Little Old ME

[jaunty thorn]

Low concept dramas like this are notoriously difficult to convey through a logline. The best thing you can do is find some sort of hook that separates it from other coming of age dramas. Do you have some sort of x-factor you can put in there that will differentiate it from other similar films?

[charred veldt]

@jaunty thorn It’s based on my time in my last two years of middle school. I noticed how there aren’t a lot of coming-of-age films on Black girlhood, especially since it’s centered on a Black autistic girl, breaking the myth of autism being something for white males, which the media heavily focuses on. I am also autistic.

[jaunty thorn]

100% include the Black girlhood and autism in there

[charred veldt]

@jaunty thorn How should I include it in the logline and frame it?

[jaunty thorn]

I would at least have it say "A young Black American girl on the autism spectrum"

What's her goal? What are her obstacles? Is there a specific antagonist?

[charred veldt]

@jaunty thorn : A young Nigerian-American girl on the autism spectrum must navigate the harsh world of middle school to find true self-love.

[jaunty thorn]

Is there a more external, tangible goal for her?

[charred veldt]

@jaunty thorn Internal: To find her sense of self.

[jaunty thorn]

Does she have an external goal?

[charred veldt]

@jaunty thorn To fit in with the other Black kids (African American), since she is Nigerian American.

[charred veldt]

“A young autistic Nigerian-American girl must navigate the hellish world of middle school to rediscover herself.”

[coral mantle]

I still think there needs to be a stronger specific hook or event that this is involved with or leading towards, something more tangible

Ultimately, everyone in middle school has to navigate middle school. The necessity is already prescribed to the character without them doing anything.

Certainly, being autistic and trying to fit in with a specific group is a challenge. In what way can you perhaps align this with a tangible event or moment in the story?

I thiink, also, the hook of "rediscover herself" for a character that's in middle school feels a bit out-of-place. A character at that age probably hasn't discovered themselves at all because they are so young, let alone rediscovering themselves.

Rediscovering feels like a task for an adult, or someone who has already lived at least more of their life

I think this needs to do more to show us what exactly would be on screen, so to speak

When they are navigating "the hellish world of middle school," what does that look like specifically? Are they trying to maybe fit in with a group who is doing a performance for a talent show? Are they trying to fit in with a sports team? Are they trying to fit in with a group that maybe does some kind of activity or hobby that they want to do with them? Are they trying to fit in with a group that's popular in their class? Are they trying to fit in with a specific club? What exactly is the main character doing in the story, in unambiguous terms?

[charred veldt]

@coral mantle How can I put the hook into it? It’s based on true events; events from my early adolescent years. It feels like I'm not trying enough.

[coral mantle]

Well, what happens in the story?

In concrete terms, not abstract ones

[charred veldt]

She begins having trouble at school with the teachers at first due to being autistic, which in turn made her an easy target for the neurotypical African-American students to take advantage of, the latter of whom view autism as something for white boys. During this, she makes a friend with a gothic Black girl from a great school located in an affluent area in Sacramento (sidenote: the film takes place in Sacramento).

[coral mantle]

So the major conflict is overcoming bullying from other students, and she works through that with the help of her new friend?

[charred veldt]

She has a friend she’s known since fourth grade: Jada Knowles. She is based on my friend I’ve known since we were in the fourth grade (Jade Knowles).

[coral mantle]

That's not a conflict tho

[charred veldt]

She and Jada have been at separate middle schools since their 5th-grade graduation. She will have to learn how to overcome bullying from the other neurotypical students, especially the African-American students who were not educated on neurodiversity.

[coral mantle]

Okay but what is the actual conflict like tangibly - bullying can be anything. What specifically is the character trying to accomplish in the story, in unambigious terms? "Fitting in" can mean anything, it is not specific.

I think you need to have more specific and tangible things happening here

[jaunty thorn]

I agree with Dak. We need some sort of bigger external goal. Even if you base it on yourself, don't base it 100% on your life.

Slice of life scripts like Before Sunrise, Lady Bird, and mid 90s are extremely difficult to write and even more difficult to get people to read them.

[red skiff]

Overcoming bullying is part of the journey to somewhere, but right now it's missing a destination. An example that comes to mind is, what if she wants to run for class president, and must overcome the bullying and adversity to run her campaign. That's a tangible goal for her to pursue.

[onyx sequoia]

And they are written by the director 99.9% of the time

[charred veldt]

To be understood.

[coral mantle]

That is not a tangible conflict, my friend

[charred veldt]

It’s actually based on true events from my time in junior high school.

[coral mantle]

Do you understand what we're asking in regards to an external goal

They want to be understood. That is an internal goal. An external goal is what they are going to do physically/literally to achieve the internal goal

If they want to be understood, what are they doing externally to achieve this?

Let's go back to the most recent logline

“A young autistic Nigerian-American girl must navigate the hellish world of middle school to rediscover herself.”

Their internal goal is to rediscover herself. So what is their external goal to achieve this?

You need to figure that out

[jaunty thorn]

Right. I'm saying that I would not completely base this on your own life. Bring some fictional aspects to it.

I don't want to sound cynical but unfortunately most people's lives don't translate well to memoirs, biopics, etc.

[coral mantle]

except mine

[charred veldt]

I feel like her conflict is with the cultural clash between her African culture and the African-American culture of the other Black kids she starts hanging out with, along with her autism and the neurotypical Black students.

[charred veldt]

How so?

[coral mantle]

Okay, how specifically is there a cultural clash

What is the external conflict

You're still speaking in ambigious terms

"cultural clash" could be represented by any number of things

You said this is based on your own life, then just take actual events that happened in your own life or make some up

[charred veldt]

Her Black culture versus the other Black culture that invokes stereotypes that the African-American kids embrace in a self-destructive way.

[coral mantle]

I think if you just continue to think of the story in abstract terms, you're never going to actually have a story

[coral mantle]

I'm sorry I hate to ask this but do you understand the terms "internal goals" and "external goals" or "internal conflict" vs "external conflict"

Because we're just going in circles here

[charred veldt]

The themes of this film include Bullying, peer pressure, the Black Identity, colorism, familiar/cultural expectations, misogynoir, adultification, Black girlhood, self-worth, self-hatred, texturism and ableism

[coral mantle]

One culture versus another is not telling me specifically what I would be seeing on the screen if I watched this in a movie theater

[coral mantle]

Themes are not events

[jaunty thorn]

The best way to answer this: What would she be doing for two hours in this movie? Does she just repeatedly try to make friends?

[coral mantle]

Yes, what is the main character literally doing for the duration of the movie

What would be seen on the movie screen

[charred veldt]

She is trying to figure out her identity and find self-acceptance

[coral mantle]

Okay, what does that look like if I was watching it on the movie screen

Like if I turned it on right now on Netflix

What would the main character be doing visually

Is she fighting her classmates? Is she yelling at them? Is she making friends? Is she running away from home? What is the action of the story?

"Finding self-acceptance" I can't see that on the screen

Is she starting a club? Is she planning to perform in a talent show? Is she trying to win a game? What is she actually physically doing?

[charred veldt]

Getting into her usual routine, as it is common for autistic people to have one. She gets ready and carefully manages her afro-textured hair, which plays an essential role in shaping her.

[coral mantle]

Okay, but is she doing that the whole movie?

Certainly not

[charred veldt]

In the opening scene.

[coral mantle]

Okay, how about in the climax or the midpoint

What is she doing

She can't be fixing her hair in every scene

That's not a movie

What is she literally trying to achieve? Physically. Wanting to overcome cultural issues is the internal struggle. How does that struggle manifest itself externally?