🦝︴off-topic

[amber wigeon]

140

[marsh prawn]

Close enough

[obsidian bay]

Greens.

[amber wigeon]

A bit over maybe

68kg idk what that is pounds

[marsh prawn]

Youre a stickman bro 😭

[woven hamlet]

son my 10 year old brother is like 140

[amber wigeon]

How tall

[obsidian bay]

Just shy of 150

literally 149 and change

[woven hamlet]

5'8

[obsidian bay]

He was truly doin the lords work , hanging and dangling from my knuckle, thrashing side to side 😭

[amber wigeon]

Everything goes to my thighs

[marsh prawn]

Im like 5’9 210

[amber wigeon]

If a cannibal found me that man is eating goooooood

[marsh prawn]

But im not muscular at all

[serene radish]

Squidward with the krabby patties

[main trail]

5'8 140😭

[marsh prawn]

Start ducking down if its windy

[woven hamlet]

im 6'4 and a half and 251

[obsidian bay]

Honestly, felt.
I'm 5'4" and built like I am trying to survive the arctic

[main trail]

I know ima have to😢

[obsidian bay]

I've lost weight thoguh, since moving EU and having better food quality

[serene radish]

I am built like a shrimp

[serene radish]

Got the same posture

[amber wigeon]

Maybe i have ran into you and looked over your head

[marsh prawn]

South park character

[obsidian bay]

Sir that's insulting 😭
Putting you in the corner

[crisp whale]

I’m way shorter

[amber wigeon]

Brahminy blind snake size

[marsh prawn]

I can just pick you up 😭

[woven hamlet]

are you gonna share

[serene radish]

Size of a water bear

[crisp whale]

You lwk could prolly curl me

[marsh prawn]

If i started working out i probably could

[obsidian bay]

Pocket sized

[amber wigeon]

Me vs a water monitor no biting who’s winning

[marsh prawn]

The monitor

[serene radish]

The water monitor

[obsidian bay]

no biting bUUUTTTT they still got stabby toes

[amber wigeon]

Wrong bc monitors don’t work under water

Dummies

[serene radish]

They are still winning

[marsh prawn]

Lorde we gotta figure out how youre built

[main trail]

I'm putting my entire college savings on that water monitor ngl😭

[serene radish]

Salad fingers

[obsidian bay]

hold on, I have a thing to make

in response

[amber wigeon]

Ooooo

Show when done plsss

[amber wigeon]

Billy ain’t you like 10 pounds

[serene radish]

I wish

[amber wigeon]

Obese hyrax

[crisp whale]

Im like 4’9😭

[amber wigeon]

Smol

[woven hamlet]

house is going on the lizard

[marsh prawn]

Thats gonna crush it

[woven hamlet]

🧑

son

[main trail]

Ima sell the house, the car, the truck, the boat, both cabins and everything else I have on that lizard

[amber wigeon]

Me vs blanus cinereus who is winning

[serene radish]

Blanus

[marsh prawn]

What

[woven hamlet]

the planes are going on the lizard at this point

[serene radish]

Iberian worm lizard i think

[amber wigeon]

Tie bc i would never hit the goat ❤️‍🩹

[wide light]

i'm lonesom but happy, rich but i'm broke

[marsh prawn]

Ok i gtg now

[main trail]

Okay bye 👋

[crisp whale]

Bye goober

[serene radish]

Bye

[amber wigeon]

If you lonesome you are me #introvert

Wait no you are me

[wide light]

am i?

[crisp whale]

I wonder how much @mossy badge weighs

[amber wigeon]

Like 13 clams

No soft tissue on that man

[serene radish]

Have you ever seen john cotw and happie in the same room?

[woven hamlet]

is everyone in this server just like super small and skinny

[serene radish]

Exactly.

[wide light]

uh, i think he said 105?

[amber wigeon]

Cotw starvation

[woven hamlet]

SON

[wide light]

i know he's a twig

[marsh prawn]

Im 5’9 and 200 lbs

[amber wigeon]

I think i got snagged on seamus when he floated by me once

[serene radish]

I thought you were leaving

[main trail]

I run competitive cross country and track okay😭

[marsh prawn]

Im back for a few mins

[serene radish]

O

[main trail]

My metabolism is through the roof atp

[serene radish]

At least i know im taller and lighter now

[amber wigeon]

Mine too

[woven hamlet]

i curl 120s

[wide light]

mathabolism😭

[marsh prawn]

My weight is mainly fat tho

[woven hamlet]

i could curl seamus

[amber wigeon]

Can’t curl me tho i have no hair

[marsh prawn]

If be lighter if i lost weight

[wide light]

who couldn't

[main trail]

Shut up john😭

[woven hamlet]

i used to be ultra skinny

then ultra fat

[marsh prawn]

Im always so hungry so its gonna be hard

[serene radish]

Mmm.. curly fries

[wide light]

i want a horse

[woven hamlet]

same son

[wide light]

i would be a good cowboy

[serene radish]

Those dont exist

[amber wigeon]

Why did you have to say that billy

Now i’m hungry

[woven hamlet]

same

[serene radish]

Ima go to jack in a box its 5 minutes away

[woven hamlet]

i need to go to the gym tho

[amber wigeon]

Get me and baddog something

Get baddog water

[marsh prawn]

Do what in a box

[obsidian bay]

wait wait

[amber wigeon]

Bc fries are not good gym food

[woven hamlet]

boy you better shut your mouth

[wide light]

Dear Tyk,

when do i get my moderator role?

sincerely,
John COTW

[obsidian bay]

do it have the 99 cent tacos for 2?

[serene radish]

Yes

[amber wigeon]

I’m tryna optimize your workout

[woven hamlet]

im gonna bend you

[amber wigeon]

GET HIM ALL THE FRIES

HELL GIVE HIM THE OIL

[obsidian bay]

Dear J. COTW
When you aply to the moderation team next time apps are out and are successfully chosen by the CMs of the community.

Sincerely,
Tyk

[main trail]

🤨🤨🤨

[obsidian bay]

wait.
wait.

[woven hamlet]

i lwk am gonna go to the gas station and buy all the hotdogs and pizza they have

[obsidian bay]

🥺

[woven hamlet]

and then im gonna chug a ghost

[obsidian bay]

99 cent tacos for me please

[amber wigeon]

Can i get one of both

[serene radish]

Noted

[main trail]

Yeah u need the food anyways

[serene radish]

Happie you want anything

[amber wigeon]

16 chicken sandwiches

[wide light]

https://tenor.com/view/shrek-like-that-will-happen-gif-14783019212194612503

[serene radish]

Light snack

[amber wigeon]

22 fries

Ya’ll wanna hear yesterdays diet

[serene radish]

Yes

[wide light]

i had some squid yesterday

[main trail]

Yes

[wide light]

didn't like it at all, but i ate it

[obsidian bay]

ty 🙏
I had a really great day remembering the chores I wanted to do -

But also forgot that food and water existed and now its 8pm

[amber wigeon]

I had 2 croquette sandwiches, fries, cola, a frikandel sandwhich (deep fried sausage) and some chicken and roasted potatoes

[serene radish]

How does one forget the greatness that is water

[amber wigeon]

I eat like a hog

[main trail]

This is what nuero gum does or whatever its called

[amber wigeon]

Weigh as much as a leaf

[amber wigeon]

Wow are you calling me a ugly swine

Not nice

[woven hamlet]

son i eat like 6.5k calories a day to keep up this weight

[serene radish]

Yes

[amber wigeon]

Miss tyk billy insulted me

[serene radish]

Who's billy

[obsidian bay]

I give permish for you to insult back in a like manner

[wide light]

what is an insult to a fool if not a compliment?

[obsidian bay]

no below the belts

[main trail]

You know thats like double what an average adult usually has

[woven hamlet]

and i weigh 250 lbs

like im pretty big guy

and a lot of it is muscle

[serene radish]

Happie was gonna use his signature ankle bite technique

[main trail]

You probably have like a 14 pack or something crazy

[obsidian bay]

6x more than me today alone 😂
camel slorping water atm

[amber wigeon]

Billybobjoe, lord of the hyrax, you should eat some jack in the box because you might gain some well needed braincells from the food

[woven hamlet]

its like a 4 pack

which im blaming on the dad bod

[main trail]

Close enough

[obsidian bay]

Nah see thats fine - I just meant like no insults that are 2d8 psychic damage

[amber wigeon]

What else do i use when i’m 3 inches

[serene radish]

A slingshot

Angry birds style

[main trail]

Watch out for the blue bird especially

[amber wigeon]

Terrence….

https://tenor.com/view/terrence-damor-gif-26798912

[main trail]

He multiplies by 3x😭

[woven hamlet]

angry birds was so peak back in the day

[amber wigeon]

Btw what do you eat in a day

[serene radish]

Oh wait I cant even get jack in a box im broke

[woven hamlet]

me?

[amber wigeon]

Bc 6500 calories is crazy

[serene radish]

Gotta save my money for the cotw dlc 🙏

[amber wigeon]

Yes

[obsidian bay]

not even some 99 cent tacos for you? 😭

[woven hamlet]

ummm

[serene radish]

Nah

Too expensive

[woven hamlet]

well my wife is pregnant so lwk ive just been eating out 😭

[amber wigeon]

Can’t blame you

[main trail]

Omg congrats to you both

[woven hamlet]

thank you

[amber wigeon]

Despite what some people said earlier in chat i am not part of baddogs family

I’m still processing what was said

[serene radish]

Alright bru 💔

[woven hamlet]

me too bro me too 😭

[serene radish]

Did not need to bring that back up

[amber wigeon]

Anyways food

[serene radish]

Indeed

[amber wigeon]

I’m gonna make a sandwhich i think

Maybe something with potatoes

[serene radish]

What would happie be if he was hungry

[amber wigeon]

Starvie

Emptie

[serene radish]

Emptie sounds better

[amber wigeon]

Yeah

I might make some potatoes and eggs

Do i treat myself to bacon?

[serene radish]

Yes

[amber wigeon]

Alr

Ima gain a whole 50 grams from this

[serene radish]

Bacon bits

[main trail]

For class tomorrow ima bring an entire gallon of ice cream

[serene radish]

Just to lose it after walking 3 steps

[obsidian bay]

this is almost a Skinny Puppy song:
EmpTe

[amber wigeon]

Exams?

[woven hamlet]

thats lwk my breakfast

i eat prolly 10 eggs

4 peices of toast

[amber wigeon]

I have school so a sandwich will do

[main trail]

No because we need it for food deserts we make them in class sometimes

[serene radish]

Whole $8 gone right there

[woven hamlet]

we have chickens

and like a lot of them

[serene radish]

Must be nice

[amber wigeon]

Eggs just appear in my pan sometimes

[woven hamlet]

3 diced breakfast potatoes

[obsidian bay]

tonight I make eggs and bacon for dinner

[amber wigeon]

What are breakfast potatoes 😭

[obsidian bay]

you've all convinced me

[main trail]

A magic lamp just spawns them there

[serene radish]

I could never have chickens because id be so hungry and fry them all

[obsidian bay]

taters, chopped into cubes and cooked up all kwispie, sometimes with onions

or

shredded into hash browns

[serene radish]

Also im petty if I get pecked once they going into the fryer

[main trail]

Do u smoke bacon🤔

[obsidian bay]

hater

[serene radish]

Hungry*

[obsidian bay]

Not personally, no.
I do not have the means

[main trail]

It was just a question cause we do with venison

[serene radish]

Usually people do that with cigarettes never heard of it happening with bacon

[amber wigeon]

I have some rice pudding

[serene radish]

What are you putting the rice in

[amber wigeon]

Wut

[serene radish]

That joke landed better in my head

[obsidian bay]

I can get it smoked from the butcher in town - but ya
I dont have the space for a smoker setup :C

[woven hamlet]

im lwk supposed to be eating a surplus of calories so i might be pushing 8k

[obsidian bay]

I understood it

[serene radish]

Thought i could go 2/2

[amber wigeon]

I get it now 😭

[woven hamlet]

i want some gator

[serene radish]

Ty

[main trail]

Dang😔, no dont do it in town, they would probably end up stealing like 10% of it lol

[serene radish]

Bacon wrapped gator

[obsidian bay]

Next time we make it to the farmers market in town square, I'll send hubs to the meat carts and have him scout for some

[amber wigeon]

My grandpa got like 10 pounds of flounder for free at the market

Bc they were gonna throw it out

[main trail]

Lucky😔

[amber wigeon]

Fr 😭

[woven hamlet]

do any of you guys hunt for meat

[serene radish]

Only birds atm

[past bison]

I wish I did

[serene radish]

And the occasional squirrel or rabbit

[amber wigeon]

No bc i’m in europe

[woven hamlet]

ohhh

[amber wigeon]

Don’t have a license or gun

[woven hamlet]

murica

i prolly have 2 large gators frozen in my storage

[amber wigeon]

Gimme 1 so i can bulk

[woven hamlet]

i think hunting and ranching supplies most of our food

[obsidian bay]

Wish I could but, much like Happie, EU restrictions make it difficult at best

[woven hamlet]

thats so brutal

i feel bad for you guys

[serene radish]

Its pretty brutal here too

At least my state

Took me forever

[brazen scarab]

What do you hunt

[amber wigeon]

Should’ve asked me

Handmade license

100% real

[mossy badge]

🤔

[obsidian bay]

worst part is I moved here from the states

Could have back then, but my mother was very 'you'll be kicked out'
and then when I moved out - I just couldn'T afford to take time off of work to do so.

[woven hamlet]

gator
deer
turkey
ducks
moose
bear
squirells
geese

[obsidian bay]

#worktodeath

[mossy badge]

I dont have any land to hunt on

[serene radish]

I should've

[obsidian bay]

ugh, moose 😭

THE WAY I WANT SKULLS AND ANTLERS.

[brazen scarab]

Sheesh the whole assortment

[serene radish]

Id kill for a turkey hunt

[woven hamlet]

elk

rams

frogs

[serene radish]

Or at least a chance at elk and muley

[woven hamlet]

doves

coyotes

[brazen scarab]

I’d love to be able to hunt when I’m older but right now my focus is on education and then job and getting used to becoming a contributing member of society

[amber wigeon]

I wanna hunt something

[serene radish]

Elk tags are a pain here

[past bison]

Omg so many of my customers haveee

I wantt

[obsidian bay]

I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED

[woven hamlet]

beavers

[mossy badge]

Gator and moose ranges dont intersect🤔

[past bison]

Samee

[woven hamlet]

travel

[past bison]

Especially fallow antlers

[amber wigeon]

You can shoot problem stuff if you got asked or it was on your property

[mossy badge]

Thats not a real animal

[past bison]

I want a set of fallow antlers on the wall or I perish

[woven hamlet]

i see why haunted doesnt like you lmfao

[serene radish]

Wild

[mossy badge]

I could ask my neighbors(a hunting reserve) for some fallow antlers since they have fallow

[past bison]

I love fallows so much

My fave deer

[woven hamlet]

my in in laws have fallow

[past bison]

I have had a fallow burger

It was yummy af

[amber wigeon]

Ghost fallow

[brazen scarab]

White fur type

Looks like a big 3 or small 4

Shoot it for respawn

[serene radish]

It might be a solo

[woven hamlet]

tbh if you can legally shoot it in the states i prolly hunt it lol

[serene radish]

Cant be having a diamond or a g1 spawning from that

[woven hamlet]

plus i sometimes get to snake hunt with haunted

and i hate it

but happy wife happy life ig

[amber wigeon]

Snake hunting is awesome

Hater

[brazen scarab]

How does snake taste

[woven hamlet]

i dont eat it

[mossy badge]

Like snake, duh

[woven hamlet]

its just like popualtion control

[brazen scarab]

Wow thank you wise one

[woven hamlet]

of the invasives in the everglades

i do get to taxi it sometimes tho

[past bison]

I was ready to judge you but suddenly I’m rooting for you

[amber wigeon]

Python is very edible

[woven hamlet]

then you can eat it gross ahh boi

[serene radish]

Like bobcat

[obsidian bay]

wait we like taxidermy pics

[past bison]

I’d eat it

[serene radish]

Genuinely nasty

[amber wigeon]

With your luck you’re the one getting eaten

[obsidian bay]

feel free to yeet'em (or any hunting ones in general) in the #🥩︴irl-hunting chat

[serene radish]

I wish I could get my yotes into euro mounts

[woven hamlet]

you right

[mossy badge]

I've got some doubts here since you need to be licenses by Florida to go after them

[amber wigeon]

Snake is probably alright but just like any reptile, “tastes kinda like chicken”

[crisp whale]

😭😭

I can’t tell if this is a bit or if you’re genuine

[crisp whale]

I’ve eaten it

I think it’s good

[amber wigeon]

Is it kinda like chicken?

[crisp whale]

Lwk everything taste like chicken if you try hard enough

[obsidian bay]

brb cooking dinner now

[crisp whale]

Happie do you think Seamus is being serious or is that a bit

[amber wigeon]

Bit

[crisp whale]

Phew

[amber wigeon]

I really hope so at least

[woven hamlet]

i do not believe this

[mossy badge]

Everything tastes like chicken except the chicken

[amber wigeon]

Bro’s gonna swerve around pythons on the road bc he doesn’t have a license 😭

[woven hamlet]

ignoring that fact that you dont need a license on private

haunted literally does that like for work

[amber wigeon]

Can i come with

Snake bait

[woven hamlet]

like managing reptile populations is quite literally like the first thing on the linkedin page lol

[amber wigeon]

Sounds cool

[woven hamlet]

that is my job son

[amber wigeon]

Means you get to legally look for and capture reptiles

[woven hamlet]

then i shoot them and the experts screwdriver them

[past bison]

I’d like to pick up snakes that aren’t venomous

Omw to everglades

[mossy badge]

The hunting reserve has goats or elk now, I didnt get a good view but I know its either of them

[amber wigeon]

Why shoot them and also screwdriver them 😭

[woven hamlet]

@crisp whale

[crisp whale]

Son stop tagging me

We’re 40 feet apart use your legs

[crisp whale]

To ensure total destruction of the brain

[amber wigeon]

Makes sense

[crisp whale]

It’s the most humane way

[amber wigeon]

I’d love to go to the everglades

And especially to hunt pythons

[woven hamlet]

hunting invasive anyhting is super fun to me

[past bison]

Me with ticks:

[woven hamlet]

invasive doves are a big one lol

[mossy badge]

The govt won't listen to my solution to ticks

[amber wigeon]

which issss

[mossy badge]

You know what the US is doing on Panama with mosquitoes?

Making it to where the offspring cant make offspring

[amber wigeon]

Screwflies*

[mossy badge]

Same thing really

[past bison]

Sterilizing ticks

I prefer incinerating

I burn every one I catch on me in a candle

Can’t reproduce if you’re dust

[woven hamlet]

i have never once got a tick bite

which is amazing cuz i live in a swamp

[past bison]

I had two last summer, one under my garmin and one on my thigh

[woven hamlet]

and i grew up on a ranch

[serene radish]

I hate ticks

There are so many here

[mossy badge]

Ive never actually found any on me

[amber wigeon]

I had one on my belly

[mossy badge]

And I got outside regularly

[serene radish]

Could've been worse

[woven hamlet]

my daughter has had 4

or 5

[mossy badge]

Maybe my blood is like, toxic to them or something

[serene radish]

They don't like your blood type

[amber wigeon]

It stinks

[mossy badge]

I'm actually a universal donor

I forgot what the blood type is, but I know that

[woven hamlet]

o-

[past bison]

I have never found out mine

But I prefer it stays within the confines of my flesh prison

[woven hamlet]

im ab+ which is rhe universal plasma donor

and i think a universal receiver

[mossy badge]

Its kinda funny being a universal donor and not being able to donate

On account of my weight being low

[amber wigeon]

Weight limit?

[past bison]

I would rather drop dead than donate

[amber wigeon]

What 😭

[past bison]

If they could do it bluetooth style then sure take all of it

But the needle

Nope

[amber wigeon]

Blood needles suck

Bc it’s just a giant tube

[woven hamlet]

how big are you

[mossy badge]

Having had multiple blood-draws, I dont like needles anymore

[amber wigeon]

Grams

[past bison]

I’ve had one at like 10yo and I fought the nurses so hard they needed three of them to restrain me

[mossy badge]

I think i was 108lbs last I checked

Every time I went to the blood doctor, they'd do a draw

[woven hamlet]

son

[sick briar]

blood tests are literally the worst but you've gotta have them for hrt so they can like prescribe the correct dosages or whatever and make sure you don't have any adverse affects 🥀🥀

[mossy badge]

I had the symptoms for polycythemia for a while and it just went away apparently

[woven hamlet]

are you like ok?

like are you short

[mossy badge]

5'9

So not really short

[woven hamlet]

wow

that is honestly impressive in a way

[amber wigeon]

Seamus came out of a pen 😭

[mossy badge]

I am NOT flat stanley😭

[woven hamlet]

you could wear a 12 lbs weighted vest

and i could curl you 10 times

with one arm

for 3 sets

https://tenor.com/view/bugs-bunny-falling-hare-1943-looney-tunes-sliding-gif-17562940486308798379

[amber wigeon]

I could probably carry him around like a stick

[manic inlet]

so its not polycy?

[woven hamlet]

i could carry you and him

[mossy badge]

Nope, just went away apparently

[amber wigeon]

Yes Seamus has a no weight gain policy

[manic inlet]

and polycy doesnt just go away so its something that has similar symptoms

and that could be

like a thousand things

[amber wigeon]

Idk my max workouts

[manic inlet]

i stopped counting reps I just maximize time under tension for strength increase and hypertrophy

[amber wigeon]

I really don’t want to work out in a public gym

[manic inlet]

mainly cause im still recovering from my entire body being like, atrophied

[mossy badge]

I have to test my blood pressure in the morning, since I've noticed I'm sluggish for a while

[lavish marsh]

Wtf I discussed this with my coworker today

[woven hamlet]

were you sick?

[manic inlet]

im wondering if you might have an endocrine issue

[lavish marsh]

Well outdoor gyms

[mossy badge]

I know when I'm not sluggish, its fine

[manic inlet]

extremely poor diet and borderline no exercise

[past bison]

Travel sized for your convenience

[mossy badge]

🤷‍♂️

[woven hamlet]

ahh i feel you

that was me at like 18

[past bison]

I worked with my thai coworker today and she’s the size of a good intention

[manic inlet]

heaviest i ever definitively weighed was 385lbs but that was after a slight cut so I was probably 400+

[past bison]

She will fly away with a determined gust of wind

[manic inlet]

I couldnt see my toes when i looked down

[amber wigeon]

It’s too akward for me

[past bison]

I bonked into her accidentally and I almost sent her flying

[woven hamlet]

tall?

[manic inlet]

6ft even

[woven hamlet]

tall ish

[amber wigeon]

Almost 4x me at that weight

[manic inlet]

im 260 as of this morning tho

[lavish marsh]

Home workouts are nice when you have some equipment

[woven hamlet]

the heaviest ive ever been is 368

[past bison]

I’m almost 5’8

[woven hamlet]

bro

[past bison]

[woven hamlet]

thats so awesome

[mossy badge]

I had a dream I was Finn from Adventure Time and I asked a cult to cut my hair, and they cut it they same way theirs was cut

[amber wigeon]

I’m at my heaviest… 😭

[manic inlet]

i started my weight journey at 385 2 years ago (3 as of this august)

[woven hamlet]

thats so awesome

[past bison]

Same

[lavish marsh]

Damn I just reached 152

[manic inlet]

so thats 125lbs in two years

ish

[woven hamlet]

wow

[past bison]

172

[lavish marsh]

Share

[amber wigeon]

I don’t have any equipment unfortunately

[past bison]

Damnnn

[manic inlet]

ive had intermittent weight gain and stayed in the 260 to 270 range for a bit but its mainly been muscle recovery replacing fat weight

[past bison]

Impressive af

[mossy badge]

I'm at my heaviest rn, but I'm slowly gaining weight

[past bison]

You may have 7cm

[mossy badge]

Like

Very slowly

[lavish marsh]

BETTT

[past bison]

Then I’d be 165

[woven hamlet]

brother you need to speed up

[mossy badge]

I weighed 97 last year

[manic inlet]

oh my god seamus

how are you alive

thats not rhetorical

at your height that shouldve killed you

[past bison]

I’m not gaining rn but like I’ve gone up 30kg in 10 years I want to punch a wall like an american

[woven hamlet]

im like geniunely in shock

[mossy badge]

Balanced diet or something?

[amber wigeon]

EAT FOOD

[lavish marsh]

America walls be weak tho

[manic inlet]

inordinately tough; being that underweight shouldnt even allow for normal organ function

[brazen scarab]

freedom units or garbage alternative to freedom units

[mossy badge]

I do😭

[woven hamlet]

get this guy on 10k calories rn

[past bison]

Fr

[past bison]

Fr

[amber wigeon]

idk what ima do to work out

[lavish marsh]

Fr

[amber wigeon]

But i need to

[mossy badge]

My cells are superior

[woven hamlet]

bro has gotta be photosynethsizing

thats the only way you could survive

[past bison]

Fr

[manic inlet]

hes gotta have some inordinate malnutrition resistance genetics

[past bison]

Seamus the algae

[manic inlet]

hes one of them mfs who would survive every medieval famine then lead a rebellion against the lordship

[past bison]

Lmaooo

Mans born in the wrong century

[woven hamlet]

french peasant ahh weight

[brazen scarab]

Probably has the plague brewing in a corner of his defunct liver

[woven hamlet]

bro wouldve gone crazy as a russian serf

[past bison]

I was underweight for years I yearn for the malnutrition

[mossy badge]

I like actually didnt know what hunger felt like till I was in high school...

[brazen scarab]

High school doesn’t give you enough food

[past bison]

I had several years of no hunger really

[brazen scarab]

AND it’s probably a biohazard

[past bison]

Now I’m hungy all the time

[amber wigeon]

I always have hunger at school

[past bison]

I need to get back on adhd meds

[mossy badge]

Same

[brazen scarab]

I probably need to get tested for adhd or something of the sort

[crisp whale]

Son

[amber wigeon]

Like real pain because i haven’t eaten

[mossy badge]

Except apparently only vyvanse works on me

[brazen scarab]

I’m fine in school but cannot for the life of me take care of myself

[mossy badge]

Not even generic stuff

[crisp whale]

I’m a 4’8 woman and I weigh about 90

Rn I’m pushing 102

[past bison]

I was on concerta

[amber wigeon]

Alright for that weight

[amber wigeon]

I mean you are kinda 3 people rn 😭

[past bison]

But I moved countries so I need to get my diagnosis here to get my meds back

[woven hamlet]

im literally gonna weigh more then 3x seamus in a few weeks

[amber wigeon]

Dont you already

[woven hamlet]

yeah lol

that supposed to have a 3x

[brazen scarab]

I’m 5’2 and weigh 270lb ask me anything ✌️

[manic inlet]

i think one of my legs might weight more than seamus

at the very least my torso does

[past bison]

Mine for sure does

[amber wigeon]

My thigh is broader then seamus most likely

[crisp whale]

In a few weeks I’m gonna weigh more then him 😭😭

[past bison]

Same

[amber wigeon]

How far along are you with the twins

[past bison]

You bulking or what

[past bison]

Oh

Nvm

I mean kinda

[crisp whale]

Pregnancy

😭😭

[past bison]

Lmaooo

[crisp whale]

I’m dead

Lmfaooo

[past bison]

Bulking for the infants

[manic inlet]

gestationally enforced bulking

[past bison]

Exactly

[mossy badge]

I love the US, but I might have to go to NZ

[manic inlet]

why kiwi land

why that country specifically lmao

[mossy badge]

I want to be a hobbit

[past bison]

I miss the person I was on concerta

[amber wigeon]

Bc he got that moa build

[woven hamlet]

when im fat and disgusting im blaming baddog

[mossy badge]

Real

[past bison]

It’s so wild to have your brain shut up

But

[woven hamlet]

but after the cut im gonna be muscle

[past bison]

The crash after 8ish hours

[amber wigeon]

I miss yesterdays food i need some weight

[past bison]

Is not fun

[past bison]

I need to stop snacking

Might as well have been a horse in my past life from the way I’m grazing

[manic inlet]

its wild that I, a person who traditionally had an issue with eating too much and being too heavy

know several people who have the exact opposite problem

and are fighting for their goddamn lives tryna NOT be emaciated

[woven hamlet]

you and me both bro

[past bison]

My problem is the fact that I’ve always eaten a lot but it only started to hit after 20 something

[brazen scarab]

i recently started eating food

[manic inlet]

damn, for me it started hitting at like

11

like puberty started and my body just went

WEIGHT GAIN

[amber wigeon]

Everybody just knows me as lanky

Idk if thats good or bad

[woven hamlet]

i was like 100 lbs at 12

by 14 i was 290

[past bison]

I just got and stayed lanky

[manic inlet]

I was like 140

[manic inlet]

about 210 here at that age

[past bison]

And now I’m built for the winter

[brazen scarab]

Holy bull

Bulk

autocorrect gg

💔

[amber wigeon]

I’ll probably be like 180 when i start college

[past bison]

I was 120lbs at 18

[manic inlet]

I was 5'11" and had the beginnings of a beard by my 13th birthday

[past bison]

I’d like to go back to 60-65kg

[brazen scarab]

Maybe bull is accurate then

[manic inlet]

my body saw the production dial for testosterone and the other androgens and said TURN ON THE AFTERBURNERS

[past bison]

Lmaoo

[woven hamlet]

i was lwk like 5'6 at 14

[manic inlet]

i was and still am somewhat built like an ox

[amber wigeon]

Rn i’m 149 lb but idk if i wanna disclose my age 😭

[woven hamlet]

youre a minor so maybe not lol

[past bison]

Can’t be older than me

[tropic thunder]

How much does that cost

Hello

[brazen scarab]

I’m like 130 maybe 135, 5’10? and 17 rn

[tropic thunder]

Valid

[amber wigeon]

Last year of high school soon and college end of next year

[woven hamlet]

i was morbidly obese when i was 17

[tropic thunder]

I havent weighed nor measured myself since I was like 10

[woven hamlet]

when i was 18 i hit a solid 368

and then i had to have a generational lock in

[tropic thunder]

I guy i knew was 300 something at 13

[amber wigeon]

Friend of mine was almost 200 at 13

[crisp whale]

when im fat and disgusting im blaming baddog

[tropic thunder]

A peanut butta house🔥 🗣❗️

[crisp whale]

Lwk copy paste stole his bulk joke😭

[manic inlet]

me but at 20

[crisp whale]

Well I found out I was having kids and then had to lock in and subsequently force him to do the same

[obsidian bay]

I BACK

[manic inlet]

hi back, im honse

[obsidian bay]

I read home

and was like 'I need a good dad joke reply...'

[manic inlet]

btw

did I tell you of the fortunate news of Colorado's deer and elk populations

my state continues to be goated with its wildlife management

[woven hamlet]

people say these come naturally but they dont

[loud panther]

Interesting development

[obsidian bay]

Not yet you havent

[woven hamlet]

meanwhile texas and florida are flooded with invasives

[obsidian bay]

I would say - like probably 40% do

[obsidian bay]

the fonts moving :C

[woven hamlet]

im supposed to be good at them

[manic inlet]

intriguing

[manic inlet]

our elk herd is even larger now

[obsidian bay]

can you do puns?

they're basically cousins to dad jokes

[loud panther]

Oh I forgot to ask/demand, can you give us our water please?

[manic inlet]

in the 2024 pre-hunt census we had 308,000 animals

[woven hamlet]

im a dad

im supposed to have them flow

[manic inlet]

in the 2025 pre-hunt census there were 339,000

[woven hamlet]

but unfortunately they dont

[loud panther]

From what I've seen they come when needed to embarrass children

[manic inlet]

so we now have 28.25% of all north american elk

[obsidian bay]

what age bracket is your oldest (do like a 5 year A to B)

[manic inlet]

damn bro, AZ is already thieving enough of it from us to grow rice and alfalfa in the goddamn desert

[woven hamlet]

shes 6

[obsidian bay]

Oh this is prime time. Your dad joke genes should kick in ASAP

[woven hamlet]

i hope so

[crisp whale]

Oh hell no😭

[obsidian bay]

lmao

[loud panther]

I think the lack of snow is killing it overall, my dad works in water management and he's saying if Colorado and Wyoming dont get good snow it will probably have permanent impacts next year

[crisp whale]

Don’t encourage him

[lavish marsh]

Give me some

[obsidian bay]

As a non-dad with dry humor, who learned dad jokes from my dad

I pain my husband with them regularly

[loud panther]

I think most of our reservoirs are under 50% full

[manic inlet]

likely; and the snowpack itself being so essential is because so many goddamn idiots overuse water and grow semitropical and temperate water hungry plants on the prairie

[loud panther]

And with no rain farmers are irrigating more than normal, which drains reservoirs more

[woven hamlet]

honestly can you shut up 😭

[loud panther]

I mean corn will grow here with no irrigation, it just has significantly higher yields with it

Plus farmers want to use the very expensive center pivots they put in

[lavish marsh]

I love the cards you do

[manic inlet]

irrigating would use much much less water if so many modern ops werent so intent on doing overhead instead of ground level

spraying it makes at least half of it evaporate

[obsidian bay]

even worse, every card I make him is a pun

• anniversary last Sept: 'I wood marry you all over again'
  • tree on the front, with 250+ individually cut leaves, all of them detailed with color and lineart
• birthday: You're my Otter Half
  • Otters holding paws, in a little waterflow
• Valentines: You Octopi my thoughts
  • pink octopus, with tentacles extending through the body of the card, couple of them looking like hearts etc

[manic inlet]

its probably the most wasteful irrigation tech in history

doesnt help that so many of them irrigate (at least around here in northern CO) in the middle of the goddamn day

[loud panther]

Cheaper to install is the main reason it's so popular

[manic inlet]

and its gonna eradicate the usability of 1/3rd of our farmland in the long run at current rates

[obsidian bay]

he groans with every one I give him, but he loves them.

[loud panther]

Here pivots will run basically 10am to 6pm some places

[obsidian bay]

I'm convinced, because he hasn't divorced me yet

[crisp whale]

Lmfao

[lavish marsh]

It's giving "My dog loves me" while it's violently attacking

[obsidian bay]

3 cards a year, at minimum - together since mid 2017

[woven hamlet]

cupcake doesnt bite

[obsidian bay]

I MADE HIM A PAWTHERS DAY CARD FROM KEEONAH 😭

[lavish marsh]

That's amazing

[obsidian bay]

Roses are gray, violets are gray
Everything is gray.
I am your dog.

[manic inlet]

ah, so for the entirety of the highest evaporation portion of the day

[loud panther]

Which of these would be the best, "my reaction to that information" photos?

[lavish marsh]

But don't they see yellow and blue

They see sweden

[manic inlet]

which means probably two thirds of the water they use is wasted and of the third that makes it to the plants before evap probably only half to two thirds of that can be absorbed

[obsidian bay]

frog. 10000000%

[manic inlet]

frog

[crisp whale]

@woven hamlet if you do this you will never see your daughter again

[obsidian bay]

more or less, yeah.

[loud panther]

I can't see some blues and yellows

[obsidian bay]

.......

[crisp whale]

Son

[obsidian bay]

can you see the yellow you picked for your name color in here?

genuine question, btw.

[crisp whale]

I’m severely colorblind

[craggy plaza]

https://tenor.com/view/sonion-gif-4370030053602687111

[loud panther]

Can see most every other color, but the ph strip colors in high school chem I cant see

[lavish marsh]

My last two boyfriends were both colourblind. I felt so dumb every time we passed the pink rock and went LOOK IT'S THE PINK ROCK

I got an angry look

[obsidian bay]

lort

LMAO

[loud panther]

Yeah it's very specific blues and Yellows funnily

[craggy plaza]

Tf is lort💔

[lavish marsh]

I FORGOT YOU CAN'T SEE THE BEST COLOUR EVER

[obsidian bay]

the recovery: I'm letting you know

[craggy plaza]

Lort lort lort

[woven hamlet]

my wife does stuff like this all the time

[lavish marsh]

Swedish for dirt

[obsidian bay]

I'mma cut frog into sticker form.

[loud panther]

Messed up almost every test that required me to tell if something was basic or acidic until we found out

[obsidian bay]

white boundary? or nah -

[loud panther]

Idk i stole that off a Facebook post

This could be a decent one also

Baby salmon shark that got beached and was being put back

[obsidian bay]

bet. gotchu.

[loud panther]

Did you see this guy Doc? Went from being cuddly with me to leaving scars on my arms (not really but cut me up at one point)

[craggy plaza]

Me on the game at 3am hearing my mom walk down the hallway

[loud panther]

Covid years is why I had a mask

[manic inlet]

skunk!

adorable stink weasel

[loud panther]

His name was flower and he hated anyone in a position that had responsibilities

When I was a student in that class he loved me, as soon as I was there as a teachers aid he hated my guts

His favorite person who he let do anything to him, was the class clown

Like I've seen dogs with significantly less tolerance to their owners than the skunk had with him specifically

[obsidian bay]

I love him.

[manic inlet]

wow

[obsidian bay]

okay

Frogsticker done

[amber wigeon]

SPADEFOOT TOAD

They supposedly smell like garlic

[crisp whale]

Is it just me that can’t get over the fact that Seamus should literally be dead😭

Like your liver should not be able to handle that

Actually like all of your organs 😭

[mossy badge]

Went to outback steakhouse, very yummy

I had a burger and French onion soup

The soup had a wheel of cheese in it

[crisp whale]

Go again brother

Eat it again

[mossy badge]

I wanted the lobster

I love lobster

But lobster is too expensive

[crisp whale]

It’s so expensive 😭

[past bison]

I want french onion soup

[mossy badge]

It was good soup

[past bison]

I belive

[craggy plaza]

Well that's good wouldn't want you bedead

[obsidian bay]

@woven hamlet TAKE NOTES, SIR. NOTES.
THIS IS PRIMO.

[amber wigeon]

Yes the animals do but we do not want you dead

[craggy plaza]

@mossy badge here's a better pic

[mossy badge]

Mmmmmmm smoky bacon

[craggy plaza]

Sounds good tho frfr

[scarlet wharf]

@serene radish

[serene radish]

Drooling feral hartebeest

[crisp whale]

I’m crying 😭

[obsidian bay]

https://tenor.com/view/hehehe-gif-8803924313447176056

[craggy plaza]

Who did that to the beautiful thorny devil😭

[loud panther]

Thought you'd like this

[obsidian bay]

Urite.

[crisp whale]

He literally just said “babe I’m getting bullied in the chat”

😭😭😭

[obsidian bay]

Bullied 😭
DIRECTED TO GOOD DAD JOKE EXAMPLES

[mossy badge]

Fartebeest

[woven hamlet]

do you guys think a g1 will come with the map?

[serene radish]

Nah

They'll release the greattwo

[mossy badge]

We need a lesser one

[serene radish]

Lvl 0

[woven hamlet]

less -1

[long turret]

The setup of all time

[craggy plaza]

You vs the guy she tells u not to worry about😭

[open halo]

I am 18 in 3 days

I need to go to Quebec

[craggy plaza]

@past bison we have a stray around the house that I feed and this is as close as hes let me get after 2 months of feeding him

Hes very pretty

[amber wigeon]

I want one of these so bad 😭

They are tiny like 5 inches max

[sleek yoke]

Only if you pay for it

[wary thicket]

https://tenor.com/view/its-perfectly-fine-sungwon-cho-prozd-average-ok-gif-26913646

Average smh

[amber wigeon]

Yes that is average sized for a leaf turtle

[west bronze]

Tank

[amber wigeon]

I see nothing but a mount of grass

[dusty socket]

would y'all believe these are related to turtles?

[scarlet wharf]

https://tenor.com/view/avatar-avatar-2-avatar-the-way-of-water-ilu-hug-gif-11645417644805736559

[dusty socket]

wth is that and why are there holes in it?

[scarlet wharf]

an ilu and what holes are u seeing

[dusty socket]

back of the neck

[scarlet wharf]

https://tenor.com/view/ilu-the-way-of-water-avatar-avatar2-swim-gif-27346688

they have that i guess

[dusty socket]

what i posted was a plesiosaur that actually existed

[scarlet wharf]

yeah i know

[amber wigeon]

Ilu are based on plesiosaurs

[dusty socket]

i have no idea what an ilu is

[amber wigeon]

That thing

[scarlet wharf]

@serene radish so cute🥺

[amber wigeon]

If i was in avatar i would want of those giant split jawed fish things

[scarlet wharf]

the shark thing??

[amber wigeon]

Yes

It looks so cool

[scarlet wharf]

fr

[west bronze]

Genuinely terrifying once you learn how they hunted

[west bronze]

Precisely

[crisp whale]

Would you believe you’re related to oak trees

[west bronze]

Bro just out here hating for no reason

[woven hamlet]

this is what im dealing with guys 😭

[amber wigeon]

You’re dealing with facts?

[crisp whale]

Thank you happie

[crisp whale]

This bum don’t know no science 😭

[amber wigeon]

Everybody knows marine reptiles didn’t go extinct they just turned into plants

That’s like evolution 101

[amber wigeon]

I found a location in germany with a relic population of dice snakes i’m going to pass by there this summer

Hopefully gonna get some pics in their natural habitat

[crisp whale]

Crazy thing is we have no way to know they are extinct

[amber wigeon]

Fr?

[crisp whale]

Like there is no way to eliminate reasonable doubt of what’s in our oceans

[amber wigeon]

I did see one in norway last year

[crisp whale]

We can with relative ease say that terrestrial animals are extinct bc we inhabit all corners of the globe

[amber wigeon]

But i thought it was just a oak tree caught in a landslide

[crisp whale]

But the ocean is incredibly unexplored

[crisp whale]

Wut

[amber wigeon]

I saw a plesiosaur swimming in norway

But i thought it was just a oak tree since they’re related

[crisp whale]

Ohhhh

I missed the bit😭

Technically all life on earth is related to one another

Which is why we need super domains

[amber wigeon]

Turns out there is loads of fire salamanders in the black forest

I better get a picture of those

I’m going to take a macro and a zoom lens

I’m not going to get macro pics of an adder 😭

@woven hamlet take notes do not make macro photos of venomous snakes

[woven hamlet]

😭

son

[amber wigeon]

Any snake in europe has a much lower fatality rate then a big rattlesnake but some are still fatal

If untreated ofc

And we have no elapids

[woven hamlet]

son what is an elapid

[amber wigeon]

Only vipers and mildly venomous stuff

[amber wigeon]

Pretty much all non viper deadly snakes

Mambas, boomslang, coral snakes

Cobras

Think everything that can kill you in australia is a elapid

Death adders are just chonky elapids

[crisp whale]

Son

Boomslangs are colubrids

[amber wigeon]

Dang it 😭

I should have known

I watched a video about them last week

[crisp whale]

In general colubrids are safe

But when they’re dangerous

They’re quite dangerous

[amber wigeon]

Twig snakes and stuff

[woven hamlet]

boomslang is such a goofy name

[amber wigeon]

Are sand snakes colubrids?

[woven hamlet]

what even is a boomslang

[amber wigeon]

Literally just dutch and afrikaans for tree snake

[sick briar]

my spirit animal 🙏🙏 (not the pink one)

[amber wigeon]

Closest english pronunciation would be something like bome slong

[crisp whale]

The green one that you aren’t allowed near

[amber wigeon]

But what about bush snakes those are harmless but green and live in trees

[crisp whale]

I’m literally talking about the one in our basement

[amber wigeon]

Atp lock him out of the basement

[woven hamlet]

the basement stays locked haha

[amber wigeon]

He’ll somehow sleepwalk and try to pet the krait

[woven hamlet]

cant have kiddos down there haha

[amber wigeon]

Yes pls do NOT open that basement until they are at least teenagers 😭

[crisp whale]

Can you do the saying?

[woven hamlet]

"if its head is red, son your dead"

[amber wigeon]

If it’s in the basement get out of the basement

[woven hamlet]

lmfao

[amber wigeon]

Do you like birds or like purely mammals

[crisp whale]

In our room we have non venomous snakes that the kiddos can hold but they’re not allowed in the basement

Every door is also heavily labeled which is a legal requirement lol

The basement door says venomous then bottom door to the basement too

[amber wigeon]

That’s good

[crisp whale]

All the individual enclosure room doors say venomous and also all the enclosures themselves are labeled with venomous common name and scientific name

As well as a bite plan

[woven hamlet]

are you talking to me

[amber wigeon]

Yes

[woven hamlet]

ig i like birds

[crisp whale]

-# Birds are reptiles

[amber wigeon]

At least he likes something related to snakes and lizards ❤️‍🩹

[crisp whale]

Don’t judge me for his behavior😭

He’s tall

[amber wigeon]

I’m not dw

[amber wigeon]

I’m tall too

Imo

[crisp whale]

You’re also a minor 😭

[amber wigeon]

I’m almost 6’2

[woven hamlet]

son 😭 shes saying she hasnt divorced me for my lack of interest in reptiles bc im tall

which is prolly not even a joke 😭

[serene radish]

You poor soul

[crisp whale]

Can you dunk?

[amber wigeon]

Yes

On a 5 foot rim

[crisp whale]

Lmfao😭

[tall void]

BALRIGHT

[amber wigeon]

No i can dunk on a 10 foot once a week bc it messes up my knee

[woven hamlet]

wow

i can dunk on 10 but like i lwk might be in a wheelchair after

[amber wigeon]

Yeah same

[serene radish]

The rim in question

[woven hamlet]

i think i can actully dunk on like 12 but i would be bed bound for a few days

[serene radish]

Permanent back pain

[crisp whale]

I would ball on this joker

https://tenor.com/view/lebron-dunk-lebron-james-levronjame-gif-1038771198631298897

[woven hamlet]

yurp

[amber wigeon]

My knee is messed up bc it’s hypermobile

[serene radish]

I have scoliosis

[amber wigeon]

I didn’t know we were flexing

[serene radish]

Nah

[amber wigeon]

Showoff

[serene radish]

Just was saying

If i wanted to show off I would have said something else

Like the $1 to my name

[amber wigeon]

I have 20 euros 😏

[serene radish]

Broke

[woven hamlet]

holy broke

[serene radish]

Imagine not having an empty wallet with a fly coming out of it

[woven hamlet]

https://tenor.com/view/andrew-tate-tate-andrew-toxort-hu-gif-26567443

[amber wigeon]

Take away the muscles and its me

[woven hamlet]

https://tenor.com/view/bottom-g-andrew-tate-dancing-sigma-top-g-gif-9163394352411697671

[amber wigeon]

I ate eggs this afternoon

[woven hamlet]

keep the muscles and add hair and make him very very white and thats me

[amber wigeon]

Bro go lay in the sun

[woven hamlet]

i lwk can fit on a trike

and its not weird that i own a trike bc i have children

[amber wigeon]

Fair point

[crisp whale]

For clarification we have a power rangers trike and a Barbie trike

[serene radish]

I didnt read that as tricycle I read that as triceratops

[crisp whale]

Our 6 year old daughter uses the power rangers one

She’s always used the power rangers one

[amber wigeon]

Power rangers trike is goated

[crisp whale]

This adult man bought a Barbie trike for himself

And I lwk would whip on it but it’s too big for me

It’s a trike marketed for obese kids

[woven hamlet]

why are you airing out my business 😭

the interent did not need to know this 😭