TW: Dysphoria and passive suicidal ideation

[zenith sequoia]

If I got top surgery, I would have to endure my whole somewhat conservative family asking questions and likely being upset with me or mocking me...

I heard that a lot of English Professors will mark someone down for using "they" to refer to one person, as they see it as a plural pronoun, and people refuse to use it/its (they say it's dehumanizing) and common neopronouns (they say it's made up, too new)...

All of this is to say I'm invalidated constantly. Already deal with so much misgendering. My voice sounds too feminine and I can't do voice training and I can't take T. Why should I even exist? The world should end me. I'm waiting for the day it does.

So much dysphoria... and I feel like I can't ever make it better. I already do everything I can and it still isn't doing anything...

I'm waiting for the day the world finally ends me. I'll try not to fight it when it does...

[runic hill]

For voice training I’m telling you that their are options. Plenty of YouTube tutorials likely exist.

[zenith sequoia]

There are. But I don't know how to do it. I've tried watching YouTube tutorials and I always fail at it

[runic hill]

Well… that is certainly a spanner in the works

Well you are 19 do you not have some level of autonomy?

[zenith sequoia]

I'm still at home with my parents because I can't get seem to get a job because no one is willing to hire me because I lack attributes more entry-level jobs are looking for. Also, even if I did move out, my parents would want to know what's going on with my life

I guess all of this is more proof I shouldn't exist

[unkempt spear]

@zenith sequoia Do you have anything school wise? Degrees or anything?

If not I’d recommend getting one

[zenith sequoia]

I am working on one, but I don't have any

[unkempt spear]

U should def get one

[runic hill]

My best advice is keep trying to find a way to make some money and move out.

If not maybe try and get an allowance off your parents, stash it, and eventually use the saved up funds to assist yourself.

[zenith sequoia]

My parents don't do an allowance

[zenith sequoia]

I'm trying

[runic hill]

In regards to the English professor’s thing it’s a load of bullshit to claim they are an exclusively group pronoun. Meanwhile neopronouns are literally just using other words in place of like he/him. it’s basically the same shit as slang.

It’s a normal part of a living language

[stone tulip]

Uuhmm for deep voice its like at the bottom of one of my yawns, if that helps

I can pm one of my deep voices to see what i can do?

[zenith sequoia]

I don't know. My partner, my partner's dad, and an old friend of mine all say my voice sounds fairly gender neutral, but I don't think it does because if it did, why would everyone misgender me even when I'm wearing a binder and more masculine clothes?

[stone tulip]

Eh people can just see the slightest hint ig. Ik how it feels to get misgendered.

[zenith sequoia]

I don't know, despite what they all say I think my voice sounds slightly more on the feminine side, but mostly it just sounds like a kid, any gender of kid