Gender curiouses

[buoyant kelp]

Hey everyone! Here you can call me Kristi.

For a long time i gets confused about who i am. It's going from the deep childhood, back then i just don't actually care about my gender role and doing whatever i want. But then i grown like as a my born gender (male). btw i'm 19 now.

Well i do like being male, i'm like to be sometimes brutal, i like male stuf you know, i love girls, and from the side i'm a typical guy.

But all of this time since the teen sometimes i've been in curiouses about "what if?"
What if i was a girl? I thinking a lot on these scenario and i'm also do like it. My face allows me to being girly, and when i took this look on me i gets impressed! Very cute, cool, beautifull girl on the mirror. Many times i've fantasies as being a girl and it's amazing, but it cuts some of my favorite part of being a male, specially a strong brutal vibe.

edited: I can't be a fluid i'm not comfort on that. I need to make a choice between "a" or "b" and for me there is no "c", "d" etc.

I hesitated for a long time to post all of this into the society...

I'm just don't know how to be. I just can't be a man and a woman in one face... I don't know what to do...

Welcome to discuss i appreciate all of your opinions and experience. Peace to you and your head.

[vagrant sky]

you could be bigender and choose to present yourself differently from time to time, like as a man one day and as a woman another. this is just one idea, there are many ways you could go about this! ^^

[buoyant kelp]

Thank you for your response. But it's not the actually what i feel judging by your description. It's more like a masculine and femenine sides trying to dominate each other every minute of you life. Like an endless battle with a long timeout winner. Not a days, but months. Few months masculinity wins i feel myself cool. When the femenine side win few months i depressed that i'm not a girly and i can't wear what i want, can't acting like i want in this period and it's sucks. Fierce dysphoria.

But if i'd be a more girly when the other side of me wins i can also feel that shit. Fierce dysphoria. Again.

It makes me suffer. Every day. Help me to fight this shit please.

complicated

Sorry if it was rude in some parts

You know, I contradict myself in my judgments, but despite this, I speak sincerely.

[spice anchor]

Again this does sound like bigender, where you feel like both genders, and some days you may choose to present more feminine vs more masculine, but your description of how you feel like both sides are fighting sounds like it could align with bigender maybe?

[buoyant kelp]

k maybe you both are right, i don't know...
But what i need to do with dysphoria?

[buoyant kelp]

i need help