i need help with homosexual thoughts

[dull bone]

assalamu aleikom, first of all before we start i would like to apologize for any vulgar terms that i might use. I'm a 16-year-old guy and i'll be completely honest, it's been a while since i thought of a woman in a sexual way, and now i started getting homosexual thoughts, like now i would see a nice looking man in the streets or in the gym and it would kinda arouse me, why don't i get that with women anymore? when i was younger just the thought of having sex with a woman would make me h*rny, if anyone has experienced this before; your help and guidance would be appreciated.

And also coincidentally, this started happening when i started reading into masculinity and i realized that i'm kinda a bit too feminine, around two weeks after the realization my attraction for women started to plummet

[limpid eagle]

Walaikum salam, I've got something kinda similar when I was younger but it was really short time like almost a day these thoughts got on my head, but then I thought to myself that how am I getting these thoughts when I'm totally into women, so it's mostly shaytan whispers so try to get it out of your head and convince yourself that you're into women and your thoughts are all whispers from shaytan. May Allah help you!

[limpid eagle]

Shaytaan makes sins look good, makes u happy from experiencing them, which leads u to think that they're not sins anymore, Allah SWT said that shaytaan is truly the enemy of mankind, and would do anything for our downfall. Like Harry said he'd whisper such thoughts to u leading u to change your sexual preferences until u fall into the sin, also, it might be a test to see if you could avoid falling into this sin to receive great rewards. But in your case it's most likely to be shaytaan bringing u to such problems.

What I suggest to you is that u keep doing dhikr, reading Quran and ask a local scholar that u trust for guidance, strong Iman also helps preventing to feel that way, because once you remember that Allah is there, you'll start feeling less and less that way

Surely it takes time, but patience is key, I believe in you as we all do. And as long as you're not acting on your feelings, you're safe and Allah won't judge you, may Allah assist u and grant you strength to avoid this problem and keep you away from harm

[clear ridge]

In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

The most important battle a Muslim needs to fight is the battle within himself against sinful desires (jihad an-nafs). This is a struggle, a jihad in the way of Allah, in which all of us need to participate.

Allah tells us the sinful desires within ourselves must be controlled and submitted to His will, and whoever does so will enter Paradise.

Allah said:

وَأَمَّا مَنْ خَافَ مَقَامَ رَبِّهِ وَنَهَى النَّفْسَ عَنِ الْهَوَىٰ فَإِنَّ الْجَنَّةَ هِيَ الْمَأْوَىٰ

As for him who feared to stand before his Lord and he restrained himself from his desires, then Paradise will be his refuge.

Surat An-Naziat 79:40

For this reason, the Prophet declared that the true mujahid who wages jihad in the cause of Allah is the one who wages jihad against himself.

Fadalah ibn Ubaid reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

الْمُجَاهِدُ مَنْ جَاهَدَ نَفْسَهُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ

The one who strives in the way of Allah the Exalted is he who strives against his soul.

Source: Musnad Ahmad 23445, Grade: Sahih ,website source: https://www.abuaminaelias.com/jihad-against-the-soul-in-islam/

[glass oracle]

find tons of distractions for yourself(activities, games, spamming stuff in the #general chat, reading, helping mum out, tabling about things etc), and like someone said, do dhikr

[steady abyss]

Hey bro @dull bone, please don't mistake the following words with anything but me trying to boost your self esteem and maybe clear your way of thinking ❤️
Everything our brothers and sisters said above is true as long as I'm concerned, but there is something you said that made me want to react.

First of all, stay strong bro you got this

Second is, I didn't quite get why your thoughts tended to sexualise a women beforehand. I'm sure there is a lot of detail you didn't go through here, but from what I understood, you used to actively think about this way ?
Thoughts such as these can pop out from time to time and it's normal and you can deal with them easily, you'll learn about it no problemo. But you should NOT actively think about having sex with a woman like you said.

If I got it right, this way of thinking translated into the thoughts you have today, but I didn't understand how. You still seem to be making the relation between the two though.
If by walking in front of a gym, you expect or fear having those thoughts, it is unfortunately going to happen because of the conditioning you're doing to your brain. It is like me telling you not to think of a pink elephant, but you just imagined one. ||dis famous elephant, man ||. It is the same with skiing or driving. If you look at where you're not supposed to go thinking you have to avoid it, you'll unconsciously go towards the thing. (respectively, looking at the trees or looking at the truck on the opposite lane)
What I'm trying to say is, you have more power over yourself than you think, and those thoughts must not come from you actively nourishing them. Like I said, those thoughts can still pop in your mind in rare occasions, so if temptation ever comes, stand up immediately and go do something else (like it was said above by others).

Third thing is about arousal, tune up in 5 minutes to see the rest

[steady abyss]

Arousal isn't only linked to horniness ||I don't know the scientific name for this one sorry|| in your brain like most people think. Arousal is a physiological activation in your cerebral cortex (brain) associated with a sensory stimulation. It is often linked to your appraisal of the significance of an event. (We're getting back to the power you have over yourself)

This means that fear, joy, anger, dangerous situations, near death experiences (so on and so forth), will arouse you.
A scientific experiment was actually made in 1974 by Donald Dutton and Arthur Aron.
Men went on walking through either a wobbly fear inducing bridge and others went through a normal non-fear inducing bridge. Reaching the end of the bridge, there was an attractive women who was put there by the testers to make a test which was looking at a picture and making a story out of it (apparently popular test back in the day). The pictures were chosen so they aren't sexually suggestive.
At the end of the test she gave her number saying that you can call her if you had any questions regarding the experiment.
The results were the following: More men called the women later if they did the test right after going through the spooky 💀 bridge, less called if they took a break before doing the test and even less called after the stable bridge. (they also did the experiment with a man at the end and even less less people called)

This is called misattribution of arousal and you can look it up if you want. What I was trying to bring was to tell you that not every strong feeling you have is linked to your sexual desire at all.
If you're an emotional person, which I also am btw and is totally normal, seeing a pretty man will make you feel something just like seeing a beautiful piece of art or breathe taking scenery. Say mashAllah and if it's someone you know you can even tell him, "Ayyy you looking good bro :D" Seeing well built muscles is a satisfying thing too. Thats why so many hard workers at the gym.

Had a fourth point but I forgor, I'm hella tired and need some sleep

Also sorry for going over the matter through a psychological standpoint, I know some people don't like it but it's still very useful.

Anyways you got this bro, explore within and discover what makes you think in that pattern and then change it 💪
Allah is on your side, don't forget to ask of him anything you want as he is The All Mighty and a constant witness of our struggles and pains. He is the one you can count on any time. 🙌

||gud nigt||
||also sorry for the essay||

[dull bone]

don't worry bro, i actually appreciate the essay, really makes me feel like i am valued and cared about in the community ya know? i was just really scared about this as i thought that this would continue even through my adult years, or even worse, during marriage. thank you brother, i'll try giving this less thought, that should help me out, jazaka Allahu khairan and goodnight, and if u can remember what ur fourth point is tomorrow it would be appreciated if u could update us on it.

[warm bone]

I have a gay friend who has a heart broke. How should I deal with him and what should I tell him ?

[steady abyss]

broke ? I'm broke too man, I ain't got no money 🥲

My bad joke aside, can you develop your question a bit more ?

[steady abyss]

Of course you're valued here man 😁

Sorry for getting back to you after a few days 😅 but my fourth point is harder for me to write explicitly. I'll send it here when I can finally frame it.

[steady abyss]

So bruda @dull bone, the last thing that made me want to react is that you noticed yourself being too "feminine" without going into details.
A man and a women do have differences that Allah azawajal created, but every society also has a picture of what a man or woman should be. (even how the ideal man and ideal woman should look like and behave) Those criteria include speech, behaviour in certain situations, body language, looks, clothes, emotional reactions, how much material stuff you should have (money included), so on and so forth. This is nowadays attacked a lot by the lgbtsomething+ activists who say that you should be free to be yourself and that those rules shouldn't be followed. I'm not going the same way as theirs, don't worry. There are huge differences in between us Muslims and them.

As Muslims, we follow the rules of Allah The Creator of everything, The Almighty who has power over everything and everyone. It is thanks to Him that we can live purpose-full lives and be in peace with ourselves as well as with everything in this world.
Allah azawajal has given us through this beautiful religion instructions to follow for our own best.

I have no idea of the specifics of what makes you see yourself as feminine but here are a few things I think you should know

• Behaviour of a person is something that can be changed and influenced. Being around the wrong people is an excellent way of ruining yourself for example. But the contrary also is true. You can reach great heights if you surround yourself with the right people. This applies to everyone btw, whether it be to strong willed peps or the revers. Social media also affects us in a similar way. We tend to scroll indefinitely through content containing informations/ideas/thoughts/opinions/etc of other people. ||with a lot of people who shouldn't have the right to speak ngl ||
  (tune in once more in 5 min)

[steady abyss]

It is a good idea to focus on yourself once a while and see if your behaviour is going the right way. I said above that lgbsomthin people say that you should be yourself, but nobody should unless they know that they are flawless and that they don't have behaviours that will harm themselves and the others around them.
Don't mistake me for saying that you should be a robot. You yourself have things to bring to the world that nobody can because of how unique you are. Straightening yourself and your personality with Islamic principles and values will bring out those beautiful things within you, strengthen them and even add to them. Love yourself and Allah enough to allow yourself to change for the better.
In other words you can change your behaviour whether it be your way of talking, and your body language. This is done through the right mindset that Islam teaches us. Your mind is powerful, by setting an objective for yourself and by strongly wanting to reach it, you'll find yourself getting closer and closer to it, even be it is with small steps. Those things take time to get there but it is definitely reachable. ||Roma wasn't built in a day. ||

• Read about the sira of the prophet Mohammad ﷺ. He is an example for all of us and everyone can learn a lot from his life.

• You can do it

My point is: acting a certain way doesn't mean you're automatically put into a category that defines your thoughts, because behaviours can be changed easily while staying the person you are.

Because of the details you gave us, I might be missing the mark with this fourth point but I hope it is useful in any way 🤷‍♂️

Hoping the best for you brother 💪 ❤️

oh yeah also carful, repressing your thoughts and emotions is the worst way of going about this kind of stuff, it'll only make it worse.
Facing your thoughts and emotions is the way to deal with them. 👍

[warm bone]

@steady abyss i mean his boyfriend left him

[dull bone]

is your homosexual friend a muslim?

[steady abyss]

^

[warm bone]

@dull bone no he's not

[dull bone]

then why are u asking about this here?

[warm bone]

To help him

[dull bone]

this is a muslim server,we can't help w that

[glass oracle]

i don't see how he cant ask the question unless the mods specifically dont allow it

[thorn crown]

Can you ask this as a separate question instead of putting it here?