#Cardinus, another fantasy world(hopefully this ones unique)

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

steep osprey
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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zifUbfHOc38nC5dBcYnSbR7-70gj_GVBlkIS806ZEEo/edit?usp=sharing

And these are my random notes on the world, but it should be my job as a writer and whatnot to properly convey the story and world to the reader without them having to read a guide book

Google Docs
my 7th world idea but this ones REAL sexy

CARDINUS! 4 fundamental concepts. Energy, Matter, the ability to perceive and time. 4 cardinal directions(kinda). North-south, East-west, Up-down and time. The farther you go in a certain direction, the more extreme one of the fundamental concepts becomes(or less extreme). It essentially gets...

hidden slate
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Kinda military, like paramilitary?

steep osprey
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uh honestly

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dunno

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the average military makes teams of 7 because magic is effective enough that a squad of 7 could beat up alot of people, so they are like technically being trained as a squad for the military but they're not like most squads(their quirky)

hidden slate
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So they are special forces.

steep osprey
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yus

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or maybe they;re the children of some somewhat prophecy....
I couldnt come up with a plot so I decided to just start writing stuff

hidden slate
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Or descendants of mages.

steep osprey
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oh they all get their special powers from being born in specific places(er well like 4 of them)

hidden slate
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Or to magical people,

steep osprey
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?

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to magic people?

hidden slate
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Witches, mages, magicians, wizards, sorcerers and sorcereresses.

steep osprey
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wdym by that

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what about magic people

hidden slate
steep osprey
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ooooohhhh

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ye the average military is 7 mages, usually north magic(fire magic) and deep magic(earth bending ig) + 1 east magic(scrying n stuff) person as leader

hidden slate
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Ah

slim hemlock
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do you want thoughts and critiques on just the story or the prose/ grammar as well?

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im willing to forgo the latter since this is clearly your first time writing something by the looks of it

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dam, homie wasn't lying when he said short chapters

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lmao this is Hogwarts if it was a private school kek

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Brandon has the energy of someone with no bitches

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zero rizz on this man

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this feels like the start of a dnd adventure where Draza is that one player who takes it too seriously

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that or he's the DM's forced in player character

steep osprey
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This is 100% my first time writing 💀

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But uh without critique of that stuff(the prose n grammar) I uh would not improve or something so feel free to morb me harshly

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Checking through grammarly and I use actually, really and all that jazz too much

slim hemlock
steep osprey
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💀

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Understandable

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I looked at it this morning and was like "fuck no I dont wanna reread and edit this"

slim hemlock
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idk like how to describe it

steep osprey
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but im gonna.. go over it because ye

slim hemlock
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its layered

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on the levels of "no"

steep osprey
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I think a big thing is I just go like

"something something something, something something"
and its not a correct use of the dependent clause

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or whatnot

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'She currently sat on the steps of this old castle, newly refurbished for the specific purpose of training either the greatest military squad ever or possibly future council members.'

Like I don't think this is a proper dependent clause and I also went into too much detaill and I shoulld also be more specific about if its the greatest military squad ever or possibly future council members

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it should be possible not possibly

slim hemlock
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yea thats certainly one of the things

steep osprey
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I also constantly mix between present and past tense

slim hemlock
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yeah i did notice that a lot at first

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then brain just kind of

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went into a trance and began ignoring it

steep osprey
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no thoughts head empty

steep osprey
slim hemlock
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stopped thinking

steep osprey
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Which is a problem because then i keep doing the thing

slim hemlock
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10/10 story, gave me a lobotomy

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now i am free of thoughts

steep osprey
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💀

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Grammarly rates my first chapter as 76

steep osprey
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Alright the "Writing cardinus" Doc is actually a big super nerd that SUCKS. And I've decided I'm not gonna write the main story because I don't want to taint that with my kinda mid prose....

So im just gonna write a bunch of short stories based on the world itself until I actually feel confident about getting to the main storyline so maybe read that if you want to.

First one
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1czCyfWDvWjoZQTRTCcfMlhQmkO4AXWKZcbHh6GnGBuQ/edit?usp=sharing

Google Docs
The Light Tower

Azabel looked up at the archaic tower in the core of her village. She sat on the grass, praying on the nearby river to protect her from the heat of the north. The young girl was supposed to be training to become a lightkeeper and she was supposed to be “visualizing the world” as her dad put it. ...