I don't know why,but..this feeling or thought keeps crawling into my fuckin brain and it's making me feel confused and just embarrased,like again..like as if I was dreaming..OH MY GOD..SINCE THE SUMMER,I THOUGHT BY THE STARTING OF THE YEAR,IT WOULD GO AWAY,BUT 1 HOUR AGO,IT CAME BACK TO ME..
#I'm back to questioning my gender!!
modern lantern
solid belfry
We may not be able to help much, but what exactly are you feeling?
Are you feeling that you're in the wrong body, perhaps the pronouns you use are making you uncomfortable?
modern lantern
Not in the wrong body,I love my body,my skin,my face everything..its just..
rapid ocean
Can you explain more
modern lantern
I'm sorry,it's just a bit embarrassing
solid belfry
No need to apologize
rapid ocean
Is okay take your time
solid belfry
No need to be embarrassed either ^^
modern meteor
I'm sorry,it's just a bit embarrassing
don’t worry at all this is a safe space
modern lantern
Like,you know how some girls feel like when their little,they just love being a girl,but as they get much older,into a woman,or young woman,you feel like that feeling has faded into you're you know?..uh..
solid belfry
Do you feel less like a woman? Or do you feel less feminine?
modern lantern
Less feminine
solid belfry
Ah
modern lantern
...oh my god..like I took a quiz
solid belfry
Sure ^^
modern meteor
if you want to show them, sure!
modern lantern
It won't let me in here
rapid ocean
Darn
modern lantern
I'll show one of you in DMS?
modern meteor
i’d take a lot of quizzes with a grain of salt though since they can be very vague and not specific to your situation
solid belfry
Agreed
modern lantern
I sent it,kris
modern lantern
i’d take a lot of quizzes with a grain of salt though since they can be very vag...
Through my whole summer,I'd be questioning my gender sooo hard and take quizzes all day,everyday 24/7
rapid ocean
Those non binary resonate with you?
modern meteor
Through my whole summer,I'd be questioning my gender sooo hard and take quizzes ...
i’d be similar with autism quizzes </3
modern meteor
Could I say why*
yeah yeah ofc
rapid ocean
Could I say why*
Of course you can
modern lantern
I see myself and call.myself a very neutral type of person with fashion,makeup and stuff
rapid ocean
Androgynous (if I remember)
modern lantern
Like a neutral gay tomboy or uhh a unicorn,or a androgynous neutral tomboy?
Yes,I'm very androgynous
You could tell from photos that I have of me in hats
rapid ocean
You don't fully feel connected to one gender or the other just very neutral ground
?
modern lantern
It's like as I grew up into a teenager,I've felt a strong neutral ground in how I dress and express myself as a human
With makeup and more casual boyish typed clothes
modern meteor
do you think you’d feel more comfortable in that neutral ground over appearing more feminine or masculine?
modern lantern
What do you mean by that?
modern meteor
like would you feel more at ease and more yourself rather than if you had to dress leaning towards more of a feminine way or a masculine way
modern lantern
I would feel more myself if I were to like mix neutral and masculine together while wearing hats of course like the beanies,the backwards caps,while wearing like uhh,chokers,rings,uhh you know?
Even makeup and stuff
solid belfry
We're not the best at helping people with their identities, but this is sort of the best insight we can give
If non-binary resonates with you, then allow yourself to identify with that label. There are also a lot of microlabels that you could find in common with how you feel as well
But from how you describe it, you sound like you're somewhere on the non-binary spectrum
modern lantern
Yeah..it would be best if I described it to one of you privately,you can tell I'm a bit nervous
solid belfry
It's understandable to be nervous. An identity is a very personal thing
modern lantern
This is something that's been on my mind since this summer like..
solid belfry
Do you feel like non-binary fits you? Or do you feel like there's more to it than that, or complex?
modern lantern
Complex
solid belfry
Understood. Is there a way you could describe it in a more detailed way that doesn't make you uncomfortable?
modern lantern
I can try
solid belfry
Just take your time, no need to rush yourself ^^
modern lantern
Um...its like im not a frilly girl with the full face of makeup and the dresses,the sequins..it makes my body itchy and I feel uncomfortable in it,so I'm like more on the masculine and neutral side with the comfy pants,the hoodies,jeans,sneakers,boots,with a touch of glam
solid belfry
Mhm, so is it more of a fashion thing?
modern lantern
A fashion thing and with like idk..idk what I'm saying..UGHH
It's both fashion and what I like being seen as
modern lantern
Really?
solid belfry
We think? Do you still slightly identify as a girl, but also slightly identify as a guy at the same time?
modern lantern
Uhhh
Its hard to know..I constantly would look at my photos with what i wear
And I used to take lots of quizzes
solid belfry
What were the results of most of the quizzes? Or what would be your answer to some of the questions?
The quizzes aren't always exactly reliable, but they could maybe help us narrow it down?
modern lantern
I've had answers like uhh trans boy,female,bigender,nonbinary,androgynous
solid belfry
Which one was the most reoccurring out of those?
solid belfry
From some of your earlier messages, it does seem like you relate to both of them. Isn't androgynous under the enby umbrella?
solid belfry
Figured, makes sense honestly 😓
modern lantern
Oh
solid belfry
Are there any other details?
modern lantern
Uhhh,no
Wait,wait
I also want to say..um,I would call myself "a masculine gay tomboy girl" during the summer,it was a motto,but im not gonna lie..
solid belfry
If that's what fits, then go for it ^^
modern lantern
I feel like idk if it's a phase
solid belfry
Even if you feel like it's a phase, does the label make you comfortable currently?
modern lantern
Could we maybe have a deeper discussion tomorrow and do like quizzing together in DMS? I have to sleep right now
modern lantern
Even if you feel like it's a phase, does the label make you comfortable currentl...
In a way yes,even if in real life,I've never been used to or called they/them before,since it was she/her all my life
solid belfry
Could we maybe have a deeper discussion tomorrow and do like quizzing together i...
Ah, we don't let people DM us, our apologies :(
We could still talk here tomorrow though?
modern lantern
Yeah,let's do that
solid belfry
Rest well ^^
It'll probably be sometime in the afternoon because we have school
modern lantern
Okay,sounds like a plan,I'll be looking forward to it
solid belfry
🫂
solid belfry
Good night ^^
modern lantern
Good night ^^
🙂❤️
lunar coral
In a way yes,even if in real life,I've never been used to or called they/them be...
You might be used to she/her pronouns so they might feel more comfortable!
modern lantern
Well,idk
modern lantern
Hello,I'm back,is anyone here to help me continue the discussion?
lunar coral
Hello,I'm back,is anyone here to help me continue the discussion?
Sorry, i can help if you are interested. I just got home.
lunar coral
Any context that i could use?
modern lantern
What do you mean?
lunar coral
Like, how do you feel, etc. this would help me help you.
Give me one second to read through this thread
modern lantern
Give me one second to read through this thread
Sure thing
lunar coral
Ok
So it looks like you could be a few things. But here’s a question: do you feel more attached to one gender than the other (male or female)
lunar coral
Like, pronouns for example. Which pronouns do you like most. And do you feel more feminine than masculine (or vice versa)
modern lantern
Ohhh,I see
Uh..I'd say more masculine
Because im not a girly girl who wears dresses and high heels,wears a FULL FACE of makeup
Dresses make me feel uncomfortable and their itchy with the sequins
lunar coral
Ok! So what clothes do you like to wear specifically? More androgynous clothing or fully masculine?
And does being called “he/him” feel weird?
modern lantern
And does being called “he/him” feel weird?
100% it does feel weird
modern lantern
Ok! So what clothes do you like to wear specifically? More androgynous clothing ...
I like wearing hoodies,jeans,leggings,sneakers,sweaters and undershirts,bras
Even t shirts
modern lantern
Yeah
Over the summer,I heard of it
But,I feel like some type of therapy might help with emotion
I mean with you
lunar coral
Hm?
modern lantern
Like it's frustrating
I found out just now 4 months ago,I did come out as nonbinary to friends,which was June 13th of last year and then stopped this year
lunar coral
But,I feel like some type of therapy might help with emotion
Im sorry, i don’t really understand what this means~~
lunar coral
I mean with you
And this
modern lantern
Im sorry, i don’t really understand what this means~~
Like some guidance
And like testing
Quizzes I mean,like taking Quizzes with you
lunar coral
How would we do that?
modern lantern
Ask me lots of questions
If I could,I would show you photos of me in how I like dressing
Could we do that?
modern lantern
Yeah
modern lantern
Hello,cole
solid belfry
Very ominous /silly
solid belfry
What do you mean?
modern lantern
Like what does it feel like being seen as a person who dresses masculine by clothing but is androgynous by presentation and doesn't identify as a woman or man?
solid belfry
Uhmm... We're not sure how that would feel because it isn't our experience. Unless we're understanding your question wrong?
modern lantern
Oh my god..I'm so sorr6
solid belfry
No, it's okay!
modern lantern
So like..you're nonbinary right?
solid belfry
Mhm ^^
modern lantern
Well,if you were to dress masculine and present in a androgynous way,as a neutral person,how would that feel?
solid belfry
We'd maybe feel less dysphoric, although we're not sure? We would rather appear less feminine and less masculine
We wouldn't want to look like a boy or a girl
solid belfry
Us neither
solid belfry
It's your space, go ahead ^^
modern lantern
There's only two I dont like
Or three
And they are baby girl,baby doll,and doll,like just doll
solid belfry
Eugh
modern lantern
For real
solid belfry
Those always weird us out 😭
modern lantern
Like my ex bf would call me baby girl and mentally I'd feel so off
solid belfry
Understandable
modern lantern
Like "this is not me"
I love the more neutral names
But anyway,that's what it's like to be a neutral person?
solid belfry
It sucks to be honest. Many people irl see us as our agab and not what we actually are. Not to mention how many times people call us our legal name instead of our preferred name
modern lantern
It sucks to be honest. Many people irl see us as our agab and not what we actual...
I haven't liked my legal name since I was 17,like im not kidding,I don't even feel like an "arianna or ari"
solid belfry
Have you ever tried finding a name that you'd prefer?
solid belfry
Do you feel like it suited you more?
modern lantern
Ehhh,I'm not sure
solid belfry
Ah
modern lantern
Do you want to know what name I had picked?
solid belfry
If you feel like telling us, it's your choice
solid belfry
Ohh, we thought about that one before! It's a really nice name ^^
modern lantern
Wait..WAIT WE DID?
solid belfry
Wdym?
solid belfry
Yeah, whenever we were looking for a name for ourselves, that one was one we thought about for a while
modern lantern
Wiw
Wow
Um..if I'm being honest,through the summer,I've found that the nonbinary section of gender has really made me feel something,like I don't know how to explain it,but that one sticks out to me the most
solid belfry
That's understandable
modern lantern
I found out that 4 months ago,I did come out as Non-binary,but then as the summer ended,I stopped being that
solid belfry
And you feel like you identify as that again
modern lantern
Yes
In a way
Like I see myself being seen as an androgynous human being who's this beautiful,amazing gay person who dreams of wearing a suit without the tie,the neutral makeup and the things..you know? Like the t shirts,baggy jeans and shit..without of worrying of being told that you're a "girly girl" I dislike being told that from my mom,it makes me very mad
modern lantern
Yeah..if only I could
solid belfry
Why can't you?
solid belfry
That's something we can relate to
modern lantern
Like..I was nonbinary lots of times,but never stayed that way,because of being worried of judgmental people
solid belfry
Ohhhh
We understand completely. You shouldn't hide your identity or the way you feel because of others opinions
modern lantern
Like I stayed that way for either 1 or 2 weeks, a day or so,or just stop for a while
solid belfry
You shouldn't have to stop though
modern lantern
Besides,I don't know how to get used to the pronouns for it because I've never been called they/them in real life before
solid belfry
For us, it was more reaffirming. But everyone feels it differently, you also don't have to go by they/them to be non-binary
solid belfry
So do you think they/them or she/they would make you more comfortable?
solid belfry
You could try both out for a while and see how you feel?
solid belfry
Oh, we're sorry :(
modern lantern
Yeah..it was confusing
solid belfry
You could try neopronouns, maybe?
modern lantern
I feel pretty much done with neopronouns
solid belfry
Oh, damn
modern lantern
I'm not into them anymore
solid belfry
They didn't work for you either?
modern lantern
No
solid belfry
Ah
modern lantern
The she/they still made me feel like a girl
solid belfry
Do you not want to feel like a girl?
Oh wait-
You stated something about that earlier, sorry 😭
solid belfry
Hmm...
modern lantern
Like for people to not judge me I would say "I'm a masculine gay tomboy girl"
Which I don't even consider myself a tomboy anymore
solid belfry
Is it because it's associated with some form of femininity?
modern lantern
Yes
solid belfry
Understood
modern lantern
I'm not that huge on femininity
solid belfry
What pronouns do you think you'd prefer most?
modern lantern
What pronouns do you think you'd prefer most?
Uhh...🤔🤔🤔🫣😟
solid belfry
Valid answer
solid belfry
We're not sure where to go from here, honestly :(
You could maybe make your own pronouns, like xenopronouns?
modern lantern
Sighs..WHY IS THIS SO HARD?..FUCK..
solid belfry
It's okay to feel this way! We've been there
solid belfry
No, it's completely okay. Is there any new information that could maybe help?
modern lantern
Well..
I did take a quiz earlier today
Except,I would have to send it through DMS,but I don't know if you'd like that
modern lantern
Is there a way to send it here
solid belfry
You'd have to be level ten
modern lantern
Damn it.m
Uhh,I'll tell you
My answer was nonbinary with gender
I mean results
modern lantern
What are those again?
solid belfry
Like really specific identities that fall under a big catagory, like demiboy or demigirl, it's a kind of non-binary identity, sort of
lunar coral
What are those again?
More specific labels, like i go by fraysexual instead of asexual
modern lantern
I'm asexual
I never heard of fraysexual
Ducky,could I send you something in DMS to share here?
I just sent it
modern lantern
I DID IT,COLE
solid belfry
What?
modern lantern
WOOO HOO,YESS BABY!!
modern lantern
It feels..it feels awesome
I didn't realize that nonbinary and androgynous are in the same category and mean the same thing kinda
solid belfry
Non-binary is anything out of the traditional male or female roles, so yeah ^^
modern lantern
Like from how many months I've called myself androgynous means I've been nonbinary for eternity without knowing
solid belfry
Oof 😭
modern lantern
Like oh my god for 4 months since I came out as nonbinary
solid belfry
That's a long time
granite cave
HOW DOES THIS POST HAVE 300 COMMENTS????? JEEZZZZ
modern lantern
Because it does..WAIT,WHAT??
modern lantern
No,I'm sorry
I'm just very stressed and kinda of a outcast
Hey guys,I'm arianna,but I perfer ari. Anyway,I'd like to talk about how I truly feel..The truth is...ever since I was a kid I've always dressed feminine but I never cared because as a little girl,you don't care about Gender norms,but then one day,my dad let me borrow his patriots jersey. So,I wore it to school. When I wore it,I felt like something changed in me,like I was a new me that had something special to her...Its what I found beautiful,intriguing,what made me me. The fact that I'm a genderless gay tomboy who likes boyish things and wants to dress as a boy and break Gender norms!! But,I feel too scared to do that because..my mom doesn't support the fact I wear my hat a certain way which is backwards because that's how I like to wear it,it's what makes me comfortable,so then there'd be times this week I'd wear it,then she'd say "I look silly,or that I don't look good in it,or that I look like I'm from the 1950s" Just because I dress differently than what she expects me to dress in which is dresses,lookin glamorous. Well guess what,mom? That's not how I want to dress,it's not what I like,it makes me feel uncomfortable and just fake..um,I know you guys know yesterday I became Non-binary again..but the truth is,I'm not..Ive only said that because im very embarrassed and ashamed to like boyish things as a girl when I bet ill be bullied for it by parents,people in general,and i wish I could let go and just be me,but there's pressure and it's what scares me everyday of my life. I also do it to be accepted to hide my true feelings. My mom thinks im just a girl who wears girly clothes,that I look fine in it,because I never say anything. That's because I'm afraid,the fact she'll judge me,so I stay silent and pretend to be happy,acting like a happy "feminine" woman..when I'm fuckin miserable,hurting my heart..
Doing what I don't want to do,but I hid my true feelings so I can be accepted,because I've been bullied online for years and it has made me very upset and insecure,where I be someone I'm not,I pretend to be non-binary to be loved..to not be a fuckin sped who's an ugly girl..IT'S SAD PARENTS THESE DAYS DON'T SUPPORT THEIR CHILDREN FOR LIKING WHAT THEY LIKE,BEING WHO THEY WANT TO BE,AND IT BREAKS MY HEART..BECAUSE I'M DIFFERENT..I'M SICK OF BEING TOLD "I'M A GIRLY GIRL" NO I'M NOT..IM A LESS FEMININE TOMBOY GIRL..
HELL,I WORE A DRESS TO PROM AND GRADUATION,AND I HATED IT. I HAD A HARD TIME WALKING ACROSS THE STAGE,THE SIDEWALK,I ALMOST FELL AS I WALKED DOWN THE AISLE HOLDING ONTO THE CHAIRS,AND MY LEGS WERE SHAKING..I WAS MISERABLE
So,um...yeah,I hope you guys..can help me figure myself out,give me as much comfort,much support as possible,and I thank you for letting me into your community!! I love you guys so much..🥹💖😨😥
solid belfry
We understand! We're currently confused about something as well 😭
We hope you're able to find some label that fits you, if you want labels! But you also don't have to have labels either ^^
modern lantern
Well,I'm just very stuck and I need as much help from people as possible
solid belfry
We don't know what more we could say to help you. Your situation is different from others we've heard of, we wish we could do more :(
solid belfry
We're sorry