I love my trans gf but...

[serene hawk]

I know it sounds bad from the title but hear me out for a second. I don't see her as any less of a woman and I love her so much. But I'm a strict lesbian so I'm not physically attracted to her because she doesn't think she's gonna get bottom surgery and she doesn't think she's gonna go on hormones so I'm basically dating a man. I know she's not a man and never was but that's what it feels like I'm not sure if I'm subconsciously trans phobic but I'm not physically attracted to her. And I know loving someone isn't about looks but for me it's 40 60 I need to be physically attracted to my partner. but I am emotionally attracted to her and I don't know what to do because I'm not physically attracted to her at all.

[north plume]

I mean maybe it’s best to just break it up. If you’re not gonna be able to satisfy eachother it’s not gonna work out and it might end up worse. As transphobic as it sounds for you to say this you can’t control your preferences and it’s okay. Just find a good way to tell her so she doesn’t feel too bad about it because personally I would feel invalid asf.

If you think physical stuff might just not be a problem then don’t break up with her though

[untold dawn]

I don't think ur transphobic, you've accepted her but not sexually being into her isn't ur fault, u can't change biology. U said u need to be sexually attracted to her and that's not working here so I suggest telling her abt this, she'll understand and y'all can make a thoughtful decision together instead of just jumping on breaking up, understanding matters

u not being attracted to her in that way isn't anyone's fault don't blame urself

[cyan kernel]

Hi, as another lesbian who is exclusively same sex attracted, you are not transphobic. Please do not listen to anyone in this thread accusing you of that, they simply do not understand what it’s like to be homosexual.

My advice here though is perhaps it would be best to break up. Physicality is just as important as personality when it comes to one’s sexuality and if you are not attracted to your partner physically then it’s for the best that you split up, for your own boundaries’ sake and to prevent her from feeling like you’ve led her on.

Remember, there is nothing inherently transphobic about being gay. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. What makes someone transphobic is the deliberate act of going out of their way to be bigoted, and clearly that is not the case here.

I truly wish you luck, I know how difficult this can be, but just know there are plenty of fish in the sea and this is not the end of the world. It will be okay, just be honest with her. ^^

[stuck gazelle]

I can only mirror this as a SSA lesbian. Anyone who would call you transphobic for this does not know what they’re talking about.

[serene hawk]

Thank you all so much but I don't know what to do now because we've been dating for like two months and I feel like I've lead her on

[cyan kernel]

The best thing to do is communicate with her honestly and clearly. There’s no way to dance around it and honestly it’s better that you don’t try to sugarcoat it. Honesty is key and she would respect you more in the long run for loving her enough to tell her the truth instead of keeping it to yourself and letting it fester. It will be okay, even if it’s a little messy initially.

[serene hawk]

Thank you, I'll keep you posted

[cyan kernel]

Of course, I hope it all goes well ☺️

[serene hawk]

"I really value the time we have spent together, but I am not feeling a romantic connection. You are an incredible person - kind, thoughtful, and fun to be around, and you deserve someone who can match your energy and feelings. I hope you find a great person for you.”

What I sent her, now we wait😅

[cyan kernel]

That’s a very kind way to tell her, I hope everything goes well still <3

[serene hawk]

We are good, all was successful✨✨

[cyan kernel]

I’m so happy for you, I’m glad it all went well!! ☺️