I hate this

[meager lion]

Its not wrong to feel this way, it can be incredibly difficult to accept yourself as something you might’ve been told u are not for a long time

[oak seal]

no. There is nothing wrong with feeling this way. I sort of felt like that throughout my time in middle and high school.

I'm not really sure how to word this, but here goes nothing...
If you have only been exposed to negative viewpoints on a certain idea, then it can be difficult to accept or understand a different perspective/viewpoint on that same idea. For example, if you had mostly been told that being gay was "wrong" or that you should feel negatively about it, then it will generally be a lot harder to accept that you might be gay.

In reality, there is nothing wrong with being gay. A good way to put it is that your sexuality is just like your personal fashion taste. Everyone has different preferences.

And it is also completely normal to not want your parents to know about your sexuality if they have perceived it as negative.

[oak seal]

I totally had crushes on other boys at school. I didn't really even know what a "crush" was back then, and I thought I could only have them on people of the opposite gender. Some people suggested that I might be gay, but I always denied it. I think the fact that people casually used the word 'gay' as an insult rather often is what led me to believe that being gay was something negative.

[meager lion]

Agreed!

I’ve had very similar experiences like that, however I never really saw it as a bad thing, just not me until I started asking myself abt why I’d never had a crush on a girl like most boys talked abt often

[oak seal]

Idk why but I’ve been reflecting on those times a lot as of lately. (I’m currently in college and graduated high school in 2023)

[meager lion]

Tho Ik for certain there were ppl that did try to convince me it was bad

[meager lion]

That’s really nice

I also found it helpful to look back on my life and think of times that relate to my sexuality, it’s also kind of refreshing in a sense, seeing how far you’ve come

[oak seal]

I have even been losing sleep over it. Idk why I’m so bothered about it, especially now.

[oak seal]

I never really considered it a bad thing. Both my parents a the schools would’ve been very supportive and if any classmates were bullying me or anything like that, they would take it very seriously. So it wasn’t that the environment around me was unsupportive, it’s that I didn’t know as much as I do now.

[oak seal]

For context, both yesterday and today, I have been very deprived of sleep. I’ve been reflecting on these moments nonstop for most of the day

[wanton field]

Yeah even if your environment is supportive or feels that way we still feel less than simply because negative gay tropes are reinforced consciously or subconsciously by classmates and media

Like it hurts I couldn’t have a normal time growing up. I couldn’t pursue crushes or hook up in middle or high school like my classmates were and I could never understand why they liked girls so much 😭

[oak seal]

And I don't think most of them were trying to be homophobic either. People around that age are very amused by "edgy" humor. Using terms like "gay" or "queer" as insults could very easily be considered "edgy" in the way those people would find amusing.

I mean I made my fair share of "edgy" jokes like that around that age.

[oak seal]

Seems exactly like how it was for me.

Like I finally came to terms with the fact that I was def not straight around halfway through my junior year of hs (2021-2022). I thought I might be asexual for a while, then I thought I was bi for a short time (like right after I graduated hs in 2023), then in late 2024, I fully came to terms with being gay.

[meager lion]

Sameeeeeee

Men, am I right?

[oak seal]

That’s concerning

They should be the role models

[wanton field]

Men...

[meager lion]

Men, you gotta love em and hate em

[oak seal]

Middle school is what made me hate athletics and working out