The Kickback - Noir/Crime/Thriller
#The Kickback - Noir/Crime/Thriller
weak plinth
timber fjord
So, I'll give the feedback that most folks I think will give. Too vague at the moment. Think about what makes this unique. Is this set in the present day? A specific city? What about the murder makes it particularly interesting? What's the hook that'll play in the trailer that makes this a must see? What's the familiar dread?
You could write many many more questions, but it's all driving at the same point that at the moment, it's too vague. There's nothing to hook onto here at the moment. My advice would be to let the plot percolate, outline it, have a good sense of the whole thing and the premise in your head, then try rewriting the logline once you know more about what makes your story unique.
weak plinth
So, I'll give the feedback that most folks I think will give. Too vague at the m...
I’ve got these important questions all figured out already, it’s only the question how effectively will I implement them in the story. I’ll give you a more detailed answer later.
stone raven
The last part of the logline really hooked me and made me start asking questions of where the story would go and what baggage he is carrying with him from his past. I don't think you need to add "tormented by his past" because "a familiar dread" tells me what I need to know. Reword it to tell me more details of this detective's setting or maybe give a hint at what in his past he has to confront with this new case.
kind escarp
I’ve got these important questions all figured out already, it’s only the questi...
So, you do want your reader to wonder where you will take the story but you don't want them just filling in the blanks you've created.
As in, you don't want me saying "oh, the tormented past is obviously his wife was murdered in a home invasion." Instead of what that tormented past actually is
weak plinth
So, I'll give the feedback that most folks I think will give. Too vague at the m...
Hey, first of all thanks for commenting - I appreciate the criticism/ feedback or whatever we can call it. I've been thinking about where it would be set, and honestly I think the best setting for this kind of movie would be in L.A, but don't get me wrong it could possibly be set anywhere else if it fits the tone of the movie. You're right about the logline and I do think it will be changed, of course when most of the story is written - but this is just the one I'm using as principle/ inspiration for now. I'll spare you a few details now - The familiar dread is that his love for a woman is actually the main trigger in this story, but he doesn't know about it yet (if that makes sense).
weak plinth
The last part of the logline really hooked me and made me start asking questions...
Will do! But like I already said, it's the love angle that triggers it all. He's a disgraced detective who makes living by investigating usual private detective cases (marital affairs etc.), but this new case intrigiues him because there's something unusually familiar to his past life, something that makes him take the job.
weak plinth
As in, you don't want me saying "oh, the tormented past is obviously his wife wa...
Exactly. The reader is supposed to know very little about what actually happened, and what's going to happen - That will be revealed itself in the movie, with a good old twist of course.
Take the Maltese Falcon for example, Sam doesn't suspect Ruth/ Brigid of killing Miles till later (when he obviously finds out about her true motives).