In Golden Flame

[balmy obsidian]

Gray what the hell is that react

[prime terrace]

THE SPEED AND HASTE WITH WHICH YOU FUCKERS RESPONDED

[zinc topaz]

insanely hot man

[lyric ivy]

fuck me yourself coward

[noble ivy]

Alright, here's me goals posting

[west phoenix]

ok

[zinc topaz]

please

[minor orchid]

link from BOTW

[west phoenix]

SPACE GODZILLA MENTION

HE IS MY FAVORITE

[minor orchid]

very valid

[west phoenix]

HE'S SO COOL

[zinc topaz]

gore magala as goals is so real

[balmy obsidian]

goals magala

[prime terrace]

also random fun fact

i got these cards when playing CAH with my family a couple nights ago

[west phoenix]

my favorite is easy

[prime terrace]

thought it was funny

[west phoenix]

https://tenor.com/view/baragon-gmk-godzilla-roar-kaiju-gif-21746121

[noble ivy]

GOJI'S BIRTHDAY WAS LAST WEEK SO I'VE BEEN ON A GODZILLA KICK RECENTLY

[last leaf]

this convo is so funny ngl

[prime terrace]

WREN HELP ME

[lyric ivy]

welcome to hell

[tight pier]

https://tenor.com/view/aneurysm-hhhhomeboyyyy-kings-dark-tidings-saga-by-kel-kade-reaperleviathan-head-explode-gif-21578105

[balmy obsidian]

's gate

[tight pier]

every time we click into this channel

[last leaf]

you're just a guilty as any sinner here.

[lyric ivy]

population: meeeeeee ❇️

[prime terrace]

shit you right

[lyric ivy]

what the fuck what is that sparkle emoji

discord what

[minor orchid]

[lyric ivy]

✨

[prime terrace]

audible scraping sounds

also i think i need to pull out this image again

[steady adder]

this reminds me of what happened to me at other server lmao

[lyric ivy]

ngh um ugh mm

[last leaf]

okay yeah but that is bottom talk

[lyric ivy]

im not elaborating

[prime terrace]

Okay so uh

Y'all like giant monster girls?

because i have a giant monster girl

like

[lyric ivy]

i prefer tall human women

short ones are cool too

[last leaf]

same cat but honestly at this point im not picky

[lyric ivy]

even medium ones

[lyric ivy]

i love women

[balmy obsidian]

This reminds me I still haven't played VotV

[noble ivy]

someone press the damn button

[polar glacier]

Okay work is kickin in on me again and I know I got more than these but I have neither the time nor the brainpower. But. My two worst hear-me-outs:

Not spoiling these images because they're nothing out of context but I'm not saying where they're from because they're both HUGE spoilers for their respective media

so spoiler tag responses if you wanna say anything about them

[last leaf]

ive seen worse tbh

[lyric ivy]

oh my god really ada, that second one

[west phoenix]

if we're doing the list...

[west phoenix]

respect

[prime terrace]

i jest of course, but

[prime terrace]

I see your HMO and I raise the

[noble ivy]

Right one's based
the left one is absolutly fucking terrifying

[lyric ivy]

||you really gonna help her repopulate 4546b???||

[prime terrace]

the mods are gonna have to just fucking nuke this entire thread atp

[polar glacier]

I know~

[prime terrace]

we are beyond saving

[lyric ivy]

we're radioactive waste

if we were to be nuked right now

[lunar panther]

this is a good idea.
the last two of these is an OC and my sona respectively but I simply do not care

[lyric ivy]

the whole server would burn

[last leaf]

if you cant live in heaven reign in hell

[polar glacier]

you're so right

[prime terrace]

this whole fucking conversation is just

[polar glacier]

WAIT

HANG ON

[balmy obsidian]

Please listen to the angel

[prime terrace]

also y'all wanna see my monster girl in question?
she's very pretty i promise despite me having an inability to draw properly

[lyric ivy]

yeah listen to me im an angler

[lyric ivy]

man autocorrect

angler

for fucks sake

[prime terrace]

Cat canonically fishes

[polar glacier]

so pretty!

[lyric ivy]

yeah im a cat we like fish

sue me idk

[prime terrace]

yk what fuck this

[minor orchid]

anyway

[prime terrace]

Synapse Burnout

[minor orchid]

since we are all with woulds

[noble ivy]

Cat's from japan confirmed

[minor orchid]

enjoy

[lunar panther]

thank :)

[lyric ivy]

the what

[west phoenix]

half of this is unhinged and i will not elaborate

[lyric ivy]

no im from ireland juli

[prime terrace]

Okay yea this is a would, not a hmo so it's valid

[minor orchid]

GENERAL FUCKING GRIEVOUS?!

[lyric ivy]

there's a harp on my passport

[polar glacier]

I thought this was gonna end with someone thirsting after their sleep paralysis demon

[prime terrace]

AAAAWUBADOUG

[noble ivy]

is this goals or...

[minor orchid]

||I NEED INVISIBOY NOW||

[prime terrace]

honestly Sangheili women are so fucking real

[noble ivy]

because its based either way

[west phoenix]

WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[minor orchid]

Yes-

[lyric ivy]

may god come and smite us all

[west phoenix]

'women'

ok coward

[minor orchid]

Agree

[prime terrace]

I genuinely want a Sangheili woman to pick me up and comfort me.

[lyric ivy]

when jesus finally comes back to earth none of us shall ascend with him to his kingdom

[prime terrace]

nothing devious

a Sangheili woman would repair me

[lyric ivy]

im not even christian

[last leaf]

do you think god lives in fear of his creation?

[west phoenix]

thats crazy because ||i want one to step on me with their hooves||

[lyric ivy]

woah hey

[west phoenix]

OH OH IS THIS OUT OF POCKET CONSIDERING EVERYTHING

[polar glacier]

I hope so

[noble ivy]

hate ssc but loves hooves smh

[lyric ivy]

considering what :3

[west phoenix]

LETS KILL HER LETS KILL HER LETS BEAT HER TO DEATH WITH HAMMERS

[zinc topaz]

super boring fit check in the new mirror

[prime terrace]

fuck yeah

[balmy obsidian]

https://tenor.com/view/agnes-tachyon-uma-musume-horse-truck-hit-you-with-my-truck-gif-17243641639132352374

[lyric ivy]

why :(((((

[zinc topaz]

big pants small shirt is good

[west phoenix]

BECAUSE APPARENTLY ITS OUT OF POCKET WHEN I SAY IT

[lyric ivy]

im looking very respectfully actually. nice fit

[balmy obsidian]

Big pants good

[polar glacier]

solid basic fit but also damn you're pretty

[lyric ivy]

yeah im a hypocrite. what about it

[polar glacier]

classic

[last leaf]

yeah June looks good.

[west phoenix]

ok carry on

[zinc topaz]

meow

[lyric ivy]

hungry hungry hypocrite

[zinc topaz]

(the cat noise)

[polar glacier]

Deathclaws is like, the start of what I'd consider hear me out territory

[west phoenix]

i was about to reply june

[noble ivy]

mrrrp?

[zinc topaz]

me purring

[west phoenix]

lmao

[steady adder]

||https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gcBksvH0uU||

[balmy obsidian]

I actually took a picture of my clothes a few days back

[west phoenix]

you are rotten to your core ada

[prime terrace]

JP3 Spinosaurus.

[minor orchid]

ok... a last hmo

[steady adder]

[minor orchid]

spoilers for dispatch

[lyric ivy]

scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch (im at the door let me in)

[west phoenix]

thats my husband in the back

[prime terrace]

Deep inhale

Deep exhale

[lyric ivy]

there are like 10 people here who do you mean

[prime terrace]

Gray, see

[minor orchid]

YES

EXACTLY

[prime terrace]

i have a blorbo who can do that

like

a big gal

I've never showed her here before

but she exists

[minor orchid]

BIG GAL???

[noble ivy]

CURSE MY INSINCT TO CLICK EVERY SPOILER

[polar glacier]

like. all at once or

[prime terrace]

specifically an Eldritch monster with the same abilities as the Gorgon

[minor orchid]

... good question

[west phoenix]

y'all ain't right

[lyric ivy]

we are not, no

[polar glacier]

and you love it

[prime terrace]

because i like big spooky women

[minor orchid]

heck yeah so cool

[lyric ivy]

i am a deeply and profoundly broken person

i am well aware

[balmy obsidian]

I am perfectly alright

[minor orchid]

HECK YEAH SHE HAS A RACK

[polar glacier]

OHH YES

[last leaf]

I love retaining my respectability by being distracted by the 5e game im playing in rn

[prime terrace]

give me a moment.

[balmy obsidian]

And I appreciate all of you

[lunar panther]

I am normal and well adjusted. 🙂

[zinc topaz]

i'm not!

[minor orchid]

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1059603134504255528/1430736107183804537/Petting_oomfie.gif

[lyric ivy]

even me?

[last leaf]

10/10 would elk-creature again.

[minor orchid]

I do too Leo

you are awesome

[lyric ivy]

i dont deserve appreciation

[minor orchid]

never forget that

[minor orchid]

Too late!

you are gettin' appreciation!

[noble ivy]

get loved, bozo

[balmy obsidian]

https://tenor.com/view/baba-bababooey-torture-cat-pussy-gif-27278536

Yes you do

[zinc topaz]

sorry yes you do

get over here

mmmmwwwwah

[last leaf]

in fairness I really dont have many here me outs of any real interest, certainly not by the standards here.

[lyric ivy]

me an- i cant even keep this shit up man im so fucked up rn

[west phoenix]

HAHAHA

[west phoenix]

hi

[balmy obsidian]

I've had a lot of fun the last few days saying dumb shit with you so yes you are appreciated

[prime terrace]

So i just slid the full image of my monster gal to Hipo and Ada and I think i killed them

it isnt lewd mind you

but

[balmy obsidian]

It isn't lewd it just has giant monster tits, right?

[last leaf]

i would charge you with murder but really their weakness of the flesh isnt your problem

[prime terrace]

Yup

[polar glacier]

I don't care if you "Deserve" it or not you're appreciated anyway

[balmy obsidian]

Right.

Appreciation never needs to be deserved anyway

[lunar panther]

^

[prime terrace]

CORRECT

[polar glacier]

yeah wtf does 'deserved' even mean in that context I reject the premise

[prime terrace]

This is what i learned when i started kitbashing for people-

appreciation just...happens

[balmy obsidian]

And even if it was a thing

You don't immediately hate me

Deserved appreciation

We are now friends, boom

[last leaf]

I think it's a little concerning that that's your bar.

[lyric ivy]

woag

[lyric ivy]

you think that's a low bar?

bitch you have NOT met me

sorry you have he/him pronouns i shouldnt call you btich

[west phoenix]

i mean considering how many people hate me its a decent bar for me lmao

[balmy obsidian]

Ok I'm being hyperbolic with the "don't immediately hate me"

[last leaf]

listen I understand the bar can go lower - that's not the point.

[balmy obsidian]

But the point is if we get along okay that's enough for me

[last leaf]

tbh I dont even know if my pronouns are he/him anymore but also really I don't even take that as all that gendered in the first place. Call me what you like.

[balmy obsidian]

I will call you Michael

(Don't leave me here)

[last leaf]

no, no, anything but that nooooo

[lyric ivy]

i fail to comprehend why people are nice to me but

[balmy obsidian]

Fine

Andrew

[lyric ivy]

thank you

i think

[last leaf]

https://tenor.com/view/hellinheavns-gif-19714594

[lyric ivy]

im spiraling i think

[balmy obsidian]

I could say the same thing

Why don't you ignore my existence

[lyric ivy]

call me a barricade with how i be dragging down those around me to my low low level

[lyric ivy]

because you're funny

[balmy obsidian]

Yeah well so are you bitch

[lyric ivy]

sorry i killed the mood in this chat now

im a fucking mess

[west phoenix]

no its okay i don't think anyone can self hate more than me

[last leaf]

no you didn't cat

[balmy obsidian]

It's fine (ch5) ||The mood respawns at the end of the roudn anyway||

[lyric ivy]

are you challenngin me?

[noble ivy]

don't worry Cat, the chat just natually calmed down

[west phoenix]

no please

this chat can't handle it lmao

[balmy obsidian]

You will NOT have a self loathing duel I am shaking both of you until your brain turns into a milkshake

[lyric ivy]

yay

[lyric ivy]

i have a really nice name dont i

[west phoenix]

turn the rest of me into a milkshake too

[lyric ivy]

i made a good choice

[last leaf]

if anything the conversation turning to realer personal stuff is a consequence of it slowing down, not the other way round.

[balmy obsidian]

Both of you are good friends to me that I like talking to

[prime terrace]

chat im getting sleepy so im probably gonna turn in for the night but uh

thanks for the laughs

[lyric ivy]

thank you too pixel

[polar glacier]

Meow, Cat: No matter what you think about yourselves, I like having you both around. You're fun and make this chat more fun.

[last leaf]

yup, it's a nice one. Simple but elegant.

[balmy obsidian]

You are not allowed to hate yourselves because that would be calling my decision wrong and stupid

[prime terrace]

for what? :0

[zinc topaz]

i have very rapidly gone from he/him to they/them/maybe she in like 2 months

[balmy obsidian]

And if you call me stupid I will cry

[lyric ivy]

for being a sick awesome person (and also the tokens)

[zinc topaz]

also yeah appreciation does not need to be deserved

everyone fundamentally deserves love and care

[west phoenix]

naur

for me

[prime terrace]

Hey, so long as I dont get the boot for being a devious (horny but not because Aromantic) twat sometimes, i'll continue to make tokens for the gang :>

[prime terrace]

meant to reply to this

[lyric ivy]

crazy

[west phoenix]

i'm fine on the internet because of the veil but i am an awful person

[noble ivy]

-# I swear, you arrived here and we smelled your egg like sharks with a drop of blood

[prime terrace]

Innit

[balmy obsidian]

Juli I think your sense of smell is broken and you smell broken eggs on every person that steps foot here

SOMETIMES it's correct but still

[prime terrace]

like i've designed some fucking DEVIOUS OCs, but i dont know the first thing about making something attractive

it's all accidental

[last leaf]

ive been carefully only kind of thinking about my gender for the last few months and there's frankly a lot of ugly feelings mixed up in there. + ive been kinda consciously deliberately not thinking about gender stuff for the previous 6 or so years so yanno

[balmy obsidian]

What part of making the giant eldritch monster breast boobily was an accident

[lunar panther]

never underestimate the things that can come out of the mouths of your ace and/or aro friends

[zinc topaz]

i'm just silly :3

[lunar panther]

utterly unbelievable things have been aimed at me

[balmy obsidian]

I am mildly aware of this fact

[zinc topaz]

though i can directly attribute this chat to leading me to discover that i am comfortably agender

[lyric ivy]

you know what's really crazy chat?

[balmy obsidian]

The frog

The Crazy frog

[zinc topaz]

even more directly, eleonor really

[willow needle]

holy shit i am so boring here, ive gone from she/her to she/they for like a week once and then returned to she/her 😔

[lyric ivy]

i had a plushie of it

[prime terrace]

She's from before i started lancer.

plus i thought it was funny (and she was ported to Lancer for a more adult campaign that never happened. nothing sexual, just adult)

[balmy obsidian]

https://tenor.com/view/limbus-company-lobotomy-corporation-library-of-ruina-headless-ichthys-fish-gif-14369029080138669786

Subarashi

[zinc topaz]

what is that a gif of

[lyric ivy]

no the crazy thing i wanted to say it (tw suicide mention) ||i tried to remove myself from this world twice, and failed twice, it seems like fate itself wants me here||

[balmy obsidian]

I ahve no idea but I like it

[lyric ivy]

limbus company abnormality

i know you freaks would find this hot

[west phoenix]

you know,. me too. ||eleonor stopped me and somehow i ended up here. things have been really bad recently and i'm afraid that if the worst comes to worst i may not make it||

||i don't want to be homeless||

[steady adder]

Project Moon has such cool worldbuilding but their games are just impassable monoliths for me

[lyric ivy]

what i was trying to say is, if i'm stuck on this damned planet, may as well make the best of it ya know. may as well accept people liking me or something

[west phoenix]

i don't like it when people like me because when people like me i hurt them, and if i like you why would i want to hurt you

[lyric ivy]

that's such a mood lmao

[west phoenix]

so its best to just not get in the way

[prime terrace]

[TW Suicide warning] I'm uh...

||I'm too scared to do it. And I havent managed to bring myself to do it either considering I have had nothing planned since I turned 20.

I'm currently doing everything i can to find an excuse to carry on. And currently it's chilling here and making Kitbashes for folks so i can be remembered for something good. The only thing keeping me alive right now is the fear of the unknown||

[west phoenix]

idk your experience cat but i'm being so genuine. i have ruined more people's lives than i can count on a single hand

[lyric ivy]

im sorry

[west phoenix]

part of what i'm going through feels like its deserved

nah i'm not upset

[lyric ivy]

im not going to get into my own experiences (there's a lot) but i feel like i drag down those around me, affect them negatively and lead them to just end up abandoning me when i need them most, leaving both of us equally hurt

[zinc topaz]

(suicide/gun mention) ||yeah i'm also trying to figure out what to do now that ive made it farther than i had planned to for most of my life. i sometimes still get flashes of those desires but i have come to accept those just aren't going away and that i might as well try my best to be happy in spite of them. my dad really wants me to own a gun and i don't know how to tell him i don't want one bc i don't trust myself not to be stupid one night||

[prime terrace]

[this doesn't mean i dont love y'all by the way.
i may be a bit of a dead man walking but i still have my humanity.]

[lyric ivy]

and im just. fundamentally unused to people being genuinely nice to me

[zinc topaz]

||i was going to overdose at 20 i think and i decided not to and literally every day since then has been like huh. what now||

[prime terrace]

We're all just a couple of misfits making it through one day at a time
imperfections make us human.

[west phoenix]

||honestly the one thing keeping me going is lancer and even then it's a double edged sword. it's never good enough, and when that crumbles i just... don't want to anymore. as much fun as i have in this place i'm terrified of hurting people who get close to me and i want you to hate me or get rid of me||

[zinc topaz]

i've actually come to live FOR it in a way

[lyric ivy]

yeah i'd strongly recommend not doing that

[zinc topaz]

this, i mean

[prime terrace]

||I was spending a good chunk of August researching the best ways to go out considering guns aren't possible in the UK. though im glad im still here i suppose||

[lyric ivy]

from experience i am speaking when i say this

[zinc topaz]

the #1 thing i like being is pretty and cherished and having that pointed out to me and

[west phoenix]

it upsets and hurts me

[zinc topaz]

i think i pivoted really hard from someone who really didnt want to be observed at all to an attention whore

[west phoenix]

thats... complicated

[last leaf]

its actually kinda heartbreaking that you've all got these experiences and feelings in common - the world has really shafted you huh?

[zinc topaz]

well its like pixel said we've got each other

[west phoenix]

||i wish people would understand how and who i really am. i'm a monster, and every time someone has gotten close to me or been a friend with me i hurt them really bad. and if people don't like me it makes... the process so much easier. i wish it was easier to give up||

[zinc topaz]

i think there's probably a psychological reason all of us like igf and calliope

[prime terrace]

Honestly I think i got lucky with the self hatred part because people always complimented my kitbashes and my works, so i can take compliments with pride.

But i'll be damned if I don't feel fucking guilty over it because i cant help others :(

[west phoenix]

my life has kind of been a nightmare for my whole life, with maybe 2 years where i was actually enjoying it

[last leaf]

like my mental health is far from perfect ||I've never cut myself because I know that I'd really enjoy self-harm|| but wow I'm in a much more stable place and I hope the rest of yall get through to the other side eventually.

[lyric ivy]

i mean, in a way i'm already through

i am so so so much better now than i was years ago

[prime terrace]

But enough from me, I dont want to hog the spotlight and throw my problems onto y'all. So i'll go ahead and sign off for the night whilst praying to god i'm still in this server in the morning.

If i am, thank you mods for putting up with me this long.

If i'm not? At least i could open up about myself beforehand.

Thank you all, take care, Awawa. <3

sorry this took so long to write

[zinc topaz]

i think, at least for me, i'd really like to live in a little community of people who i know know what its like to be without love and have made it a point to not let each other feel its absence again

[west phoenix]

||for the last year i've just been hiding inside because i couldn't stand to see the face of my 'friends'. here there's a barrier, and even then i'm terrified||

[lyric ivy]

do i still have an ED and insecurities and mental illnesses? yeah i do. but im not SH or genuinely considering doing anything regrettable

[last leaf]

that doesnt mean you deserve to feel how you're currently feeling either. Just because you've been through worse doesn't mean you don't deserve better.

[lyric ivy]

this is true!

im working on it

im working through it

i am getting better

[last leaf]

I dont think the mods look here very often

[zinc topaz]

this is going to sound super fucking lame but remember that game i told you guys made me bawl my eyes out for like hours after i finished it

[last leaf]

as long as it takes, eh?

[zinc topaz]

the central narrative is about overcoming exactly that

[balmy obsidian]

I'm not really good with heavy topics or mental health, at all but I genuinely do appreciate you people and if I can help at all please please please say something

[lyric ivy]

exactly

[zinc topaz]

and thats why it made me so emotional is bc i too have been there

[lyric ivy]

you're a funny internet guy that's help enough

you could also buy me dinner that would help

[balmy obsidian]

I am terrified that someday I'm going to wake up and someone I liked is gone and there was anything I could have done to prevent it but didn't

[west phoenix]

right now i just want to be in a situation where i know i'll make it through the next 3 months

[prime terrace]

Hah, well i just had to be sure

[zinc topaz]

yes true

[balmy obsidian]

Do you mean like doordash or

[lyric ivy]

you know, often i do wonder, what people would react like ||had i succeeded in my attempts||, and that's probably the main reason it was only two

[zinc topaz]

i love all of you guys and no matter how little i know you all personally i always want to be able to be present if any of you need someone

[lyric ivy]

there's something so, so ethereal and unique about ||waking up after what you thought was your final rest||

[lyric ivy]

up to you~

[west phoenix]

||i feel like in my case people would be sad for a month but would get over it. their lives would be better, so to a degree idc how they feel||

[balmy obsidian]

I dn't know if I can doordash accross countries but I can try

[lyric ivy]

man... i dont even know if doordash exists here.... that wasnt serious

i appreciate you greatly but please, dont

[zinc topaz]

if you fly to the us i can cook you a meal

[lyric ivy]

no, i dont aree with that

[zinc topaz]

i have a spare bed too

[west phoenix]

||and everyone is like "its the selfish choice" yeah so is making me stick around, thats selfish for YOU||

[lyric ivy]

i can think of many places i would love to go but not the us

[last leaf]

honestly same these days

[lyric ivy]

sorry, but as bad as this place can get sometimes i'd be jumping out of the frying pan into the fire with that one

[zinc topaz]

yeah i dont like being here either maybe you can bring me back home with you instead

i need an airlift out of this fucking place

[lyric ivy]

oh is this how we're gonna do this~

[steady adder]

TW: Suicide ||Been there myself since i was like 15 and realized the way the world works and knowing I never fit the standardized idea of 'normal' person which dragged me to almost doing it via a train running behind my childhood home. However I found myself a partner and chose to give my all to support them so I would have some value in my life. Then 8 years of a relationship that wasn't the healthiest for either of us (including my ex shutting down the idea i was 🏳️‍⚧️ despite being one themselves because i worded it badly), eventually broke up and lacking reason to go on after it... i just chose to go on just to spite the world and live to the fullest for my own sake.|| And here I am, living day at a time and making up for time I wasn't living to the fullest.
Yeah my ability to plan on long term is kind of fucked but I feel more free from constant stress too

[lyric ivy]

i've been looking into stuff like that with my us based trans friend and it's so much harder than i thought it was to just move out of the us

[balmy obsidian]

man

[zinc topaz]

you know you'd have a maid if you brought me home .. with enough convincing maybe i'd put on the outfit too

[balmy obsidian]

I keep feeling like I've had it easy all my life

[zinc topaz]

oh its scary hard

[steady adder]

So if someone like me can make it, I have faith in all of you cool people too

[lyric ivy]

woah okay i did not know you felt that way

[last leaf]

reverse green card marriage

[zinc topaz]

i want to leave really badly and its like

[balmy obsidian]

The worst thing that ever happened to me in my life is that my mom was an alcoholic and annoying to live with sometimes

[zinc topaz]

wall, wall, wall, barrier, $200000 please

[west phoenix]

man i've been in poverty so many times (this time its my doing teehee) that i've barely experienced what life is without that

[balmy obsidian]

I feel like my life is unfair to everyone else sometimes

[lyric ivy]

we all have our own struggles. it is not right to compare them

[balmy obsidian]

ok but like what the fuck

[lyric ivy]

we were born into different circumstances, and as much as i love to complain about my own, compared to somebody elses i seem to be in an amazing state

this isnt a competition

[west phoenix]

can it be

[zinc topaz]

i was going to say to some people here i must look like a wretch, and to others i must look like i've never struggled at all

[west phoenix]

i'd love to win for once

[zinc topaz]

it's all subjective

and all pain is equally worthy of consolation

[last leaf]

Honestly if there's anything worth remembering (both interpersonally and politically) is that comparing struggles and pains isn't productive or meaningful.

[zinc topaz]

if you had a bad day at work léo id sit and listen to you complain about it

[last leaf]

honestly I kinda love hearing people tell me about their terrible day (or feelings in general)

[west phoenix]

wish i could say the same lmao

[zinc topaz]

shared grief is half the sorrow and shared joy is doubled joy

[west phoenix]

it often pisses me off depending on what it is

"ah man my job that pays me a fuck ton where i get to sit down all day and have a consistent schedule was 'rough' today"

yyyeeeaah

[balmy obsidian]

yeah

[west phoenix]

for stuff like that i just grit my teeth

[last leaf]

Like I'm not always in the right state of mind to hear really bad stuff but in general I treasure it when people tell me about their problems and stuff.

[lyric ivy]

i too am like this

[west phoenix]

is it healthy? probably not! i don't really care at this point

i think at this point i would do terrible things to be stable

[lyric ivy]

but in my case it's because i have a weird saviour complex thing

[west phoenix]

and people who are stable, or at least relatively, see that and go "ew"

[last leaf]

for me its the emotional intimacy of it, divorced from any other senses of the word intimacy.

[zinc topaz]

same i think

the thing i hate most is how callous and individualistic people have become

im not a spiritual person in any regards but the idea that everyone is a part of one larger whole, and that everyone else is just another you, has always resonated with me

[last leaf]

Like I don't really necessarily care about the content of it (not to say that I don't care about what people are going through) so much as the fact that people are telling me it.

[lyric ivy]

yeah that's part of it too i think. i like people being open with me emotionally because it makes me feel like they trust me and see me as a safe person

[zinc topaz]

and i really enjoy letting someone else's heart bleed into mine a little

[last leaf]

you two get it

[zinc topaz]

all we have is each other after all

[west phoenix]

yeah i'm gonna fuck off i'm clearly being a fucking nuisance right now

[last leaf]

meow that's not true

[balmy obsidian]

no no nono nonononon

[lyric ivy]

meow what no

[balmy obsidian]

god no please don't think that

[lyric ivy]

no please dont do that

[noble ivy]

-# I know I usually stay quiet during conversations like these, mostly because every time I try to help or give advice it feels like I'm giving the psychiatric equivalent of chiropractic malpractice
-# ||But please understand, I genuinely can't believe that you're a monster in any sense of the word. We're all victims of circumstance and at times, those circumstances cause us to lash out at people we care about. I'm... I'm not sure what else to say, but I just want to say that you're one of the first friends that I've made in a long long time...||

[west phoenix]

i think what i was saying while the others were being kind proves that i am

[zinc topaz]

i think that's probably the better way to phrase what i wish i could say

[west phoenix]

but please continue being kind. i respect it, i love it, i just can't share it

which is why i don't want to be here for it

[steady adder]

It doesn't make you a bad person or a monster to have preferences about something like that, Meow

[zinc topaz]

you will, someday. you don't lack the capacity for it, despite what you may believe. most likely, it just feels safer for now to be within the protection of a "cocoon," i guess is how i'd put it

when we see external walls threatening to come down i think we start building up internal ones

point is we all want you here

and i speak from a place of experience. this whole "i love everyone who is alive" thing is a recent development for me

[last leaf]

it's all just a matter of perspective, arguably. I wouldn't call myself a Buddhist by any stretch but they've got some interesting and fairly comforting philosophical ideas going for them imo.

[zinc topaz]

for like years i shut everyone around me out because i hated myself so much i felt undeserving of literally any kindness at all

[lyric ivy]

Buddhism is kind of awesome actually I sort of understand it

[zinc topaz]

i'm not religious or spiritual as mentioned before but plum village tradition buddhism is closest to my belief system

it was actually reading buddhist texts that helped me develop my current worldview

and , strangely, manga

[lyric ivy]

As a person I tend to flip between the extremes of "I am a horrible individual undeserving of affection" and "give me everything, all your attention, I need your eyes on me and only me" and I hate how both of these coexist

[last leaf]

tbf some Buddhist ideas can be very toxic for people in certain fragile mental states but personally I find a lot of their stuff very comforting. Very much inspired a lot of how I view death and how I deal with my ||suicidal thoughts||.

[lyric ivy]

Anyway that's probably enough venting in here for me the guilt is kicking in

[zinc topaz]

our dreams at dusk, oyasumi punpun, and omori came to me at a very vulnerable time

-# honestly me too

i wish i could give you guys all a hug

i think we all need one

[balmy obsidian]

man

[lyric ivy]

Oh uh, please don't think of me any different for having my opened my mind in here yeah? I'd really hate that actually

[balmy obsidian]

No I just

[lyric ivy]

I'm still a horrible little trans woman who playfully flirts on the internet and is weirdly horny

[balmy obsidian]

I want my friends to be happy but have very limited power to do so

[icy dove]

Every Trans-woman I've met, including myself, is pretty horny.

I think it's part of getting more comfortable with yourself.

[lyric ivy]

June I saw rhat

[willow needle]

man im feeling a bit bumped... i might have to delay my first lancer session of this sunday, some players are missing
i also dont really feel ready for it anyway so, idk.

[balmy obsidian]

idk the first trans woman I met is only regularly horny I think

maybe she hides it good, I don't know

[last leaf]

I find a lot of the Buddhist ideas of suffering and impermanence quite soothing to consider. Just... [sucidal thoughts]||When I want to die my thoughts are just to let the feeling flow through me without acting on it. Why choose to act on this depressive state when it's temporary. These thoughts, these feelings, this me, even the broad continuum of selves that form my life, they're all ultimately fleeting. Wherever I'm going after I die, if anywhere, will still be waiting for me if I wait a little longer and I don't think I'll remember this life, most likely, so why rush? It doesn't matter if I'm going to suffer in this life if I'm not going to remember the suffering afterwards, so I might as well enjoy the moments of joy that I have between depressive periods, even if they're just as temporary.||

[lyric ivy]

Maybe so! Idk ask Eleonor she definitley knows more about this topic

[lyric ivy]

That's. Kind of beautiful really

[last leaf]

people are multitudes!

[zinc topaz]

yeah? are you gonna?~

[icy dove]

Eh, I'm fairly comfortable with my own level of horny and I have my partners for asking those kinds of questions (it's a comfort thing)

[zinc topaz]

YOU GET IT

[balmy obsidian]

If we're talking about lancer prep my map is ready

[lyric ivy]

Not right now I'm too tired to be flirty rn

[willow needle]

so many H4s

[balmy obsidian]

I trust in Al's maps

[last leaf]

June as soon as you turned up I feel that I twigged that we were relatively similar people, all things considered. Good to see this is a shared angle, eh.

[balmy obsidian]

There must be a reason for all these h4

[last leaf]

i deadass forgot this was a lancer server channel for a sec

[lyric ivy]

June you don't have to delete the messages

[zinc topaz]

what messages

[lyric ivy]

If you're thirsty I have water in my DMs

[willow needle]

i am actually so excited cuz i am learning how to make isometric maps and AAAA ITS SO FUNNNN AUJDSAHDVAS

something tickles my brain when the mech can climb a hard cover or hide behind it, being slightly obscured. i can also make maps with rooms and the walls just become transparent when inside them. cant wait to show my players this stuff

[balmy obsidian]

Oh shit can I get some

I love water

[last leaf]

ooh, glad you're having fun.

[lyric ivy]

I also have other things but you're gonna have to treat me right first

[lyric ivy]

Sure

[last leaf]

also if people ever want to dm me about anything, however minor, feel free.

[balmy obsidian]

https://tenor.com/view/drink-gif-13772768299673499814

[lyric ivy]

For you it's free

[willow needle]

its fun but its also a headache, mostly bc the isometric module im using is still a beta with bugs

[balmy obsidian]

Free water??

https://tenor.com/view/yes-yes-sir-yayy-kataman-gif-12260883688244422951

[lyric ivy]

Free water

[balmy obsidian]

Satisfactory

[west phoenix]

you know i often think about why i made my igf character, serenity, the way she is. despite being stuck in a shitty situation that seemed like she couldn't escape she did. she's one of the most successful people on hells gate, she's extraordinarily accomplished and managed to work her way up. and above that she chooses to be kind despite everything, to the point where it actively hurts her. she's the opposite but idealized version of me- everything i wish i could be

[lyric ivy]

But it is tap water be warned I'm cheap

[last leaf]

the water is free in the duckponds, they cant stop you

[balmy obsidian]

All the water I drink is tap water stored in the fridge for a few hours

[zinc topaz]

everything you can be

[west phoenix]

remains to be seen

i'm already getting close ot my 30s and i can't even keep a job or avoid being homeless bro, it ain't looking good

[icy dove]

I have to focus on my current game so I'll see y'all around though. I hope you all find happiness and I will try to add to it in your lives as much as I can. I'm sorry I didn't comment much on the heavy stuff, I don't exactly feel confident in giving advice about life.

[west phoenix]

but whatever, that conversation passed so i won't continue to press on it

[zinc topaz]

what is not yet written cannot be cast aside, or something like that

[balmy obsidian]

yeah same
me giving any advice would feel hypocritical to all fuck

[willow needle]

i had those thoughts before and the way i coped with it, and i am not lying here, is that i started to roleplay being that idealized character irl, i wanted to be that person that wasnt always angry, or down, or tired, and that prevailed in bad situations. and tbh i think it worked in a great deal. thats what helped me get out of a huge anxiety pit that was literally changing my way of seeing the world akin to having BPD. and its also what gave me strength to recover my legs. i think i could stop using a wheelchair thanks to that effort (tho it took me like 2 years lol). what im trying to say, is that maybe it can help you too! it helped me to be closer to the person i wanna be; and only i could choose to do that. so if thats the person you wish to be... then, be it. only you can do that.

[zinc topaz]

i have the inverse experience and can say making ttrpg characters that represented who i didnt want to be directly negatively impacted my mental health

so the inverse is likely true

[west phoenix]

rn my relationships with ttrpgs is unhealthy. its like an obsession, the only thing that really keeps me going

[willow needle]

same girl i was there some years ago...

[balmy obsidian]

im gonna go and pass out because its already 1:30 in the morning
you all stay safe and sound, i love you, good night

[west phoenix]

goodnight leo

[lyric ivy]

Goodnight funny french guy in my phone

[willow needle]

fortunately its not that strong nowadays. i dont really know what changed it. i think it was bc i was too afraid that those strong feelings would destroy my friendships and relationships.

[balmy obsidian]

[video of "he is french" cat]

[west phoenix]

idk. i'm sorry

[willow needle]

why?

[willow needle]

goodnighty leo

[balmy obsidian]

danke meow

[west phoenix]

bitte

[minor orchid]

I... Gods I honestly don't know what to add after all this [REDACTED] .. fuck-

[willow needle]

hi

add some bitches

[noble ivy]

omg its karlach

[zinc topaz]

yay

guess who i romanced in bg3 btw

it should shock no one

[minor orchid]

Queen

[willow needle]

my little test area

[minor orchid]

Can't believe we are her labrats

[noble ivy]

https://tenor.com/view/shadowheart-baldur's-gate-3-gif-3454586916040133628

[minor orchid]

Abajo abajo abajo poooor el rioooo

[willow needle]

sos gil

[minor orchid]

Amiga, si sooooy

[icy dove]

Lae'Zel

[willow needle]

imagine romancing anyone in bg3

(i was having my power fantasy being an owlbear all the time, no room for a partner)

[zinc topaz]

man maybe it will shock you guys

i fell for astarion 😔

he needed love so bad

i cried twice during his story

karlach also made me cry

i got the uhhh ending where ||her heart explodes and she dies in your arms saying "i did everything i was supposed to, why do i still have to die"||

i was inconsolable

[west phoenix]

ugh i wanted to make dinner but my fish wasn't fully thawed

i haven't eaten today but i guess i'll wait 30 more mins

[clever cloud]

woke up from a 2hr nap and i feel like im the last person alive; like i slept through the apocalypse

[west phoenix]

lmao

accurate

[minor orchid]

Femsh

[west phoenix]

fem fish

[noble ivy]

-# I have the worst meme for this...

[minor orchid]

Juli-

Do not

Also I am the femfish here(?)

Fuck

[west phoenix]

i need to see it

your memes make me feel better

[willow needle]

yessss get femmed

[minor orchid]

Girl I am already femmed

[west phoenix]

get femmed get femmed get femmed get femmed-

[minor orchid]

Have you seen my fucking waist?

[willow needle]

more >:3

[minor orchid]

I CAN'T I AM BALDING

[willow needle]

you've shown me yes

[willow needle]

ILL BUY YOU WIGS

[supple carbon]

you would probably stop balding

if you're lucky

[west phoenix]

vill you vear vigs?

[willow needle]

i love thta video

[minor orchid]

WHY WITH V'S?!

[west phoenix]

WHEN vill you vear vigs?

[supple carbon]

trans dracula

[willow needle]

have you not seen it?

[minor orchid]

God damn it

[west phoenix]

me when i'm uncultured

[minor orchid]

No

[willow needle]

@minor orchid https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xqEABqaEuo

[supple carbon]

i haven't either i just thought of vampires

[minor orchid]

Vigs

Jsusjsudsj

[willow needle]

the funniest thing of the video is that he is fucking lying for no reason

he did wear wigs previously

[west phoenix]

the whole interview is gold

"YOU were in a movie- the dolphin- flipper. is dead!"
"thats terrible..."
"it died in a car accident!"

[lyric ivy]

And that the guy isn't even German at all lmao

[west phoenix]

the accent is terrible

[zinc topaz]

oh my god

thats one of my favorite videos ever

[lyric ivy]

Yeah it's so stereotypical it's funny

The entire interview is amazing

[supple carbon]

nana can you make an npc talk like that in wallflower?????????????????

[willow needle]

"YOU ARE veutifol man, veutifol man...
there is, um, a, how do i say uh, without being rude, uh, ah, uh...

gay

connotation."

[west phoenix]

its funny i had a lot of german NPCs in wallflower

i kind of stopped because well, a lot of effort and its embarrassing

[supple carbon]

did you make one talk like that?

[zinc topaz]

the dolphin and this part are hysterical

[supple carbon]

and that's cool

[west phoenix]

not like that

[willow needle]

@west phoenix imagine ||patience|| talking like this

[zinc topaz]

everyone talks about the wigs bit

[west phoenix]

the campaign would be unbelievable

[zinc topaz]

but the no, no gay connotation part is hilarious

[west phoenix]

most parties already hate ||patience|| enough

[willow needle]

my poor boy

i will do him justice

[west phoenix]

they

let me find the meme

[normal root]

https://tenor.com/view/firefly-honkai-firefly-honkai-alarm-firefly-alarm-honkai-star-rail-firefly-gif-1148834941782539093

[willow needle]

waitpatienceisnthehim

[minor orchid]

||You'll have to try hard because fuck if I know their crimes||

[willow needle]

okay im not the first one

[west phoenix]

no

and stop looking

[west phoenix]

me when i get (ch2) ||loki||

[minor orchid]

Meow I know them from befor Nana's been trying to do the campaign-

Like... I told ya(?)

[minor orchid]

YEEEE

[west phoenix]

i didn't talk about them hipo

[willow needle]

why arent you litearlly forgetting everything then huh

[west phoenix]

you must be confused with someone else

[minor orchid]

YOU DONT I DID!

Fuck-

[willow needle]

get memorie wipped

[minor orchid]

I am trying

To forget

[willow needle]

im cycling you now hipo

[shell bison]

Today's session is going great

[willow needle]

to the casket you go

[normal root]

I'm fighting an up hill battle with making patience even partly acceptable to my party lmaoo

[minor orchid]

YEEEEE

[minor orchid]

HIPPOCAMPUS-CLASS NHP

[willow needle]

tonto-class nhp*

[supple carbon]

tontoy-class nhp

[west phoenix]

i gave up

and tbh its really fun that way

[supple carbon]

making who

[west phoenix]

shut yo ass up

[supple carbon]

i mean, i know we aren't that patient but it's acceptable, we wouldn't riot if nana made us wait

why would patience be unnaceptable

[minor orchid]

I still find it funny Meow and Eleonor Thought I was trans ushdsu

[willow needle]

today's CoS session was like

NPC: my friend Gregor disappeared.... his whole house is a mess, only clue is a little blood
Hipo: so your friend Gregory-
-# my brain: GREGORY, DO YOU SEE THAT SMALL VENT ON THE FLOOR. YOU NEED TO BE SUS
NPC: Gregor*, yes.
Hipo: So Gregory-
-# my brain: SUS-
NPC: GREGOR
Hipo: Gregory-
-# my brain: GREGORY FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDYYSSS
Players: STOP PUTTING THE -Y

[west phoenix]

i mean tbh i thought bunzi was trans too

and thats the most man man who ever did man

[supple carbon]

i was the player

hipo does that with ||Steele|| too

[willow needle]

technically tho?

[minor orchid]

I mean I... Look I still don't know where I fall being bigender(?)

[minor orchid]

Fair fair hsjsjsh

[willow needle]

i would think being bigender is under the trans umbrella but idk

[west phoenix]

https://youtube.com/shorts/S16pswz4glg?si=_wdd6SKXq61dPoIT

[minor orchid]

You can still forcefem me further

[willow needle]

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

[supple carbon]

this

[willow needle]

[supple carbon]

yeah

[west phoenix]

this is an average session for us in igf

[willow needle]

oh man that was also today cuz a player was having an attack seeing how nonsensical the house numbers were in the village

its like she started crying when in the end she went from house 49 to the tavern being number 134 next to it

[supple carbon]

yeah

it was a very fun session

(it wasn't me this time)

[normal root]

You see, in a different world you'd be dealing with an entirely different brain poison

[lyric ivy]

That man makes me feel things

[supple carbon]

Gregor

[lyric ivy]

https://tenor.com/view/gregor-limbus-company-gregor-limbus-g-corp-gregor-the-voices-gif-12777329973047844851

[willow needle]

anyways back at the pc

time to prepare wallflower before going to bed

[west phoenix]

i need to prep chapter 4

there's soooo muuuuccch

[willow needle]

yippie!

[west phoenix]

well yippie minus the depression

its making it a lot harder

i need to think of a structure of how i want to lead into it

[willow needle]

i have no clue how im going to do it

but the raw idea in my head means im going a bit off the book to do my own thing

not super different just expanding upon the book i guess

[west phoenix]

surprisingly i'm keeping the structure of ch4 the same with one huge difference, but it should run mostly the same

[willow needle]

nice :>

[upbeat hemlock]

hey IGF folks, anybody here got an mech fighting arena blorbos who aren't women? I wish to fill out some scenes for my players, and all the NPCs I have are women

[west phoenix]

igf moment

[supple carbon]

igf moment

[upbeat hemlock]

yes, very

I'm also happy to hear suggestions for newly made, whole-cloth mech fighters

[noble ivy]

one of my players is a Nestorian anime protagonist

imagine if someone threw bakugou into a tokugawa

[shell bison]

So the bunny got introduced, my party seems to enjoy

[upbeat hemlock]

tell me more

[minor orchid]

CONEJORDEON!

SE HIZO CANON

[ancient crag]

the Bnui was found

[shell bison]

[noble ivy]

Meet Javi aka EMBER

He's a young hothead from Nestor and that made quite a name for himself in some illegal mech arenas. Eventually, he booked a one way ticket off planet to make a name for himself and carve the stars into his name
I call him an anime protagonist because [CH 1] ||He peered into FEATHER's casket and came to the realization that there's a god and he wants to fight it||

[minor orchid]

@willow needle look, here he is!

you found ember!

[upbeat hemlock]

awesome, he's getting added to the Do We Have A Union For Arena Fighters meeting

[noble ivy]

-# some notes for playing him: Be boisterous and crash. like a Kamina or Bakugou

[minor orchid]

Explosive boyo

lovely

Lucy: "Ever fought in the Hellfire League?"

[zinc topaz]

do i add a howl reference in my 5e module's battle arena

[noble ivy]

yes

[zinc topaz]

i need more npcs bc i have a whole "gather your allies" thing going on

but so far i have my own oc half dragon gladiator from chult, a woodsy druid from the moonshaes, a sad cleric from luskan, and a harper who i haven't fleshed out at ALL

and im like

scraping the bottom of the barrel somehow

my brain is statiiccccc aughhghgh

[shell bison]

[zinc topaz]

i was like 12 is a good number, that way if you go down different paths and ally yourself with different factions you can end up with different npc party members

i got to 4 and im like wehhh brain hurts

[upbeat hemlock]

Hang on, I've got one for you

Meet Nobble. Goblin gladiator and foot-breaking specialist

[zinc topaz]

oh man everyone's a gladiator

wait

actually this might be a good thing i should make a roster of characters you can fight in the arena

[cerulean valve]

I guess Dominic could be considered a pit fighter of sorts, ever since he went AWOL from Broken Arrow.

We came to Calliope with a reason and there was a lot of brawls involved in the process.

[upbeat hemlock]

Oh, sorry, thought you wanted gladiators

[zinc topaz]

i mean, it doesn't hurt to have more hahah

[upbeat hemlock]

I have some more NPCs I could show off for you to steal, but I'm not sure they'd be what you were looking for. Besides which I've shown them off before

[upbeat hemlock]

What's this chap like?

[last leaf]

This for a typical 5e setting thingy June?

[zinc topaz]

it's faerûn, set after the events of bg3

simply bc i want people to play this module and saying "look there's stuff from bg3 in it!!" is a good key jingling thing to get people interested

and also bc i think it's interesting to have deeper politics as opposed to the super boring flattened politics that wotc has been doing with new realms stuff

this tyrant is gone, that uprising failed, these guys are cool with each other now, this struggling kingdom is a wasteland now

boring boring boring

how about wyll is now grand duke of baldur's gate, only as a figurehead and public face for the person/devil who really controls the city now, his "human advisor" Mizora

anyways im rambling sorry

gonna go take a shower brb

[icy dove]

No need to apologize

Your passion is nice

[zinc topaz]

-# ||sorry i cant not talk about my writing, i have act 1 of the adventure set in Luskan where the drow refugees fleeing menzo are finding a proper home and leadership in Jarlaxle, who by the turn of the century (1500 DR) is making actual progress getting Luskan a seat with the Lords' Alliance. Luskan is still lawless and chaotic, but Jarlaxle is putting genuine effort into making it a respectable surface city for good drow. obviously the LA is wary and most humans now believe Luskan has fallen under the influence of Lolth, but seeing as how she's currently banished from the Material Plane for the next 100 years, there's a good chance Luskan will shed this reputation soon. in act 2, the characters will end up in the Moonshae Isles, specifically on the island of Snowdown, where they can liberate the island from its Amnian occupiers by doing a bunch of side quests and an optional boss, Lady Erliza Daressin herself. A lot of the way I'm writing act 2 is what i wish Tomb of Annihilation did better: playing up the relationship between the occupiers and the native residents of the island. It's gonna be hard to ignore the fact that most people who aren't Amnian want Amn off the island, and that their presence is literally destroying it. (in ToA, you could largely ignore the flaming fist and it wouldn't change anything.)||

D&D lore has such potential to not suck ass but WoTC wants a sterile boring blank canvas

[icy dove]

My personal DnD setting of choice is Eberron personally

[zinc topaz]

i love eberron

[icy dove]

That second personally was unnecessary but whatevs

[zinc topaz]

unfortunately its not easy to write for eberron

bc its so well developed already

my favorite eberron pc was a wandslinger dwarf from mror, essentially the man with no name

very cowboy

[icy dove]

Yoooo, that's dope

[zinc topaz]

no no wait i lied

the party also had a kalashtar monk that used the eberron unique monk subclass that lets you punch with psychic katara

[icy dove]

Btw this sounds awesome

[last leaf]

eberron is very cool...

[cerulean valve]

Uhhhh i'll get back to you on that one, I'm not on my setup atm, because y'know vacations.

[icy dove]

I love the Eberron unique monk subclass, the living weapon path is very fun flavor wise.

[zinc topaz]

i want to make my half-dragon have stakes in liberating snowdown bc he's from chult and has experience with having his home colonized but at the same time he's not exactly freedom fighter material

[last leaf]

tbf I don't actually know that much about it but what I do know puts it leagues above faerun in terms of worldbuilding. It's not like I dislike faerun or anything but worldbuilding and geopolitics is very much not the point of the setting and you can tell.

[zinc topaz]

his backstory was that he used to break laws constantly, get himself thrown into executioner's run on purpose constantly and would constantly make it out. he became very used to this attitude of "fuck you i do what i want, what are you gonna do, throw me back into the run and make me more famous?"

he eventually leaves chult after ToA in search of something in faerun that can actually challenge him

he was originally based on battle beast from invincible

[last leaf]

oh that's always a fun dynamic imo

(provided it's done well ofc)

[zinc topaz]

(he's also Tzindelor's son)

[last leaf]

(I have not perused ToA alas so the name means little to me)

[zinc topaz]

i played him as a dragonborn but always insisted he was a half dragon lol

i am generally opposed to dragonborn

i think they're... lame

and poorly conceptualized

[tight pier]

half the party showed up in poor-quality formalwear to the [ch2] ||Rita meeting|| so Anastasia lectured the rest of the party today on looking proper as representatives of Hell's Gate.

[ch2 spoilers]

[last leaf]

i play with too many dragonfuckers of the pro-dragonborn persuasion to have any strong objections to them.

Helps that I haven't played in an official setting in years.

[zinc topaz]

the ambient noise no dialogue

holy shit lmao

[zinc topaz]

in faerun they're just... idk stupidly written. sigh here comes another fucking -# block post

[last leaf]

shadows of 4e dragon titties flame wars begin dancing on the cave walls

[last leaf]

this does not surprise me but I'm happy to learn lmao

faerun's writing is hit or miss at the best of times, doubly so the further it strays from human.

[zinc topaz]

-# ||WHY ARE THEY NOT RELATED TO DRAGONS AT ALL? Why are they aliens from another dimension? Would it have not been more interesting to just make them half dragons? Or maybe a diminutive form of dragons? Nah, they're aliens. No relation to dragons despite sharing a name and physical features and chromatic, metallic, and gem variants. Oh, you thought a dragonborn was the result of a human and a dragon mating? Yeah, that would make sense, wouldn't it? But no, they're aliens. Zero genetic relation to dragons. Some stories say the dragons created them as a slave race. But that's old lore. Nah, they're aliens. Thanks Ed Greenwood||

[last leaf]

okay that's actually hilarious

just like

incredible

[zinc topaz]

also humans

[last leaf]

wow

[zinc topaz]

not fucking native to toril

guess where they come from in-universe

[last leaf]

is the mindflayer timetravel thing canon?

[zinc topaz]

established lore origin of humans in toril

[last leaf]

i can never remember

[zinc topaz]

OUR EARTH: THE REAL WORLD

and guess what Anubis came with them

from ancient egypt

[last leaf]

Tbf I don't have an issue with that

[zinc topaz]

its soooooo silly

I prefer my fantasy to maintain some degree of verisimilitude and toril is sorely lacking

it's almost 4th wall breaking in its world building, as if the people of faerun are acutely aware of the fact that they exist in a tabletop role-playing game

[last leaf]

I would say that's deeply lazy but also the way that most settings have a Legally Distinct Ancient Eygpt anyway feels creatively bankrupt enough anyway that hitting rock bottom in that way is at least funny imo.

[zinc topaz]

yeah i mean a little but

but I'm sitting down and trying to actually write a story that takes place in this world

I don't want to have to consider the fact that there is lore precedence for the player at my table who wants to play as Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit to actually have that happen

i actually hate d&d ngl

but

I cannot stand alone against the massive player base and pretend that anybody wants to play any other fantasy RPG

if I want someone to read my book, it has to be D&D

[shell bison]

[last leaf]

tbf the biggest problem with a lot of long running settings, especially kitchen sink ones like the forgotten realms, is that they're stuck between wildly different creative visions as they shift between editions. Then there's the problem of the soft dropping of lore, let alone full on contradictions and retcons as the setting passes between hands (or even under a single creative lead, their aim changes and evolves).

[zinc topaz]

that's why my idealized version of the forgotten realms is a lot less of a kitchen sink setting

[last leaf]

i think you're making too much out of that lore detail. It's still ancient history in world. A cameo for the wikis but (unless your module is highly specific) highly unlikely to ever actually come up at all, let alone in a way that materially inpacts the campaign.

[zinc topaz]

there are things that I genuinely like about the forgotten realms (mostly drow and icewind dale) but a lot of the lore hurts my head when I read it

[last leaf]

tbf my advice is either (as the DMG encourages iirc) pick your own preferred pieces of canon (it'll be the only way to actually make a kitchen sink setting make sense) and discard the rest, or just run a homebrew setting entirely.

[zinc topaz]

i ran a homebrew setting for a year and i ended up realizing i just wanted to play a different system

[upbeat hemlock]

I ran a D&D campaign some years ago where I told the players "bring whatever lore you like. Anything WotC have published is on the table, including playtest PDFs. I'll make it work"

...that was an interesting challenge

[zinc topaz]

when I told my players that divine magic doesn't exist, there's only one type of dragon, all magic comes from dragons, they can only pick between four different races, devils don't exist and there's only demons, resurrection magic doesn't exist, etc

I was like "why the fuck am I still playing DND?"

[upbeat hemlock]

very fair

[last leaf]

I will say that the forgotten realms are the source of one irreplaceable source of humour for me - going on the wiki and looking at pages for elves and eladrin and watch as the wiki's editors dance around how there have definitely been major retcons to what a lot of basic terminology (like eladrin) mean without actually explicitly saying that's the case.

[last leaf]

very fair.

personally I tend to make custom settings to fit the systems I intend to run in them as much as the other way round. Which might be why I've had a bit more success in that angle. Shaping the worldbuilding to fit the system, rather than the other way round.

[zinc topaz]

while im lore dumping hold on let me fetch my notes on a holiday i created for my homebrew setting that i really like and want to fit into the realms lore somehow

[last leaf]

oh lets hear?

[upbeat hemlock]

I was reading an interesting blog post last night about somebody trying to work out what setting would make sense for original D&D, based only on the info in those books, not on any actual claims of what inspired it

[last leaf]

saying no to resurrection magic is still based though

[last leaf]

huh, got a link?

[upbeat hemlock]

one moment

[zinc topaz]

-# Dragontide: A celebration in honor and reverence of dragons. While adults typically celebrate the day with mulled, spiced cider and swigs of ale served on fire, children wear masks resembling dragons on this day and go around town demanding tribute. If the owner of the house fails to give a gift, usually given as a single piece of gold or a small treat, the “dragons” perform some kind of mischief, usually “breathing fire” by scattering small pieces of red and orange colored paper all around the property.

[last leaf]

Aww thats cute

[upbeat hemlock]

https://coinsandscrolls.blogspot.com/2025/11/osr-beyond-western-desert-or-od-with.html

[zinc topaz]

id have to change it to copper bc my setting used an entirely gold based economy

for gameplay reasons

[last leaf]

I support using gold or silver as the typical currency players interact with but keeping electrum around specifically to have lying around in ancient ruins just to prove that its inhabitants were sickos.

[upbeat hemlock]

last fantasy game I ran was a system called BREAK!! which has the curencies of Stones, Coins and Gems

(each being 100 of the next higher one)

[zinc topaz]

i dont mind cp, sp, gp as a worldbuilding thing

makes sense i guess

but when the fuck is a player EVER GONNA SPEND COPPER

[last leaf]

If I was less of a coward I'd use the real horror of the past (pre-decimal currency) instead of electrum but I have some mercy on my players

[upbeat hemlock]

I played Warhammer Fantasy Role Play for a few months

that's has the pre-decimal currency

oh! I just remembered an interesting bit of trivia!

[last leaf]

tbh my issue with copper pieces is that by acknowledging their existence you start prodding at the disturbingly flimsy walls of 5e's economy where they are most vulnerable.

[upbeat hemlock]

in the renaissance, in italy, the various trading companies kept importing silver from norther africa and other places, so they started skewing the conversion rate between silver and gold coins

[last leaf]

yeah but it's also warhammer fantasy. Slightly different target demographic. Not all the people I would want to play that with them are the same people I run dnd games for.

[upbeat hemlock]

also fair

not everybody wants to have the experience we did

[zinc topaz]

my thing with the fr is i wish wotc wasnt so afraid to make it ... unpleasant

i dont need it to be grimdark

but like. come ON guys

[last leaf]

And I haven't played warhammer fantasy yet. I know people who have and also want to play it, just scheduling and whatnot yanno.

[upbeat hemlock]

where

Bossfight 1: we won instantly because the enemy wizard fucked up a spell and vomited uncontrollably for 10 minutes

Bossfight 2: the party elf was INSTANTLY DECAPITATED. Ironically, by the monster vomiting at him

[last leaf]

that does sound like the experience from what I've heard

[zinc topaz]

Baldur's Gate is a shithole, Luskan is a shithole, most of the Sword Coast is not a pleasant place to be--ever

[zinc topaz]

LOL

sounds like mork borg

[upbeat hemlock]

I tried Mork Bork at a convention - I was.... underwhelmed

[last leaf]

tbh while I think Paizo does a much better job at having interesting worldbuilding and writing than wotc, this is something them and wotc have both gone a bit far on in recent times imo. Not to sound like one of those right wing cancel culture woke mind virus nutters ofc but you get what I mean. There's a sanitisation sometimes that's probably broadly preferable to the opposite extreme but that's imperfect in its own way too.

[upbeat hemlock]

like, I had a fun time, but I didn't really see anything mechanically interesting about Mork Borg. The main thing it has going for it is a Strong Aesthetic

[zinc topaz]

in the last game of mb i ran, one player spent most of the session taunting another for being this old nearly blind fart and stole his sword from him, until he cast a spell, fucked it up, and ended up accidentally switching bodies with that other guy. second dude got his sword back and a much healthier younger body, then the first guy almost immediately gets torn to shreds by dogs bc he doesnt have a weapon

[zinc topaz]

i think the main issue is that they want it to appeal to everyone

MY realms does not

[upbeat hemlock]

I recall somebody theorizing that why WotC had done nothing with Dark Sun was because they didn't want to even bring up the topic of slavery, even if it's clear that enslaving people is what the bad guys do in that setting (even if the Bad Guys are Really Common).

[zinc topaz]

in my realms fascists are always the bad guys, doing bad stuff, and you're supposed to want to fight them because of it

evil is there to be fought and hated

[last leaf]

that and a fear of handling sensitive topics poorly/aging poorly that just leads to those topics getting softly shunted under the rug.

[zinc topaz]

my villains are always colonizers, tyrants, slavers, etc

[last leaf]

I heard the same thing I can't say for sure but it would make a lot of sense really. Definitely plausible.

[last leaf]

but yeah, death by committee and focus group. At least to a degree anyway.

[zinc topaz]

and also i like how queer the realms can be

i understand why some focus groups wouldnt want it

but luckily i'm not a shareholder and if my module having a genderfluid bard folk hero in it pisses you off, good, don't read my book its not for you

to paraphrase Tim Hutchings (the creator of Thousand Year Old Vampire)'s wonderful preamble on his game:

-# People who make art and beauty and fun universally revile you and it's time you started to feel that. I'm lucky enough that I don't need your money. You aren't welcome here, you don't get to play with my things. Shoo.

i fuckin wish d&d had that attitude

having dm'ed as a job before, i have also sorta come to associate d&d with a specific breed of inceldom that i was exposed to while working at that store, so i am admittedly biased i suppose

[last leaf]

or harsh edges rounded of in a way that comes off as a little ridiculous.

A Golarion example rather than a FR one but the addition that Achaekek, the amoral monarchist mantis god of assassins now being explicitly lowkey anti racist is just kinda... not totally implausible (its still framed in the way that makes the most sense for the god) but definitely a bit jarring.

[zinc topaz]

my interpretation and opinions on corellon nearly sent a player into a frenzy once

Golarion is better i suppose but honestly not by much

[last leaf]

in fairness official 5e modules have been surprisingly good on that front, from my admittedly small sample size.

[upbeat hemlock]

good on that front, not good on actually being a well-made-module...

[last leaf]

100%

[zinc topaz]

i overheard one of the shop owners warn a customer that Call of the Netherdeep had "wokeism" in it

[upbeat hemlock]

jfc

[zinc topaz]

and then say that matt mercer is ruining dnd by letting woke critical role become canon and wotc is letting him make gay characters

hey man

elminster is like

where do i begin

i really LIKE the detail that there is no concept of sexual orientation in the realms

[upbeat hemlock]

the Forgotten Realms is a guy's magical realm

Thankfully, his Thing is Free Love, so yanno, could be worse

[zinc topaz]

people fuck the people they wanna fuck and dont think too much about it

sounds good to me, why can't we do that

some sweaty card shop owner reads the word "nonbinary" in a critical role book and shits his pants so hard the seams burst

i had a super cool matriarchal order of knights in an old setting and i know that dude would have hated it

[last leaf]

I love Achaekek and it does make sense that he'd discourage unnecessary sentiment (positive or negative) towards your hired victims but framing it as primarily about race and gender very much reads like someone trying to show their higher ups that this new batch of lore for these old edgier gods is in alignment with company ethos.

[west phoenix]

idc about the convo i'm not reading but bitches be fuckin

thats all i gotta say

[zinc topaz]

basically the squires devoted themselves to their knight in this very adoring way

[zinc topaz]

real af

[zinc topaz]

yeah, also real af

[last leaf]

I do think it's worth saying that there's a difference between local store culture and the views and actions of a ttrpg company. They're not unrelated but also stores range wildly in their politics.

[zinc topaz]

yeah for sure. the store i worked at sucked

the staff was almost entirely young queer people and the owner was very publicly not cool with that

but its not like he could fire them for that lmao, he only visited that store once every couple weeks anyways

[last leaf]

one on hand, damn that's shitty. On the other, it does show how times are changing.

[zinc topaz]

but his social media was like "yeah go shop at my stores over here and here! and i have this store too i guess but its woke and i hate them"

[last leaf]

the woke mind virus ate the store

so sadge

[zinc topaz]

true

[last leaf]

😔

thoughts and prayers

[zinc topaz]

but anyways to return to the original topic

[last leaf]

lulul yes

[zinc topaz]

MY realms have unpleasant stuff in them for the express purpose of showing who the bad guys are and why you should hate them

how do i make my tiefling player immediately understand that this sweaty ugly asshole at the tavern js to be hated the next time he shows up? he comments about not wanting to be served by that tiefling waitress

player goes over to her, consoles her after she hears him say that, and when he shows up next time the party immediately goes "hey its that racist bastard who hurt our friend the barmaid, let's kick his ass"

in my game, for example, menzoberranzan is explicitly a terrible place to live and all the drow who escaped it have a genuine reason to want to make Luskan a place that's nothing like it

[twilit star]

I think the intent of Electrum was that IRL it was a common old currency so in game yeah Electrum is the dungeon reward currency

[zinc topaz]

I actually kind of like throwing electrum at players and then having them realize spending, it isn't exactly going to be easy

[twilit star]

It is very funny

[zinc topaz]

it's like showing up at a candy shop with $100 bills

[twilit star]

I’d compare it more with trying to pay your tab in Jewlery. Like you gotta go to a Cash4Gold place first friend

[zinc topaz]

yeah, sorry no money changer has that amount of gold just on hand

do you want to buy one suit of armor using that? Shit, pal, I don't exactly have change for that.

Jesus Christ ignore my grammar and formatting. I'm using my microphone to type.

[twilit star]

1 Electrum is technically worth half a gold isn’t it?

At least in D&D 5E?

[zinc topaz]

Wait a sec

i'm thinking of platinum

I like throwing platinum at my players and then having them try to spend it

I actually don't think I've ever used electrum

it should also be noted that I tend to make my players actually use trade bars rather than individual coins

[last leaf]

This isn't quite the same topic as what you're saying (although it is related) but I do get kinda annoyed by the argument that fantasy worlds shouldn't include harrowing or disturbing content, especially that content that reflects the real world in some way. That by choosing to include something like slavery or sexism in your world, you're making some claim that they ought to exist in any world.

Sure, you very much dont have to include those things and it's very refreshing to see settings that don't. More broadly there's also more interesting things that can be done with topics of oppression and whatnot in a fantasy setting than just copying the default of another setting.

But also just one of the oldest purposes of fantasy is for creating exaggerated mirrors of the real world. Like yeah, there should be social commentary on gender politics via fantasy discrimination, in at least some settings.

[zinc topaz]

sure, if you raid a dragon's hoard, you might end up with 1000 gold coins, but the guy who's paying you 1000 gold to clear out that bandit camp is going to give you a gold bar

[zinc topaz]

I will reply to this in a moment when I can actually focus on typing and reading it

OK, I read it, yeah that's pretty much spot on

The problem arises when people start to idolize the groups that exhibit those behaviors and perpetuate those social issues

[last leaf]

please do but if I don't respond I may have always just fallen asleep btw

(also feel free to @ or DM about this kinda stuff, or ttrpg stuff in general, if you ever want to - I love talking about this stuff lmao)

[zinc topaz]

when my player starts thinking that the slavers are cool and doesn't want to fight them anymore, that's when I have to pull them aside and explain to them what it means to be a hero in a fantasy world

had a player once who wanted his backstory to be that he was a pirate who did some very unsavory stuff

and i asked "what is he like now that that life is behind him? how did it shape him?"

and he just went "he's still a pirate that's not his past lol"

yeah lets play igf, btw my character is an active member of the hell hounds and loves killing people for fun

sure

anyways i gotta go for a little anyways and when i get back you'll probably be asleep

always good to chat :3 thanks for talking

[last leaf]

I'd broadly agree yeah.

But I would emphasise that I think there's very much room for (and value in) stories in which the moral standing of what is otherwise unambiguous evil is complicated. If largely (although not exclusively) to point out how shit like slavery or colonialism is bad no matter how pretty a face it puts on, or how complex the mitigating factors are.

And that can mean some number of people getting the wrong end of the stick at least for a time (and that's not necessarily always a problem that meeds immediate correction or a sign that you've failed, although it definitely can be)

and tbf I do think there's a place for genuinely grimdark or evil campaigns but they require radically different initial buy-in from your players - a much harsher separation of player and character and a stronger degree of pre-existing trust in your players. Evil campaigns are a much trickier thing to do well but part of what fiction allows is the exploration of things and ideas that we would never do in reality or would never even want to do in reality. And I think it's fine for the limits of that to he something that's much more personal and table specific.

but ye eepytimes now

[zinc topaz]

oh for sure. i had a player gradually discover that his wealthy ship-building guild family had built their wealth on building slave ships that were sold to a conquerer nation from which one of the villains hailed, and it was fun watching the player come to understand why the villain kept taunting him about his family

the question of "do i expose my family's history now that i know their secrets even though it will destabilize the entire city and navy and people will lose faith in their rulers" was a fun one to have him ponder

plus his character's aristocrat asshole elder brothers were all like "do NOT fuck this up for me, i am not giving up my lifestyle because of some shit our great grandfather did i dont care if it's 'the truth' i personally benefit from it being covered up" and that made them also kinda fun to hate.

anyways yes yes sleepy sleepy sleepy

goodnight calliope

[west phoenix]

gn gn

kitty cat cat

[noble ivy]

I know I made a bunch of "when's calliope next cycle scheduled" jokes today, but I just want to break kayfabe and say I had a blast

Good Night Calliope

[west phoenix]

goodnight juli

appreciate you

[noble ivy]

https://tenor.com/view/cat-sleep-honk-shoo-mimir-gif-7857509468256706704

[zinc topaz]

mrrp

[limber fossil]

Don’t we all

Grandma squad did not happen yesterday

The boys were all sleepy

I am never trusting a man again

[noble ivy]

Boys sleep
Girls eep

[west phoenix]

women mimimi

[noble ivy]

men UAAHAHHHHGGHG

[limber fossil]

As a non binary baddie I never sleep

I simply enter low power recon mode

[noble ivy]

enby's simply wait with their eyes closed

[lyric ivy]

Daaaaaamn girlies I'm still in this purgatory

Fortunately for you, it's me~ wishing you a good [morning/night]

[ancient crag]

Personally

I really love dwarves and their typical doings

[hybrid salmon]

I eep but upside down
I pee

[limber fossil]

Cal I pee

was this the golden flame we were searching for all along_?_

[hybrid salmon]

golden water anyways

[ancient crag]

NOOOOO

[west phoenix]

cally ohpee

if you're a fake mfer

[upbeat hemlock]

ah, see, I always do the "wrong" pronunciation

[west phoenix]

nah i hate calling it that lmao

cal eye oh p

is how i say it

[normal root]

I also go with cal eye oh p