopping home from using speed enhancement.

Half-ditans are their own wand/staff. They can already cast farther than all other species.

But he can't use his natural range. He uses wands with magic filled gems to avoid magic strains. Reducing his range.

He doesn't appear until later

In the futer
Like let's say 5 years from the start of the story kinda?

So I still have time to think about him and stuff

Also, balance out the magic type before it fully appears.

[alpine crown]

ok a bit late for main villain appearance. what are we focused on before then

well ur going to want to forshadow him earlier so you will want an idea of who he is and what he can do

[wet hill]

He will actually be one of the highly respected mages. Hiding his true self by making himself a public figure of importance.

[alpine crown]

ok. could be fun to tease his magic in a few places without giving so much info as to create issues.

[wet hill]

Exactly

The character know what everyone else knows, except for Alette

[alpine crown]

what about the main trio then what do they do for the beginning of this tale

[wet hill]

First they have to meet each other.

So it starts with two main characters until the third one appears a few chapters later.

The first two characters can not use magic at all. For different reasons

Rafee, gets light heade, knocks out, or begins to bleed, trying to even cast a spell.

Luka, blows up Everytime

Rafee strings are too brittle and thin to even develop anything

Luka has too much magic, and his string are knotted, making them grow even bigger.

A magic with the first two main characters can't use it

Before I can begin writing I need the first chapter.

And I need a solid idea for the school grounds, I have something in my head for it, hopefully my artist can write it.

[alpine crown]

alright. i recommend going over the size of modern day collages to get an idea of how large the school would be and what classes there would be. interestingly you've developed a potential plot where the two protagonists work on overcomming their disabilities in order to make it in the school. it does raise the question on how they got in in the first place though. perhaps they were allowed in as case studies at first witht he condition that if they were able to overcome their disabilities they would be allowed to learn magic.

[wet hill]

Rafee got in through recommendations and academic acheivements

Luka got in to be researched since his condition is bizarre

[alpine crown]

Doss the school track things other than mystic ability? If not rafee's entry to the school doesn't make sense

[wet hill]

Magic capacity
Academic acheivements
Rich families

[alpine crown]

Ok so the school has some minor corruption at least then.

It sounds like the first chapter would be focused on Rafee trying to learn magic at all. Maybe looking into a way to strengthen his strings. And Luka is being studied. This means you'll need a researcher who works with one or both of them.

[wet hill]

Will be one of the teachers.

But Rafee already knows how magic works. He just doesn't have the means to use it.

[alpine crown]

Ok sounds good so now what are the character dynamics between those three. It's easy for them to meet by with being involved with the same teacher/researcher. But how do they play off eachother? What do they dislike about eachother on first meeting that they grow to admire? Or perhaps the opposite?

[wet hill]

Rafee hated almost everyone, humans bullied him, along with ditans. Only people he could somewhat trust were the teachers. The only people he didn't hate were the ones to ignore him.

Luka didn't Like Rafee and chose to avoid him were due to the rumors about him being a bad person.

[alpine crown]

Ok why did the rumors start?

What was the reason why the humans and dotsns bullied rafee?

[wet hill]

Petiness, cause he is he FIRST kino ever to join the university, so alot of attention and anger

Also lore art (Not the mom though)

[wet hill]

Females aren't buff

They are just dominant

[alpine crown]

Neet. So who started the rumors and the bullying? Will the first arc of the story focus on that at all?

[wet hill]

Well, yeah, but it's just a really petty thing to do. Someone made it up just so Rafee can drop out or get kicked out since his intelligence is a threat.

[wet hill]

Maybe it can be another smart person, needing a secure position on the top 3 smartest students and Rafee posed a HUGE threat since he was smarter. So place one good rumor and everything should be fine

Here are design sketches for older Luka

[alpine crown]

He reminds me a little of the protagonist from Eldorado.

So you have an antagonist and a hero for the beginning of the story. It sounds like the antagonists goal is to get a good ranking and thereby social status. Any further development for him? Why does he want the top spot? Who are those other two potential top three? Does he make similar rumors about them? Or are they immune for some reason?

[wet hill]

He can be from a rich family, and he needs to make a good name for himself so his family can still stay in relativity and not demote in rank.

He is smarter than average, and well his other obstacles are from EVEN richer families with good social status making them harder to bring down, Rafee was just the easiest to get out the way

[alpine crown]

ok it looks like you have an idea, why not start writing with all of these things in mind? see what you can come up with if you have Rafee and the antagonist interact. What would Rafee and Luka talk about when they first met?

[wet hill]

Hard to write when I am not sure of everything

[alpine crown]

For me at least, I figure a lot of things out by doing a free write. Just going into it. Some people work better woth full outlines though. Helps me think when I write with pen and paper and just get something out.

[wet hill]

I wrote 1000 words

[alpine crown]

Feels good right? What you got?

[wet hill]

Doodoo
Probably
Mostly

Not too confident on it.

[alpine crown]

Yeah but u r going to be ur own worst critique. You'll get more confident as you practice.

What'd you right about?

[wet hill]

I tried to write the process of Rafee getting accepted into the school.

[wet hill]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1A0x5OwQH3h0PuKhdAEkKrgxSRTCnSUS_UwVzvH8QWgE/edit?usp=drivesdk

Here

But the title is still a work in progress

And we even might have a updated Luka design

[alpine crown]

I'll give it read

[wet hill]

It's a draft

[wet hill]

Did you read it?

[alpine crown]

I'm planning to read it tonight. I started it yesterday but I went to my grandmother's birthday a day then had to help my dad after work this morning

[wet hill]

Oh
Nice

[alpine crown]

It's a good start. Some of the racism is a bit more blunt than it really needs to be which can make the book a little preachy but that's something you can fine tune over the drafts

[wet hill]

I think I can replace some of it with some people calling him cute. Something like a plushie.

[alpine crown]

Maybe. But I wouldn't worry about rewriting at this point. Better to keep pushing forward and get a story on the page.

[wet hill]

Hmm

[wet hill]

curency is still a problem

[wet hill]

I have an idea for a demon in my world.

A very intelligent parasite that is weak when its raw form is exposed.

It looks like a weird worm, but its first instinct is to find a host. It usually prays on the nearest living thing to control.

It pounces at an alarming speed to drill right inside the head of their target and starts to spread all over the brain. Absorbing the memories and learning all the things It's host can do.

It covers the head wound with a horn. That's how you can tell when something is a demon.

[narrow citrus]

No horns?

[wet hill]

There is horns

I think I said the would they make is healed with a horn poking out of it.

[wet hill]

I am also trying to migrate to bluesky.

[wet hill]

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/1180077348855500820/1298585458900598826/Screenshot_2024-10-23_025452.png?ex=671a1973&is=6718c7f3&hm=279f271c6949a6e7ab7cef568eeb440733cab9796942d1fb5c6a6c78781bbba1&

Floor planning for the dorm rooms

[astral parcel]

Wow, massive bathroom and beds right next to each other? No separation?

[wet hill]

It was the best we could come up with.i wanted the bathrooms to be smaller, but Ramsus said no.

We were in VC the whole time

You never join

[astral parcel]

I never join VCs

[wet hill]

Rafee redesign