After just reading it, loved the characters, especially Oliver, went in blind and loved it. It flew by for me, didn't see many grammatical errors if any, and felt like with a bit of revising, this could be a lot longer and bigger.
#Man Meets Woman - LGBTQ Comedy - 16 Pages
devout folio
potent vector
After just reading it, loved the characters, especially Oliver, went in blind an...
Thanks! You feel like this could be made into something longer?
devout folio
All up to you, but there's so much you could do with the overall story, and especially with what inspired it, but hey, if it feels best where it is, then that's good too.
potent vector
All up to you, but there's so much you could do with the overall story, and espe...
I will definitely keep that in mind
devout folio
Oh yeah, as someone who writes mostly comedy, it's definitely up my alley lol, got me thinking of what I could write in the same vein lolol
Whether it being longer means a longer short, a pilot, or a full-on feature is up to you, but as is, I liked it.
sleek gyro
These are the most wholesome graphic sex scenes I've ever read. Gold star.
As far as formatting goes, it's very clean. The one thing I'd note is that there's a way to indicate you're intercutting between two settings for a phone call. I think it's "INTERCUT:"
If this were a straight romance script, I'd critique the fact that there's so little conflict, but since it's our people I'm here for the drama-free sweetness of it.
The one thing I felt it was missing was a stronger indication that these two people still identify as queer and value that part of their identity, even though they've made this connection. I love that you invoke the "gray areas" of sexuality in your logline, and I want to see more of that come through in the script.
Really nice read, thank you for writing! 🌈