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#You're rude; you've actually READ THE EMAIL. What does it say?
latent cypress
steel briar
It says: Edmund McMillen, You litte F--ker You made a shit of piece with your trash Issac it’s f**King Bad this trash game I will become back my money I hope you will in your next time a cow on a trash farm you sucker
but being serious I always imagined it would just say like, plans on transporting stuff, status updates on the building it's in, financial matters, and other mundane things
shy bridge
"Hot [insert random class here]s in YOUR area!"
steel briar
SHOPKEEPER??????
cunning wyvern
I feel it might say this
languid hornet
it says :
"Dear park factory #3 worker,
I am typing this from the lab 2 or so feet away and have come in this morning to find that all my gorillas have escaped. my lunch stolen, and my co-workers killed. if you have any info regarding as to what the hell happened, please send it to me.
love, Scientist #6"
winged remnant
"I'VE COME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT. SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG IS A-"
languid hornet
Very nice person
latent cypress
It says: Edmund McMillen, You litte F--ker You made a shit of piece with your tr...
whoa whoa, easy
faint hawk
It would probably read "u have been cursed by the Creepy Rogue, if u don't copy and send this email to 5 ppl u will hav alll of ur bread toasted"
Actually the email probably contains the previous thread, #1308398380577456140, being discussed via email (Discord doesn't exist in SoR universe because yes)
late tapir
I think the email would be completely authentic and totally not faked praise about the mayor, like "Oh boy, I love getting payed with additional hours of work! Our mayor is the best!".
warped spruce
We’ve been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty
lusty spire
There he goes again
winged remnant
if it was realistic you'd have a 40% chance of seeing some random banking e-mail, a 30% chance of seeing some spam from a random online store about AMAZING DEALS, a 10% chance to see something actually relevant, and a 20% chance to see something that's very clearly just trying to steal credit card details
warped spruce
From the Mayor:
URGENT.
Where does the sun go at night??
languid hornet
lol
winged remnant
best possible option is to make them all dril tweets
dawn moth
- You have 4 new followers of RoguedIn
- Click Here To Reschedule Your Underliverd Items
- CoNgRaTuLaTiOnS oN wINnInG oUr LoTtErY
- FREE FAST SHIPPING ENHANCEMENT PILLS ORDER NOW
steel briar
It would probably read "u have been cursed by the Creepy Rogue, if u don't copy ...
imagine every computer just says that tbh
dawn moth
“Enhancement” pills?
it's not a real link, don't click it
languid hornet
I am aware but what counts as a “enhancement”
dawn moth
oh, you know... giantizer, maybe some electro-pill, you name it really
maybe a muscly pill?
steel briar
critter upper, steroids, sugar
dawn moth
again - not a real link, and you shouldn't be doing that stuff in real life via email
i just have to assume all email in SoR is spam just like IRL
with the occasional important document otherwise we're all COMPLETE suckers
vernal stirrup
Some dude threatening to release their search history
steel briar
omg imagine if your threaten chance increases if you read the email
upbeat stirrup
hello. im here to contant you about your car's extended warranty
shy bridge
omg imagine if your threaten chance increases if you read the email
wait this would be really funny actually hang on
steel briar
fr hire me tinybuild
latent cypress
fr hire me tinybuild
🤙
cosmic plover
the email could have
how to find out where matt debrowski lives to give him 1000000$
honest viper
Probably something like
"I'm a person and definitely not a lamp! But I may run out of elec- I mean, I need help returning to my home district! If you send me one of:
- Banana
- Banana Peel
- Beer
- Cigarette Lighter
- Cigarettes
- Fud
- Hacking Tool
- Lockpick
- 1-25 Money
- Rock
- Safe Buster
- Syringe
- Window Cutter
- Wrench
I will reward you with 1,000 Money at a later date!
steel briar
the email could have
how to find out where matt debrowski lives to give him 100...
he lives at my house, send the money in the mail to me and i will see it goes to him
honest viper
And remember guys, everything you see on the internet's true, he isn't lying
steel briar
^ lars ulrich, pianist of Bell Witch, said that
languid hornet
the email could have
how to find out where matt debrowski lives to give him 100...
This happened to my buddy Eric
dawn moth
And remember guys, everything you see on the internet's true, he isn't lying
yeah because lying on the internet is a crime, and nobody ever breaks the law
cursive python
lone dagger
Its a bunch of incriminating conversations / pictures. Not even the Mayor has the nerve to form an agency to spy on people in such a way, so people can just discuss their criminal activity all casual like.
How else can The Resistance get by as an organization?
Of course if its only Player Characters who can't read other people's Emails then this just falls flat.
vernal stirrup
We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty
honest viper
We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty
upbeat stirrup
hello. im here to contant you about your car's extended warranty
I don't even know what's a warranty
latent cypress
the email could have
how to find out where matt debrowski lives to give him 100...
it's important to get Matt's second name right so that the money does through☝️
steel briar
his full name is fat soy just so you nkow
and he lives at my place like I said, so yeah just send it in the mail to my place with that name
upbeat stirrup
lying kills babies
sudden notch
It's a court summons for the security guard for their trial
Because the prisoners were receiving unethical treatment
vernal stirrup
lying kills babies
Telling the truth makes them
upbeat stirrup
Telling the truth makes them
so we just have to always lie? but that would develop a new form of transmitting information, everyone would just say the opposite of truth and everyone would understand each other and it's not a lie anymore!
fair oar
"Hot [insert random class here]s in YOUR area!"
Alien mains must be f*cking terrified
hard abyss
"Wow! You are so rude to look at this Email! This computer will now blow up due to your rudeness!"
And then the computer blows up with the force of 5 grenades.
faint hawk
*50 time bombs
vernal stirrup
*999999
honest viper
No it just literally blows up like in the "active bombs are hidden quest"
not even resurrection shampoo saving you now
faint hawk
It also deletes your save file due to how rude you were.
sudden notch
It sends Matt an email with your current location so he can send assassins after you
upbeat stirrup
so I can pay money for a game that gets me assasinated? sick!
honest viper
"I paid this hitman 1000 dollars to assassinate me!"
upbeat stirrup
it's just a bunch of spam
warped spruce
it doesnt say anything just dispenses some fud
steel briar
it doesnt say anything just dispenses some fud
lmao no it's just a big button that you click and fud comes out
vernal stirrup
it doesnt say anything just dispenses some fud
onyx swallow
Hello Mr. Fufflebottom
We sadly must inform you that your application to dance at the Pink Flamingo's studio has been declined.
Thank you for your time
-office drone
winter heath
Dear Resistance, We are giving you a chance to surrender Give up now, -mayor