lilac wasp
Trying to trim some fat, as this is quite the chonky boy of a logline.
A tale of ale and swashbuckling on the high seas! After a treacherous nobleman betrays an English brewer and has him exiled to a Caribbean prison colony, he’s seized by a hard‑drinking pirate captain who develops an inconvenient fondness for both his exceptional ale and the man who brews it…forcing him to navigate her advances if he hopes to survive long enough to reclaim his freedom and take revenge.
sacred geode
After being exiled to a Caribbean prison colony, an English brewer, seized by a hard‑drinking pirate captain who develops an inconvenient fondness for both him and his ale, must navigate her advances if he hopes to survive long enough to reclaim his freedom.
Just a thought. Not sure how vital the cut information is.
lavish oriole
feature or tv show?
lilac wasp
feature
lavish oriole
what's the genre? is it adventure focused or more rom-com?
lilac wasp
what's the genre? is it adventure focused or more rom-com?
Definitely more adventure focused
lilac wasp
After being exiled to a Caribbean prison colony, an English brewer, seized by a ...
This is pretty good actually.
Also, he's married, the baron sends him off to steal his wife. Wife thinks he dies and re-married. Very Count of Monte Cristo kinda setup
lavish oriole
so what are they doing once he's in the pirate colony? right now you're describing him in pretty passive terms
that's why I'm asking genre - I don' tknow what they're doing in act 2, so it could be all sorts of different movies
lilac wasp
he never makes it to the prison colony. his prison ship is shipwrecked. he's picked up by the pirates, the captain falls in love with his booze, and forces him to stay on and teach her men the art of brewing. but she kinda falls in love with him and it becomes a very dangerous situation. all he wants to do is get back to his wife (who has, now thinking he's dead, remarried)
so not really a romance, it's more an adventure/revenge film, with the pirate's affection actually serving to be extremely dangerous to him
lavish oriole
sure, I get what he wants, but you just described a bunch of other characters doing stuff to him - what is he doing? besides giving brewing lessons?
lilac wasp
trying to escape and not die, and ultimately get revenge on the person who betrayed him
and if he plays his cards right, with the support of his captors
sacred geode
How does he plan on getting revenge? Just curious.
lilac wasp
How does he plan on getting revenge? Just curious.
Well he knows a lady with a big ship and 200 men who's very fond of him.
dusk sequoia
Trying to trim some fat, as this is quite the chonky boy of a logline.
> A tal...
I don't really know how to do it but maybe skip the setup stuff? Begin the logline with him exiled and seized ?
lilac wasp
I don't really know how to do it but maybe skip the setup stuff? Begin the logli...
ya that makes sense
lavish oriole
yeah it's pretty much all set-up right now.
After getting captured by pirates en route to a Caribbean prison colony, an English brewer must rally his captors and their alcoholic captain - who's as in love with him as his ales - to sail back across the Atlantic and strike revenge against the nobleman who betrayed him and stole his wife.
dusk sequoia
nice work national
sacred geode
I think you could maybe cut the stole his wife part, but yeah that's solid.
lavish oriole
yeah, it's a little extra but it also further complication to the captain being in love with her
I'd also think about giving a little more polish to the brewer so we get who he is, not just what he does
something like ...a mild-mannered English brewer...
or whatever it is about him that makes him ill-suited to the situation
lilac wasp
he's a person who is obsessed with one thing (his trade), and hasn't spent any time doing or learning anything else. it's his naivety that really becomes the problem
lavish oriole
sure. ...a naive English brewer...
lilac wasp
After getting captured by pirates en route to a Caribbean prison colony, a naive English brewer must rally his captors and their alcoholic captain - who's as in love with him as his ales - to sail back across the Atlantic and strike revenge against the nobleman who betrayed him and stole his wife.
Thanks national. that's slick as hell
I guess I do want to indicate that the captain is a woman. slight tweak
After getting captured by pirates en route to a Caribbean prison colony, a naive English brewer must rally his captors and their alcoholic captain - she's as in love with him as his ales - to sail back across the Atlantic and strike revenge against the nobleman who betrayed him and stole his wife.
dusk sequoia
where are they sailing, to england?
lilac wasp
around the caribbean, at first, to gather brewing supplies! but then, there is a big ship coming from england to jamaica, and it just happens to be the barons!
duh duh duh!
dusk sequoia
maybe change "across the atlantic" then ?
lilac wasp
(and the baron's family are the people who killed the pirate captain's family in a red wedding type fiasco) so it's DOUBLE REVENGE
dusk sequoia
it gave me a wrong impression
lilac wasp
A tale of ale and swashbuckling on the high seas! After getting captured by pirates en route to a Caribbean prison colony, a naive English brewer must rally his captors and their alcoholic captain - she's as in love with him as his ales - to strike revenge against the nobleman who betrayed him and stole his wife.
Thanks, we shortened it enough to throw the tagline back in. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
do you "strike" revenge? why does that sound odd all of a sudden. ya ok one more tweak