Little Old Me

[dry radish]

You're in a slight bind on this one. These movies exist and can be interesting and life-changing if it gets to the right audience at the right point in their lives.

The problem is you have to sell this idea to an audience that is 95% not going to be the right audience at the right point in their lives. To the rest of us cranky old people the "harsh realties" of middle school sound like a dream. A million years ago when we were in middle school, they were far from a dream, but looking back on them its hard not to be a little dismissive when we've had years, decades even, to better define what really matters to us.

If I'm remembering correctly, your last thread for this, struggled with here. There were attempts to try to refocus the elements of your story to add more mass appeal, or to better define or increase the stakes. I'm just not sure it can be done here without sacrificing elements of the story that are likely important to you.

This is something that has to stand on the strength of your writing and story telling alone. Most people will be dismissive, but a few will want to look deeper and you will need to hook these people with the depth of your story and weight of your emotions. I suppose what I am saying is that logline feedback probably isn't going to be particularly helpful for you at this point in the game. Focus on your story and staying true to yourself.

[eternal grove]

What can I do to make it more interesting that pulls you in?

[glass shard]

Changing the time period is an easy thing to make something more interesting

[eternal grove]

The story is set in the mid-2010s.

[glass shard]

I would look into setting it at some different point that would be historically significant for a middle schooler

2020, covid pandemic. 2001 with the emergence of the Internet, cell phones, and post 9/11 stress. Early 90s with the changing music landscape.

[eternal grove]

But it’s semi-autobiographical, based on my life in my early teens from 2014-2016. Tell me what’s wrong with setting the story in the 2010s. Not every story has to be set in this decade, and Lady Bird was based on the director’s life, but from a different generation. My main character is Gen Z. I'm 24 BTW.

[glass shard]

Alright, what are certain cultural things you think could be added to this that happened between 2014-2016?

[eternal grove]

Social media (mainly Instagram).

[glass shard]

And how will you incorporate that?

[eternal grove]

As a part of my main character’s external conflict of changing herself physically.

[glass shard]

Alright that's a good external conflict. What are other time specific things you can include?

[eternal grove]

Important items to remind her who she is as a person.

[glass shard]

I mean things that could only have happened between 2014-2016

[eternal grove]

Obsession with pop culture moments, for instance, Nicki Minaj’s Anaconda, was making waves at the time. It came out when I was in the 7th grade, where I experienced the other Black girls twerking all over despite being underage, tying to the theme of adultification/sexualization of Black girls. My main character isn’t into the scene because it never applies to her, and she doesn’t connect well with that kind of popular music.

[dry radish]

Maybe allegory. For example take movies like Where the Wild Things Are, or the coincidentally beastly, Beasts of the Southern Wilds. These primarily emotional themes which may not be on the surface, interesting to the average viewer but becomes so as the theses are presented in almost surrealistic ways.

Take for instance a story about someone who is learning to accept their body. Important theme, but doesn't translate well to interest grabbing. Change that to a person who is turning into a giant and is the only one who realizes it. You can explore the exact same themes, but now have something that grabs people's attention.

Not saying this is what I think you should do, just trying to answer your question.

[eternal grove]

The symbolism is the key, along with the music transitions.

For example, the moth (representing transformation, intuition, and a spiritual attraction to truth or light) represents one's journey through darkness.

[glass shard]

But you see how that's almost impossible to get somebody's interest through 1-2 sentences right?

Parasite has loads of symbolism but it's not displayed in the premise

Regarding time period, maybe condense it into this girl's first week of 7th grade or very short specific time frame

[eternal grove]

How do I reformat the logline in a way that gets the audience’s interest

[eternal grove]

The film does start at her first week of 7th grade.

She presents herself as confident.

[glass shard]

I mean tell the entire story in that time frame

[glass shard]

List the ticking clock (time frame), the stakes, the goal, antagonistic forces

Try using this formula: When (inciting incident), (adjective) (Main character) must (complete their goal) (so STAKES don't happen).

Move things around but that's the general idea

[eternal grove]

Ticking clock: N/A The goal: figure out her life plan before high school. Antagonistic forces: Toxic friends.

[glass shard]

How much of this story is fictional vs autobiographical?

[steel meadow]

Here's my attempt at a logline in traditional format based on what you've provided.

When Melanie, an autistic Nigerian-American girl, enters the seventh grade, she relies on masking and [insert coping mechanism here] to navigate toxic friendships and the stressful social pressures of middle school, but as graduation nears, she must find the courage to drop the act and finally embrace her true self.

It highlights the graduation as her goal.

[eternal grove]

@glass shard For starters, I can’t set it in the 2020s (since the only people in middle school this decade are Gen Alpha). I wasn’t even alive in the 90s and I was still in my mother’s womb during 9/11 and post 9/11, I was in preschool, unaware of what happened nearly 25 years ago.

Also, do any of you have industry experience? Obviously, this film is not made for your generation.

[glass shard]

That's why I'm asking if this is 100% autobiographical. You can fictionalize it to make things more interesting.

[glass shard]

Yes

[swift delta]

Was OP of this post banned or something?