#Excerpts from the Cascades

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dawn pebble
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there's a mafia

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their trade is marks of communication

ruby nimbus
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wth i wanna know nowslugscrem

dawn pebble
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yeah exactly

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I missed out on so much good stuff to put in these 'cuz I forgot

dawn pebble
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Cooking up something weird

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Not related to Excerpts but I might as well put it here anyways since I don't want to make a new thread for it

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I might post the chapters here early so stay tuned ig idk

dawn pebble
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I think I will post the first chapter here early on the 28th, one day before I get my AO3 account and am able to post the first chapter there.

true mantle
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!!

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Nice to see the thread back

dawn pebble
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It absolutely shouldn't go in this thread but I'm sort of co-opting this thread to be the "general Charbomber thread" because I don't want to ask the mods to make a new thread for everything I make and I'm too lazy to ask them to change the name of it

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and anyways I would like this to be mainly for the CF Story series of things

true mantle
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Eh a lot of people do with their threads

dawn pebble
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yea

true mantle
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Isn’t it in the same world?

dawn pebble
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My current WIP and the CF Story games and Excerpts from the Cascades? No, the WIP is just assumed to be its own thing

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Because I got plans for the character featured in the WIP for CF Story beyond what they do in the WIP :]

true mantle
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Ohh I thought you were writing this for the same world

ruby nimbus
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i saw that your server got a lot more people a few days (i think) ago too! things are moving quicklymonksilly

true mantle
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I should join that server

dawn pebble
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I went in because I wanted to check out what other people were doing, and I brought up that I was making one too and some people asked to join

ruby nimbus
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nice

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thats what we call progress for advertisingmonksilly

dawn pebble
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I was joking about it earlier but our games are on the like complete opposite sides of the RPG spectrum too lol

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I'm going for the completely traditional fully tactics-based JRPG hardass style that will kill you and you will probably have to grind at-least once or twice whereas they're going for the very modern forgiving Paper Mario type Mario & Luigi stuff with button prompts and a skill element and whatnot

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I said that we were the generic fantasy orcs and they were the generic fantasy elves lol

ruby nimbus
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well lucky for me i like games where i have to grind for hours

dawn pebble
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I just like more traditional RPGs and am going through an SMT phase right now so thems the breaks

dawn pebble
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Hmm

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now that I have my first couple chapters down

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I wonder if I should start sharing them early here?

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It's only a few more days before I can start posting it.

true mantle
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Dooo it

dawn pebble
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I will, I will

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I'm not sure how to quite present it though

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After I send you more drafts I think I will

dawn pebble
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Alright, I think I'm ready

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I'm not sure if many people check this thread anymore, but...:

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Chapter 0, TF:
How did we get here?

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Static.
The only way the atmosphere could be described was static.
Not static like a screen... static, as in the absence of movement.

There, alone in a room tarnished by the elements, were two figures.
One, a metallic blue doll, worn by thousands of cycles of rain, sitting upright on an island.
The other, a small red creature, scarred by hundreds of cycles of torment, never having once felt as defeated as they had now.
For minutes, they had stared.
The doll looked in confusion, not knowing why that creature stood for so long in complete silence.
The creature looked in sadness, knowing it could not possibly communicate that he had failed her.

Soon, he started to slowly drift towards the doll, and eventually, he laid in her lap.
Then, he drifted into a mild daze. He closed his eyes, thought about his past, and wondered what has gone wrong.
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This is the opening chapter of a new story I am writing called "The Twenty-One Lessons of The Hunter".

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Expect more soon.

true mantle
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And you can plug in stories chat c:

dawn pebble
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I will once I have the AO3 account to post it there

dusky snow
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Uh shouldn't it be "laid" near the end there?

dawn pebble
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You'll have to excuse the errors. I've been trying to keep it mostly secret so I've only ever sent drafts to Banan.

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So thank you for pointing that out.

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I might just post chapters a day early here so people can catch any errors banan didn't, and then I can post it on AO3

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Not that I think banan is bad at catching errors or anything (the reason I picked them is because I thought they would be the most thorough) it's just that they're one person and one person can only catch so many errors at a time

dusky snow
dawn pebble
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also there are a few errors banan caught that I didn't think were much 'errors' as much as they were stylistic differences and having a bunch of different opinions on those will help because I'm really not sure

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...and then there are some errors they caught which I genuinely just forgot to change I think.

dusky snow
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Or just sentences being cluncky

dawn pebble
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Banan told me I shouldn't use Parenthesis, like ever

true mantle
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hah no no

dawn pebble
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Isn't that what you said?

true mantle
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I said they're not my preference, is all

dawn pebble
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You called them unprofessional lol

true mantle
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I tried to be clear when I was pointing out a mistake vs. a preference

dawn pebble
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The way you stated it felt very 'objective' though. And you were pretty insistent about it near the end I think.

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You linked to like, articles.

true mantle
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that was about the em dash, which I suggested as a replacement

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you were confused about their use, so I pointed out how they were used is all

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but again, parenthesis are a preference and you do not have to do that

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but to be clear, that was only a suggestion. when you said you didn't know how to remove parenthesis without it feeling off I offered the em dash as an example

dawn pebble
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That wasn't being confused on how dashes work though, that was just me not seeing the dash as an option at first

true mantle
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you said you saw them as used for author asides, so I showed a few examples of the other ways they can be used :3

dawn pebble
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No I was talking about parenthesis when I said that

true mantle
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ah, that was a miscommunication then

dawn pebble
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yeah

true mantle
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what you used them for there wasn't an author aside, though?

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but uh anyway

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I do try to be clear when something is 'this would feel better' vs 'this is incorrect'

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I'll try to do better with that :0

dawn pebble
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'this would feel better'? Like to everyone or just you?

true mantle
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just to me

dusky snow
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Gut sense

dawn pebble
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Yeah, it's important to specify

true mantle
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who reads quite a lot

dawn pebble
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Whenever I say something, even if it sounds like I lack confidence by doing it I usually start with something like "I think" or "In my opinion" because I never want my opinions to come off as 'objective'

true mantle
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but I've already asked for clarifcation on whether you would like that sort of feedback in the future, so, just let me know :3c

dawn pebble
true mantle
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my phrasing was 'I would nix the parenthesis, personally'

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how should I better word this...?

dawn pebble
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idk, maybe something about it being actionable, like "if I were you I'd do this"

true mantle
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I don't see the difference hunterkek

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I'll just avoid this kind of advice in the future and stick to grammatical errors

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I'm not trying to make you feel like I'm authoritatively telling you how to write or anything

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and also if I pull references

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it's just because I want to be sure any advice I'm giving is actually true

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some of the things you asked made me question if I was actually correct, hence, references to double check

dusky snow
true mantle
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I mean I'm not unsure what I would do :p

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but yeah, I apologize for my advice feeling pushy

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this feels like a mental disconnect to me so I think i'd rather just avoid giving advice that might be not welcome sluggrimace

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I'll stick to objective errors and not things like wording or sentence structure from now

dusky snow
true mantle
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that does sound gentler

dawn pebble
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Actually I wanna be extra sure there are no mistakes now

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I think I might post them days early

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and by that I mean I might post Chapter 1 now, since it's just a couple days until I can post it along with Chapter 0 for realsies

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TBH now I just want to build up the courage to post it though because it's been a while since I wrote it so that feeling of "WOW this is the best thing EVER I'm so glad I wrote it!" is long gone lol

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Here, check for errors and also critique if this is good. I'll be posting it soon so it's better to learn here than anywhere else. I'm mainly worried about a lack of 'substance', I'm not sure if this really says or does anything IG but idk.

📎 message.txt
dawn pebble
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I've finally come up with Chapter 3's premise, which is good.

true mantle
dawn pebble
dawn pebble
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I've decided that it is probably for the best (to catch ALL possible mistakes) that I post my chapters a week early instead I think

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so I'm posting Chapter 2 here today

dawn pebble
true mantle
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Idk seems like you’ve had a good start reception-wise already!

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Hard work paying off

dawn pebble
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But I'm still gonna post chapters here a week early for safety's sake

dusky snow
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Bump

dawn pebble
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nice

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I can extend this thread to a week if you want

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wait can I?

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oh right I can't I think a mod has to do that

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nevermind then

true mantle
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Wait that’s a thing? lol

dawn pebble
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yeah if you make a thread and then edit it (a thing I can't do since only mods can do that in this server lol) you can set its time before hiding itself

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and the max is a week

dawn pebble
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New chapter of The Twenty-One Lessons of The Hunter is being posted in like 2 hours and 10 minutes

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because that's when it passes midnight for me and I can't wait to post it

true mantle
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I did a strict schedule for my first ten chapters or so and don’t regret stopping

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You can post whenever you want!

dawn pebble
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TBH at a certain point it's less about the fic and more about forcing myself to be better on making sure things get done, if you say "ehhh I'll just break the rules this time" or "I don't care, I'm feeling lazy today" a few too many times to yourself you'll start not caring as much in general and I think that's a shame

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and, I really need to work on my work ethic and such.

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that's like a weird kind of response to that and it probably sounds dumb IK but like that's the kind of thing I want to force myself to start thinking about, I'm trying to improve myself when I can

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Also tbh it helps mitigate my procrastination and gives me a deadline to work towards now that I think about it

true mantle
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Valid! Whatever workflow works best for you and makes you feel most accomplished

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It can be easy to fall into the trap of unrealistic expectations for yourself pretty easily though! I was really stressing myself out getting those weekly chapters out… they were a lot longer than these though

chilly ferry
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I have no writing-fit device, and I must scream.

true mantle
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Weekly shouldn’t be too bad

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You’ve also written ahead though so you’ve got a great start

dawn pebble
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Well obviously if your chapters are really long you shouldn't expect yourself to do weekly chapters lol

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it's like those people trying to pump out daily videos on youtube

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no idea how people do that

true mantle
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I spent more than three weeks each on my last two chapters

dawn pebble
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TBH on that I would do like monthly chapters or like bi-weekly or something depending on the length

true mantle
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One of ‘em was 7k words hunterkek definitely needed that extra time…

dawn pebble
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give yourself enough time so that you can write more than one chapter per scheduled release

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even if it's like, one and a half chapters

true mantle
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I intended to with my first month break between chaps but only wrote one, oops

dawn pebble
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that's the second reason that helps

true mantle
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And now I’m juggling another multi chap fic… yeah schedule had to go

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But a rigid schedule is admirable!

dawn pebble
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the first is that obviously you have to stress less about releases overall and ideally get exponentially less work to do, the other is that if you do miss writing on releases then you have stuff piled up to release in its stead

true mantle
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I’m writing this second fic completely before release

dawn pebble
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Honestly, that's just the best way to write it

true mantle
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No pressure to get chapters out when I haven’t even released the first

dawn pebble
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I would've done that too tbh but I would've never gottten it done then

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too addicted to feedback

true mantle
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But it’s much shorter than hfish

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Hfish is already 60k words and probably half done, this I’m estimating to be 20kish maybe

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But anyway! Sorry to get off topic on your thread lol

dawn pebble
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Chapter 3 is getting along at a snail's pace though, for some reason it's hard for me to write this

true mantle
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Good luck with second chapter!

chilly ferry
true mantle
dawn pebble
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I think the concept is cool though, but I have no idea how to execute it yet

true mantle
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sometimes forcing it works, sometimes it doesn’t

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Barf out some words and see what you get

dawn pebble
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I want Chapter 3 to be (spoilers if you're reading I guess??) ||that Hunter finds an abandoned slugpup somewhere, and then for whatever reason abandons it while at the same time providing it with plenty of supplies. I don't know whether he will try to take them under his wing for a while and then will end up leaving them, or if they'll just leave them right there but that's the idea. They'll realize that their whole rot dealio means that they won't be able to support them forever and then maybe mix in some "I'm not a capable person" type stuff in there for them to have character growth over later and it's perfecto.||

true mantle
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Sounds like a good chapter…

dawn pebble
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||I like the idea of them leaving right then and there better for some reason but have zero clue how I would execute that and still have, like, a chapter's worth of content.||

true mantle
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||maybeeee he finds it right before rain, so shelters with it overcycle. Forces him to interact with it and at least be slightly attached, but ultimately he realizes he has to go…||

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So kind of a mix of both

dawn pebble
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Maybe, maybe so

true mantle
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Just a thought :3c anyhow I’m gonna go to bed!

dawn pebble
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alright, goodnight

true mantle
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Good luck with chapter two!

dawn pebble
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thanks

dawn pebble
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I will post the draft of Chapter 3... when it's actually written lol

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so hopefully in the coming week or else I will have already failed my weekly chapter upload schedule

dawn pebble
wild sable
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Caught up to ch.2 of 21L!

From the story summary I already felt the pang of incoming heartache sluggrimace but everything seems fine so far ...
||But as early as a child, Hunter already showed tendency to set high expectations for himself tho (as seen in ch.2) monkdesperation ||
Very nice! scared curious to see how this goes

dawn pebble
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Oooh, thank you!

dawn pebble
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...actually, do you mean Chapter 2 Chapter 2 or do you mean just what AO3 calls Chapter 2 lol

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ofc I had to put the whole disclaimer at the start about how the Chapters aren't what they say on AO3

wild sable
dawn pebble
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Okay, thanks for clarifying

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Agh... I have to post Chapter 3 tomorrow

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Actually I have to do it in like half an hour technically since it's almost midnight

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But I don't wanna...

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I should try writing ahead again because all my best ideas are for the middle and end

wild sable
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Writing in advance as buffers is a good idea yeah if you want to be strict about schedule. But I think you could also take time until you feel satisfied before posting if you want

dawn pebble
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The problem is I don't feel like I can rewrite Chapter 3 to be any better except that error I never fixed and forgot to fix 😳 I just don't like it LOL

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well I mean I probably could rewrite it to be better it's just that I don't want to and it's not in my ability as a writer yet

wild sable
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For me, whenever I feel really stuck with the current draft, I let my tomorrow self deal with it monksilly

But seriously, sleeping on the messy ideas first seems to work wonders to organize them all up, oftentimes I get new insights after a good night's sleep

dawn pebble
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mhm

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oh shit it's 12:01

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damn, time to post Chapter 3

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...after re-reading it because OOPS I totally forgot where that one bad section was.

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Alright, Chapter 3 is being posted

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It is done

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when I get Chapter 4 done I'll post it here

wild sable
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Read
||Can't quite pinpoint which moment that contribute the most, but this chapter gave off a feeling of melancholy, somehow||
||Like, it's actually quite endearing to see The Hunter's reactions and thoughts upon finding the pup, or when they woke up to see the fruit pile, but that sense of melancholy was also there.||

dawn pebble
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That's good to know

dusky snow
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Bump

dawn pebble
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I have to bump too now lol

dusky snow
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Bump

dawn pebble
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okay I swear to god I will actually work on it again now

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I'm wrapped up in a lot of things now

dawn pebble
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Incredible, I have actually written words for the next chapter

dawn pebble
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super-relevant bump as I'm finishing up the next chapter then posting it

dusky snow
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Bump

dawn pebble
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aghh I'm so sorry I thought I would've released it by now but I only got like half of it done

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I think I might just put it on hiatus for a bit just so I can work on my fangame which I've been stalling for forever

dusky snow
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Don't take it personally or anything, i'm just keeping the thread revelant monksilly

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Unless you do not wish for that, ofc

dawn pebble
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Nah it's just reminding me how not done it is

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and you definitely shouldn't feel bad for doing that LOL

dusky snow
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Oh, I don't feel bad, i'm just asking if you want this to continue

dawn pebble
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oh absolutely because tbh it's the only thing keeping the thread in my thread list ironically

dawn pebble
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If I can lock in today and get this nearly-finished chapter done, the next chapter of The 21 Lessons will come this Saturday I swear for real this time

dawn pebble
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reminder of this banger note before the absurdly unfinished chapter after the currently next unreleased chapter

image.png
dawn pebble
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ah shit no wonder I missed two deadlines to make this chapter this is like the longest chapter I've ever written ever I think

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there's just so much dumb eccentric philosophy to put here though how could I not!!!

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My hope is that after this chapter releases your thoughts will be "THIS is the same guy who says stupid shit in chat every other day??"

dawn pebble