tardy crane
(Skip to the bold part if you don't want the full story)
This has been eating at me for the past month or so, ever since getting, yet another, truly lovely and amazing male partner. I'm a bi genderflux (AFAB and quite fem presenting) person. I've only dated men, and while I've had some pretty intense crushes on women, they never really went anywhere due to me being a damn chicken or them being taken.
Before my current partner, I had a massive, intense crush on a female friend to the point where it was practically the lesbians moving in together before we were actually together, lol-- It was intense. And I also went and bothered my friend about it A LOT to just gush about her. But then circumstances threw about 330 Miles of distance between us.
Despite that, we kept in touch, but my crush started to fade, but all too soon did I start catching the damn feels for my current partner. So as hers were flickering out, feelings for him replaced hers when they were still around, so there was a lot of confusion and it felt like I cheated on her without being with her, yk. We'd flirt all the time and say we're married, so it felt like I was betraying her without doing so? I was just loving who I was loving, but that was a lot of confusion. I love my partner rn, and I don't think things between her and I would have worked anyway.
But then, to the point of my title-- sorry for the long-ass story...
Because I've only dated men, and many see me as a woman, I feel like a fake bisexual. Like I'm just using the title to be "special" or "quirky". I feel like I need to prove to someone-- especially that guy I would go to and talk about that girl nonstop about-- I feel like he's going to call me a fake or straight. Or someone is. I know that i don't have to prove myself because I can love who I love freely but the visible pattern doesn't fit my words... I know that this is just anxiety, but it still eats at me...
polar quest
