Hey Tyler, interesting stuff. Let's do the feedback thing:
-There is no intro or hook in your script, is that being added outside the script? If not, please at least get a hook to create engagement. It doesn't have to be super long or complicated, just an idea of what we'll be looking at.
-If I most likely already know, why are you telling me? If I don't know, then these words mean nothing. Just tell me straight up "Like all bats, the sword-nosed bat uses echolocation to find their way around - this means they scream into the void (#relatable) and listen for returning echoes".
-You've put the same joke twice in one sentence, calling it a super-sized schnoz AND saying it arrived 15min before the rest of the mammal. I'd say drop the second part, the super-sized schnoz was good alliteration.
-Meanwhile doesn't seem to be a good transition. Maybe you want to make a numbered list, use that in the intro/hook, and then it gives you a lead it for each animal? Do 3-5 animals per video and spend more time on them perhaps? Depends how many videos you are looking to make as you'll eventually run out.
-I like the style of humour but it feels a bit off, I think the pacing of the jokes could use some work. Either lean into it more as humour with information, or lean away from it, so a few statements between humorous comments
-I think you can go more in depth with the info and expand it more with general info about the animals to setup the key facts
-I would prefer some more enunciation when you speak, potentially with a different rhythm but that is more stylistic.
I didn't go through the whole script, but hopefully that gives you an idea of where to start and I'll be back as you update. Do it paragraph by paragraph if you like and paste it in here.
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frosty estuary