Untitled Coming-of-Age Comedy - Logline

[jaunty void]

the word boy/boys is used a lot, I would try to find some variation

personally think it needs a bit more oomph than a private security company. these movies already have the baseline threat of cops shutting things down, and Blockers had the parents hunting down the teens which on paper feels like a more potent scenario

[glass solstice]

The private security company thing is kind of meant to be a satire of the economy and culture that's been built around child protection - the contractors who actually work for the company are bumbling characters with their own hang ups, not unlike the cops from Superbad. They peaked in high school - and high school wasn't a fun experience for them - so part of their "protection" is going to absurd lengths to ruin teen fun, and having fun out of it in the process.

[glass solstice]

The company is kind of just stringing the parents along for their money- one of the parents themselves is being stringed along by another parent who fears that she is losing hold of her son.

[glass solstice]

The private security company kind of comes in later, because our heroes are pretty much bullied by every group (not gay enough for the mean gays, teased by the goths, beat up by the jocks and cheerleaders), and as our heroes try to climb the social ladder, the contractors dole out some karma (albeit at inconvienent times).

(explaining all of this to ask - any oomph to be found amongst any of this?)

[jaunty void]

the private security is such a specific invention that I think they either need to be much more the focus of the script or else not mentioned in the logline. for instance Pizza Movie had RAs who seem kinda similar to what you're describing, but they're not the hook of the movie or mentioned in the logline

[drowsy quarry]

There are camps that kidnap teens for brainwashing, but that would not be as fun

[jaunty void]

I think my main thing is that functionally the private security company as described is not that different from cops at a plot level, so all of the elements - "teen outsiders try to make it to a high school party" - feels familiar. the themes are interesting, but can you escalate them more? how elastic is the tone of the film? booksmart and superbad are closer to reality while Bottoms is basically a cartoon. jacking up the narrative impact of your private security company, where it basically becomes like The Terminator, would be a way to make it feel more distinct IMO

or even the upcoming one night only/purge/other dystopian films but for teen comedy. "in this one town, all the parents have becom so overinvolved that no one gets to have fun. two teen boys who just want to impress their crushes accidentally start a revolution." etc. which I guess basically is Footloose. But it's another way to take the basic "teens get to teh party" story and escalate it to something I haven't seen before

[glass solstice]

The tone I have in mind for the film is crude, absurd, cartoony, not unlike Bottoms or American Pie- there will be a decent bit of slapstick. Haha, I actually have this bit in mind for the contractors where they use a robot dog that has the ability to mace people on command

[jaunty void]

heard. then I'd suggest playing around with pushing the private security further to something more heightened where it'll make me sit up and go "I haven't seen that before"

[glass solstice]

The more I think about it, it may be a good idea to cut the mention of the private security company- the misadventures that the teens get into are the center

[glass solstice]

I may switch out 'two socially unpopular boys' for 'two socially unpopular queer teenagers'

[jaunty void]

then I think the challenge is going to be conveying tone in the logline as the reason to be excited for the project. bottoms can quickly establish that it's heightened because it's about a femme fight club in high school.

[glass solstice]

Hoping to lose their virginity on the eve of graduation, two socially unpopular teen boys hatch a scheme to score booze for a house party that goes awry when their overprotective moms catch wind of their plans, sending the boys on a series of chaotic misadventures as their parents race against time to stop them.

Hmm, that could be shortened maybe...

Hoping to lose their virginity before graduating, two teen boys hatch a scheme to score booze for a house party - but their plans go awry when their overprotective moms catch wind of it, leading them on a chaotic journey as their parents race to protect them from sex.

[jaunty void]

that feels very similar to Blockers - When three parents discover that each of their daughters have a pact to lose their virginity at prom, they launch a covert one-night operation to stop the teens from sealing the deal.

[glass solstice]

Yeah, it's kind of a similar plot - though, it's from the perspective of the teens and the protagonists are boys who are bisexual and pansexual.

[jaunty void]

yeah it's clear that it's from teh kids PoV instead, and I'm sure the specifics of the script are distinct, but purely thinking about the logline as a standalone sales document that's meant to get me excited about reading the script, my first and primary thought is "I've already seen Blockers." The set pieces and comedy I start picturing from your logline feel pretty similar to what Blockers gave us. So how can you push your logline to feel more distinct? What is unique to your take on this concept?

[glass solstice]

Perhaps, I need to lean more into the queer and absurdist elements?

[jaunty void]

if that's what you think sets the script apart. again, this is all me working from a framework of a studio comedy, which may not be the vibe you're going for

[glass solstice]

The vibe I'm going for is sort of "Superbad, if it was queer" or "Bottoms, for boys" that sort of thing - and I guess that's what I want to people to get out of the logline

[mystic surge]

That’s a loooooooong logline

And the first bit is just Superbad

[drowsy quarry]

“Two gay high school losers try to get laid while their overprotective moms try to cock block them” is my joke logline

[mystic surge]

“If they want to score before graduation, two teenage losers will have to evade the private security company hired by their parents to bring them home.”

Or something

[jaunty void]

So thinking not about artistic merit/quality of your script but purely about how to maximize excitement with your log, Booksmart kinda already gave us “Superbad but queer”. You’re saying that the script is in the more heightened vein of Bottoms - how so? What specifically happens that moves beyond realism?

[mystic surge]

And ever watch Cockblockers?

I second national, it needs something more to differentiate it

[drowsy quarry]

You mean Blockers?

[mystic surge]

Oh I guess that was just a marketing thing