What can I do better to retain viewers in shorts?

[past eagle]

New to content creation.

I plan to make full length tech review videos. I have a personality flaw of overthinking and figured I'd start practicing by trying to cram the important information into 60 seconds for short form content to get me started.

I received over 1,000 views, 40 likes, and great feedbacknfrom within my Instagram friends/family/etc. circle.. but that's obviously not my target demo and is a bias group.

In the real world on YouTube, where I did not promote it to anyone I know, it has an average retention duration of 20 seconds (which I believe that is highly inflated from my own viewings). It seems like most people are swiping out in under 10 seconds.

Would appreciate outsider feedback on how to position myself better for retaining viewers or what might be turning you off to swipe: https://youtube.com/shorts/C9on99Cckq0?feature=share

[vague spoke]

my oponion, maybe its good to look in to denoisers? i personally am very sensitive to noise and whenever i see a video which has background noise, I cant stand it 🥲

[past eagle]

Are you speaking to audio noise or video/picture noise?

[vague spoke]

the voice over noise! but again this is just me

teh noise is distinct enough to be easily removed with some denoiser software so no need to spent money on some high tier mic

[past eagle]

Awesome, thanks for the feedback! For whatever reason, I can't hear it even at max volume so my hearing must be worse than I imagined.

The funny bit is that I have a very expensive microphone and ran it through Adobe Audition for noise reducing 3x. I probably just need to practice more!

[vague spoke]

really?? oh now I'm worried 😂 maybe something is wrong with, but there is a very soft static like noise no?

if you use premier i recommend loudmax plugin, it makes it so smooth and human like and its easy to use and most importantly free

[wide pier]

I would start speaking with a question…
Do you want your living room to glow like the Vegas strip? I’ll show you how. (Or, “then this is for you”
Also consider a static text bar at the top with your overall idea.

TUTORIAL TO LIGHT UP YOUR LIFE

[past eagle]

I think you're right - I can especially hear it at 00:37-00:38 ..but I had to crank up my volume to the max. I think my ears are just damaged so I may have to get someone else to review my videos before I post.

[past eagle]

Appreciate the advice on both counts - those both do seem beneficial.

I was torn between a question and the statement of "imagine" which I felt would hit, but I'm retrospect I see how a question is more engaging.

Top bar is a good idea - should just be for the thumbnail / intro or the whole video?