long lasting unhappiness

[tawny sage]

for about 5 years I've been just severely unhappy with my life and the depression just doesn't seem to go away. i live such a lonely life. i go to school and wait to get out, then I just come home and lay in bed all day because I have no way of going out and having a social life (no car+money, living in poverty). My screen time is always in the double digits because that's all I can do. No one ever messages me or makes efforts to hang out with me. I have no friends that are comfortable to talk about these things with me. I have no one to even chat about my interests or hold a regular conversation with, no one cares. My own mother only judges me for what I like. I cant hold a relationship because no one can handle the ups and downs of my mental health. I've been stuck in my own bubble with no where to go. I have no best friend. I have no one to talk about my day with. I live in the same repetitive life style every day. I'm watching my teenage years pass by while everyone else enjoys theirs. I find comfort in my sadness, yet at the same time I want it to go away. I forget to take my medicine often, and sometimes I dont trust myself not to take more than I'm supposed to sometimes. I'm tired of living like this but what can I even do to change things

[snow glen]

Hi Avery! I know I may not be able to help you with the feelings of depression. However, what I do want to say you're not alone. I still think no body cares yet its strange because I have plenty of people surrounding me telling me they do care yet I just cant shake this feeling of lonliness. I also do relate to having others judge and leaving once they see the ups and down of my mental health as I have both Borderline Personality and Bipolar Disorder. But I want to let you know although you feel this way, I am here despite me not really knowing you and just remember although it seems like this is a never ending cycle, try to look at the good days or moments ahead of you.

[tawny sage]

You don't have to answer if u don't want to, but how hard was it to be diagnosed with BPD?

[snow glen]

Well being diagnosed wasnt hard its just the way i act because of it which causes others to leave that i would say is the hardest cuz you feel like youre trying or changing and yet somehow i still feel like a lost cause

[tawny sage]

That's a lot how I feel tbh, I seem to relate a lot to people with bpd and find myself aligned with the 'symptoms' but idek where I would start on a diagnosis