I mean if you don’t wanna do it then don’t do it
#Dealing with a weird coworker
strong cloak
To me I think it's silly that he needs to be publicly thanked for helping others as a way to motivate him to help, which is usually a part of team-based software development lol.
I'd give more weight if he was worried about not getting due credit on helping on a big project or something. But it seems like maybe your manager has had issues with him not helping out as much before?
mortal frost
yeah uh that's pretty much manipulative, and not even doing a good job of it. they're trying (badly) to boost their rep, but demanding public thanks for help isn't how that works; telling your manager was the right call for the team, but that person is probably going to get a talking to because of their bad behavior
as for how to deal with the situation, it might be a good idea to set some boundaries. you're coworkers who are supposed to be collaborating, but he's pushing for a transactional relationship: "i'll help you if you give me kudos". if it comes up as a problem, telling him that you're uncomfortable pre-committing to thanking him seems reasonable
to be clear though: this is his fuckup that you're being forced to tiptoe around. he doesn't get to demand thanks from you, thanks should be freely given
vague mist
Also what exactly did you even say to your manager
Oh so manager was talking about setting goals to improve myself for diversity and inclusion, along with other goals as an engineer. So I said “this person pointed out an issue about how I am thanking him so I will definitely work towards improving how I do this in the future”
lilac ingot
Oh so manager was talking about setting goals to improve myself for diversity an...
I’m so confused , how in the world is what you said related to diversity and inclusion?
vague mist
Then just told him lot of people are helping with my training so it felt awkward to just singly thank him so I thanked the team in general.
vague mist
I’m so confused , how in the world is what you said related to diversity and inc...
It’s not but since we were in the topic of goals I was just listing everything I want to improve in
This was at the end of the meeting I should add and he asked me multiple time at the beginning how I am fitting into the team
vague mist
I'd give more weight if he was worried about not getting due credit on helping o...
Not too sure but he is one of the oldest devs on the team and I only asked for help because my mentor didn’t know something so he told me to ask him.
In fact he ignored me for first 2 days
Until I ask if anyone was familiar with the issue during standup
He just jumped in
Which is funny because I already told him the issue the previous day and he ghosted me
For reference I am 3month in now
So I figured I was doing something wrong and wanted to get ahead of the issue with my manager before someone mentions something to manager
strong cloak
Well all this added context just makes him look worse lol. I can understand not being able address something due to other obligations/being busy. And since he's an older dev (more senior), I would think a natural byproduct of being in that position is helping out new/junior devs that are not familiar with the system.
vague mist
Yeah was trying to avoid context
strong cloak
Like even the senior devs on my team at least respond within the same day I ask, and even if they don't have the answer to my question just yet, at least they acknowledged my questions.
vague mist
He responds on time now because I assume my mentor said something
But pulls me up for weird convo like thanking him
I have no issue thanking him but like
4 people helps me
Or more
So during standup I feel it’s weird to just call out one person
The first time he wanted me to thank him I actually stated everyone’s name
🤣
It was a weird cringe moment or me just stating names
strong cloak
The first time he wanted me to thank him I actually stated everyone’s name
Lmao I was literally about to say that you should've done that but the fact he had an issue even with that is so bizarre.
vague mist
Lmao I was literally about to say that you should've done that but the fact he h...
Nah I was unlucky
He wasn’t in office that day
The next time when I did thank him
And he noticed
He wasn’t happy about my directness
Because I added others in
So idk
😓
Manager was saying you shouldn’t have to thank someone publicly like that when I mentioned it to him
strong cloak
Yeah they're right, it's definitely more of a courtesy and that senior dev seems to have a bit of an odd ego about him.
vague mist
Yeah
He told me “so you know I am a man of who picked up my specialties over 6 years so if you appreciate it publicly it encourages me to help more”
For context this was an issue where I told him the problem and he just told me who on my team I should contact
strong cloak
Okay wow, massive ego then. Jesus.
vague mist
Yeah
My main concern was “it encourages to help more”
Does that mean he wouldn’t help otherwise
strong cloak
I mean that would be a natural thing to infer from that statement lol.
vague mist
I actually left it out when I told my manager
Not sure if I did a good thing
I was worried it would make our relationship worse
strong cloak
It may be a bit tricky now to add that (imo) important context but it wouldn't be your fault even if it did make the relationship worse.
Because he's the one with ego problems despite being in a senior position on the team.
vague mist
Oh man this wasn’t what I thought I would have to deal with in my first swe job
vague mist
Because he's the one with ego problems despite being in a senior position on the...
Yes experience and responsibility wise he is a senior but role wise I am not sure because he is an external employee
strong cloak
Yes experience and responsibility wise he is a senior but role wise I am not sur...
Oh so like a contracted employee or something?