internalized homophobia ;(

[woeful fog]

i feel like I’m always a bit homophobic with myself. I love and respect other gay people, and I don’t judge them, in fact, I’m openly gay with my “““friends”””. But I’m much harder on myself. I keep feeling like people are judging me all the time, even though I know that’s not really true. It’s more like my own mind gets there first, so i control and hate most of my natural expressions, and that just doesn’t feel fair or healthy. I don’t really know what to do, i also don’t have people to talk to about this

[ancient storm]

I think thats may not be internalized homophobia but maybe social anxiety?
Because the fear of judgement and subconcious over control of expression are both, I think, part of it.

But on another note, I see what you mean and wish you good luck

[woeful fog]

i get what you mean, yeah i totally feel that way too, but idk, i also feel like i hate acting some ways, or i just hope i wasn’t like that

[ancient storm]

Generally, what "ways" are you talking about?

[woeful fog]

like in no-heteronormative ways, for example, while running or so, some people may say i do differently and that’s what i hate

like if i see someone running in a no-heteronormative way i really don’t care, so for me they can do whatever they want, but when i do it it’s a different story, it’s weird idk how to explain it

[ancient storm]

I see.

[woeful fog]

but it’s so hard to take out

[ancient storm]

I still think thats social anxiety but I mighr be mistaken

[woeful fog]

nah, i totally agree with you, i think i also have social anxiety