Do you guys have any suggestions on how I can get less hate from trans people for dating a trans guy

[spark knoll]

It's up to them if they want to medically transition, it's a very personal thing and what matters is that they are happy in the end. If they wanted to transition but didn't because you'd supposedly not like them anymore, it's not a healthy mindset that will last in time. I suggest you two have a deep conversation about it to make things really clear. You should make them comfortable enough to be themselves and do the steps that will make them happy. Some trans people also choose to not medically transition and it's totally valid too.

I think as long as you make them comfortable and stay open on your sexuality then there is no problem. There is a possibility that you'd break up if you are no longer in love with each other after transition, it happens, but it's not a fatality it can also work out well x) And also you can still be friends if you want

I see that you have "straight" as a role, that's why I advise you to view your sexuality with an open mind. If you love a trans man, that means you love a man, so you are in fact not as straight as you think 🤓

[atomic eagle]

i'd say, relationships are not just sex me ive dated guys and 0 sexual thought, but they are a male so you kinda cant really hinder them from doing what they need to be what they feel comfortable in, but same time if they did it to just stay with you then we cant say much, but ALL RELATIOBSHIPS don't have to be sexual and if people cant have a relationship without sex or anything within that area then they should 2ng guess why they only want to date people

But this is all my opinion in my brain best thing is to ask them directly are they stopping transitioning to just stay with u? If they transition would u not like them? or just not feel any sexual attraction towards them? can u make it work?

[atomic eagle]

Relationships can be just romance

Like me i have 0 thought for the other gender but i love romance

[spark knoll]

Of course, I mean sexuality as a wide term for both sex and romance in this context

[normal linden]

They never started medically transitioning I wouldn't feel any sexual attraction towards them but I would still be the best friend

[atomic eagle]

If they did i mean, could there still be romance?

[normal linden]

For me personally sexual and romantic stuff is intertwined

[atomic eagle]

Could u live without sexual stuff?

You dated them for a female body? or? im not sure what you are like sexuality so

[normal linden]

They said they're comfortable with it I didn't force him to do anything and I let him know I'd be supportive no matter what

[normal linden]

For the sexual part yes but I love them for who they are

But I do respect their identity always use the right pronouns shows name all that fun stuff

[atomic eagle]

Id say since you are straight maybe? idk its your roles, if you are the only thing stopping them id say support them with tranitioning i wouldnt let someone stop me

[atomic eagle]

I use pronouns n stuff even for my worst enemies

[normal linden]

Apparently he's never had the same courtesy

[atomic eagle]

Id say im my own coming not from a professional point, if they are happy with not transitioning then stay if they want to transition i wouldnt want the proccess to transition any longer as it takes ages longer u wait longer until they are in the correct body

from a professional POV: You are stopping them what they have wanted to do, i would 100% tell them to transition and you will stay there throughout the whole time.

[normal linden]

It doesn't seem to bother him much we're both already in our twenties

[normal linden]

I told him that but he still wants to date me

[atomic eagle]

If hes happy not transitioning on their own terms and not just because of you, ask him directly, if we wasn't dating would u transition

[normal linden]

When I asked all he said was maybe

[atomic eagle]

Id ask more direct until you get a affermative answer, maybe is just a middle, not a yes or a no so they can answer your question,

Ask it not directly but just talk aboiut it some point they will say it, its how we make people open up

[normal linden]

It seems that he's saying he would but it's not the most important thing to him for his identity

[atomic eagle]

But this is my own opinion

[atomic eagle]

Hormones isnt needed for identity only thing is you as a person

[spark knoll]

You said also that you're receiving hate, honestly all I see of you now is that you are supportive and respectful, maybe you could do more actions to support your partner into transitioning if they want to but that's it, so really block the people who send you hate. Do not even interact with them, it's not worth it. Instead find mature people who take your support as a good thing. We trans people love allies

[normal linden]

Yeah I've had a bunch of people say I needed to break up with him even though they don't understand I relationship

Or even the fact I'm bringing up stuff like this to begin with just show us how much I actually care and then I just want him to be happy

[normal linden]

Yeah I might make a lot of terrible jokes but I have always been a strong Ally

Had to be with a lot of mental health issues I understand stuff like this really well even though I've never had any type of dysphoria of my body but I still know what it's like to be trapped in your own head it's not quite the same but I understand it

[spark knoll]

I feel you, it seems like people online only know one advice in relationship: divorce, break up, yeet
Life is more complicated than that 😭

[normal linden]

So many people aren't willing to listen and actually care about their partner to me the biggest difference between a partner and a best friend is the sex stuff other than that you should treat them pretty much the same always be there for them

[red coral]

hi :).
for me, i'd agree with you mostly on this, just that there's a bit more than just sex with a partner, its actually engaging in moments where you both feel safe and happy together in a more romantic setting. For example, a hug between a friend and a hug between a partner feels very different to me, even though they are both hugs and I care greatly for both that friend and partner.

Just thought you might benefit from another view with it :).

Also, I really don't understand how others are hating you, this post has shown you to be a very strong ally, and very supportive of your boyfriend (?)
One thing I do think you should ask yourself, is if you love him or his body, because, personally, I find that I love people for who they are, and that is completely disconnected from their appearance, and thats not just for partners, thats for friends too.
As someone had mentioned earlier (I forget who) you definitely should keep an open mind on your sexuality, and yeah :).

Sorry its so long... but I hope it helps even the tiniest little bit.

[normal linden]

I love him for who he is but I'm attracted to his body

[normal linden]

Gynesexual at most I would be

[normal linden]

Also for me I hate being touched by anyone other than a partner so even a hug from a friend would make me really uncomfortable

[atomic eagle]

100% agree with people, you should end it not bc other people because of what u want in a relationship and them being a male and u only like the female parts not saying just verything is about it im saying u want female parts and you are stopping them from doing it

100% thought people wouldnt agree with m statement

[normal linden]

So throw everything away even though this is what they chose completely disregarding how they feel

[red coral]

Then I'm sure you'd be able to figure a way around what he looks like, if you do love him enough :). If you don't thats okay.
I just find that when you mentioned saying to him that if he transitioned medically you wouldn't be attracted to him, it can very, very easily be taken the wrong way, which is likely why the haters are hating you.

I think its something where maybe you shouldn't break up with them as soon as they medically transition, and give yourself some time, and see how you feel each day for a period of time.
Which I believe you should also tell him, and talk to him about it every step of the way, telling him how you're feeling about it all. Basically, just being completely open to him.

[normal linden]

I've made sure that we've been open every step of the way this is their decision and I know I'll be supportive no matter what they choose

[atomic eagle]

Im not saying that, im saying find a work around, ask them about it, if having a male does not sit right with u but they want i wouldnt say leave but i wouldnt say stay

[red coral]

Which is really, really good!
Please continue to do that :).

[normal linden]

They know I don't find physical male features attractive they understand that I can't control what I'm attracted to I'm kind of surprised more people on the server don't understand that we both talked about it a lot and we have figured out Solutions

[normal linden]

We've talked extensively about it

[red coral]

thats good :).
everyone is different, and on different walks of life, and at different points in life.
I do agree with you, that you can't control what you're attracted to, and that no one can.
Its good you have figured out solutions, and my apologies for going off topic earlier about it.

As for getting less hate on this, I guess some things you could do, if you do care in any way about any of the people who do hate you for it, is to tell them that you and your partner have figured out solutions, and are completely open to him about it, and he's okay with it. And that there really isn't anything you can do about what you feel attraction to.
If you've already done that, then there isn't really anything else to do, as they won't really listen.

[normal linden]

I would like to take them to Pride parades but feel like a lot of people get mad at me

[red coral]

I think you should take them to Pride parades! If people get mad at you for showing up for a parade with your trans partner, the joke is on them. They don't need an explanation from you if they just implicitly hate you :<

[normal linden]

It's just confusing because it's supposed to be a very accepting group but I've got to almost nothing but hate

[red coral]

Yea it is quite confusing :(.
It may be that they think you're a phobe trying to present as an ally, purely based off their initial perception of your relationship with your partner, which isn't the case.

[normal linden]

But in reality I know more about how the stuff works than they do which I just find really funny

[red coral]

And not only is it confusing, its quite disappointing that there are still people within a group of people who recieve so, so much hate, and know how it feels to be hated upon, yet they themselves continue to hate.

[normal linden]

You've even seen in this thread that not everyone approves

[red coral]

As I said before, the joke is on them for being they way they are towards you and your relationship with your partner, which is something they, myself included, don't understand half as much as you do. Which, in and of itself is hypocritical as, in my experience, most phobes just don't understand the lgbtq+ community and how we think.

[normal linden]

I'm autistic and have a lot of other neurological stuff so I understand what it's like to be different

[red coral]

yeah, even if its not the same, I would say its similar enough for you to be able to understand. Personally, I think that there are people who do understand, yet haven't experienced being different. Being different yourself only helps in your understanding of it all.

[normal linden]

My secret is that I don't understand social cues and I just tried to learn why people do certain things instead of the performative reasons

[red coral]

yeah