How can i make my video more engaging?

[teal monolith]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_a38Eqten0&t=350s
This is a medieval slasher called chivalry 2 and im doing a series giving people advice on how to best play each objective in a public, non competitive lobby. (the only competitive matches are clan ran and the game itself does NOT feature a competitive mode) I'm losing 70% of my audience in my first 30 seconds and 40% of the remaining viewers leave when the song starts. (noted that part will not be doing that again lol) I'm very new to this and im not sure what the average drop off is but 70% seems VERY high. passed the song that plays i am completely retaining my audience. so, im not sure if its my voice? or maybe they JUST wanna see gameplay and not the standard intro into a match. Thank you!

[mild sparrow]

1.Your vocal tone sounds somewhat flat. You need to add more inflections into your voice so people actually are awake when theyre watching your video

2. add some graphics/subtitles to the screen so theres more stimulation because gameplay alone is really boring unless youre beyond cracked

3. 30 seconds in you havent cracked a single joke. im not a gaming creator myself, but i consume alot of gaming content and i watch creators for one of three reasons.
   i. theyre beyond cracked at the game
   ii. they do insane shit with the game like things i havent seen before
   iii. they are beyond hilarious
   you need to assimilate one of these 3

guide youtubes can work but just posting gameplay with your voice in the background isnt going to do anything.

[young smelt]

To add to this, the thumbnail needs work. It's very basic and does not draw anyone in. Second, there is an entire 4 min that could be cut from this video. The NEFFEX music section is unnecessary. Remember the purpose of the video, to show people how to capture every point on that map. Therefore, the video should be 100% focused on that and showing that to poeple as quickly as possible. Someone clicking your video wants to see you capture the point and move on, not a highlight reel. You don't have to show the entire match start to finish. Try cutting things up a bit to make the video flow faster. For example, at the beginning, when you get to the point, explain how to best capture it, then show perhaps 30 seconds of some extra footage, then cut to the end when the point is captured. Something like that.

[teal monolith]

what would you suggest with the thumbnail? the common theme with the big chivalry 2 creators is a silhouette of their character, some text and the backround being from the game, should i just follow this idea?

[young smelt]

No, you should stand out from other creators. You'll need to find your own style but what you have now is just too basic. Maybe something with a little more action to it, like find a picture of a Chivalry character in an action pose rather than a normal stance. Or have the focus be on the map itself?