#END: Sigi's fear

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

sly temple
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Title : End : When the trees of life and death first meet each other. Their interaction was nothing more than a battle for the creation of the whole universe. Their fight leads to the start of the Big Bang. Life began to flow, but they will one day return to give rise to a new world that enlightens everyone while also destroying the old one.
Cycle Requiem: Sigi’s fear

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Genre: Fantasy, Action, Sci-fi, Adventure, horror

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Tw: The content of this book contained sexual stuff, violence, and explicit stuff, along with themes that are not suitable for those who are squeamish. Viewers discretion is advised.

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lenght: 31 pages /8032 words

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synopsis: Sigi was once a young boy, but due to her gender dysphoria, she became a trans girl. She began to dress in a more feminine way. Having masculine features such as a beard on her face made her mental illness more difficult to handle. She researched stuff that would make her more feminine. She found a black book, where inside was a genie who can grant wishes to whoever freed her. She released her, however, and the genie transformed into a demon, which cast a curse on her. Another curse led to the demon influencing her actions. Sigi wished to eradicate her influence until terrible things could happen to her.

sly temple
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I don’t know if you intended this but “Deep within her mind, Sigi walked on the same slum street of the city named Schwarzenberg. A 6-year-old Sigi with a dress rushed at a reflection of herself. She admired her body, but only after seeing the feminized mannequin body of a child. She compared the size of her hand to that of the mannequin, wondering why hers was bigger. A 6-year-old Sigi with a dress rushed at a reflection of herself. She admired her body, but only after seeing the feminized mannequin body of a child. She compared the size of her hand to that of the mannequin, wondering why hers was bigger. The child shuddered, questioning herself repeatedly until she cried”
You repeated yourself and it confused me.

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It is however a really interesting thing to find a story that actually represents modern American experiences (and yes I know these people are not American)

sly temple
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It’s rare and ergo interesting

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ok

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thanks

sly temple
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Well that got dark quickly.

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Also, is the language spoken in the story in any way related to Old Norse?

sly temple
sly temple
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Well I finished this story and I have to say, it moves too fast. I don’t know the characters very well. I don’t know the setting, you need to slow it down and give the story more time. I think that will make it a far better story.

sly temple
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At the begging

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I would say yes, or sprinkle it in the story

sly temple
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Also another point of note, there wasn’t much of a plot. I felt like the story was just listing random things that happened to Sigi instead of telling a story.

sly temple
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I’m not sure, what kind of story are you telling

sly temple
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Maybe explain the actions the characters take and the consequences of those actions. Then that means you can explain how the characters deal with those actions.

sly temple
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That could work

sly temple
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It’s a pretty good story overall but I think it needs some work to make it even better.

sly temple
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I'll be making a new chapter one

sly temple
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I think what this mostly needs in grammar revisions, it’s pretty rough in that department right now

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I have a few other notes too. The cosmology section is very long and sort of strips away a lot of the potential intrigue this story could have by explaining it away in a lengthy, dryly presented index.

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I don’t know if this is meant to have any cosmic horror elements but if it will then you can’t just go about explaining what these eldritch entities are like that

sly temple
sly temple
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Title : End: When the trees of life and death first meet each other. Their interaction was nothing more than a battle for the creation of the whole universe. Their fight leads to the start of the Big Bang. Life began to flow, but they will one day return to give rise to a new world that enlightens everyone while also destroying the old one.
Cycle Requiem: Sigi’s fear
Genre: Fantasy, Action, Sci-fi, Adventure, Horror
Tw: The content of this book contained sexual stuff, violence, and explicit stuff, along with themes that are not suitable for those who are squeamish. Viewers' discretion is advised.
lenght: 17pages /4329words
synopsis: Sigi was once a young boy, but due to her gender dysphoria, she became a trans girl. She began to dress in a more feminine way. Having masculine features such as a beard on her face made her mental illness more difficult to handle. She find a book where inside was a genie named Sitra Achra. She told her to find a black diamond to ensure she became more feminine. She infiltrated this hedonistic cult that served a great old one.

sly temple
sly temple
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Ok so I read it and definately a whole ton better than the origional story. The worldbuilding seems more fleshed out and it moves at a more manageable pace so I feel like I can understand the characters more. Tbh its darker than what I usually read but thats fine just my personal opinion.

sly temple
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you like it

sly temple
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It’s pretty good

sly temple
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Title : End: When the trees of life and death first meet each other. Their interaction was nothing more than a battle for the creation of the whole universe. Their fight leads to the start of the Big Bang. Life began to flow, but they will one day return to give rise to a new world that enlightens everyone while also destroying the old one.
Cycle Requiem: the genesis of Sitra Achra curse
Genre: Fantasy, Action, Sci-fi, Adventure, Horror
Tw: The content of this book contained sexual stuff, violence, and explicit stuff, along with themes that are not suitable for those who are squeamish. Viewers' discretion is advised.

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lenght: 36 pages/11440 words

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synopsis: it the beginning of Sigi's struggle

sly temple
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It’s stronger than it used to be but is it set in 1302 earth?

sly temple
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Ohh okay I was confused because of the month names

sly temple
sly temple
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what are your thought on chapter 1

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It was a whole lot better than the original

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you mean the the genesis of Sitra Achra curse or Sigi’s fear

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Also the most recent link is not the same story as the one I read

sly temple
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This is the link I read btw

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oh Sigi's fear

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Isn’t that what you wanted me to read?

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yeah , and there's a new one too

sly temple
sly temple
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Chapter 2: Sigi's dark past

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Genre: Fantasy, Action, Sci-fi, Adventure, Horror
Tw: The content of this book contained sexual stuff, violence, and explicit stuff, along with themes that are not suitable for those who are squeamish. Viewers' discretion is advised.

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lenght: 28 pages/7625words

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synopsis: Sitra Achra joined the hedonistic cult

sly temple
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@sly temple I'm nearly nearly done with the 3rd chapter

sly temple
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chapter 3: The black Diamond

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Genre: Fantasy, Action, Sci-fi, Adventure, Horror
Tw: The content of this book contained sexual stuff, violence, and explicit stuff, along with themes that are not suitable for those who are squeamish. Viewers' discretion is advised.
length: 38 pages/10690words

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synopsis: Tw Rape

atomic quarry
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This one right?

sly temple
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yeah

atomic quarry
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I understand tw now,

sly temple
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what do you think of it

atomic quarry
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Apocalyptic at most

sly temple
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are there some negative ?

atomic quarry
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No, I don't see a lot of undead magic stories.

sly temple
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never though it was original

atomic quarry
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Nice. I wrote a some stories in #1090710220549926972.

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#1046246196164952105 and #981645432784560208

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It's very hard to get people to read stuff, but you can keep writing until you get someone to read it.

sly temple
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yeah

atomic quarry
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Sorry, I'm trying to be positive.

sly temple
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it ok

atomic quarry
sly temple
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Ok so it is a pretty good story. But I would have to say, this is for a very specific niche of readers. Which I am not part of.

sly temple
sly temple
sly temple
atomic quarry
viral kiln
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Damn brother

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Your English grew much better since i last read you

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Congrats on that

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The intro in the first page look Stupid though remove it or change with something betterkek

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Anyway i didn't yet read beyond first page

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But i will, when i have time

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Since you turned it in a more readable form

sly temple
viral kiln
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Totally remove it

sly temple
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Stage

atomic quarry
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I would wait.

viral kiln
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Nah why would ikek

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He keeps that first sentence since like half a year

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He thinks that's a very cool intro

sly temple
sly temple
sly temple
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Chapter 4: Supernatural Body

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Genre: Fantasy, Action, Sci-fi, Adventure, Horror
Tw: The content of this book contained sexual stuff, violence, and explicit stuff, along with themes that are not suitable for those who are squeamish. Viewers' discretion is advised.
length: 43 pages/12216words

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Synopsis: Sigi learned some of the supernatural skill a vampire has

viral kiln
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@sly temple bro i take my words back

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İ thought your English got better

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But turns out you were just writing it by ai kek

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So your English still didn't improve

plucky slate
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i mean the end result matters

sly temple